Advertisements

Burden of responsibility and getting off Scott-free


When we are children, we are taught to share.  We are taught to “play  nice”.  When one child does something inappropriate to another, they are reprimanded.  If two children pair up to do something to a third child, both instigating children are found equally culpable, even when one points the finger at the other and said “she told me to!”, or “it was his idea!”.  What caused the circumstance is rarely an issue.  We care about making it RIGHT, and holding accountable those who contributed to the problem.  We don’t care whose idea it was, who pressured who into action….both are guilty, right?

Why is it then, that when we look at issues of infidelity, we, as women, are asked to not be upset with the whores who tried to steal our husbands and overturn our families.  Time and time again, we read about, and are told “she owed you nothing”, or “he was the one with the contract with you, not her”, or “he broke his vows, she didn’t owe you anything”, and we are asked to excuse the mistress because she isn’t the one who broke the vow.  Really?  Is it just me that strikes a bad chord with?   Am I simply too close to my own situation and filled with hatred and resentment that I am unable to see clearly what these other wise sages see?

I was recently on you tube looking up the videos I shared last week on the blog from Dr. Phil.  A quick search brought up this little number from Judge Judy.

Feel free to watch it in its entirety, but what I wanted to point out from it was that in her angry vent, the wife expresses dismay towards the “other woman”, to which Judge Judy replies that she owes her nothing.  That she isn’t the one who broke their marriage contract, and that she best take a closer look at her husband, instead of placing the blame on the mistress.   I can see both viewpoints, but I disagree entirely on this position of letting the mistress whore off scott-free.   If this were  a sandbox scuffle, mama bear would have come in and punished both, no?

I hold an immense amount of hatred towards my husband’s mistress.  Immense.  Gigantic.  Immeasurable.  If I could see her suffer, I would want a front row seat, with popcorn and perhaps a little candy to sweeten the deal.  I admit it entirely, and don’t keep it a secret.  I hate her with every cell in my body.   Do I hold her responsible?  Yes.  Is she solely responsible?  No.  My husband had free will and choice when he decided to violate our marriage.  He had the choice to walk away, to say no, to resist the feelings their interaction created.  He had CHOICE.  He made BAD CHOICES.  They BOTH did.   Why don’t I hate my husband to the same degree?  Why don’t I fantasize about him suffering emotionally and physically?  Why don’t I wish horrid circumstances to befall him, and instead try to protect him from sadness and hurt after all he’s done?

One word: Remorse.

My husband shows me through his words and actions that he regrets his choice.  He broke all contact with her, and committed to the marriage.  He’s attended therapy with me weekly for more than a year.  He’s listened, showed empathy, tried to make things right and correct the wrongs, tried to protect me from the evil that came from his actions.  He is remorseful?

Is she remorseful?  Not one iota.  Does she regret her choice?  She probably only regrets HOW she went about certain things, because in the end she lost him.  She probably regrets not digging deeper, or finding more malicious ways of keeping her hooks dug in deep.  She may regret having asked him to make a choice.  But does she regret ‘going for it?’.  No.  That is a guarantee.  Does she regret me finding out?  No, because she wants to see me suffer, and wanted me to know all along.  Does she show regret when she calls the police with false claims against me in order to keep me reminded of the ‘power’ she feels she has over me?   Does she show regret when she creates false legal claims designed to bankrupt my family, knowing that her child support payments can never be impacted, and are safeguarded no matter what happens to us financially?  No.  She has NEVER apologized.  She has never admitted fault. She has never acknowledged the pain she has caused.  She never will.  I see her sitting alone in her apartment with her child, no one to help her, no one to take over while she takes a nap, no one to share her child’s milestones with – totally alone.  But I do see a smug smile on her face when she thinks about the pain she inflicted and continues to inflict because she is evil like that.  She gets a perverse pleasure out of causing discomfort to others.  She used to do it to my husband in their relationship…make threats, cause drama, take things to the edge of normal and then rope him back, seemingly turned on by the rock and hard place she’d wedged him in.  Smug like a puppeteer holding the strings, watching others dance at her command.  That kind of person, smug and glee-filled at the thought of her destruction would never apologize.  In her mind, it will always be someone else’s fault.  It was my husband’s fault for coming on to her, it was my fault for not being complementary enough to my husband and showing him the support he needed during a rough time, it was his fault for creating a close working environment for them, it was my fault for not being the wife he needed….whatever spin she puts on it, she will always be the victim, and we the guilty party.

Why then, if these women actively prey on married men, and seek them out, are we not entitled to find them culpable, to hate them?  Why, if it takes two to cause an affair, are both parties not equally guilty, not equally responsible to the wife?  If I physically trespass on someone’s physical property, and cause irreparable damage, you can bet I will be held responsible.  She trespassed on my marriage, and yet, she “owes me nothing”???

Why do these women get their cake and eat it too?  They can walk into a marriage, engage the husband in an affair, enjoy the relationship and then walk away with no responsibility?  What is this, a car lease?   What about common decency?  What about humanity?  What about simple code of ethical conduct?   I can’t imagine EVER feeling entitled enough to do what she did, and to then CONTINUE to wreak havoc on the one I’d transgressed against.  I wouldn’t have the guts.

My healing journey would look totally different had I received one word of apology from her.  Had she expressed remorse or regret, had she expressed that she felt she’d made a mistake, or felt badly – I would be in a much better place than I am.   Instead she mocked me, called me names, ridiculed me physically, and then expressed excitement and joy in the fact that my hard work and strife would be going to pay HER child support.  She expressed joy at the idea of me slaving away to pay her monthly while she sits back and collects.  She actually said the words, followed by a “Yay me!”.   She then dragged us through the legal system with the help of a free lawyer, cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars, and continues now to squabble over $20 prescriptions for her child, for which we pay $19, and she pays $1 because her income is so disparate to ours.

Instead of facing two people keen on putting this behind us, and vowing to make better choices, I have only one who has ever once shown me that those 10 months were a mistake, were regretted, and were wrong.  The only one who has stepped up, been courageous enough to take the fall – my husband.  Remorse goes a long way to fixing a problem like this.  She will never ever ever show remorse.  Psychopathic narcissists like this simply can’t ever find fault with themselves.  So don’t anyone tell me that I don’t have the right to hate her, or to find her culpable.  Don’t tell me that she owes me nothing.  Don’t tell me that my husband was more responsible than she was.  It takes TWO, and in my reality, only one is paying their penance.

Advertisements

Comments

  1. I feel the EXACT same way. Unfortunately, I too am going through this same exact struggle right now! The babe is born, this homewrecker is playing the victim. Claiming, she has done nothing wrong, except “love” my husband when he needed it & now, I am the horrible and mean one for attempting to “ruin her & the baby’s life,” b/c others know what she really is. When her and her croonies claim, her business is soley HER business. What? Isn’t a man, who she knew was married w/ a child, someone else’s business, and NOT her perceived “right?”. I found out She will be getting promoted through their work (he has since moved on from that place of employment b/c he wants to “do right by me), not b/c of her work ethics, but b/c she had a baby!!! And of course, it’s only right for a single mother to work 9-5 and not shift work like EVERY Man on the job! I’m the evil one! I agree it took two to tangle, but to promote her and to reward her for her wrong-doings is disgustung and just plain wrong!!! I beieve she has more to blame, b/c she sought him out, made the first contact, and seduced him, but he’s the wrong one for not leaving me for her. I’m just appalled by some people’s “entitilement.”

    • Terri, doesn’t that just burn you up? How long ago did you find out? What are your husband’s plans for a relationship with the baby? Welcome to the Wives-wronged club with babies attached. There are a few of us here, not many, but a handful and it helps to have the support of those who know all to well how an affair recovery is made much more chaotic with the presence of the additional layer of a child born from it.

      I hope you will keep reading, and contributing. Your perspectives are shared by others who know how you feel.

      To see her promoted and rewarded is painful. Just remind yourself of how hard parenting is, let alone doing it alone. Imagine her up at nights, unable to pass the torch to another person….doing it alone.

      For me, our whore was pitied by her lawyer who kept tugging on the “but she is a poor single mother, look at how you’ve abandoned her with that child”. We try to remind ourselves that this was her CHOICE. She knew she would be a single mother, my husband made that very clear. He told her he would have no involvement. She didn’t care. She didn’t want his involvement as much as she wanted the money. She talked abortion if he’d leave me, and when he didn’t, she made us pay in vengeance. That baby is a revenge tactic, that’s all. It hurts to watch them apparently gain. For me, it has been watching her collect on settled claims that she concocted, and a $28K payout. For me, it has been paying off $100,000-plus legal bills, knowing all the while that she is getting it for free, and can rack up our costs with every email she sends, which is then replied to, at a premium price on our end. Sucks big.

      I try to remind myself that her life will not be rosy. She will one day be a grown woman, and MAY look back at this with different eyes. She played with fire, got burned, and yes, she gets free money, but money can’t buy you love, and THAT she doesn’t have.

      Hang in there. Keep in touch. It is so hard. (((HUGS)))

      • It is, 1 year, officially today, since I found out about their “friendship.” In a few months, it will be a year since his disclosure. It is difficult and painful, and I am still going through the pendulum (sp?) Of emoitions.
        I don’t want him to abandon his son, his dad did that to him & his siblings. I understand the void NOT having a father has left (since I too have been estranged from my own father for greater than 5 yrs now – my own choice after 15+ years of his). It’s NOT some sentimental reasoning why I do want him to(my husband) to have a relationship with his son. I get it. I do. I want him to have a relationship with his child, b/c if NOT, he would be the same man as his father…and THAT, is unacceptable. Period.
        I do feel it isn’t the babe’s fault his mom is a…well, let’s just say less desireable, petty, selfish, and unfeeling person. I just don’t know if I can ultimately do this with a child (a child that I have been craving to conceive on my own for 2 years) shoved in my face during visitations.
        ***sigh***Unfortunately, we hardly speak about things. I have my wall/guard up. I feel if he truly loved me, he wouldn’t have stepped out and broke his promise to me, our vows, our family, and our lives we have built all on our own. They can call me bitter, b/c I AM! I am bitter and pissed off, ill have to financially pay for their mistakes. My son, will have to pay for their mistakes. (B/c he knows he has a half-brother out there), and he can see his mom is a sheLl of a person she was a year ago. Im bitter I will be viewed as a bad guy if I just can look or relate to this child; therefore, wanting absolutely NOTHING to do with him, b/c he is just a constant reminder of their affair and how “I just wasn’t good enough”. How some skank (got knocked up so easily) when I cannot. But that is a separate issue. & trust me, getting pregnant right now is Soooo not ideal.
        I just don’t know where to go (of course we’re in counselling), but I have expressed my desire to know, physically know that there ARE couples out there who have made this work w/ the child apart of their lives.

      • I am do sorry.

        This is all very fresh for you, and of course you have a wall up. We all do. It will never be the same. So you found out almost exactly when this blog started. I started it on the one year anniversary of D day. It was important for me to mark the date with something that was positive for me.

        Having the Child in your life is such a difficult decision. On top of all of that, you are in the unfortunate situation of not having a child of your own. It almost feels like she won. I know in my case, the mistress whore used to say things about me not being able to conceive a daughter, and yet she was the one who gave him this lovely gift. A girl. My husband feels badly that he is not a part of this child’s life. He believes that every child deserves to parents. It breaks his heart daily to think that there is a child out there, that belongs to him, that will grow up without his input and guidance. However, the pain this woman has put us through, worthwhile actions, per psychedelic behavior, makes it impossible for him to have a relationship with this child. He is convinced that his presence in her life with only a fuel her more.

        With your fertility issues, and then him having a child by someone else, that as a pain to your situation but I simply can’t imagine, but I do appreciate its gravity. If you have time, check out Wendy’s blog at http://www.ChattyChicky.com. She too is a betrayed wife, whose husband had a child with the other woman. She has courageously allow this child into her home, and into their lives. She may prove to be a great resource for you.

      • Terri there are others out there. We are the rare few, but we’re there. We don’t see the child in our situation. Wendy, on the other hand, who I mention in the posts, welcomed the child into her life. We may all face it differently, but we find a way to “make room” for it in our lives in whatever capacity we are capable.

    • Interesting how all mistresses justify their actions by believing that they are offering our husbands something “we couldn’t”. They think the wives aren’t providing sexual intimacy, not listening enough, not into sports, not spending enough time with them, not making them fee, special. Funny cause I was doing all the same things I am doing now. The issue wasn’t with what WE were offering, it was with what they were emotionally lacking.

  2. Does anyone know where we can get those voodoo dolls?
    So we can prick them with pins with delight and have no remorse and laugh with glee !
    Oops… I bet we would be charged with hate crimes, given that there is such a biased double standard !

    • Funny you say that!

      I took my kids to a movie last night and I kid you not, they had a vending machine with voodoo dolls. I saw it as a sign. Don’t think the thought didn’t cross my mind. Maybe I’ll go back and get one. Want one? Lol.

    • Someone told me about a Wiccan spell you can cast too. I feel like a trifecta of voodoo would be great. Who’s in?

      • Me me me count me in!!! Definite trifecta would do them a world or good!!

      • Well i am reading all of your posts here about Voodoo dolls and spells. I did actually get a “spell” put my husband and the other woman. There is also a store near me called The Odyssey Book Store and it has everything in there from spells, candles, voodoo. Check them out. I have been there and picked up a few things. Also there are spells online. :):) just letting you know…it does wonders. As my husband’s life started to crumble afterwards…hehehe…

      • It’s funny, because after you left on Saturday, the remaining women and I spoke briefly about to dispels. I joked that I had come across these voodoo dolls, and may mentioned that she knew of a spell, that I think was Spanish, that she claims works. She was going to look into it more for me. I personally willing to try anything. I will go to know and to make her life uncomfortable, within the bounds of law of course 🙂

      • I am in. I am into 6 months of d-day and I hate the OW so much that I want her to suffer badly. She is as evil as yours. My husband has shown remorse and is helping me heal but I still am going through emotional rollercoaster rides.

      • It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, forgiving her. It’s a choice but can only happen when you are ready. I’m happy to help.

    • A website (google ” pinstruck”), allows you to send email curses, without revealing the sender..
      Hi ladies. I’m in the same boat, just no child involved.

  3. Ii will most definiteky check out Wendy’s pot. Also, I’m afraid I gave the wrong impression that I don’t have a child, I do. He’s 11 and in my biased opinion, the most wonderful brown-eyed boy a girl could ask for. Unfortunately, he feels it is his job to try to “fix” us, b/c his world too has been turned upside down and he fears his parents are going to get divorced. It’s too much for an 11 y/o to put on his shoulders, this is not his burden to bare.

    • there is no “love”(i use the term in a very sarcastic way) child in my situation. My husband and I have five adult children. They are suffering terribly from his infidelity. it has been more than two years for me, and he still talks to the mistress. I am finally to the point where I am standing my ground about his involvement with her… It may mean the end of a thirty year marriage but I can’t keep putting myself through this… as of now he says they only talk on the phone and that is probably true because of distance, but overhearing him say to her, “how many time did you get hit on, looking as hot as you do” is devistating. then he wonders why I don’t trust him. My life saying right now is “doing what is healthy for me might cost me everything I have ever wanted” it is a hard place to be in.
      My original point was that no matter the age of the children it is devistating to them as well.

      • Oh my goodness! Of course you can trust him, when he hasn’t shown you that you are his primary focus. A man has to cut off all contact with the other woman, in order to prove to his wife that he’s willing to work on the marriage, and that she is the only one. Without that, trust cannot be rebuilt. I’m not at all surprised that you feel the way that you do. That’s absolutely horrible, and my heart breaks for you.

        I think you need to do what is best for you. Not what is best for your husband, not what is socially acceptable, and not because you’re trying to win a marathon with respect to how long he’s been married. I think you need to do what makes your heart happy, and what makes you able to look in the mirror every day with pride, knowing that you’ve shown yourself love, when someone else has not.

        I’d like to suggest to you that you may want to change your mantra. Perhaps it should say “doing what is healthy for me might bring me all of the happiness I have ever deserved”

  4. I have been in your shoes. Two days before my 50th birthday, my ex announced that he was leaving me for someone else. It was 5 years ago and some days it’s still difficult. Because he chose to lie to my daughter, I lost my daughter, my home and my dogs. Since then, 2 of the dogs had to be put down. He sold the house. What really gets me is that him and that skank fought for three years and broke up in the end. Why do these women think it’s ok to break up a family and walk off unscathed? I met a wonderful man that I am with now, but every once in a while, it comes back to hit me. My sister died last year and my big brother died yesterday. I feel like all I have done was lose in the last five years. I am working very hard to be positive but keep hoping that karma will come around and bite both of them in the butt. One of the good things that came out of this is that I found my faith again. It was the only thing that pulled my through. I will pray for all of you and I know that we will all come out better in the end.

  5. myhusbandyourboyfriend says:

    I just came upon this website last night, while trying to make some sense of the madness and the nightmare i have just been thrown into. You are my hero. I spent hours lastnight reading your every word on this blog, it was therapy for me. You are my new bestfriend and you dont even know me! I know your story now, let me tell you mine.

    D-day for me was March 2nd 2012. Thats right, Just last month.

    Here’s the time line!
    March 1st 2012= im at the emergency room with my 4 year old son (asthma with pneumonia) I get a call from my older kids who were home alone (my oldest daughter was sitting she is 13) they say some woman just came to my home, knocked on the door, they answered, she asked for me, they tell her im not there, she asked for my husband, they tell her hes not there and try to close the door. This bitch put her foot in the doorway pushed the door open pushed my 10 and 11 year olds out of the way and begins to search every room and closet in my home. My oldest daughter goes to see what is going on and tells her to get the hell out. So, my kids call me and i come straight home, cutting the ER visit short ( with a very sick chid in need of attention) and come home. when i get there and get the story i call my husband and ask him who this cracy person was. He plays dumb and tells me to call the police. I didn’t call the police because i just knew i wasnt getting the whole story some where.

    March 2nd 2012 =The next day I get a call from my husband at 7:30AM (by the way hes not home hes away on a trip, hes an airline pilot) it’s a tell all call. he tells me ” I think i know who it was that came to our house last night” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and tears come pouring from my eyes. He said she was some one he started an affair with in sept 2011, but that he had been trying to break off the affair for several months. She had been blackmailing him in every way possible. She had mailed me letters, i rarely check the mail so i never got them, he did and threw them away. she had come to my home and left notes on my husbands car. She keyed his car. and he finally told her it was over so she tried to confront me. after reading him his rights i told him he was going to give me hre address, he didnt want to but i demanded it, so he did. (sorry if this seems rambling im trying to tell you everything faster than i can type) I go to this bitches house, which is in the ghetto, knock on her door and read her her rights. she trys to say she didnt know who i was or who my husband was. i caught her in her lie because my kids had described her to me. finally after i call her all types of bitches and whores and tell her to stay away from my family, she says i didnt know he was married and starts saying how sorry she was and invites me in, i believe her (big mistake on my part) as soon as i get in she tries to tell me her lies about being innocent and caught in my husbands web of lies…….Yeah right! my husband had e-mailed her that morning telling her to leave him the hell alone that he had told me everything and he deleted the e-mail account he used for her (by the way she had no phone number for him only an e-mail address, but says she didnt know he was married…yeah, whatever). This made her mad so she called the police to file a fake report saying he threatened her. the police get there while in in her house. all of a sudden the conversation about how she didnt know he was married stops and she asked me to leave, so i walk out the door as the police officer is getting out of his car. she yells to him, you saw her in my house, she pushed her way in and assalted me, i turn around and said what the fuck are you talking about, she is smiling. the officer takes my story then hers (did i mention my husband was on my speaker phone the entire time) then my husbands. the officer told me he didnt believe a word she said and that she sounded like she made every word up. he also said he had to issue me a citation for assalt. i was so pissed off. he said that she had the burden of proof and that she had none, he said just show up in court and that it will be dismissed. This whole time she is in her front yard talking shit. Then she said my baby is between me and your husband, you have nothing to do with it, im still on the phone with my husband and he said ,what baby, this was his first time hearing about any baby.

    When i get home i start trying to find out everything i can about this woman, with and without my husbands help. Get this, she is supposed to be a minister ans a christian life coach. this crazy bitch actually believes she is a christian. Im sorry but minister, whore, crazy skank bitch, just doesnt sound right. if you google christian life coach, you will find her website, its full of shit too, i wont tell you her name but her initials are TB.

    So i made a police report and pressed charges against her for what happened on the 29th of feb. she was arrested and thrown in jail…..50 points for me!!!! she finds out my e-mail address and begins send me all kinds of crap and lies about their affair, i didnt want to read that shit but i did, every word, and it hurt like hell! i feel like im punishing my self, its like im obsessed with her stupid ass. i ask my husband for details like im some perv. i have to know every detail.

    The problems in my situation envolve my husband drinking too damn much. he met her at a bar and he said every time he was with her alcohol was involved……do i believe him, i dont know, i seriously think he has a problem so yeah he probably was drinking when he slept with her. in one of her e-mails, she had the nerve to say that in the few short months she was my husbands whore that she knows him better than i do. Im like seriously, bitch i dont even remember much of my life before him, but you think you know him better than me.

    So this is really difficult because we have no idea if this bitch is pregnant or if its just another attempt to drive a wedge between us. my husband said he doesnt believe her, i dont know. the first weekend i recieved over 40 3-4 page e-mails from her directed to me and my husband.

    March 6th 2012= my husband returns home from his trip and he and I both go to the police station and get orders of protection against her, they are served that night and the police say she tried to get one against my husband but it was denied…..even they could see she was full of shit. We got a lawyer to handle all the crap.

    March 21st 2012 =we go to court but the lawyer just gets it moved to june 4th court date so everything is done together. (she was charget with 2 counts of assalt and criminal tresspassing)

    April 4 2012= i get a call from the department of human services, evidentally someone that left no name…..ha really! thinks im an unfit mother. they say they need to investigate, i call my lawyer, there is nothing he can do, we have to allow this woman to come into our home and question our children. so she said she will be there on 04/11/2012. i am pissed and my husband is pissed. he goes out drinking (remember the problem i told you about) and we get into an arguement. im mad that he brought this crazy bitch into our lives. so he goes to her house to try to get her to drop this crazy shit ( dumb ass man) but he had been drinking, he parked his car on the side of the road and she camo outside after she called the police to say he was drinking and driving! long story short, he got a dui and got arrested (for the first time in his life) i get a call asking me to come get out car. i said hell no he had no business over there, you cant reason with crazy. i tell them to have it towed, they didnt, they left it sitting there. now we had just paid 500 dollars to have the car fixed from the first time she keyed it and while it was sitting there she keyed it once again……..SMH! so i get my husband out and we come home argue yada yada yada. he had to go to work the next day 6day trip.

    April 10th 2012= my husband comes home we go to church trying to build our relationship back up come home go to bed, at 11:00pm there is a knock at the door, my husband looks out there are 3 cars of police. open the door they need to arrest my husband for assalt?????? WTF She claims he assalted her the night he came to her house…all lies, really? well why didnt the officer that arrested him for dui charge him then, why didnt the officet put anything about assalt in his report??????? the reason simply is she wanted him to just go back to jail because of her lies.

    April 11th 2012= so after a 12 hour hold and 237 dollar bail bond my husband comes home, not an hour later we get a call from his company saying they recieved a letter from a woman claiming he has been drinking and flying, drinking in uniform, giving out secret information that could land him in federal prision related to FAA violations, all lies i remind you,she said if they dont fire him she will go public…….so his company wants to meet with us to discuss this letter.

    April 13th 2012= we fly to Indianapolis to meet with the union and his company, long story short they force him to take a leave and go to inpatient rehab for alcoholism (i think this is a good thing im just pissed how it came about) he will leave tomorrow to go to thr rehab center in Denver CO. so now he will be out of work for approx 6 months. we are in the middle of having our new home built…..WTF we may not be able to get it!!!! this is exactly what this bitch wanted!! she keeps hurting my family over and over. i am powerless. i did nothing wrong. she has the nerve to say that if it wasnt for me they would be togrther. WTF this is my husband. she says he loves her, he said he wishes he never met her and she never meant anything to him that it was just sex. i need to know if she is pregnant.

    April 16th 2012= we meet with the lawyer again he says he is on top of things and that she is setting herself up for a huge law suit…… you cant get money from a broke ghetto whore, she has no money. from all i can tell im the only person that reads her blog…..LMAO

    Today= im so hurt, i feel sick. you give me hope. maybe i wont always feel this way.

    • myhusbandyourboyfriend says:

      According to the e-mails i got over that weekend, by her own admission, she knew he was married from the start…….she felt like she could take him from me….. silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

    • Reading this I am so very sorry. I saw your comment days ago and was literally unable to formulate the words to express my shock and horror at your story. At first glance, I thought, this can’t be real. This has to be made up. So much loss. So much trauma from all sides. All you need is a death of a loved one thrown in there and you have the makings of a miniseries. I am so sorry.

      • myhusbandyourboyfriend says:

        No, the death of the loved one came on Feb 2nd 2012. My family is a blended one. My husband and I only have one child together, the 4 year old. My 3 older kids (two of which got pushed by this bitch) lost their father Feb 2nd, one month before all this crap. Thats part of the reason i went to confront her about pushing my kids, they were already an emotional wreck. Their dad was only 38, Very healthy, worked out daily….ect. He was very close to the kids even though he lived in NC and we’re in TN. Autopsy couldn’t find a cause of death. My kids tried to call him all day on Wednesday to ask him to buy something from their school fund raiser and couldnt get him, he was at work. Thursday at 7:03PM i get the call, They said he’s dead. He fell asleep on the couch after work and never woke up. When i told my 10 year old daughter, she screamed and cried what seemed nonstop for two days. I am broken in so many ways. I live in a constant state of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Good news, I went to visit my husband at the recovery center today, he ended up going to one here in TN and not CO, He is doing great. We start our marriage/ family therapy on tuesday.

  6. “I owe you nothing”….. Exact words out of the whore skanks bleach blond mouth to me. It took every ounce of my energy not to slap her into reality!!! She is the most entitled self centered bitch I have ever encountered in my whole life!!! I want one of the dolls too!!

  7. I am keeping all of you in my prayers. It’s amazing similar all our stories are. These women think that they have a sense of entitlement to someone else’s life and family. It makes me sick to think that I spent fourteen years cleaning up after that pig. I will never be the same. I am stronger but I don’t think I will ever trust again.

  8. Well ladies. You are so very strong. After reading all of your stories. I can’t believe that someone would or could be like those women. It is unbelievable. I am totally shaking my head. My heart goes out to you all.
    My husband and shank were together for 9 months. I knew that something was wrong when they broke up in November and he was going with her to an appointment. My husband doesn’t know this but i found out what it was for. They had lost the baby and he was paying for her test or abortion-whichever it was. And then paid for her perscription out of our account. WHAT?????
    So my husband asked me to go onto his computer one day, doesn’t know that i was snooping and found a very heartfilled letter from my husband to her. He mentioned their pregnancy and losing it. That hit me like a brick in the face. I cried for 2 days. He was away visiting family up north. Which was a good thing because i would have flipped on him. I deleted all of the pictures that they had together, taken by one of his friends. I don’t know what i would have done if it did happen. Shank told my husband that she wanted to break up via TEXT message, i guess that is where it started and this is where it ends. She didn’t want a relationship, or a man right now. But the last conversation that they have had together via text was her telling him that she has started to date again. I know the “new guy”. Oh boy this is good…hahahahahah….

    • You must feel so relieved, however, the child was not born of their relationship. I’m not saying that to invalidate your pain, or to tell you that you are “lucky”, but being on my side of the fence, I would have given anything for that pregnancy to not have completed. I used to silently pray that I’d hoped that God would show mercy on my situation, and not allow the child. I’m not a merciless person, and I would never wish someone dead, however in the early days of the pregnancy I figured “she hasn’t yet lived, so what if…”. I kept thinking that God couldn’t possibly come on to my plate tonight already experienced, and having a child to the mix, well it was just too large of a punishment.

      It’s such a doubled the trail to, to have your has been paying for the other woman’s expenses with your shared accounts. I was upset to learn that he had taken his whore out for lunch a couple of times. Not because you wanted to, but because she was so desperate to have a “normal” relationship, and kept complaining that they never did anything together, other than fuck at work. She demanded that he take her to a hotel, instead of having sex at work, and demanded that he take her up for lunch so it would feel like a real relationship. Anything to keep her happy if it meant she wasn’t going to spill the beans to me. I’m so sorry to hear about this financial betrayal.

  9. I am so sorry you had to endure that shit!! Who do these entitled bitche’s think they are?? Truly pathetic,low self esteem riddled head cases!! They think only of themselves, not our husbands that’s for sure!!! If they were thinking of the person they so care about they would never put them in that place of flattery to reel them in!! They would tell them to go figure out what they really want to do and that is to work thing out with their wives, exactly what my husband told her from day one. Who do they think they are worming their way into my family?? They are complete losers who think only of themselves and they all make me nauseous !! I can’t wait to hear about the retreat!!! Hope it was everything you expected!!

    • I’m actually at the retreat right now! It’s great and I will share more later 🙂

      You are so right. If she really cared for my husband, she wouldn’t have put him in such torment.

      • Hope you are both enjoying yourselves and are growing closer and stronger!! Can’t wait to hear all about it!!!! They only care about themselves, in their twisted pea brains they actually think it’s the right thing. The whores psychiatrist actually told her the affair was a great idea and used to talk about her and my husbands affair at her sessions???? WTF, Would love to find out who the doctor is!!! Have a chat with him/her!!!

      • Sounds like the whore’s psychiatrist is what I call an “auditory voyeur” – someone who gets off on hearing the details. Totally inappropriate.

        I like to think that everyone has a moral compass, and that the whore knows her place an that it’s not ok – otherwise it wouldn’t be a secret, right? So, in order to justify her actions and to be able to wake up, look at herself, and see herself as a respectable person, she has to create whatever other parallel reality that makes that possible. Mine had to see me as faulty and inadequate as a wife, offering little to my husband that she felt she was compensating for. Twisted, but psychologically understandable.

  10. Summer says:

    Krissy, could u share your spell with us?? I’m sure I am not the only one who would enjoy using it!! Heading to my first support group meeting on the 15th, so pumped!!!

    • I’m so glad to hear this too!!

      Chrissy are you going to the next BAN meeting?

      Summer I am glad you are getting into a group!!

      • Thanks, so am I!! I think it will be really good for me right now, hoping to get to one of the retreats too!! Hope all is well with you and you are still feeling good!!

      • Do come and update about how it goes! That’s really
        Exciting! I have a BAN support group in 2 weeks and I can’t wait! It’s funny how exciting it is. The feeling of support is uplifting it’s like a drug 🙂

        Things are still great over here. Will be blogging about it later 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: