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When things don’t go as planned….scream rape.


Rape.  It is a very loaded term, and carries with it unpleasant thoughts, torturous feelings and a general unease in those who hear it or use it.  I personally hate the word.  I hate the sound of it.  I hate the combination of letters and sounds that are put together to form it.  Personally, I don’t like the colloquial use either (i.e. they are raping us for money) and avoid whenever possible.  Why?  Because to use a word that describes a horrific act to describe something unpleasant that does not carry the same personally injury and circumstances is to downplay the realities that so many individuals have and will have to face when they experience this horrendous crime.

In an attempt to wield control over my husband in the early days of the relationship, my husband’s skank whore would threaten to scream rape if he didn’t comply with her desire to maintain the relationship.  It was August, and they’d been involved since June.  The curiosity had worn off, the novelty was no more, and now he was just sleeping with a woman that he had no other connection with.  They weren’t matched socially, they weren’t matched financially, and they weren’t matched intellectually.  The only thing they had in common is that they were both feeling reckless, and both had a sudden (and non-characteristic in the case of my husband) disregard for how their actions would impact others.  She had create the escape clause that either could pull out of the agreement at any time, but then didn’t like it when he wanted out.  That has been her M.O all along…if she is not IN CONTROL, she loses it.  She wants to call the shots, she wants to be in the driver’s seat.  So when he was the first to want to play the escape card, she felt let down, hurt, disappointed.  She wasn’t about to let him just walk away, after all, she’d collected too much dirt on him. She was in a position to use it to her advantage.

“I will tell your wife”

“I will call the cops and tell them you have been raping me at work”

“I will tell them that you held my job over my head and forced me to have sex with you for my job”

“I will report you to your professional body – you will lose your designation”

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, he kept up the charade for a long time, trying to think of ways to ease himself out of the situation gradually, so that maybe it wouldn’t be as painful or noticeable….a gradual growing apart.  No.  she wouldn’t have it, and threatened all of the above to keep her “upper hand”.  He was stuck.  Lose your family AND your career…or stay with me.  Staying seemed easier….at least until he could figure a way out.  He was, in his words, captive.

Last week, in a last ditch effort to send us one last communication, since we had her sign a restraining order, she emailed us a lengthy 50+ page document, the first 7 pages of which were a monologue of hers, describing the relationship and the events that transpired.  In her little essay, she claims my husband forced her to have sex repeatedly in the office, that he once threw her to the ground, then dragged her by the hair into his office where he raped her, the whole time she was screaming “no, please no!”, but he wouldn’t listen, according to her record.  He told her that she would shutup and take it if she wanted her job, so she submitted and allowed him to have his way with her, the whole time terrified for her life, and later crying in the car on the way home that she had been violated so badly.  When he was done with her, according to her communique, he screamed at her to “Get the fuck out”, and sent her on her way.

Dramatic hunh?  Belongs in a trashy novel…or in a low budget made for TV movie called “When Susie said no”.   Give me a fucking break.

There was no rape.  There was no force.  There was no demeaning sexual conquest or threat of job loss in exchange for sexual favours.  My husband isn’t a crazed sex maniac, and wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of a woman, sexually or otherwise.  He is one of the most gentle men I’ve ever known, and it is this very quality that drew me to him, and made me want to be his wife.  Because, as a person who HAS BEEN sexually assaulted (at the age of 15 by a co-worker/friend), I needed a man that I could trust in this regard.  For her to have lied and claimed to have suffered a similar experience as hundreds of thousands who are actually treated like garbage repeatedly, assaulted, raped, forced, demeaned….her daring to put herself in the same camp as these women who have TRULY suffered disgusts me.   How dare she claim to share their experience.  How dare she throw around the term, and use it to her advantage in order to hurt someone else?   What kind of person does that??   A sick, demented, lowly scumbag, that’s who.

Of course, despite these repeated “attacks”, she would come into work every day, smiling and happy.  She would send emails acknowledging her excitement over upcoming sexual get-togethers they had planned.  No woman who has been assaulted sexually by a man would:

1. Continue to subject herself to the experience
2. Interact in a jovial and interactive way with their attacker
3. Name their offspring after their rapist
4. Request in the Damages section of her Human Rights Complaint that she be given her job back, and seek to return to the work environment she’d been fired from
5. File a wrongful dismissal claim against their employer after being fired from the very job they were desperate to “escape from” due to repeated sexual assaults.

Give me a break.  Does she not see how utterly ridiculous she sounds?  Does she not know how idiotic everyone who reads these diatribes finds her?  She can’t even keep her story straight in ONE domain, let alone across multiple lawsuits where in one she claimed she was in a “relationship of permanence” and, therefore eligible for spousal support, and in the other claim that she never loved him, and that her affection for him was merely as a friend, that she feared for her safety and was let go wrongfully.  Pick a side of the fence honey cause it must hurt to straddle.

The fact is, reading through this sad little document was reassuring.  It gave us laughs, but it also reaffirmed for us how psycho she is, how correct we are in taking the higher road, and  how far gone and obsessed she is.  We’ve moved on in the sense that we have rebuilt our lives.  She, on the other hand lives and breathes the details of this situation, desperately trying to inflict hurt and pain so that we can all feel how she feels.  Well you know what, I am NEVER going to feel what you feel.  I have a husband who loves me, three children who were WANTED, and a relationship that my husband isn’t looking to “escape from”.  I am a wanted partner, a desired friend, and a selected spouse.  I will never be an equal because I am not a mistress, I am a WIFE.  I am not a liar, I am a fighter, and I am not a victim, I am a survivor.  We are not the same, our stories are not the same, and I will not be made to FEEL her agony.  Her agony is her cross to bear for the bad decision she made when she decided to walk into a marriage.  She would have been MUCH better off walking away, staying single, and finding someone new. By now, she would have been engaged or married, possibly expecting a child, with a bright future and family with someone who truly loves her.  Instead, she has to wake up every morning to a little face that doesn’t quite look like her, and whose very expressions, when the light hits her “just right” reminds her of my husband, the relationship, and her status as the one who lost here.  How sad.  No, we are not the same at all.

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Comments

  1. dotcablogger says:

    Amazing.

    I remember that you didn’t write on this blog for months. So is this woman more active in her attacks now? It just seems like she’s trying to pull a shit storm.

    And my question is that did she really write the word “rape”? You know, in some societies a woman who lied about rape got whipped in public, or stoned, or hung. Sometimes she was dunked in a nearby pond :). So this lady who falsely uses the word rape is deserving of one of the above.

  2. dotcablogger says:

    I read that it’s a crime to make a police report based on a false story or lie. So you could file charges against this woman for making a false police report. But that’s if she went to the police and gave an actual report.

    Or you could seek for her to be charged for slander, or defamation because she is lying about your husband ever raping her.

    You should get your husband’s name cleared (by whatever means of either lawyers or a chat with the police) of this woman’s ranting accusation of rape, so that she doesn’t persist with her lies.

    • I think if it were illegal to make a false police report, she’d have been charged by the cops.

      She had no evidence in either case to support her claims. She thought I’m talking about her on twitter when I’m speaking of random events. She can complain about it but I’m not committing a crime so there is no follow up. If it were a crime, I imagine they’d have told
      me those options.

      With respect to defamation, my husband isn’t interested in throwing more money at the system to fight the idiot. We just paid her to settle all claims and we had to agree to not sue her further. Well he did. My name isn’t on it. I can do whatever I want. The issue isn’t about me. But I can’t sue for defamation on my husband’s behalf.

    • I think you are referring to the charge of public mischief. You can be charged if you submit a false report to the police. However, it isn’t so much that her report was FALSE, it is that what she was considering problematic wasn’t in fact a problem at all. She claimed I was talking about her online.

      1. That is not a crime
      2. Even if it were illegal to talk about someone online, I made absolutely no reference to her. She simply likes to look at my life details and place herself into them, assuming that everything I write has something to do with her.

      So, the police looked at her complaint and said….”OK we see no reference of your name in Mrs. X’s tweets….why do you think she is talking about you?”. Having no ability to prove that I was, and since doing so doesn’t violate any laws, the police report was simply closed. She didn’t LIE in the report, or give false evidence, she just doesn’t have a claim.

  3. Aloneagain3 says:

    I mentioned you in my post earlier.

    • Where?

      • in the post called “fighter” I tried to do a link but was unable… not that blog savy I guess.
        I really was inspried by these words you wrote “I will never be an equal, I am not a mistress, I am a WIFE, I am not a liar, I am a fighter, and I am not a victim, I am a survivor”
        really the only thing we have in common is that our husbands chose to betray our love and trust. I am happy to see that your husband has seen the error of his ways and stopped.
        My husband still speakes to the OW. He actually believes they can just be friends. I pray that he will give up this deliousion so we can do what we both want and restore our marriage. It is a very painful time for me. as I still must wrestle with the decision to remain or separate.
        all is complicated by the fact that he works three hours away from home and is gone all week. I thought that was a safe gard from physical contact between them, but it wasn’t they found ways to still be together. He says that has stopped and they only talk, but trusting is dificult.
        thank you for sharing your story.
        aa3

      • Thank you 😉

      • I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but if your husband is truly sorry and committed to your marriage, he will be WILLING and HAPPY to close the door on that relationship. Calling her a “friend” and trying to maintain a connection…that is utter bullshit. His job here now is to help you heal, and if that means settling all worries in your mind, and showing you that he is devoted to YOU, he will need to lose the FRIEND to gain the WIFE. If he isn’t willing to do that, I would:

        1. Question whether the affair has ended
        2. Wonder if you are being taken for a ride and your trust being violated AGAIN
        3. Wonder whether those 3 hour long car rides are actually that long, or whether there are pit stops along the way.

        I find it suspicious that he works so far away, but if there hadn’t been infidelity, my ears probably wouldn’t be perked at that…I am just on hyperalert for you.

        Bottom line, his commitment needs to be to YOU, so if his current actions continue to hurt you and keep that wound open, he needs to make the change. It isn’t YOU who needs to alter your expectations, your actions, and stuff you needs. It is HIM who needs to step up to the plate, commit himself to the program and satisfy what YOU need from him to feel loved, secure and his one and only. If that can’t be done, I’d walk….quickly and don’t look back.

      • I ask myself those questions all the time. there have been pit stops in the past. when I believed it was just an emotional affair. as you know on one knows how they will react and how long they will hold on. I know that I am in a better place personally and I no longer “need” him like I used to.
        for the moment I am trying to concentrate on getting my classes complete and graduating from college. as far as the distance for his work. he is in a profession that is politically driven. and positions are not available just anywhere. He is currently looking for a new position, I asked that he look out of state. I would like to move far away from here. just the two of us and begin again.
        enough rambling.
        thanks for everything

      • I know what that’s like. We moved too. We needed a larger home anyway, but we wanted a home for our family that hadn’t be tarnished. We wanted a new start. We wanted a place where certain areas of our home wouldnt haunt me (where I learned of the affair, the office we shared that he’d email her from). I know what it’s like to want a new fresh place. Sadly the slut sought out our new address.

  4. Ahhhh… yes ….Let’s see, our Sperm Stalker also called up my H and screamed at him that she should have sued him for sexual harassment and rape when she had the chance … which was when she worked with him 5 years earlier ! OMG so delusional ! Let’s see, … when her plans to corral him and make him hers didn’t quite pan out… and after naming her child after the harasser…all sorts of vitriol gets spewed by the wretched, spurned shrew.
    Now something to note…. Did you know that if a man is convicted as a rapist… he is not a legal father. And He also doesn’t have to pay child support. Perhaps you should go for the RAPE charge ??? A RAPE by HER is what really happened…. not that it will ever be equally enforced.
    The double standard still applies. Hypocrisy at it zenith. Men are evil predators with an dangling appendage and rank whores who ask for it are victims…

  5. I nominated you for a Candle Lighter Award.More info here:

    http://abandonedbarns.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/349/

    Thank you for your contributions to our community.

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