Of the many things that plague me in the wake of my husband’s affair, the thing that perplexes me most is the sense of entitlement in his mistress.  How is it that someone can feel entitled to my husband? My family? My life?

A woman walks into a high end clothing store and after browsing around for a while, comes across a lovely piece that she admired from afar. She tries it on, and loves the way it looks on her and how it makes her feel.  She is determined that she MUST have this item – it was MADE FOR HER.  When she glances at the price tag, she is thrown into a shocked stupor when the price hits her in the face. Or perhaps that tag isn’t a price tag at all, but one that reads “sold”, or “on hold for Mrs. X”.  Whatever the scenario, the situation is the same: the woman loves this item, but all signs tell her that she can’t have it.  She decides that her needs and wants outweigh anyone else’s, she is going to rewrite the rule to suit herself, and she steals it.  She is now the proud new owner of an item that should not be hers, but in her mind it doesn’t matter – finders keepers, losers weepers.  But what if that item wasn’t a blouse, but was, instead, my husband, and what if I found him first and don’t intend to be the weeping loser?

Who, in their right mind, can decide, without any feelings of guilt or remorse, that they are entitled to another woman’s husband?  Isn’t there some kind of “woman code”? Some unwritten rule that has women looking out for one another, instead of competing and tearing one another down?  If a man is happily married, why would you seek him out?  Why would you try to poke holes in his feelings for his wife?  Why would you, upon seeing him vulnerable and at a low point, make every effort to swoop down like a vulture?  Why wouldn’t you just walk away, and find a single man who puts you first, instead of a married man who will ALWAYS put you second?  Aren’t you worth more than that?  Don’t you deserve more than that?

It is painfully obvious that my husband’s mistress suffers with low self esteem, is horribly insecure, and doesn’t come by love in her life very easily.  She manipulates to get what she wants because she doesn’t feel that she is good enough to ever come by it naturally.  She tears other women down because she feels inferior.  People don’t try and pull down those who they feel are already beneath them – they aim higher so that they can try and feel a little better about themselves.  In this case, I am not sure how she could ever possibly feel good about herself.  She tried to destroy a marriage – a family with three young children. She lay the life of her unborn child in the balance, threatening to keep the baby if he remained with me, and offering to terminate it if he left me.  Her child was disposable.  Sounds like a loving mother, no?  When my husband asked her why she was doing this (asking him to leave his wife and threatening to end his marriage), she told him it was for the best, that he obviously didn’t love me, and that she would be able to provide a better, more loving home for our children, in a home where the man and woman LOVE each other (he never loved her). In that scenario she painted where she was planning to take over my life, I think she neglected the part where a psychopath enters into their lives.

This woman is conniving.  This woman is sick. This woman is emotionally unbalanced.  This woman is manipulative.  This woman is threatening.  This woman shows no remorse for her actions.  This woman shows no respect for other women, the institution of marriage, or the importance of a stable home for growing children.  This woman…is now a mother.  It makes me sad for the child, to be quite honest.

A term often used for mistresses who attempt to break up a family is “home-wrecker”.  I don’t use this term for her – I never have.  She isn’t a ‘home-wrecker’ because she hasn’t wrecked my home, but she certainly has tried.  I think we could simply call her “an easy lay”.  Yes, that’s perfect.



  1. Foolish Woman says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. You write eloquently and raise some interesting issues in your descriptions of how infidelity has affected you, many of which strike a chord of recognition.

    Another women having designs on my husband raised huge anger within me – but an attempt to appropriate my chidren would have taken my rage to stratospheric levels.
    It seems this woman wanted to be you – with complete disregard as to how anyone else, your husband and children, felt about the matter. Psychopathic tendencies indeed.

  2. Foolish Woman (OK I feel awkward referring to you as that since I imagine you are anything BUT foolish), thank you for commenting. You are absolutely correct. Find a way to sleep with my husband is one thing, but think that you would be a better mother and role model than me, and attempt to weasel your way into my life? Wow that is nuts. She is obviously jealous of what we have together, and wants a piece. She is opportunistic – a parasite, trying to feed off of someone else’s gains to further what she knows she could never muster on her own.

  3. I am a blogger at (flying solo)
    and another blog called My family is not broken
    this is a wonderful blog you are writing and a fresh perspective on staying and doing the hard work
    would you like to guest write on my blog?

  4. i could have written this, word for word. thank you.


  1. […] Dancing with the Devil April 24, 2012 Leave a Comment There has been some discussion in the comments on other posts about how mistresses feel entitled to a woman’s husband.  A commenter in recent posts admitted to being a mistress, aware of the acts that she is committing, and feeling no responsibility towards the wife at all, nor any regret.  In fact, she justifies these acts by claiming that she is giving the husband something the wife is not, and claims to be a polygamist.  Now, in most cases, I would tell her that she is deluded if she thinks that she is giving more than the wife, or that the wife is coming up short, but in this case, the mistress is into BDSM (bondage, disciple, sadochism, masochism), calls the woman’s husband her “daddy”, and is training herself for some activities that many would find repugnant or questionable at best.  But I digress….Back to entitlement.   […]

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