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When the shit hits the fan A.K.A “Your plan backfires”


Like I said in the last post, all mistresses are working for one thing…destruction of the marriage. And yes, they are working. I liken it to an unpaid prostitute, except there is one main difference: prostitutes let go. Prostitutes fuck and move on, mistresses fuck and [want to] move in.

Some mistresses wait years for their married man to leave their wife. For months or years they are led to believe that the man intends to leave their wife, but have a trunkload of excuses for why they can’t. The timing isn’t right, the kids are still too young, once the youngest is in university, after I get my promotion, I just need a little more time. Let’s face it, they NEVER intend to leave their wives. For many of them, they are getting their cake and eating it too. They get all of the benefits of a secure marital relationship, and an exciting little fantasy on the side. Ideally, they don’t want to give up either one. So, the mistress either has to wait until her patience runs out, or find a way to implode the marriage so that she can grab the brass ring. In my case, it was the latter.

Ultimatums to the tune of “you will tell your wife, or I will” are probably pretty common in those circumstances when the mistress wants in, wants more, and doesn’t like playing second fiddle to the wife. “If he isn’t going to leave his wife”, she thinks, “I will make sure she leaves him”. This was the intent of my husband’s mistress when she sat him down and coached him on what to say to me, how to break my heart, how to make it really sting. “I don’t love you”, “I never loved you”. That’s what she wanted him to say, because that is what she wanted me to think. This wasn’t just about getting him away from me. This was about hurting me deeply, injuring my self-esteem irreparably, and damaging me to the point that I would be rendered me incapable of fighting back. Honey, you met your match 😉

He told me on March 18th, 2010. It was planned that he would tell me on the 19th, but he decided to tell me a day earlier to allow us to have privacy, knowing that if he did it a day later, our conversation would be peppered with text messages, emails and phone calls trying to get a court-side seat to all of the action.

She was shocked on March 20th that he’d confessed the affair to me 2 days earlier. She was even more shocked to learn that he was still at home….and so was I. She was shocked to learn that I hadn’t kicked him out, that he was playing with his children, and that we were committed to working on our marriage. She was furious. It was delicious.

What happened over the next 2 days belongs in a made-for-television movie.

It started with some text messages:

“How are you?”
“I am worried about you”
“Did you tell her?”
“Do you want me to meet you somewhere?”
“I’m sure you need a hug”
“I want to make you feel better”

With some coaching from me on how to keep it short and sweet when you cut the ties, his replies were:

“I am fine”
“I am at home. Playing with the kids, thanks”

“You told her?” she asked. “Yes”, he replied. “You told her EVERYTHING?” she demanded. “Yes. Everything”. What was heard then was the sudden realization that the plan she had worked towards for the greater part of a year wasn’t falling into place as she had planned. In fact, it wasn’t falling at all. It was growing…stronger. How could that be? It was like the ending of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” when the Grinch realizes that despite his best efforts to ruin Christmas for the Whos of Whoville that the love that they share and the warmth in their hearts defeats evil every time, and they will be better and stronger, and will overcome any obstacles because LOVE WINS EVERY TIME.

That’s where the Grinch similarity ends though….because in contrast, she makes the Grinch seem like a humanitarian saint. The only real similarity they share, I suppose, is that they are both green…in her case it is green with envy. She lost. I won. We won.

Not believing this could possibly be true, she accused him of not having told me. I mean, there is no way that he could have told me, and I didn’t kick him out on his ass, right? She threatened to tell me herself. He provided her with my cell number and email. She threatened to come over. He invited her to do so. assuring her that he had put all of his cards on the table face up, and there was nothing more to tell.

Angry and frustrated, she then drafted and sent an email to me disclosing some details of the affair, the sex, and how they both worked to deceive me. She told me how they would have sex for hours on end (lie), how they would make fun of me behind my back (lie), and how sex with him was truly magnificent (while I completely agree, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that this was also a lie considering she just lay there like a dead fish – remember…she was working). I replied to her email that I had all of the details, didn’t need any more from her, and she needn’t ever contact me again. I wasn’t angry, spiteful, revenge-filled, just matter-of-fact. Not satisfied that she hadn’t crumbled me to my knees, she tried to hit a little harder and a little deeper with further details, such as: “your husband thinks you’re fat” (lie), “your husband thinks you’re ugly” (lie), “your husband told me that he can’t get off having sex with you, and has to think of me to get off” (lie), “whenever your husband is with you, he is actually thinking of me” (lie).

I am hoping this paints a picture of who this woman truly is. I’d never looked pure evil in the face until that moment. It was…informative.

24 hours of text messaging back and forth, emails designed to hurt, maim, slaughter and destroy me, and she was only getting started. It really makes me ponder how someone can do that to another human being? It isn’t enough to try and take away someone’s husband, to try and ruin the lives of three innocent children, and to become pregnant by another woman’s husband, but one also has to kick her when she is down, cause more hurt, and inflict psychological suffering. What had I done to deserve this treatment? Nothing. Well…I guess I met and married the man she wished could be hers. Sorry sweetie….oh wait, no I’m not.

Hell bent on inflicting as much damage as possible, she decided that if we were going to remain together, she was going to cause us some ’embarassment’. She created a fake email account with an alias, and sent emails to my parents, my brothers, my husband’s co-worker, and his best friend to tell them about the relationship and her pregnancy. Of course she denied doing so, and claimed to not know anyone by the name of her email alias. It is interesting that someone she doesn’t know seems to know SO MUCH about her. Did I mention this woman is really not very intelligent? Truthfully, my husband could have done so much better. Oh wait, he did.

After the email tirade, it was determined that this relationship needed to be ended on multiple levels. My husband formally fired her, and asked her not to return to the office the next day. He told her that the police would be called if she set foot on the premises. She was given 15 minutes to collect her stuff, and never return. She asked him not to admit to the government that she had been fired so that she could obtain maternity leave benefits, and he told her he would offer her severance if she would just “GO AWAY”. She didn’t know what severance pay is, and he had to explain it.

We hired a lawyer who set into motion a ‘cease and desist” order to ensure that she would no longer communicate with our family. She was forbidden to send emails, call, show up, text message, or communicate in any other way. We finally felt safe, and the healing could begin.

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Comments

  1. Wow, I am speechless… Some women are just made of stone; heartless and cold. Bravo for being so strong during that hellish times and I’m so happy to know you and your husband are still together and rebuilding your marriage.

  2. Thank you for reading and commenting. One of these days, I will dig up the emails we exchanged and share them. Not because I want to mud-sling (how can you sling mud when she isn’t being directed to ever read this), but because I think it paints a clear picture of who she is, and if anyone else is ever dealing with a crazy – you aren’t alone 😉

  3. Jennifer says:

    What a bitch! You must be amazing to have weathered her abuse on top of the pain you were already experiencing.
    At least I didn’t have to put up with that sort of thing. My husband’s woman is also married, so I feel I hold all the cards in that department. Any rot from her and I’ll be phoning her husband. I actually did call her and we had a reasonable conversation. I realise that it’s my husband who betrayed me, not so much her. He is the one I’m married to. He is the one with a “duty of care” to me.

    • Jennifer you are right.

      Their commitment is to us, and it is our husbands who ought to be held accountable. However, I like to believe in a sister-code of sorts, and that when a woman knows she is hurting another with her actions, that she would reconsider and step away. She knew she was sleeping with another woman’s husband. She played Russian roulette with my life and family. Don’t get me wrong, so did he – but they both betrayed me, her having been to my home, spoken with me, and smiled like nothing was wrong.

  4. I agree with the sister rule and can’t believe some women just disregard it for their selfish reasons!!! My meeting with ” your whoreness” (my pet name for her) was a disaster, the only words she had for me were ” I don’t owe you anything”. REALLY????????? I got alot off my chest that day, but no apology, no remorse, just a smug stupid bitch who thought she had a shot at someone else’s husband. Just goes to show how twisted, pathetic and selfish they really are!! Thanks for listening, and I’m really glad I found this site, it makes me feel not so alone😊

    • I am about to make a post on this very thing…I hate the double standard. The man AND the whore cheat, and yet we are expected to ONLY be upset with him because she owes us nothing? What about respect? What about common decency?

      • daphne3631 says:

        Exactly
        I also don’t agree with people who say that the OW has no accountability….
        I feel that husband has more accountability and the OW cannot be let off the hook because she is wrong.
        You know what RMM , OW know that they are wrong and they destroyed a home and they can’t face it so they have started this agenda os self delusion where they can just ignore the fact they destroyed a family so they put the blame totally on the husband leaving their share aside to ease their conscience.
        I used to think why these OW take out their frustration on the wife who has not done anything and then after reading many posts I realized because they know wife is the most dearest thing to the man they wanted to take. They know the more they hurt the wife, it will be proportional to the pain to the husband. especially in your case, where the OW was a gold digger who very well knew that your husband loves you very much but still never stopped.

  5. I have been reading your blog and thinking of you a lot the past couple of days. This is something I keep wondering about: the day after, you said he went to work. He hadn’t fired her already? The day after he told you, he went to work with her? Or am I missing something? Was he going to keep her on staff until those emails? How was that working? Finally, I have been married almost 2 years and was wondering, what advice do you have to prevent this from ever happening, and what would you say has now changed for the better from your marriage prior to the discovery? Thank you for writing this blog; my husband and I have been inspired by you.

    • He told me on a Thursday night. She expected him to tell me friday. Friday was a school day for her. She was enrolled in a part time nursing degree program. He returned to work the following Monday. I, however, had clients booked for the Friday morning and had to go to work like nothing was wrong. It was debilitating. I dont know how kt didnt show. He hadnt fired her because he didnt have legal cause to fire her. She was fired over that first weekend, however, because emailing his entire work email list to slander us was enough of a breach to warrant dismissal. Not according to her. She denied it and then launched a $100k wrongful dismissal suit.

Trackbacks

  1. […] mother received an email in March 2010 from an alias email account, informing her of my husband’s affair, and how her daughter would likely “need […]

  2. […] she discovered that he’d told me, she wondered why he wasn’t kicked out.  It made her furious.  She sent me this […]

  3. […] I posted about how she wants a reference for work.  The lawyer who settled the family court issue had been receiving emails from her stating that she wished to receive an employment reference after all that she has done. […]

  4. […] When it was obvious that he wasn’t interested, she became pregnant and flaunted that she’d prefer to have an abortion, and would do so if he left me and his kids.  He wasn’t prepared to do that.  Threats escalated.  Then came the ultimatum:  You tell your wife this week, or I will.  She felt ENTITLED to this relationship and would do whatever she could to secure it. Since she’d already shown him that she means business and would certainly follow through on that threat, he knew the gig was up.  She coached him on what to say, and how to say it, and waited gleefully off-stage while he gave the final performance of his marital career, expectantly waiting to rescue him after I kicked him to the curb.  Finally, she would get what she wanted.  She was ENTITLED to it.   But she didn’t read me, as well as I read her, and was side-swiped with the news that he wasn’t leaving, and I wasn’t kicking him out.  So the shit hits the fan. […]

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