Mistresses are nothing more than parasites.

According to Wikipedia:

Parasite: Parasites increase their fitness by exploiting hosts for resources necessary for the parasite’s survival, e.g. food, water, heat, habitat, and genetic dispersion. (Read: Mistresses look for, and cling to men (hosts) who have the ability to provide them with resources, money, status, etc…)

Parasitism: A type of relationship between organisms…where one organism, the parasite, benefits at the expense of the other, the host (Read: Where the mistress benefits from having a hot relationship with a man she doesn’t have to cook for, clean up after, care for, bear children for, budget finances with, and who will always be extra fun and way more super-awesome than the wife….until he screws her over by not making her number 1, and then she will suck him dry, sinking her teeth in, draining him of any money, self esteem, energy, well-being, and sanity he has left…and she will tell the wife.

“In some cases, a parasite species may coevolve with its host taxa. Long-term coevolution sometimes leads to a relatively stable relationship tending to commensalism or mutualism, as, all else being equal, it is in the evolutionary interest of the parasite that its host thrives.” (Read: although it isn’t rare, in some rare cases, a relationship with a mistress, bourne of infidelity can sometimes survive, but not usually. In any case, regardless of whether it ultimately works out or not, it is in the mistress’ best interest to not beat the married man down too much. After all, she needs every resource he has. So she won’t threaten to tell the wife right away. Instead, she will continue to play the game, disguising herself as ‘everything good’, and waiting until she can get enough dirt on him to make it uncomfortable for him to change his mind. She doesn’t want to show her bitch-side too soon…for it could compromise her access to his resources (money, status).

“Some qualities of the parasite: Parasites evolve in response to the defense mechanisms of their hosts. As a result of host defenses, some parasites evolve adaptations that are specific to a particular host.” (Read: “Omg, you like running? That is such a coincidence, cause I LOOOOOVE running. In fact, I am like super fast at running, and really fit, in case you can’t tell, can I show you how fit I am?”…”Oh wait, you said you DON’T like running??…oh yeah, me neither…it sucks”.

“Parasites employ numerous strategies for getting from one host to another, a process sometimes referred to as parasite transmission or colonization” (Read: When things fall through with sugar daddy #1, there will always be another sugar daddy who will fall for your ridiculous schemes, so polish those skillz.)


My husband went to work on Wednesday, like any other day.  Except when he returned from work he says to me “You know how when we were at Anne & Brian Bercht’s seminar , we were told that we should tell each other when something happens, no matter how small?….well I was propositioned today”.

Seriously??  What the hell.  Again?  This is the second third  time SINCE I found out about the affair that someone has propositioned my husband.  The first was a woman who attended his work as an affliliate from another organization, interested in learning the ways his office operates. At the end of the meeting, she showered him with compliments, gushed all over him about how smart and successful he is, and the asked if they could have lunch one day.  He politely told her no.  I almost called her up and gave her a piece of my mind….but then didn’t.

The second time, it was a client of his office, who he noticed dresses very provocatively whenever she comes in to see him.  He started getting a weird vibe, thanks to some insight and training from Brian Bercht, he quickly assessed the situation for what it *could* become, and immediately transferred her to another colleague.  She was quite annoyed, which only confirmed his suspicions.

This third time, happened on Wednesday.  A colleague in his department who works on a casual basis approached him at work.  She hadn’t seem him in a while, and when he asked her how she was, she replied that she was simply “okay”, and was going through a hard time as she was in the midst of a breakup with a boyfriend.  He expressed his sympathy, and the conversation changed course a little.  A little while later, she approached again, as their paths crossed, and asked “Can I ask you a personal question?”.  “Of course”, he replied.  “How old are you?” “I’m 43, he replied”. “See?  I should totally go for older men. I am obviously way more attracted to older men.  I shouldn’t have wasted my time with this guy…..”.  They parted ways, and my husband went about his business.  When the opportunity came up, and they were once again alone, she says “You MUST have known this whole time, right?” , to which he politely told her “I am flattered.  But, I really like your idea about moving downtown to meet some older men and try relating to them”, and then found a reason to distance himself from her.  He came and told me immediately.

When he told me, I was at first shrugging it off, like yet another little comment made, but then this has too many similarities to the WHORE and I was having transference.  I immediately found my blood pressure rising, my heart rate accelerating, while I desperately tried to keep calm and not let it show that I was bothered, so that I could hear the rest of the story.  He finished his story, and I politely asked him her name.  He told me.  I excused myself, and called his office, asking for the person in question.  Luckily for me, it was her who answered the phone.

“Is this ________?”, I asked.

“Yes it is”, she replied.

“Well you may want to think long and hard before you come on to a happily married man”

(Scoffing) “Who the HELL is THIS?”, she replied, obviously uncomfortable.

“Consider this your warning”, I replied, and then hung up.

I returned downstairs without any indication for what I had just done.  It hadn’t sunken in yet.  I was still completely on adrenaline, and needed to calm down, so I busied myself with laundry.  My hands were shaking and I probably could have run the 50m in under 8 seconds….*fast for me*).  I intended to tell him once the kids weren’t around, as I thought he might be upset that I’d taken such a brash action towards one of his colleagues, and possibly compromised him from a work standpoint.  Once the kids were in bed though, I’d gotten myself so worked up about he might be mad, that I didn’t want to tell him.  I was trying to think of good reasons why he DIDN’T need to know…and justify my secret, but then worried that she would tell him, etc.

Within minutes of my call, she emailed him secretly and asked him whether he had possibly “told anyone” about their conversation…she was obviously bugged.  Good.  She emailed again the next morning to tell him she’d received a threatening phone call.  He replied that he knew nothing about it, but that he found her proposition highly inappropriate, and reiterated that he is happily married and won’t tolerate behaviour like that in the future (he is in charge at the office, so he kind of sets the tone…).  She then quickly backtracked and told him he must be mistaken in thinking that she ever propositioned him….(you know, the same old passive aggressive garbage these girls play)

There will be no further communication between she and my husband.  I think she is sufficiently uncomfortable now.

It just speaks to how common these women are, and how little they care about whether a man is married or not.  She has her eye on the prize, and the wife is just a mere hurdle in the race to the finish.  Just step over her, run faster, and claim your prize.  No harm, no foul…..


Now the real question remains as to whether my husband will dare tell me any of these occurrences in the future, knowing that I can easily be thrown off the handle….I hope so 🙂




  1. dotcablogger says:

    Well, sooner or later, boundaries have to be learned. So phoning that girl (and she’s how old? Twenty?) and telling her to not flirt with your husband is declaring a boundary to her.

  2. I like what you did. If only I could have found out who the slut was that my ex left me for. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t allow him to give me his address (they were living together). I do know her name. I guess that she was so proud of what she did she didn’t want me to see where they lived. They have since broken up (3 years of on again, off again). So, Heidi, was it really worth pissing away 3 years of your life with my husband? I know that someday Karma will come and get you for breaking up a marriage and a family. He just wasn’t that much fun, was he, when you had him around every day? But don’t worry, you slut, you did me a huge favor. I have a wonderful life and am about to begin a wonderful new career, so thanks, you homewrecking whore!

  3. What is it with these shameless, opportunistic, gold-digging whores who have no qualms at all about approaching, propositioning, and pursuing married men with families? It makes me sick. Good for your husband for the way he handled it. And good for you too! Slutty McTrampy-Pants can just tuck her amoral tail between her legs and go scuttling back to the bottom of the heap where she belongs.

  4. Better Off says:

    These women count on the fact that they think that wives just won’t have the guts to stand up to them and can slink around with someone’s husband until they think they are irreplacable. What we women have to do is just what you did. Tell her off and let her know that you are on to her nasty little act. BTW..thanks for letting me vent. I never got the opportunity to tell that skank off. It felt pretty good.

    • I meant to comment to you earlier about how much I loved your comment 🙂

      • Thanks and thanks for this forum you have provided. Sometimes just venting a little seems to take the pressure off. It is nice to know I have company. It gets easier every day and let’s hope that Heidi follows this blog. She knows who she is. A sad, pathetic piece of trash that will get what she deserves one of these days.

  5. it’s sad, cause sometimes i really feel sorry for them. they must hate themselves. how would it be the be that kind of woman. it’s pathetic and an unhappy,lonely existence.

    • Excuse me , normal people have remorse. Narcissistic, skank whores don’t possess empathy.
      If they didn’t get the manwhoring prize they felt they deserved ….then that evil wife must have interefered and done something entirely illegal and grossly inapproprate to deprive them of what should have been theirs. Nasty , dastardly, gutter fighting wives with no integrity ! How dare they, these sluts have i quote: “never heard of such sick and boorish behaviors” ! Daring to Thwart their fairy tales of lust. … errr LOVE STORIES .

  6. Stephanie C. says:

    I just found your blog and it is the first that I can really absolutely relate to!! What I LOVE about the women posting here are the heartfelt discussions about what to do with the anger for the OW. I LOATHE her…I really do wish her a slow, lingering and painful death that ideally would start between her legs and eat her from the inside out (and I consider myself to be a very loving and compassionate human being). Of course I blame my husband for the choices he made, but like so many of the other stories you all have shared, he became involved with a co-worker who decided that he was going to become HER man, and she was relentless in her pursuit.

    We had been happily married almost 36 years when I discovered the text messages between them, confronted him, and learned that they had been sexually active for nearly NINE FUCKING YEARS! This was a women that I knew fairly well, who I sent Christmas cards to, with whom we had even shared dinner with she and her husband… oh yes, she’s married too. Married, by the way, to a man that she had a workplace affair with and became pregnant by, while SHE was married with a small child and HE was married with a small child. They divorced their respective spouses and married each other and had their “love child”. What a surprise that after only a few years with husband number 2, she started working with MY husband and decided that HE was REALLY the one for her. See a pattern developing here?

    In 1999 she came to work as an analyst at my husband’s family’s small family-owned business. I met her on a number of occasions, she seemed pleasant enough. I certainly was never the type to be jealous…my husband and I had a long and love-filled marriage and 2 wonderful college bound children. Plus, she was married and had two children of her own (pretty naive of me, I know, I know). We were looking forward to the romantic empty-nest phase of our marriage with trips thrown in here and there for fun. But she had other plans. In hindsight, so much becomes apparent to me, like the tummy tuck she had before she attempted the big seduction. She shared all the details of the surgery and recovery with me, like I was her good girlfriend. Then she and my husband began working together on projects that required them to travel to the east coast together for presentations. BINGO! Perfect timing for her!! After a cocktail filled dinner, everyone retired to their hotel rooms. But she decided to knock on his door so they could “talk” about the project. Um, excuse me, but he is in a robe getting ready for bed and she wants to “talk”?? She entered his room, began kissing him, and you can guess where that went. Now she could really start spinning her web. She said he was her knight in shining armor, she had never met anyone like him and she was in LOVE!! “Oh shit” he thinks. Now what? He tells her this was a HUGE mistake, it can never happen again, he loves his wife and he does not want to start an extramarital relationship with her. Uh oh… too late. The next week, back at their home office, she tells him that this was meant to be. She becomes hysterical when he tells her it cannot be. She proceeds to inform him that she will tell me AND their employer (his father) of the hotel encounter if he won’t continue the relationship. She does not show up for work for 2 weeks, too despondent to work. People in the office start asking questions, “what’s up with *M*?? My husband’s role became one of placater and peacemaker so he wouldn’t be found out.

    And so it began, the intimidation and blackmail that would eventually turn my husband into a compliant and pussy-whipped weakling. A weakling that would make sure that the whore got the company Mercedes Benz she asked for, and that he would justify why she was “so worth it as an employee” if anyone asked. The weakling that started a consulting company so that she could have her own business on the side, WITH HIM. The weakling that also had the side benefit of sex in his office after everyone else had gone home for the night. Blow jobs in his car after lunch. He said it was all about sex, that she was insatiable and would pressure him if he wasn’t ready for her at all times. But I see it differently. She used the sex, but she wanted the life… a life with him. The MBZ, the man in the corner office, my house at the beach, our trips, MY LIFE!! Hell, I don’t have a MBZ and I don’t want one!! We all know that men think with their dicks, and she was banking on that. And she was successful, to a point. But he was never in love with her, and he never was NOT in love with me. So when he started acting more and more unhappy and despondent, drinking more and talking to me less, I decided to do a little investigating. Something was wrong, and I was going to find out. And there were the texts, left carelessly for me to easily find…

    Like all of you on DDay, I was in complete and utter shock. Wind knocked out of me, too sick to eat or sleep… I don’t have to tell you because you women have all been there. But he was like a liberated prisoner! He cut her off so swiftly and completely that I think it must have shocked the shit out of her!! It was like the threat that she had dangled over his head for all of these years had come true, and her strategy folded like a house of cards. I knew the truth, that was the worst that could happen in his mind. I knew, and I still loved him and he was the sorriest, most contrite, tail-tucked-up-between-his-legs mess you have ever seen. We have been in IC and MC ever since, and the love and appreciation that we have for each other now is at an all time high. I always thought I would kick my husband to the curb if I found out he had cheated, but when you have a strong foundation, and 37 years of love, fun, and beautiful memories, it is not such an easy decision to just throw that all away.

    Sorry to have taken so much space, but the subject of the other woman (whore, skank, parasite, ENTITLED BITCH!!) just resonated so thoroughly through to my core that I wanted to share my story. I have sought no revenge, not even telling her husband. I really wanted to in the beginning, but I realized that it would only complicate our recovery, and to be honest, I know how unhappily married she is and take great glee in the fact that she has no friends, a 10 year old Mercedes, and is in an unhappy marriage that was conceived in deception. But I am open to any good revenge ideas because at almost a year and a half later, I still would love to find a way to stick it to that whore!!

    Love and healing to all of you sisters…. **S**

    • A great big hug to you Stephanie C!
      Revenge is best served on a cold platter with clean hands. Grab the popcorn, sit back and wait for the inevitable. Sooner or later they all get exposed and they crash and burn. Let her be bitter and suffer her emotional meltdowns (She’s living her own hell, now ! And take sweet comfort to know she will always be a lying, conniving gutterwhore)…. you just need to go on thriving, living and taking the life you deserve by the bull horns and do it Excessively !
      The world is your oyster.

      , opportunistic, MBA ( married but available) , gold digging Hoors !

      • Stephanie C. says:

        Thank you SO much, SDW, I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have the love and support of good and fine women like you. I have shared with only a few of my closest friends, and even one of those has distanced herself from me saying that “she doesn’t feel comfortable” around my husband anymore…wow. I guess my IC was correct when she said if you are planning on saving your marriage, do not feel the need to tell ANYONE unless you know that they can handle the news and will support you and your husband as a couple while you put your marriage back together. Consequently, it sometimes feels like I am walking around carrying this huge secret. I think that is why forums like this one are so important…the women here GET IT!!!! and it is a safe place to vent, share, support, and sometimes just curse out the unfairness of it all.

        Love your advice… I am letting the universe take care of my BITCH/WHORE and moving on to a lovely and loving life with my ever-so-grateful husband.

    • I have to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this reply. I relate to it so much. The anger, the low thing, the resentment, the thirst for revenge. Heck, I could’ve written that myself. In fact, I think I have through the pages of this blog over and over. It’s the one thing that still grips me, and the one thing I wish I could let go of. I have such a thirst for revenge and causing her pain and humiliation. It’s completely outside of my character, but feels so good when I have those thoughts.

      To find out that your husband has been unfaithful for nine years is earth shattering. I’ll blow to the gut doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling of being winded, and completely knocked off your feet. The self entitled the wars discussed me so deeply, enter such a black spot on our society. I can’t believe that I was nice to my husbands more. I invited her into our home, and one day had a one hour conversation with her. Looking back, she probably left that conversation laughing at me. And there I was, blissfully unaware, but the butt of the joke. It really hurts. I want her to feel even a fraction of the pain that I have felt.

      I am not a hurtful person, and I’m not a physically aggressive person. However, I have told my husband over and over again that if they were ever a situation where she was dangling from the side of a cliff,

      begging me to give her my hand I would bend over, kneel down and put my face close to her ear and whisper “a lying, conniving self-centered, egocentric, hurtful, entitled piece of shit whore like you doesn’t deserve my respect let alone my hand. I hope you die in hell for the pain you’ve caused my family. I hope this hurts and I hope you spend eternity begging for
      Forgiveness that will never come. I personally am going to love watching you die you skank slut whore. And for the record…yay me” and then I step on her hand and watch her fall. Yay me, by the way, is a term she has coined against me early on when she said she would keep the baby for the sole purpose of costing me child support. She said she wanted me to earn a lot to support her baby and looked forward
      To my cheque every month. She made reference to her being the true winner in the situation, and ended her email with “yay me”. Bitch can die in hell. 😉

      • Better Off says:

        What a nasty conniving whore! I don’t know how you live with it. i will keep you in my prayers and ask for peace and happiness in your life. Did you ever wonder where these sluts come from? Where does their sense of entitlement to someone else’s husband come from? I am glad you found this blog. It is such a help to me. Misery does love company, but this is a club I never wanted to belong to.

  7. melissa jackson says:

    Hope you all read my post under “Being the bigger person and thinking like a man.” you are all sick seriously that you believe your husband is the ever so grateful person and this other woman is a bitch whore. Seriously. You are why he cheated, it makes it so very plain and easy to see. These personalities of yours, the way you behave as if he is so wonderful. He was messing around behind your back with someone because HE WANTED TO!! If it wasn’t with this particular woman it would of been with another. He chose this-your precious wonderful prize of a husband. Get real ladies. Live and learn he is probably out doing it again. I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater but the fact is most will cheat again if they can. You provide him with a comfortable wall he can put the happy picture he wants the world to see on. But you don’t give him everything he needs or else he wouldn’t be looking. I am telling you I know for absolute sure it’s not about sex. It’s about something way deeper. It’s about emotional needs he wants fulfilled by someone else and we the stupid other woman have low self esteem and give it while you the stupid spouse with low self esteem allows this to happen, blame the other woman, and put your idiot husband up on the pedestal. Men are laughing at this. Parasite? really? come on now, let’s give the men of the world exactly what they love two women in a cat fight over them and they caused it. Real wonderful husbands you have there. wake up, wake up. wake up. I am out of it with the married man because I was able to wake up to the reality of who he was. I saw the way he lied to his family. How he never felt guilt when he was sleeping in my bed taking time away from his wife. It’s only when you find out, that’s when it all goes to pieces. Or in my case when the OW doesn’t want him anymore then it all comes back and he looks like a rose petal going back to you professing undying love and devotion. Yeah right. Do you have kids? it’s them he loves. do you get along with his family? it’s that he loves. it’s not wanting to tear it all apart. do you have a lot of friends, years built of memories with those friends, people who think you are a really great couple? exactly-it’s the picture. He will not wreck it. But he is a good liar. In fact when he holds, comforts, and loves you even makes love to you he is lying then. Just like when the affair was going on and he was doing those things and you didn’t have a clue. The lie is in his mind-the lie is love for you. Men who do what they do don’t love anyone but themselves. The other woman is irrelevant in everything. Get out while you can. She doesn’t want him and neither should you.

    • Spoken like a truly delusional, parasitic pest ! You are what you are and you just can’t help yourself in justifying your pathetic, lame logic and disposition. I will say a prayer for your obvious bitterness and vitriol. You obviously know not of the higher power of giving forgiveness for those you choose to love. My marriage and the former flaws of my spouse are none of your business or of your concern. We can’t all be a perfect imbecile, like you.

  8. Better Off says:

    It was only a matter of time before the Skanks have found this site. Sperm Donor, I agree with you completely. They may have had our husbands but we will always have this blog and the support and prayers of each other!!! Go away,Skanks, we are stronger than you. Our consciences are clean and I can look in the mirror every morning and like the person I see. Can you do the same? Some day you will answer for what you did, not in this world, but when you meet your maker.

    • melissa jackson says:

      I’m not a skank or a parasite. I was taken advantage of by the same man you were. Low self esteem cause people to behave in naive foolish ways. That doesnt mean I’m horrible. It doesnt mean I’m going to hell. It surely doesn’t mean that I don’t feel badly for my ex MM’s family. I left him because he wanted to cheat forever on his wife and he probably will. He makes a conscious decision to do so. My posts are in efforts for you women to raise awareness that the longer you make the other woman responsible for your husbands actions, the more you give him permission to do the same thing to you again.

      • Melissa were you in the dark that he was married? Did he lie to you in this regard as well? I know you mentioned feeling bad for his wife and family. Did you ever reach out to her to apologize for your role in the betrayal?

  9. Stephanie C. says:

    Melissa. . . You may have had your affair experience with a married man, and I have no doubt that, based on your comments, he was a prick, a user and a serial cheater and you were merely a young and innocent victim with low self-esteem. But for you to weigh in on this forum as if you have ANY vague notion as to what it means to be in a long term marriage; the good, the bad and the mediocre… burns right to my core. Please DO NOT assume that you know MY husband, or our marriage. You sound like an immature and needy little girl who fell for a man that was otherwise committed, and a player to boot. The fact that he “never felt guilt” when he was sleeping in your bed, that he was only interested in the facade of marriage to his friends and family? That was YOUR fucker of an affair partner, not MY husband.

    My husband was not looking to have an affair, nor was he a serial cheater. Believe it or not, sweet and demure Melissa, there are unscrupulous women out there who find successful, married men quite an aphrodisiac. Who plot and scheme with a vision towards a more lucrative future. Who blackmail, harass, and hold men hostage in ways that you are too naive to imagine. Who even spin the web into pregnancy if it means securing a future with that man.

    The whore that ensnared my husband? SHE was the serial cheater. She was the one with a history of affairs, who became pregnant with a married man’s baby while she, herself, was married to another man and mother to a precious little girl. And even after that poor sap left his beautiful family to marry her so that they could have their love-child, she was already getting bored and looking on to the next potential trade-up, my husband. Did my husband enjoy the attention she lavished on him? Of course!! Did he see how she was working him, just waiting for that next business trip they would take, so she could knock on his hotel room door one night to “talk” while he was getting ready for bed? No, and he beats himself up EVERY DAY for being so manipulated and eventually blackmailed because she was “in love” with him and he was her “knight in shining armor”. Yes, Melissa, believe it or not, he was always looking for a way out, and SHE was his ball and chain, not me!! He has never been more loving or more grateful for our marriage than he is today. He will tell you that his biggest regret is the hurt that he caused me and our children, and the time and attention that he let her hijack from him and from us. I don’t know what kind of a jerk you were fucking, but he obviously was in an unhappy marriage and was feeding you the kool-aid that his wife didn’t understand him, that he only stayed for the children…and maybe in his case, that was the truth. But I’ll be damned if I’ll let you rant on to the faithful and loving women who post on this blog that they need to “wake up” and that their husbands are serial cheaters. YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE what our marriages look like!!!!

    So for you, Melissa, I wish for you a future that includes a long and happy and faithful marriage. We all deserve that, and nothing less. . .

    • Wow Stephanie, I don’t think I could have said that better. That was very well written and sums up exactly how I felt when I read it also. I didn’t want to make a snarky hurtful reply as I prefer to keep things respectful even with those who disrespect us, and this was just well said in every way.

  10. Better Off says:

    I guess you can justify it to yourself, Melissa, any way you want, but you knew he ws married and you knew it ws wrong. I have been propositioned by married men over the years. Some of them were quite tempting, but in the end, the word NO came out of my mouth. I walked away. I can live with myself and Stephanie is right. Did you ever apologize for the terrible hurt you caused that am’s wife?

  11. melissa jackson says:

    I can live with myself too because I know the situation wasn’t all my fault. I have wanted to apologize to her but do you know how many of these websites there are that say the wife wouldn’t want to hear from the OW? I’m confused on what the right thing to do is because I don’t want to cause her anymore pain. She has only just discovered her husband has been a serial cheater for most of their marriage and not just sexual but emotional affairs. I want to tell her that this eats away at me every day that I had an affair with her husband but more because I am the one that told her the real truth when he continued to lie. I feel badly for betraying him too. As married woman do you think it’s wrong for the OW to tell you things? It wasn’t because he left me that I told. It was because I realized what a con artist he is and felt she deserved better. He made it seem as if she was horrible and I believed him. But now every day I feel horrible because I betrayed him by telling her and for hurting her. The last thing she ever said to me was that she hopes I find peace and that her family is a mess. How can I ever find peace? How there are woman out there not feeling guilty is beyond me. I thought I could move on to a man who really loves me but I can’t after this. He has made me think all men are cheaters. He lied so well and so easily it sends shivers down my spine. I knew he was lying but it was almost easier to be on the inside of the lies then to think there are men just like him out there and I won’t even know it. I’m sorry to all of you who were hurt. I’m not some whore or parasite. I was just stupid and was looking for love and he gave it to me. Now I have to learn to love myself so I don’t create this kind of drama in my life or in the lives of my fellow women. Not all other woman are parasites. Perhaps just broken and found themselves loved for the first time by someone who took advantage of that vulnerability. Healthy woman don’t involve themselves like I did. So I get I have a problem. But at least he helped me to see that so I can move ahead with a healthier life if possible. I came looking for websites like this because I’m trying to make sense of everyone’s feelings. Hers. His. Mine. I don’t have the ability to see how she is doing. This is the next best thing I guess. To see how others are getting on. I hope she is okay. But I don’t think he will remain faithful to her so hope she does the right thing for herself.

    • You know what Ms.Jackson…. If you were truly remorseful, you would step up to the plate and do the right things. Which are the hard things, like apologizing and answering honestly the betrayed spouse’s questions. Most wives are open to the infidel “groveling for forgiveness”… admitting to transgressions and doing what is necessary for the person you wronged to accept your apology…

      It starts with admitting your knowledge of your part in the wrong-doing, your culpability, your unclean hands, your deceit and of taking advantages. You taking responsibility for your actions. But people like you, who knowingly act disgraceful,” coveting” what is not yours, have no real integrity, (as much as you plead innocence) because you chose your actions deliberately and then you continue lie to yourself to justify your actions. Hence your first line of denial…
      “I can live with myself too, … because I know the situation wasn’t all my fault.”
      Hence you lie to yourself because you don’t really think what you did was wrong !
      Okay you are human and made egregious mistakes….. but the fact that you don’t even open yourself up for an inquisition… proves you are untrustworthy as a source and not redeemable in the wife’s eyes. You aren’t worth the trouble.
      “I am the one that told her the real truth when he continued to lie. I feel badly for betraying him too.” …. There you go again having it both ways… ( Did or did you not talk to the wife, your post is confusing.)
      You don’t know the truth ! … You only know what you think is true…. You recall only what you wanted to believe, NOT what the truth was.
      The truth was you were a covetous whore, who repeatedly put out for some lying “married” whore-monger… because you thought in the end YOU would profit from the transactions at a cost to an innocent party. You deserve what you got in the end.
      Sorry to be so blunt, but the truth can hurt.
      Maybe, if you want to expect more from others …you need to start by looking in the mirror and expect more from your self. Your entire post is all about YOU …. which sort of reflects the problem. A Lack of following the Golden Rule to the detriment of others. Please skip the justifying rhetoric and blame-shifting. Go take a bath.

  12. melissa Jackson says:

    You need to get real. Don’t judge me you don’t know me. My experiences are different to what you experienced. The married man I was with was leading a double life telling me his wife was sick. He went with my family and I to the Caribbean and other places. Week long vacations that he took off vacation from work for. He was living with me telling me one thing and his wife another. This man chose to do this. I’m not some whore who took him from his wife. He wanted to be away from her. How dare you speak to me like I’m a nothing. Go to any therapist and they will tell you that I would only be responsible for 50% of the affair not all of it. I know you are so hurt your husband would have an affair behind your back but that doesn’t give you the right to attack me, put words down that I never said, call me names, and tell me I’m to blame that there are men out there who cheat and accuse me of being heartless without remorse. I believed these mans lies. When your spouse was coming home giving you complete bullshit did you believe him? You probably did because why wouldn’t you? This wife had her husband going off to fetish clubs on his own because she wasnt interested In his desires. What wife does this? What the hell did she think was going to happen. That was her 50% mess up. I was married once to young and realized we make better friends then lovers. Never would I go behind his back. Ever i dont believe in cheating. If people have problems they should seperate.He wanted his cake and to eat it too. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really forgive your husband or are you still so pissed off that you want to tell me off instead of him. Also I was with this person for over four years. This wasn’t a month or a year. This was four years of my life. We spoke every day. We saw each other multiple times a week in the beginning and by the end it was 24/7 including weekends. I also went everywhere with him for business. He chose this. Do I feel bad she was thinking he was working yes I do. I didn’t know the whole situation at home. I told her the truth because it’s insane a man could do this to two women. But because I shared my life and family with this man there is some guilt that I told her. I thought he loved me. I did love him I met his children and I liked them too. He had no choice but to go back to her because I didn’t want him. He didnt walk away i threw him out. But guess who kept him? She did. So call me anything you want but I will tell you that any woman who allows a man to treat them so cold, heartlessly, and foolishly, and for granted has far more emotional problems then I do. I do sleep well at night because I realize I am worth far more then anything he could ever give me and anything he will ever give her. I don’t want to hear its because there are children or assets or extended families. When a person cheats they aren’t giving a flying shit about any of that. Maybe in a one night stand situation. But over four years? Come on. I am in therapy over this. Are you? Take a cold shower and stop being so angry it’s not very attractive. Wake up men suck. Your husband chose to suck too.

    I was told by some of you not to be so judgemental so please don’t judge me. I feel for all of you who were so wrongly mistreated by men who should have never betrayed you as they have. Equally I’m also a human being with emotions. So sorry I was the OW but I’m allowed emotions too. If there are any of you willing to act half way decent to a person in my position then please read previous post. Any advice would be helpful. I would like to talk to her but she is in a lot of pain, and obviously suffers from low self esteem also like I did. If I had a blog I wouldn’t have it open to just OW or OM. I would be civil to all points of view and all sides of this triangle. If this blog doesn’t want to hear from anyone other then bitter married woman who don’t want to see other points of view then please tell me. Sperm donors wife…not everything is so black and white.

    • Stephanie C. says:

      Wow. That makes it better, he told you his wife was “sick” so having an affair with him was ok??

      You asked the betrayed spouses here to weigh in on whether or not you should contact the wife of the man whom you were fucking for, what was it, 4 years?? I would say to you, NO, don’t bother. You are most likely one of many OW, and I say that based on the information that you have shared here about your cheater “boyfriend”. If I were his wife, the last person I would want to hear from would be you, and I would also be moving on and out of that marriage as fast as my legs could carry me.

  13. OMG
    Yes my dear, it is as clear as black and white. It is all about what is right and what is wrong.
    You invaded the privacy of another woman’s marriage, damaging her interests, knowingly. Even if you justified the adultery and lust, because you wanted to believe a known liar and cheater looking for sidepork.
    Frankly, you do protest too much with your ranting and raving about the fairness of your tarnished “feelings being heard ” to escape any culpability for your reprehensible actions or to condone your or your affair partners abhorrent actions.
    “How dare you speak to me as if I am nothing”…sounds like the words of an unapologetic narcissist… Well deary, how dare you speak to us wives “as if”… we are nothing … or that we are delusional and clueless as to the rational behind what causes affairs.
    Statements made by you, like …it is “all our fault” that our husband’s cheated with an OW are delusional. Your logic is all over the map. Like most “other women” who choose to covet.
    Especially baffling is you claiming on one hand that “you don’t believe in cheating”…., but you did it anyway. ??? HELLO, YOU CHEATED WITH A MARRIED MAN, for 4 years . DOH !!

    Look bottom line, his marriage is none of your business. Stay out of it and get over it !! You are obviously still hung up on a man you vehemently claim; “you let go and DO NOT WANT BACK”. ????
    I think you are either pathologically challenged or royally screwed up.
    Perhaps you need to find a shrink that challenges your sensibilities, (Which are not healthy). Not one that coddles you so she can take your money.

    And BTW, thank you for proving a point to all of us betrayed wives here in your posts. You try to have it both ways and get in the last word as the ultimate authority about infidelity sordidness.

    One can’t advise you or give you rational thoughts because its like throwing it in a SUCKING BLACK HOLE ! You won’t hear it.
    There is no reasoning with insanity !
    Why not go crawl back in to your dark hole, … or better yet, go to formerly-a- whore websites like TownRED or the Glory-be-Hole for emotional support instead of spewing unwelcome vitriol and anger by bashing the honest opinions of innocent women on this support board.
    Hey ladies…I know I am just feeding this unhinged beast……… she will never be swayed into seeing what she doesn’t want to see. I tried. A WASTE of EFFORT and I will say no more.

  14. melissa jackson says:

    I’m going to add before you come back with your rude comment and tell me I was sleeping with a married man so it makes me a slut or a whore that my MM and I had sex in the beginning but then it tapered off as in any relationship. What started with him wining and dining me became us cooking together cleaning together planning trips together etc. I’m not bragging I had this relationship it wasnt healthy because I wasnt allowing myself something I really wanted. he always knew that him being older wasn’t okay long term because he couldn’t give me the things I want in my future. that didn’t stop him from always telling me he wished he was younger. we weren’t having sex all time as you might imagine. We did very normal things. We looked like a real couple and I think he wished we were. I know its hard to imagine that a man you married could possibly love another woman more then his wife but it happens. It also happens that woman cheat too and feel more love for their affair partner. I do know a few couples who had affairs and married to that person and never cheated on them. I wish you would stop thinking its about sex. That isn’t the case all the time. In my experience my MM was wanting to leave but he couldnt and firstly because of me not wanting that. He also felt an obligation to a wife who hardly makes any money and felt he was her world. How sad that him knowing how she felt wasn’t enough to be nice and loving to her. I read another post on this blog that made me want to vomit. Emails exchanged by owner of blogs husband and mistress. My MM never ever wrote things like that. He never spoke to me like some piece on the side. If that is the experience you all have with the way your husbands interacted with the OW no wonder why you think they were sluts! I am feeling as if I need to defend myself unnecessarily. I can see why you feel as you do based on those types of exchanges. For me though it wasn’t at all like that. It has made me feel more guilty for sharing things with his wife now though because she has to realize I wasn’t just some piece as well. He should divorce her and let her find someone who can love her because he doesnt. The thought of him being with someone else and not her is more then she can handle so she wont divorce him. But I also feel bad for him too. Because he loved me and it just couldn’t be. Now they are two people despising one another because they are together based on need, not want. The wife doesnt always win as I read someone else say. There is no winning in these things. In the end its a weighing of the options. children families assets reputation. If the spouse leaves, all the drama and baggage go into the relationship with him. No one wants that. As far as the women who go psycho when the affair ends its not about love its about ego. They want to win too like some of you who think its about winning. They thought they were in the front running and had the carpet pulled from under them. They are pissed off because they were promised things by a liar. Why they fight for men like yours I don’t know. They arent real men in my book. What do you say to the winner of your prize of a husband? “Congratulations you just won a deceptive asshole. He looks good on the outside but is a coward on the inside. He forgets he has a wife and family and makes promises to women for his own personal gain. When he realizes he could lose more then he can handle he comes back to his wife and claims he is so sorry. Claims that it was nothing and wife is everything because his ego is worth more then the OW who wife now thinks is a slut but he thought was much better then her for years when wife was secondary.” Wow. Some prize. I’m glad I always knew the score. Wish these psycho OW you all know would realize they are fighting for a man SO not worth their time and should let them go to the wives who want to pretend they are.

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless smartphone

    • Ok Melissa so it wasn’t about sex, and you aren’t some sex-starved addict who seeks out married men to pork. It was about LOVE…sure. Regardless of what it was about, the fact remains that you knowingly slept with a man knowing that he belongs to someone else. He is the partner of someone else. Someone else has vowed to love him, has sacrificed, has carried, birthed and raised his children. Someone else has wiped the sweat from his brow as he retched and vomited. Someone else ha sacrificed her needs and dreams for his. Someone else is relying on his care and comfort in return. How dare you walk into her marriage and sleep with her husband. I don’t care if he wooed you, took you on trips, wined and dined you, shagged you in fancy motels, or deceived and lied and manipulated you. You ARE NOT A VICTIM HERE. You knowingly entered as another woman into a married man’s life. What the fuck did you expect to happen sweetheart? That you were somehow better than his wife? That he should be with you? That because he lied to you, your pain is anything close to anything his wife or we have suffered?!? YOU need to get a clue.

      “We did very normal things. We looked like a real couple and I think he wished we were.”

      Sleeping with a married man and pretending to have a relationship with him are NOT normal things. The time he spent with you is time you both owe back to his wife. That was time taken from his wife, affection stolen from his wife, dinners owed to his wife, trips that ought to have been with his wife. All the time he was you was time you were stealing that from the woman he is married to. You didn’t LOOK like a real couple. Real couples go out, and can publicly proclaim that they are a couple. They don’t rent hotel rooms. They don’t have secret rendez-vous in hotel rooms and in shag-shops like your place. They aren’t secretive and their actions don’t hurt other people. They aren’t sneaking around, and they can be open with their feelings for one another. In a REAL relationship, you don’t have to watch his taillights disappear up the street as he drives back to his own bed that he shares with someone else because he WANTS to wake up holding you. In a REAL relationship, you don’t have to take a backseat role. You are number one. In a REAL relationship, you don’t cry when he leaves because HE DOESN’T. In a REAL relationship, you know that he is with you on purpose. You think he wished you were a real couple? Really? Then why aren’t you? I think you are the one who wished you were a real couple and you got shafted and pushed to the side when he no longer wanted you. If he wanted a relationship with you, he could have had one at anytime. It isn’t hard to seek a separation from the woman you “claim” to hate, and then seek a moral, unashamed relationship with someone new (you). If he’d wanted to leave he could have. The truth is that men almost never leave their wives and most men also, statistics be told, affair-down. The affair partner isn’t better, thinner, prettier, smarter, or more….she is just “new”. If he wanted to leave he could. There is NOTHING holding an unhappy man back and if he persuaded you to think differently, then he was a manipulator an a liar as you claim, but don’t think for one minute that he didn’t leave because he couldn’t. My husband could have left at anytime. Sure, he would have lost me, but he was holding me in the balance anyway. Sure he would have lost his kids half the time, but he knew that risk when he unzipped his pants. Leaving me legally wouldn’t have changed that. The affair was causing the same outcome. Don’t delude yourself. He just didn’t want you as much as he wanted what he had, for whatever reason. A marriage has a lot more invested into it than a 4 year side-fling. In the scheme of time, your time with him registers at about the length of a fart. Not much, and a lot of hot air.

      “I know its hard to imagine that a man you married could possibly love another woman more then his wife but it happens”.

      Sure, it can happen that a man falls out of love with his wife. In those cases, it’s called divorce. News flash: they happen all the time. But, what we don’t hear about is all of those unhappy men who hate their wives who choose to remain trapped in their marriages. He is the major breadwinner there. He isn’t the one losing if he divorced her. He’d be paying support, but it sounds like his kids are older and grown (you mentioned he is much older than you). His support payments would be nothing compared to a lifetime of misery living with a woman he despises so. The truth is, if they are still together, that it is for reasons that you refuse to accept. He loves her. They may have down times as all do, but weighing it out, as you say, there is more good there obviously. You want to believe he love you, go ahead. But you are also the one who said that he is a liar, so you decide. Personally I wouldn’t trust a word he says and “I love you” would translate loosely as “fuck me for free later”.

      ” It also happens that woman cheat too and feel more love for their affair partner.”

      Yup they do, just as often as men, but women cheat for different reasons and by the time a woman is driven to cheat, she has already emotionally checked out of the marriage. Men, don’t need emotion to have sex. They can love you and be emotionally connected to you and have sex, but they can also just have sex for sex. Doesn’t matter who, or how he feels about ya. Women, need emotion for sex and if a woman is having sex outside of her marriage, it is usually because she has emotionally cut the other tie. We can’t love two at the same time usually. But men can pork two.

      “I do know a few couples who had affairs and married to that person and never cheated on them”

      Statistics gives them less than 7 years. Only 2% of relationships bred from
      Infidelity can survive. Good luck to them the amoral bastards.

      “In my experience my MM was wanting to leave but he couldnt and firstly because of me not wanting that”

      Again, he can always leave. Secondly, he didn’t leave because you didn’t want him to? So, let me get this straight, he is staying in his marriage….for your benefit? That ridiculous logic aside, you expect anyone here to think that you didn’t want him to leave his wife? Before you scream out “I didn’t!”, do you mean to tell me that you interned to remain a side-pork, and had no greater aspiration? You were ok with him being married and wanted to remain his side option so he could stay married? Wow, I think you are about the most selfless person I’ve heard of. Sainthood….it’s coming for you. That next knock at your door could be Ed McMahon with that check in hand…or are you too young to know who he was?

      “He also felt an obligation to a wife who hardly makes any money and felt he was her world.”

      So this man with no scruples who lies and manipulates and who victimized you had the moral fiber to feel an obligation to his wife? He felt responsible for her? He felt he should care for her and look after her? I mean, those WERE his vows and everything, but you’re telling me that for an instant, this man you’ve painted as a ruthless, heartless, selfish pig actually had the capacity for kindness and compassion for a woman he doesn’t love? Something doesn’t add up. And he felt he was her world? If he gave himself such a high pedestal upon which to perch, what kind of man does that to a woman he knows adores him and is her world? A narcissist maybe?

      “How sad that him knowing how she felt wasn’t enough to be nice and loving to her.”

      Yes exactly. And as someone who feels this empathy for her, how sad also that another woman was contributing to her betrayal with fill knowledge that he was taken. You just wanted what you wanted and didn’t care about the collateral damage. Narcissists rarely see beyond what is right for them.

      “My MM never ever wrote things like that. He never spoke to me like some piece on the side.”

      But that’s what you were, in the end – a piece on the side. If you weren’t, you’d be together now. Your MM never wrote those things to you? He didn’t tell you that you were important to him? He didn’t tell you that you were worth the risk you were both taking? He didn’t tell you that you brought a peace and calamity to his world? He didn’t tell you he was hot for you? My husband’s words don’t reflect “side pork”. They reflect an emotional side to their affair. I am not sure where you read side pork into that. I didn’t. I wish it had read that way and that was all he thought of her, but these were early emails in the first weeks and months of their relationship.

      “no wonder why you think they were sluts!”

      Should we think you are Mother Theresa? Please tell me how you would like me to view you after what you’ve done? If you’ve done nothing, and you are proud of it, go tell your parents. Go tell grandma. Write it on your next job application under “most notable accomplishments”, and if you don’t think you can do all of those, then you know as well as I do that you acted like trash and were amoral and hurtful to another and that your selfish behavior is against the moral grain. Sluts? Whores? Skanks? I’m not one to split hairs.

      “I can see why you think that based on those types of exchanges.”

      It’s not the exchanges that make us think that. It’s you holed up in a secret shag-put with your legs spread for a man who belongs to another.

      “It has made me feel more guilty for sharing things with his wife now though because she has to realize I wasn’t just some piece as well.”

      You want her to believe that. You want to believe that. If you were more than a side piece, you’d be the main course and from the sounds of it, you aren’t even on the menu.

      “He should divorce her and let her find someone who can love her because he doesnt”

      100% agree.

      “The thought of him being with someone else and not her is more then she can handle so she wont divorce him”

      I’d be very careful about making presumptions about how this woman feels. You have no idea. You’ve never invested considerably into a marriage. You haven’t had children. You’ve never had what she has. You just wish you did and it tears you up so you skew information to suit yourself. Maybe she chooses not to divorce him, not because she can’t bear for him to be with someone else, but because she has reasons far beyond what you, a single, never married, mistress can comprehend. You’ve dumbed it down a little.

      “But I also feel bad for him too. Because he loved me and it just couldn’t be.”

      Ok I’m just tired of writing that over again. Spare me and read above.

      “As far as the women who go psycho when the affair ends its not about love its about ego. They want to win too like some of you who think its about winning.”

      How can you win at a game when one of the players doesn’t know she has been dealt into the game? How can you expect to win a man who is already married unless you are ok with stealing him from someone. If it isn’t “stealing” then how about saying “no” until he is formally separated and doing the honorable thing?

      “They thought they were in the front running and had the carpet pulled from under them.”

      Didn’t you say this wasn’t about winning? How can there be a front runner? How can there be a contest? He’s married. He picked the winner a long time ago. He married her. How can you even consider competing with an innocent woman for something that’s legally and rightfully hers? How does a woman even think like this?!? Talking like this shows that you and all of those like you see this as a contest, and you have a take-no-prisoners approach. You enter the arena and battle an opponent who doesn’t know she is being competed with. (Right up there with throwing punches at a blindfolded opponent – where is the glory?). You step in a try to become “front-runner”. Really?????!!

      “They are pissed off because they were promised things by a liar”

      You walk into a marriage, and expect a fairy tale by destroying someone else’s? You trespass into a marriage and didn’t expect any turbulence? It’s either selfish or dumb – you pick.

      “he thought was much better then her for years when wife was secondary.”

      You have it backwards. You were secondary. He slept in her bed every night, made love to her, remained married. If you felt it was different, maybe it was just more of those lies you were told. If he loved you and thought you were better, he’d be with you now. Oh wait, he’s not because this man you’ve called a master manipulator and liar is suddenly a martyr staying in an unhappy marriage to benefit….was it you he’s staying for?

      “Wish these psycho OW you all know would realize they are fighting for a man SO not worth their time and should let them go to the wives who want to pretend they are”

      How about we just “let them go back
      to their wives”. If he comes through as a man, and owns his mistake, and shows genuine remorse and compassion for her than maybe he will be worth HER time, even if he isn’t worth yours, because in that moment he will be showing her more love, more commitment and more respect than he was EVER showing you. Move on. Find a real relationship. And pray this never happens to you.

      • Better off says:

        Cheat with you, cheat on ypu, Melissa.

      • Stephanie C. says:

        Sweet holy Jesus I am in awe of what I just read and how much sense it makes. Thank you, RMM, for your clarity, your common sense and your perspective.
        If Melissa is lucky, she will never have to argue on a blog as a betrayed spouse. It sucks. Big time. Most of the women weighing in here were trying to live a good life… loving our husbands, raising our children, bringing in an income, honoring our vows. We did nothing to deserve this kick in the stomach that haunts us every day.
        And I couldn’t agree with you more; if a husband or wife is not happy in their marriage, they should get the fuck out. I would love to have been consulted while the affair was going on so that I could have decided if I wanted to be part of a triangle or not (ummm, no… thank you very much).
        And those of us posting here that are salvaging our marriages are doing so because there is something of value that is worth saving. An affair is born of lies and secrets and thrives in the darkness. How can anything loving and full of goodness and light come from that? Why do you think EVERY ONE of these affair stories ends up sounding like a fucking train wreck!!!!

        Enough from me. You said everything I am feeling and more. Thank you sister.

      • Thanks Stephanie. I am glad you liked. Would you be in awe if you knew that the entire reply was composed on my smartphone? Lol. Took a lot of patience, but then again so does rebuilding my marriage so I knew I had it in me 🙂

      • Lots of great blogging here RMM ! I love the way you handle a 2×4 ! Tough love.
        PS ….Melissa you forget we’ve been dealing with Malignant Narcissist Borderline whores, who have brought innocent babies into this drama, compounding the situation.
        I will never forgive this sort of evil, vindictive woman who continues to abuse an innocent child.
        And dare call what she gives the child , LOVE.

    • dotcablogger says:

      Melissa, you got a conversation from the married guy, right? You talked, hung out, spent hours together? So obviously you asked and he told you that he was married. But you still chose to be the mistress he would have an affair with.

      I am weighing in on this argument that you’re having here with Rescuingmymarriage, and I will say that you are in the wrong.

      You did know that guy was married, he did tell you, and that meant you had accurate info on him, but you still chose to have intimacy and sex with him. You cannot rationalize that choice you made into either an innocent accident or even something to distract blame from you. You had done a very bad thing by disrespecting the boundaries of another woman’s marriage. This is bad regardless of whether the relationship is a steady dating relationship or a marriage.

      You had fucked up Melissa, and arguing with Rescuingmarriage on her blog won’t distract from that disrespect, wrong, and trespass you had done to that married guy’s wife.

      However, what you can do now is not ever, ever again be the woman for a married guy to cheat with. Do not be that ignoble, lying, cheating, trespassing scum. And any other word will still mean dirtbag and scum. Because I, nor even you, can respect and be nice to another woman who steals from us.

      Theft is done by a mistress because she knows the guy is married (so he had vowed and married his time and fidelity to another woman), but you chose to ignore that and still go on to steal, rob, burglarize, from that woman’s marriage with that man by trespassing yourself into that marriage and stealing time and fidelity away from that wife.

      But if you do rebut here that you don’t think of that as theft, then please don’t mind theft whenever it happens to you. However, I think you would be upset if your personal life ever was trespassed into. You would also be upset if your apartment, condo, or house were broken into and was robbed. But again you want to seem clean to us here. Well go ahead and try. But if you’re not going to think that your choice to be that mistress was wrong, then you should also not mind any kind of theft and burglary against you.

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