I discovered, throughout my healing process, that there are no support groups in my city for affair recovery. I really think there ought to be. When I was first looking for support, I went online. I read everything I could find on affairs, mistresses, motives for infidelity, healing, supports, stories that were similar to mine…..anything. What I really was missing was the opportunity to sit face to face with other women and talk about our experiences, to share, to cry, to scream, to relate, to understand, to support. Where are they?
There are meetup groups, through the meetup.com service, but I guess I was looking for something a little more formal, something with a moderator who has experience helping people navigate through this. It isn’t enough to think you know what this is like. The truth is that unless you’ve been through this, you really have NO idea, and most people who think that they are being helpful, just don’t realize how crass and superficial their comments can seem sometimes. I don’t need or want that from a group leader, who has merely volunteered for it. I want someone with experience. Someone who can give me hope. Someone who can lead the discussion in a way that leaves us feeling renewed afterwards, or at least exhausted from the emotional process of release that we so desperately need.
I am tempted to start one. I am sure I am not alone in feeling one is necessary.
Rescuing My Marriage 
Try contacting the author who wrote the book found in this webpage : http://www.ottawadivorce.com/affair.htm or at http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/ebook2.htm?hop=sepagt .
Have you looked through these lists of support groups in Canada found here : http://www.beyondaffairs.com/BAN/cities.htm#canada ?
Have you checked out S-anon? http://www.sanon.org/
Ask your therapist for contact info on local support groups for surviving infidelty. I don’t know which city you live in, but marriage/family therapists in Canada know of support groups local to them. And I understand your stress, but you’re suspecting that I or many others don’t? Keep an open mind that others understand betrayal and have lived it as well. There’s a lady on your blog roll that I think has a lot of insight into your feelings at the moment. Here’s her blog : http://myfamilyisnotbroken.wordpress.com .
How far are you in the process of rescuing your marriage? I would love to talk with you as another woman who is not giving up on my marriage. I have read some on your posts and you could be me speaking.
I virtually have no one to talk with about my husbands infidelity other than my therapist (who is great) but not the same as a friend. luckily God gave me a therapist who happens to be the director of the clinic where I go so he only has 2 patients, which can allow for longer than the normal 45 minute sessions. which I need sometimes. I really would like to hear from you. thanks for your blog, aloneagain3
I am sorry for the delay. I disabled email notifications for this blog on my phone and haven’t posted in a few weeks, so I am just now finding this. I think we could all benefit from togetherness and a chance to speak openly together.
lets make this happen! forming our own little support group could be our christmas gifts to eachother. tell me how you want to go forward with this.
thanks. aa3.
If you want to start something online, I’d be more than happy to provide a shoulder to cry on, as I’ve had the same problem finding counselling for myself and none of my friends have sympathised- in fact some made the problems worse! I know it’s not the same in person, but there’s always Skype?? Just a thought.
From one wronged woman to another- good luck 🙂
Hi, I belong to an online support group called survivingbetrayal.com
WE are specifically a group of women trying to recover our marriages after the birth of an extra-marital child via adultery.
I haven’t read you entire blog yet to get the full story….
I posted a little on a blog about our sperm stalker’s relationsshit and subterfuge.
spermdonorswife.wordpress.com
also a legal lawsuit connected to the situation about child support …
fatalattractiontwo.wordpress.com
Contact me if you need help with protecting your spousal property rights in the process of determining Child support for the extra marital child.
I wish I wrote as poignantly as you do !!!
I word for word could write the same observations you have had.
You are not alone and your instincts and reactions are healthy.
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I also belong to survivingbetrayal.com, I think you will find the support you are desiring there. As far as local support groups, I don’t think you will find one in any city. And you are absolutely right, no one can understand until you live through it!
I will come over and join. I think there is nothing to be lost in seeking support, online or anywhere. Thank you! 🙂
I cannot thank you enough for this blog. I just found it through the Bercht’s site a few nights ago. I also am dealing with surviving this with an extra marital child. But in my case I discovered it at 7 yrs old. The child had been part of my husband’s life the whole time. Don’t even get me started on the lies that took to pull off. The child is part of our life but its not easy. Its been 3 years since I discovered this and in those three yrs so many other things have gone wrong, like life has been attacking. I have been desperately seeking help, support, but little is to be found. I can’t afford therapy. Husband forced to take a job far from home due to economic problems where we live.
thank you for sharing with us, I feel less crazy reading this. So much of this is exactly how I’ve felt, but never got to express.
Hi! I hope this reaches you and you are doing well. I found your website and would love to speak with you on our issues. My situation is very similar in some ways of the other person not willing to let go, accept that my husband didn’t want her or anything to do with her. His rejection drove her crazy to the point of a strong desire to make his life a living nightmare (which was partially his fault to begin with). My story is extremely long with many twists and turns. She was actually an acquaintance who basically was pining over my husband long before he realized and befriended me to try to dig for information on our relationship to use against us and him later on. She knew his vulnerabilities and used them to her advantage. She manipulated me in the beginning. Would love to discuss this with you. Thanks!