Fuck you…Oh, can I get a reference?

For those who have been following and know the story, bless you for having read so much, and remaining on the crazy-train. For those who are new, or who haven’t combed through the archives of this blog to see the hell that the psycho mistress has tried to put our family through, I will give you a little synopsis so that this post makes sense.

My husband had an affair with a woman he worked with. She was his only employee, and at the time, he was grateful for the help. They started seeing one another before she came to work for him, and when he asked her to just be friends and stop the relationship, she claimed to be OK with it, and came to work for him under the understanding that they would remain only friends. That didn’t last long, and before you know it, she was asking him to stay late after work, making threats if he didn’t spend time with her or show her the affection she wanted. On the nights he would leave directly from work, she would text all night long threatening to tell me, to ruin him, to scream rape and cost him his career. As she gradually wanted more of a relationship than she was getting (she was getting screwed on office furniture and I guess she wanted a real date with a meal), she started to threaten more and more, and insinuate that perhaps he should tell me, so that he can stop living a lie. Obviously, she’d hoped to horn in on our lives, and hoped that upon learning of his transgressions, that I would kick him out, freeing him up for her. Well, I didn’t. She became infuriated, started emailing everyone we knew about the affair, including my husband’s work colleagues and my parents. She started threatening to tell others whose influence were higher on the chain, hoping that it would cost him his reputation. She was fired for this misconduct and for using work-related contacts which were privacy restricted for non-work-use, she was fired, and offered a significant amount of pay in exchange for notice, along with a reference letter to just get her out of his hair. Oh, in case you didn’t know, she was also 7 weeks pregnant and threatening to keep the baby unless he left me and our three children. He didn’t leave. She had the baby. We pay her child support every month, and my husband has no desire to see or know the child.

In the aftermath of the disclosure, in an effort to cause us greater harm, she launched a lawsuit accusing my husband of having fired her for being pregnant. Now, we all know that wasn’t why she was fired, but she figured she could claim that, and possibly win some money. She simultaneously launched a human rights tribunal action, citing discrimination for having been terminated for being pregnant. Although the two claims are similar, one is clearly a human rights/discrimination angle, and the other is an employment standards case for wrongful termination. In her Human Rights complaint, she goes into grossly fabricated detail about how she was sexually assaulted by my husband, raped, used and abused, and then threatened with job loss if she didn’t perform certain sexual acts. Her stories read like a bad made-for-TV miniseries. The way he ‘threw her to the ground’, ‘commanded her to perform oral sex at his desk’, ‘finished with her, and then threw her to the floor and told her she was a slut and then spit on her’….yeah, ok, cause THAT really happened. NOT. Anyone who knows my husband would find her script completely out of character, but it was coloured in the most maligning way possible, to cost him his career and make him suffer.

Fast forward two years. The lawsuit has been settled (we paid her even more money to just go away and drop it already), and this week, an email crossed my husband’s desk that she is looking for a job, and hopes for a reference letter. Are you fucking kidding me? She wants a letter of reference? What is he supposed to say, she sued me for fabricated scenarios, cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, threatened my family, stalked my wife, called the police on my wife with false claims that my wife was hunting her down, but other than that she is a dedicated and hard worker and you’d be pleased to have the likes of her in YOUR office??? Really?

Her email reads (names have been removed for privacy):

In court in January 2012 you agreed we would discuss my job reference from (husband) at a later date. That date is here… I have been offered a position…Should my potential employer call for a job reference from(my husband) I have explained that my reason for leaving (husband’s company) in march2010 was due to a very physically difficult pregnancy (ummm no, it was because your sorry ass was fired due to your behaviour and threatening your employer and his family), I was placed onbedrest for most of my pregnancy & understandably unable to work (but not so bedridden that you couldn’t harass, stalk, fabricate false lawsuits…). Oncemy maternity leave was completed in September 2011, I chose to focus onmy studies full time and focus on completing my degree (Read: I chose to remain unemployed because my child support cheque gives me more money per month than I was ever making in my job, so why work?). This is thereason I did not return to working at (husband’s workplace) upon completion of my mat leave. Although he would have gladly taken me back (Are you for real??!?!?) as he has stated in thousands of emails, text messages and videos (no videos….but he had told her that she was a good employee from time to time and how grateful he was to have her in his employ), I am an excellent employee. I certainly hope (my husband’s) job reference for me will reflect those thousands of sentiments, that I excel in my role, and he give me an excellent reference and recommendation to any employer. Should he need documentation to jog his memory of his positive statements regarding my excellent skills I would be happy to forward the thousands of emails, text messages and videos for his review. There is of course additional extraneous information in these videos which I’m sure he wishes to keep confidential (there are no videos, but I find it funny that she would fabricate the existence of a video in which my husband simultaneously engages in sexual behavior with her while simultaneously vocalizing that she is a stellar employee at the same time…nice video if it actually exiated) between him and myself (and anyone who viewed them prior to Jan 2012), however I would be happy to provide him with these if he wishes. The other people who provide job references for me are people whom (my husband) interacts with regularly (you can only get a job reference from an employer you freaking idiot, and no one that you had in common can write you a reference letter…and the people you knew in common due to your role are the I.T person, the telephone technician, and perhaps the guy who delivered the mail???!? were THEY giving you reference letters about how great of an employee they think you MAY have been (they wouldn’t know), or were you fucking them too and that is the reference they can provide?!?), as I’m sure he is aware (my husband) and I have many, many mutual associates (no they don’t). All of these people will provide an excellent reference for me (you weren’t employed by any of them you dumb fuck)utilizing the aforementioned reasons for leaving employment with(husband). They have all expressed a desire for (husband) to also provide the same excellent reference and reason for leaving (they have all expressed a desire for him to write you a reference letter? Really? These fictitious people care THAT much about you?). Employment for me will ultimately benefit his daughter (name withheld), whose best interests are paramount. Please let me remind you that prior to January 2012 all information about (our) relationship with me, and our daughter was not confidential, hence the knowledge of the above parties of the situation (because she sent everyone she knows details about it in an effort to slander my husband).
Please tell me she isn’t this stupid….oh wait, yes she is. Here, let me sue you, cost you thousands of dollars, nickel and dime you for child support when I am making triple what most single mothers get in support, and oh, by the way, can you give me a really nice reference letter? This, people, is the moron we are dealing with. Someone oughta take her out back and shoot her. The average intelligence of the planet would rise ever so slightly.




  1. Oh, the joys of dealing the the OW forever (it seems) because of a child. Thankfully my situation hasn’t been like this. I do feel for you. All the stupid people in the world just make life rough for the rest of us..

    • Well, in this case we are dealing with her solely because she was once employed by my husband. But yes, the illegitimate child will keep her in our lives for the rest of our lives.

  2. I feel for you my husbands skank whore gave him a head job he walked out and has never spoken to her again.( he was riddled with guilt) . Well she used his sperm and inseminated herself to try ad get pregnant. Stupid fuck so yeah we had DNA not his and she tells everybody he paid the doctor or someone to change results definitely stupid fuck. Unfortunately for us she lives not far from us and has been sending letters to me no name of course and I even got phone calls once I threatened her with police amazing how it stops. Stupid fuck whore. Wish there was an island where we could send the whores to keep the contamination away from us.

  3. Your OW and mine could be twins as far as what they have done right down to the crying rape card. Can I just say that I am so comforted knowing that there is someone else out there that does not have any thing to do with the OC. My husband has no desire to know him either and I (and my husband) have gotten so much criticism on support websites for my husband and myself not being part of the OC life, that I have convinced myself that I’m an awful person and that there is something wrong with me for not allowing him into our family. I’m so relieved that I’m not alone and that I’m not the only one who hasn’t accepted the OC in my family life. Thank you again!!

  4. OMG… I could write chapters about the interim 7 years our SPERM STALKER used “job references” as an excuse to stay in touch with her former BOSS and career mentor. … This was before she decided to blow up all her bridges (secretly hoping he would leave the wife for her) by filing a paternity action in 2008 as revenge for ” abandoning her and her child” and to extort him for delayed child support.
    Just for you… I went to my email files and pulled out one of the most memorable contacts from the manipulative SIDEPORK about job references and her intentions ….. dated Apr. 2003:
    It is definitely a FUCK YOU , … and oh can I get a reference ??? Mindfuck.

    please read and please call and show your wife if you want, i am not trying to hide anything
    Friday, April 4, 2003 12:26 AM
    “piece of>
    husband of another woman

    h – i am writing this to you for your eyes,
    ….i understand you may pass it around, go ahead if you want to,.
    …..i am sorry for the events of this week, for all of us,…. do you enjoy hurting me?
    I am so tired of having to bear all this pain, it is killing me.
    … i loved you for so many years, which you know.
    ….the treachery which i have had to endure for the last 2 years, since you walked out on us has been unreal.
    the few people whom i have told of your actions are shocked beyond belief.
    Even now , everyone has told me to come after you legally.
    I have not pursued anything, preferring to focus on getting myself back together job wise for the benefit of our son and myself.
    Instead of throwing dirt around for months and months in a court of law, ….

    I have only asked for your help in my job search,….you were with me for the last 10 years of my career and getting around you as a reference is all but impossible,
    i would also have assumed you would want to help me find a job to support our child and myself.
    The fact that you hide and are forced to hide communication with me of this nature is wrong – ….on all fronts.

    I told your wife on the phone that what i want is communication regarding my work and that i am not involved with you in any personal way.
    i have had several conversations with your wife over the last 2 days, which i know you are well aware of, ….
    i confessed a few things about our relationship which i had previously kept a secret, because she asked me questions, ….and i asked questions of her as well – ….
    we both have to resort to this since you seem to lie to everyone and then play tricks with your silence.
    i told her i recommended you stay together.
    i really don’t give a damn what you do,…. but i don’t want to be hurt anymore ….and i really don’t want you to hurt my son.
    I was many things to you over the last decade, ….i have given you all my love.
    You told me you wanted to be with me, so i stayed,…. now i don’t understand why you cannot be fair to everyone going forward.
    XXXXXXX is your son, no matter how you try to get around it,
    hurting me is hurting him.

    i would appreciate a call or something when you resurface,
    i need closure on this.

    • Wow….the email reads exactly the way she writes. It wreaks of “I am so perfect, and I am only doing this because your actions have forced me too, but in reality we both know what a wonderful person I am….if I am being ugly it is only because of how you have led me to this place….your fault not mine, you are to blame, and I am perfect. They are all the same – pathetic sideporks. πŸ˜‰ Love that name by the way.

  5. Jeannie Wilson says:

    My heart goes out to all of you. I found out 3 years ago after almost 30 years of what I thought was a good marriage about my husband’s 11 year realationship with an “escort” (whore) who was 30 years youonger than him – he was 50 and she was 20 when it started! After reading this I feel fortunate that there is not an OC. it is obvious that these women are crazy! However, in my opinion, it is useless to get so upset about the OW. That’s probably what she wants. The fact remainds that our husbands did terrible things that (in my case) almost destroyed our marriage. Yes, the OW is always a bad awful person but our husband’s are 100% to blame for this. I mean on disrespect and I know I don’t have to deal with the OC and this craziness but maybe it would be best just to focus on the marriage and rebuilding it and try to ignore the crazy OW. πŸ™‚ Good luck to you all

    • No disrespect taken. Everyone travels through this at a different rate and in a different way, and you are right, without having the additional impact of your husband having fathered a child with someone else who is now in the picture for the rest of his life, it’s hard to appreciate or relate.

      I don’t post these things in a state of upset. We have actually healed our marriage, and I’ve forgiven him. It’s been a great deal of work, and we aren’t done, as marriage is never perfect. But, ongoing dealings with the crazy whore are reminders of her stupidity so I share to laugh, not because I am focused on her. She doesn’t deserve that kind of time, but for a laugh…anytime.

  6. Recovering Wayward says:

    In comparison, your story almost makes me feel fortunate

    • No psycho mistress in your story? She just walked away and left you alone? Didn’t harass or stalk your wife, or attempt to cause her more pain and humiliation on top of the pain your actions has caused? I can’t imagine it without a psycho ending, and frankly I’m a little jealous πŸ˜‰

      You’d be a good counterpoint to an earlier post 2 or 3 ago where Juan claims “once a cheater, always a cheater”. It’d be interesting to hear your thoughts.

      • Recovering Wayward says:

        Good Lord, no. TOTAL psycho ex-OW…but in comparison to yours, she is tame. But yes, we went to Court last fall to get a restraining order on her. And every once in a while, she still has made attempts to contact me. You’d have to read my blog – I have a whole section under “The Other Woman” — entries called “The Bitch is Back”, parts 1-7, and an unmailed letter to her that I’ve blogged.

      • What’s your blog address?

      • Recovering Wayward says:
      • Recovering Wayward says:

        And as far as “once a cheater, always a cheater” — it’s intellectually lazy. Considering that EVERYONE has cheated in some way in their married or dating lives, if they are being honest. Did you ever flirt with someone else while in a commmitted relationship? You’ve cheated. Did you ever kiss someone else while in a committed relationship?: You’ve cheated. If you ever failed to break up with one person until you were sure you had the next one? You’ve cheated. Plus the estimates are that anywhere from 60%-80% of marriages will experience some form of infidelity, even if just emotional. And women cheat at about the same rate as men.

        So given those figures..So if you use this “once a cheater, always a cheater”, that pretty much makes most people not marriage material. Yet we know that’s not the case. Are there serial cheaters or sex addicts? Of course there are, but they are the minority.

        People make mistakes. People mature People do learn from their mistakes. Some don’t.

        But to write off anyone that’s EVER cheated? It’s lazy. It’s usually sexist. And it’s silly. Again, unless you yourself are PERFECT in every way and have never made a huge mistake, never hurt anyone else, I guess you can hold the rest to that standard. But you’re likely to be alone.

        This does not imply that anyone that’s cheated on you wont’ do it again. If they show true remorse, if they do the work to fix whatever it was that drew them to an affair, and if they have a partner that understands what true forgiveness is and is also willing to do the work to make their relationship better, then you have a good chance. If no to the above? Chances are your relationship/marriage falls apart anyway. In most cases, infidelity is the symptom of a larger problem – whether in the marriage or in the cheater themselves, or both. A symptom, not the cause.

        So much depends on the two people involved, the reason for the infidelity/the type of infidelity. Some are more curable and survivable than others. I blogged about it in my “Different Types of Affairs” entry.

        A short answer to a very complicated question. Everyone has their opinion of course. Nobody has to date someone who has ever cheated or stay with someone who has. But that pretty much knocks out 90% of the population. Maybe more. “cheating” constitutes behaviors far broader than merely engaging in sex.

  7. dotcablogger says:

    Is there any update on what the decision is? Your husband isn’t writing a reference letter for this woman, right??

    • He wrote a reference letter for her one month after she was dismissed. It was recommended that he write one as part of his termination agreement with her. It was provided along with a substantial sum, in lieu of any notice of dismissal. Despite this, she still decided to sue him. Money hungry bitch. I’m really not sure why she’s coming out of the woodwork now and seeking another letter of reference. Perhaps she lost the original? Perhaps she forgot that she has already obtained one? Regardless, she is obviously already lying to her future employer, by not disclosing the real reason why she hasn’t worked in almost 3 years, and why she left her last job.

      Our lawyer summed it up very well. She said “it’s never a good idea to seek a reference letter from someone you’re suing”

      No, he will not be providing anything of the sort.

      • dotcablogger says:

        Yeah, that for sure is true: Don’t ask for a reference from the person you’re suing.

        I’m finding it odd that anyone would go and ask for a reference letter from the person they’re fighting with, or stalking, or having a legal fight with. I mean, the person you’re suing isn’t going to like or be impressed to write something complimentary about you.

        Weird. Just weird that this lady who’s still bothering you is now asking for a reference letter.

      • dotcablogger…these women are sick parasites….. they settle for crumbs and then associate their antisocial behaviors as being in a “relationship””… any attention, positive or negative feeds her fantasies..
        Here is HOW her sick mind works…
        she will twist any response to feed her ego…
        “Yeah-ME”, see, he really does still love me….because why else would he “respond” and give me “what I want”…. which means he still cares. Hummm…If that mean old wife wasn’t in the picture… he would return to me. I think I will think of some other excuse to contact him, ….because I am a good person …and maybe he will come to his senses after I reengage him with my emotional neediness and want me. I want him…. They are relentless and desperate because they are delusional sociopaths. No feelings but their own matter. The hell with consequences. “ALL is fair in LOVE and WAR”. …. WASH, RINSE, REPEAT….

  8. Natalie Ross says:

    Don’t you just love these women who think that #1 they can fuck your husband like it’s their god given right and #2 can dictate to you how it should be and is going to be. My husband has recently ended his affair with a witch that’s needs to be run over by a truck!! I have a horrific story also and my heart knows every bit of the pain your heart is feeling. You stay strong….you are an amazing woman πŸ™‚ Your husband is EXTREMELY lucky to have you in his life. Hugs to you!!
    Natalie (who is trying to stay strong)

  9. cassee01 says:

    I thought most employers don’t do references anymore because it leaves them open to lawsuits and that the pat reply is due to our policies and the advice of our legal dept we no longer provide employment references we can only confirm the dates that the person worked here

    • I’m really not sure what the “norm” is. What I do know is that she is intending to lie to her potential employers about why she left and why she didn’t return despite her statement that he was begging her to come back. Can I get a “yeah right!” ???

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