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Weighing the balance


Sometimes I fantasize that the other woman reads this blog.  I don’t know if she would stumble upon it, or if I would simply lead her to it, but there are days when I want her to read it, and then days when I really just prefer to keep it private and quiet.   It is my place to vent my feelings, in a safe way, free from her criticism, her belittling commentary, her rude and insensitive laughter.  I definitely vacillate between wishing she’d find it, and hoping she never does.

Pros to her reading it:

  • She’d finally get a chance to see for herself that her delusions were….well….delusional.
  • She would see once and for all that my husband never loved her, and that she meant nothing to him
  • She would finally understand that he was with her only for sex, not because he found her attractive, or felt she had any redeeming qualities (other than the fact that she was easy and available)
  • She would realize the degree to which we both find her repulsive
  • She would see that we are close despite her efforts to ruin us
  • She would realize that most of the time, she is the butt of many of our jokes and it is the laughing about her that gets us by.  I happen to know that would drive her crazy, as she hates people talking about her, and is incredibly insecure, which is what makes her knowledge of it so delicious to me.
  • She might be hurt, and let’s face it, after what she has done to me, I think she deserves a little twinge.
Cons to her reading it:
  • Along with the above, she would also have knowledge of the pain and suffering that she has caused
  • She would see the ongoing pain we both still live through, and she would find something perversely satisfying about that
  • She would realize that we are seeing a therapist, and knowing her, she would see that as a sign of trouble, not as a sign of rebuilding and strength and possibly feel elated at the possibility that we are struggling
  • She would immediately sick her freebie lawyer on us, claiming public flogging, and demand that this be taken down, which of course has no legal footing, but just going through the process of responding to her lawyer would cost us even more money than we’ve already doled out on this issue.
  • With respect to the above, she would see the grief I have over the amount of money we’ve spent on this legally, and smile thinking she is causing us financial harm while still maintaining her personal monthly baby-stipend.
I think I want her to think she hasn’t touched me, and that is why point #1 of the cons is there.  When I fantasize about running into her, I imagine her seeing us happy, and unaffected and it driving her nuts.  The feeling that she has had no impact, causing her to melt like the wicked witch of the west in the Wizard of Oz.  I think that by showing her my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, I am seen as weak and defeated, and so I don’t want her to become aware of what impact she has had….and yet, I think she should be, on some other level.
I think when we harm others, we should be very aware of the fallout of what we have done or said, and how it has impacted others.  We should see firsthand how we have harmed, to gain a full appreciation for how our actions can magnify and envlop others in negative ways that we perhaps never anticipated.
Would she feel remorse?
Would she feel shame?
Would she feel regret?
Likely not, given her incessant battling with us and squabbling to obtain more money and drag my husband’s name and reputation through the mud.  She feels entitled, and when people feel entitled, they also feel that the fallout of their actions was deserved.  Personally, I would love for her to answer me this:  What did I ever do to deserve this?
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Comments

  1. Oh Boy! I can relate with this one 100%! Since I’ve read Everything that she has written, I wonder sometimes if she has read everything that I’ve written. And like you, I have reasons why I would and wouldn’t want her to read my blog. But I’m more confident more and more now that she has no feelings of regrets or remorse whatsoever.

    • They never have feelings of regret or remorse. Women who do this, I firmly believe, are mentally unstable and lack empathy. I also know, that in my situation, she had to demonize me in her own mind, in order to justify to herself that what she was doing was OK, or good. I mean otherwise, who could live with themselves? Psychopaths I guess….

  2. I found an informative website …. gettinbetter.com (or google) entrapment by borderline personality disordered females…. BPD
    that deeply confirms these women are most likely BORDERLINES ! …. a type of malignant narcissist , Who has NO EMPATHY, no remorse, reckless, impulsive…EVIL, malicious. A “BUNNY Boiler” type personality out of a fatal attraction sequel.

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