Let’s face it, when your spouse confesses an affair, there is a whole boatload of crap that rains down from the sky. When your spouse confesses to having conceived a child with the “lover”, it brings about a new, previously uncategorized form of crap. It is easy to wallow in the crap and allow it to build around you, leaving you feeling sorry for yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, I have those moments too, but I make a concerted effort to have them less and less. I am not going to allow her to steal any more happiness from me.
On the night that we found out that the paternity was positive, my husband was very upset. Upset because the thought of having created life with that woman was disapleasing. Moreso, he was upset that they were now forever genetically linked. He wanted nothing more to do with her, and finds her repulsive having seen her true colours shine of late. Head bowed and face sullen, he told me that the result was positive. I held him. It was all I knew how to do. We don’t get a lot of practice, and there isn’t a chapter in the textbook of life that guides you on how to respond when your spouse tells you another woman has borne his child. All I could do was hold him.
In that moment, I made a conscious decision. I wasn’t going to allow this moment to bring us down. We were in for a long road of downs where she and this child are concerned. The last thing I needed was to have the beginning of this road painted grim. I suggested we open a bottle of champagne.
“Why exactly are we celebrating?” my husband asked. I told him that we weren’t celebrating the news, but rather celebrating our unity to face the challenge together as a team, with a new set of skills we were in the midst of acquiring through this experience. I saw that moment as a beginning, and thought it was important, in the face of this horrible news, to celebrate our togetherness, our commitment to each other, and our commiment to seeing the process through together. We celebrated, we smiled, we laughed. We did spend a considerable amount of time poking fun at her – something we secretly enjoy, and it made us feel united in our front against this evil doer.
As the old saying goes, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. In this case, life was giving us mounds of crap falling from the sky, and we decided to huddle together under an umbrella and drink champagne. Cheers to that.