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Being the bigger person, and thinking like a man


OK I will be the first to admit it…my fight isn’t with my husband.  My fight is with his whore.  What a lying, conniving, self-centered, entitled piece of shit slutbag.

I feel better.  Thanks.

Over the last few days, 3-4 ladies have popped up on my comments in various posts sharing their stories.  Some have just found out this week, others a few months back, but we all share the same story.  Some dirty ass whore skunk walked into their marriage and tried to get involved with their husbands.  In some cases, the slutbag got herself pregnant (and I use that phraseology on purpose because although it takes two to make a baby, I am quite convinced that many of these woman plan the pregnancy in order to capture the man or at the very least his money in the form of child support).   Now, this post is not about faulty marriages, how these marriages had problems before she came along, etc.   Those posts have their place, and I will be the first to admit that my marriage was not, and is not perfect.  But this post is simply to shed light on, and illuminate the ever-growing trend I am seeing of women PURPOSEFULLY becoming involved with a married man and getting pregnant ON PURPOSE.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?  I don’t even want to call them women, because I think it does all classy women a disservice by sharing title with these trailer trash whores.  These women are sub-human garbage.

I read a note today from a woman who just received a book in the mail from her husband’s mistress.  SEVEN YEARS after the fact, this whore is STILL bent out of shape, and took it upon herself to mail a book to the couple on how to be a good father.  The inscribed note said something to the tune of “the first step in being a good dad is to love your child’s mother”.  Ummm hello??  First of all, sex created that child, not love.  There was no love there.  There was vulnerability + opportunity.  And while you could take the letters in those two words, scramble them, and find the word love in there somewhere, you can also find “loopy”, and “tart”, so there you have it.  This CRAZY psycho, this many years later, has the balls to further infringe on this marriage?  Of course not.  She just wanted the husband to be reminded of her (like the monthly support cheque isn’t enough?), and for the wife to feel her nose being rubbed in the dirt one more time.  These little bitch motives, designed by the mentally deranged are intended solely to cause harm and hurt because the mistress is angry and feels defeated.  Good.   She has been.

I just can’t wrap my brain around it I guess.  I would just as soon walk away from a man I discover is married than to make a complete ass of myself, throwing myself at him, making up stories about myself to make myself appear more appealing than I know myself to be, and resorting to bitch tactics like putting down his wife in order to secure a higher pecking order.  Personally I love knowing that I am enough just as I am.  I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to keep track of my lies.  I just have to be myself and I am lovable.  How liberating. Personally, I’ve never liked being second best, so I can’t imagine putting myself in a position of being second to anyone.  The weird thing is that these skank whores actually think they are the princess and the prize, and that the wives are the sorry, pitiful, unhappy and miserable creatures that their husband’s are just tolerating.  What are they smoking?   They are so convinced that our lives are unhappy, but as I’ve said before, this framework is probably necessary in order for the female brain to understand why a married man is sleeping with them.  I will recap for those who haven’t read that entry:

Men have an uncanny ability to separate sex and emotion.  One does not require the other and they don’t hinge on each other.  He can be emotional and have it not lead to sex, and he can have sex with no emotion whatsoever.  Sex is merely mechanics and feeling good.  It isn’t about being emotionally connected, soft and fuzzy and warm, accepted, loved or cherished.  It’s about getting your sexual needs met with someone of the opposite sex who has the right plumbing.  She doesn’t have to be pretty even, but if she is – bonus.  Studies show, however, that most men don’t have affairs with women prettier than their wives.  Why, I am not sure, because if you are trading, why not trade up?  Who knows…

So here we have men with their sex island not connected to anything emotional, and then we have a woman whose sex island floats in a sea of emotion.  In fact, she likely can’t have sex unless she feels emotionally connected to the person.  Feeling emotional connection heightens her degree of sexual willingness.  So when a married man is willing to engage in sex with another woman, the other woman automatically assesses the situation with her woman brain: “He wants to have sex with me. He must feel emotionally connected to me.  He must love me”, and upon learning that he is married and trying to understand why he is interested in her if married, she reasons that he must be unhappy at home.  He must not love his wife.  If his attention is turned away from the wife to the mistress, it must mean that his love has also shifted, right?  Wrong.  He still loves his wife.  She is his world.  She is the reason he wakes up in the morning feeling secure and comfortable…but he just wanted a piece of trailer ass because it was available and he was vulnerable.

vulnerability+opportunity = affair

So, why is my fight with the mistress?  My fight was originally with them both.  I immediately came to the aid of my husband in the aftermath of the discovery because she went ape-shit-berzerk.  He needed a rational mind, and she’d had his twisted for months.  Mine at the time wasn’t much better, reeling from the news and subject to the hurricane of emotions in my mind, but I guess I was able to put some of it aside in order to remember that underneath the anger and intense disappointment, someone who mere hours ago I loved more than life itself was hurting, and it was my oath to protect that.  For months she waged a war against me, accusing me of horrible things I had not done, calling the police, emailing my friends and family to reveal the affair and embarrass me.  It wasn’t enough to have an affair with my husband.  It wasn’t enough to get pregnant by him.  She needed to see me weeping and broken on the floor.  I wasn’t going to give her that. Months of torture, me turning a blind eye and forcing my mouth shut, sitting on my hands. She, getting away with it, and even getting a court supported pay check for her whoring.  Wow.  To this day, she has never expressed ANY remorse.  She is too busy defending herself and seeking out more support and money for herself.  Pigs will fly before she ever utters anything close to a remorseful statement and the funny thing is that I would be completely open to hearing it.  It would be healing for me, and i wouldn’t even make it hard for her.  But, I know I won’t get it, and I know she still laughs at me in her mind.  For that reason, she is enemy number one.  My husband continues to try and make amends and do the right thing.  Years of counselling, support, tears, breakdowns, yelling, crying, threatening to leave…and he stands by willing to take ALL of it. He is stronger than I would be if it were reversed, and for me, looking at the two of them, he no longer gets my anger.  She does. She hasn’t stepped up.  She hasn’t made amends.  She won’t even try.  She’s too much of a low life to respect herself enough to do the right thing and admit to having made a grave mistake. Oh no….her ego is too fragile.  It won’t happen.  Instead she will fuel her own fire by creating in her own mind stories about me which are false, and which allow her to feel justified in her continued actions.

For me, I think the hardest thing is watching a woman who has exacted so much pain and suffering on another cash a cheque that we write to her every month.  It is like paying your abuser, rewarding your rapist….its ass backwards!  I watch our account drop on the first of each month, knowing that she is reaping the rewards of OUR hard earned money. For what?  A kid she never wanted?  getting her hair done?  Nails? Lord knows she doesn’t use it for her kid cause she buys second-hand shit for that kid despite getting over 8 times more than the average child support recipient.  Heck, in the two years that she was unemployed following D-day she managed to pay rent, groceries. clothes, gas, insurance, car lease, entertainment, and school tuition for a 2-year undergrad program at a local university….WITH NO JOB TO PAY FOR ANY OF IT AND NO SAVINGS.  Who paid for all that shit?  We did.  Thanks to us, she has a university degree, and was able to go to school because WE were court ordered to pay daycare while mommy got her education.  We paid for her books, for her transit pass, for her gym membership.

Whoring should be a class…it has a high reward in the end if you can snag the right guy.

I am still waiting for my apology.

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Comments

  1. hiddinsight says:

    If I could apologize on her behalf and have it matter in the least, I would.

  2. Better Off says:

    I guess in a way, maybe it was easier for me because my ex had a vasectomy after our yougest was born. I think that I don’t think I could have taken him back after him and Heidi the home wrecking whore had their fling. I thik the fact that you loved your husband enough to live with it is wonderful and I think I can almost envy you that kind of relationship. The sad part for me is that I will never trust or love anyone again like I did him. I am having a tough day today even after five years. I love this blog.

  3. I hear you and feel your pain too. In my case the OW has spent the last 2+ years harassing me, even showing up here drunk (with the OC) and having a crazy emotional tantrum in my front yard screaming. She was finally arrested last month for her behavior. She’ll never apologize because she believes she is the one who was slighted, not me. She feels I am the person who must be destroyed because I am in the way of her getting what she wants. Sigh. I agree that these people are not women. I would not say they are subhuman though. I just think they are girls. People who live in woman bodies but have the emotional intelligence of teenagers.

  4. Stephanie C. says:

    RMM, your situation is beyond comprehension to me. To watch my family’s money siphoned away each month because some manipulative slut was utterly selfish, stubborn, stupid or whatever (fill in the blanks) would be like a revolving door in purgatory. I am so sorry that you are going through this…that people like her even exist. She owes you a HUGE apology, but I agree, you will never get it. These women have a distorted way of justifying everything they do.

    The whore that wanted a life with my husband pulled this very stunt by cheating with her current husband, and after becoming pregnant during a workplace affair (they were both married) she actually got him to leave his wife and family for her. But to what end?? She was unhappy within a few years and seducing my husband, looking for another upgrade. I am forever grateful for small favors that there is no OC in our situation, not that she didn’t use every trick in the book in her effort to get him to leave our marriage and choose her. The bottom line is that relationships based on lies and deception are destined to fail, and the statistics prove it.

    What a scene of chaos and destruction these women leave in their wake. So pathetic

  5. It’s been 9 months now for me and I’ve told my husband a few times that I want an apology from her. He always asks, what would I say to her if she actually did?. I sometimes think it might show me that she has an ounce of humanity and compassion in her to acknowledge what she did was wrong, sadly I don’t see it ever happening.

    • Better Off says:

      Did you ever think about punching her in the face? I know it would make me feel better.

      • waiting for karma says:

        Agree. A punch (or multiple) would make things better. Even if it IS short term. It’s the least they deserve.

  6. Foolish Woman says:

    I don’t understand why these women, (the lying, conniving, self-centered, entitled piece of shit slutbags), behave in the way they do and have so little self-respect. I really wonder what leads them to behave in the way they do. The saddest thing is that they’ll probably never have the intelligence, emotional or intellectual, to be able to look inside themselves and fix what’s so badly messed-up. Actually – that’s not the saddest thing; far worse is the fact that there’s a child involved – who’s at huge risk of ending up as messed-up as its mother. It’s tragic how this sort of fu**ed-up-ness is self-perpetuating.

    Having said that, I suspect that for every man like your husband, there must be another who’s the male equivalent of The Lying, Conniving etc, etc and who uses, abuses and deludes women, fostering false hopes and fathering children irresponsibly.
    (I’ve been following your blog from the start and know your husband made it patently clear to The Lying, Conniving etc, etc that children and marriage with her were absolutely not on the agenda.)

    And now, I’m going to reveal a somewhat selfish part of my own character, something I’ve never told anyone before. (Ah, the blessed anonymity of the internet!)
    Some years ago I was discussing contraception with female friends. One of them said that she was opting for having her tubes tied because if anything happened to their marriage, her husband would probably want to have more children with someone else.
    I remember thinking – Are you crazy? That’s not for me; he can have a vasectomy because if our marriage breaks up I don’t want him to have any more kids, I want all his resources directed towards the three we have together.
    He did have that vasectomy, bless his cotton socks**, and I’m very glad he did. The first whore he got involved with abroad was very keen to have his baby, become wife #2 and move to the UK. She wasn’t so keen on him when she discovered he was infertile.
    Who knows what would have happened otherwise.

    ** it was all his own idea – he thought that since I’d carried and delivered three babies, including retained placentas and post-partum haemhorrages along the way, it was up to him to do the next bit.

  7. waiting for karma says:

    The skank Whore in my situation also feels entitled. She is of course the victim and has said many things to my husband that I would never dream of saying. She considers herself a martyr because she is raising this OC on her own (we agent been Ble to afford legal representation at this time) My biggest beef is that SHE KNEW HE WAS MARRIED!!!!! Me and my son are the ones who were wronged!!! Please don’t get me wrong. I know I have faults in my marriage. I never clai med to be perfect. And I can go off on. A ranting tangent that this crazed shut DID pull this Shit in the past where she believed herself to be pregnant by another married man. fortunately for that family, she wasn’t. However, I have never been a lucky person and luck was not my side yet again. My son now has a half brother. My husband is an emotionally ruined man whose been beating himself for almost 18+ months. We”re a breaking point on our marriage, where a separation is necessary. And then, those people who are so called friends of mine that are also friends with that skank have the audacity to call/text/email me expressing concern and offering me help or prayers. Oh please. Save it. I’m NOT going to help their little gossip mill.
    Sorry please forgive my ranting. I love this blog and look forward to reading it. It has helped let me know I am not the only one going through this and that there is hope out there.

  8. I just found your blog yesterday (thank God for the internet) and it is a lifeline in my world right now after finding out on Monday that my husband has been in a relationship with another woman/coworker since last December.

    In my digging for information I found out that they did not use protection once all while he continued having sex with me. His excuse is that “She said she is on the pill…” – WHAT THE HELL? Just because someone says they are doesn’t mean they actually mean it – just a great way to get my husband to have sex with her! And what about STD’s????? His reply: “She doesn’t look like she has anything and said she is clean.” WHAAA??? I can’t believe an otherwise smart, educated and cautious man could be so freaking stupid and disrespectful to me and our family!!! Clearly anyone who would sleep with another woman’s husband isn’t above lying to get what she wants.

    On the birth control front, I’ve asked him how he knows that she was taking them – he doesn’t. Ironically, he doesn’t want more children and I can’t believe that he took her word for it. I have committed to trying to make it work though I will have a really hard time if I find out she is pregnant.

    I keep waiting for the OW to contact me – in fact I’ve made it very easy by leaving my facebook profile open that has recent (happy) photos of my husband and I plastered on my wall + I have a business website with all my contact info. She knows where we live and I wait. Though, I’m not sure what I would say to her. Would she apologize, tell me nasty details about the affair, tell me what my husband told her about me, and otherwise twist everything around?

    Anyway, sorry for the length and thank you again for this forum.

  9. Better Off says:

    I often wonder where the morals that these woman are? I also have to question the wisdom of a man that says she looks clean. honey, if she jumped into bed with you, how many other married men did she sleep with? These whores are serial cheaters and take pleasure out of ruining marriages. If Heidi the home wrecking whore was so dam proud of what she did, why was my ex not allowed to tell me where he was living? It absolutely sickens me to hear that a man is willling to put his wife at risk of STD so he can get layed. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. I will keep you in my prayers

    • Thank you – I had an appointment with my gynecologist on Friday and I should find out on Wed. what the results are. How humiliating to explain to my doctor how I came to ask to be tested for every STD under the sun and to endure an exam for something that I had no say in. Sadly, my doctor was very understanding and told me that she sees more patients like me in her practice every day.

      • Cynthia, for your health I’m really happy that you went ahead and got tested, although I’m sorry that the process of determining your health has caused you further anguish and humiliation. It’s the very last thing we need on a long laundry list of humiliation embarrassment. It seems that so much of this situation causes the true victim in this (us) to bear further burdens of a decision that we had no pardon. Often called this scenario a crazy train that I just want to get off. I feel often as though I’m taken on a ride in a car where I am not the driver, I’m not in control of where it goes, I’m not in control of where it’s been, and often times it feels as though it’s hurting out of control. The sad part is that I never asked to get in the car. We all go through so much trying to heal from what someone else has done to us that often part of the healing takes us through further embarrassment and humiliation and shame. It’s important for us all to remember that we had absolutely nothing to do with our spouses decision to be unfaithful. They on that loan. There’s nothing you could’ve done better, there’s no one you could have been other than who you are. They’re the ones who are broken. Unfortunately, the burden of responsibility for bringing them back to life, and rescuing ourselves, often feels a little squarely on our shoulders alone. It’s a lot to have to put up with, and I often think that a person needs superhuman strength in order to survive this. This is why I think having a solid support network of people who understand and validate our situation so important. Those who haven’t been through this don’t understand, and many are quick to write off a relationship with us because they no longer feel they can associate with us as a couple. Just add more loss to our pile.

    • It’s a disgusting shame!! But what kills me is why they would believe a woman who is cheating with them, when she says she’s clean. Hellooooo Jackasss….. you’re both lying to your families, why would she not lie to you too???

      • tentativelyhopeful says:

        I thought I’d check it – I got the test results back from my doctor and I do not have any STDs – though HIV and hepatitis need to rechecked in 6 months. He’s a luck SOB. Also- inspired by everyone who is willing to share their experiences with infidelity, I’ve decided to start a blog as part of my healing process. – Thanks, Cynthia.

  10. i feel for you. I would hate to be in the situation you are in. You seem strong and working through this in the very best way. I wish you continued courage so that you remain sane for your family’s sake. ……

    • Thank you very much. This certainly isn’t the life that I envision for myself, but I do know that I have the strength and resolve to get through this. Surrounding myself by those who understand helps. This blog helps. This community of women and men who have also been betrayed also helps. I want this blog to be a place where people can come and vent, be heard, commiserate, and support one another. At the end of the day, it’s all some of us have.

  11. exercisegrace says:

    I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with, and are dealing with. I too will never understand these women. The only thing I can come up with is that they must have the lowest self esteem on the planet. I would never get involved with a married man. I would never want to settle for table scraps of time and attention. I would want to be with someone who could meet my family, and live their relationship with me out in the open, with nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. I think highly enough of myself to feel confident that I could find an available man, I don’t need to relationship poach. It’s just precious when I read about these women claiming to be the only one who understands him, how awful his wife treats him, on and on. First, surely they can see that if he is lying and deceiving his wife and not giving her the whole truth, he is certainly lying to them as well. They only have the picture of the wife that they WANT to have, and yes granted, it is largely painted by the wayward spouse. He is not going to sit around talking about his wife’s GOOD qualities. He is not going to tell the AP that much of what he is saying is exaggerated or outright made up. The picture is mostly incomplete, and their information regarding the betrayed spouse is limited. While the wife undoubtedly contributed in some way to the vulnerability of the marriage, she also likely has many great qualities (faithfulness being one of them) I know my husband’s slut thought and probably still thinks, that I am a total bitchy nag. Well guess what created that in me? Having to fight off a threat to our marriage. Secondly, if they would care to google it, they would find overwhelming statistics pointing out that the wayward spouse RARELY leaves his wife and family. Thirdly, I can’t believe the pure selfishness. It is not just between the AP and the cheating spouse. It impacts the wife and it certainly exacts a heavy toll on the children. That’s just a line I would never be willing to cross. I have seen up close and personal what it has done to our kids to live through the selfish time of their father’s affair. He was just…..absent, critical, and trying to find things to be mad about to justify what he was doing. The angst, and bitterness they display when (surprise!) the husband won’t ditch his family for them. Exactly how did they expect that to turn out? Reach down deep and find some dignity!

  12. Better Off says:

    Have you ever seen what happens when the affair turns into a marriage? I know someone that actually married the man she stole from his family. She is miserable and jealous. She is so jealous that her own friends are not allowed to talk to her husband. She wasn’t his first affair and she probably won’t be his last. But you know the old saying, “Cheat with you, cheat on you!”.

    • You know, someone who does that deserves to live in perpetual fear and discomfort over the stability of their union. Anyone who has been involved with someone in an affair, knows that they are capable of deception. She deserves to live in the prison that she built herself.

  13. Henry Adams says:

    “and I know she still laughs at me in her mind.”
    If it’s any comfort, I bet she doesn’t. I’m sure that in her mind she plots and schemes, hates and festers, but I’m also sure she’s not laughing. Why would she? Everything she’s tried has backfired miserably. You have what she so desperately, desperately wanted and what she now must realise (even in the foetid, twisted depths of a brain vibrating with vitriol) she will never, ever get.

    • I’d love to think she doesn’t, but given the twisted person she is, I simply don’t believe that. This is a woman who doesn’t want children, and had one for the sole purpose of causing me grief and financial stress, and to collect child support. She used to say she didn’t like kids, and had no desire to cramp her lifestyle with one. She is an aunt to two, and didn’t feel having her own was something she ever wanted. She used to laugh at me over email when she found out I’d just learned of the affair. She posted on twitter that I was a laughing stock for not having figured it out, and how stupid I am. She has spent months trying to concoct lies to cause me further harm. Obviously she is mad that she didn’t get the guy…so someone like her would have to mock me in order to make herself feel better.

      • Henry Adams says:

        O, I agree that she would mock you to the outside world. No question. It seems to be standard operating procedure for this type of woman. However, deep down inside, I’m sure the mockery rings hollow and she doesn’t feel better, quite the reverse. In fact, it’s proven by the fact that she spends so much time concocting lies and schemes to cause you even more harm. If, in her mind, you were genuinely just a figure of fun, there would be no need to bring you down further. It’s because you’re not, and you refuse to be, that she can’t let go.

    • What’s really twisted about these women, is that they actually want the men they are cheating with. Do they really think he will be faithful to them? It’s almost funny.

  14. look, no one forced your husband to fuck this woman. he did it and now there are huge-ass consequences. I understand and respect your anger but you gotta divvy it up a little better by putting a lot of the onus on him too!
    If you are this miserable, get the hell out. life is too damn short to be this angry and unhappy for this long ‘for the sake of the family.’ If you’re miserable and angry then your family will be miserable and angry.
    fuck that shit.
    I enjoy your blog immensely, by the way.

    • See, that’s just it, I am not miserable at all. I’m happier in my marriage then I have ever been, and closer to my husband than ever before. My anger is no longer directed towards him. He has rectified the situation with me, and for me. He stepped up and did the right thing, every step of the way, and is every day doing everything he can to prove that he can be trusted. There’ll always be that little shred of doubt in my mind, which I now think is healthy, where as before I would blindly trust, and was very naïve. So please don’t miss evaluate my feelings, based on simply this last post. Am I angry? Yes. Have I been shortchanged? Yes. But my anger at my husband has long since dissipated. It is now simply a vast amount of disappointment for a situation that I did not ask to be a part of. The bulk of my anger now lies only with the other woman whose actions continued to torture, torment, and to harm.

      When I look back at the situation, yes my husband was stupid. You’ll be the first person to stand up waiting his arms saying the exact same thing. He regrets every day this stupid choice that he made, and knows full well that he almost lost everything valuable to him as a result of his behavior. Yes, he chose to have sex with another woman. Yes, he trusted her when she said she was on birth control. Yes, he agreed to have sex without a condom when she told him that she didn’t like them (she knew that he and I use condoms for
      birth control, perhaps wanted to set herself apart). When she found that she was pregnant, the first thing she wanted to do list have an abortion. She asked my husband what he wanted, and he told her that he was not interested in having any more children. Remember too, that this is a woman who did not want children of her own. Later, when she learned that my husband was not going to leave me, she is the baby is an appointment. My husband wants were no longer priority. A child was conceived equally by two people, but decided upon unilaterally buy one for selfish reasons.

      So you can say that the child was born as a result of my husband’s action, and while that is true, you can’t negate the fact that he was never given a choice as to whether he wanted to parent a child or shoulder the financial burden. This was decided for him. And what other circumstances can someone in such a gigantic burden on another human being?

      Imagine a man and woman who do not live together, and who are not married, decide that they wish to buy a house together. They go house hunting, and decide upon a home that is far outside of their respective budgets. The woman really wants the house, and is planning for it. The relationship turn sour, and Amanda size if you know longer wishes to be with this woman, or buy a home together. Can she legally a rope him into purchasing? Wouldn’t she in that situation have to reevaluate whether she would be able to purchase the home on her own? Knowing that she likely could not, she would probably choose to forgo the house, knowing that she is incapable of shouldering the burden on her own. But can you imagine if she could tell the man that his rights didn’t matter, that his needs didn’t count, and that he was going to buy this home with her regardless of what he wanted? Can you imagine another person being roped into a 25 year mortgage unwillingly, simply because a woman wants the house of her dreams? It simply wouldn’t happen. I want to the situation would have to reevaluate her priorities, and make her decision based on what she is able to contribute. In this case, however, decisions are made it without a man’s consent, but with his pocketbook. These women are electing to have babies they don’t want, and can’t afford, because the shoulder of the burden falls upon the man. My husband’s mistress is raising a baby for free. She has to pay absolutely nothing for this child. This child support payments are so high, that she is making more than she ever was working and at the end of each month, when expenses are paid, she has enough money left over to get herself a university degree, pay for her rent, and buy herself a car.

      If my husband’s income was not an option on the table, this woman never would have chosen to have a child. The only reason she has done so as to gain financially. My husband was very clear that he did not want to have another child, and she made the decision unilaterally. To his wishes not count? When he is paying 95% of this child’s care, does his opinion and needs not matter?

      Okay to the house scenario is little stupid, but it’s the only thing I can think of right now to illustrate my point that no other circumstance can one persons wants cause another person a huge
      financial burden without their consent.

      My point is simply that the laws are unfair. I completely understand and appreciate a woman’s right to choose to have a baby or not, depending on whether she is ready. Part of being ready, is wanting a child, and being financially able to support it. If she is not, and she is relying solely on the income of another to do so, shouldn’t that person have a say?

      You can say that it’s my husband consequence for having slept with her, but they both made a bad decision. They both need to deal with the consequence of that decision. They both need to have equal say in whether they wish that consequence to come to fruition or not. One person should not be able to take advantage of the other for their own financial gain.

      • julesagray says:

        I can only imagine what you’re going through. Hang in there. You’ll get through it.

  15. Hi Ladies:

    Just read this post and all the comments…my husband also said ‘she looked clean’….these otherwise smart men lost their damn minds while in the affair!!! I have counseled women on contracting STDs ( in a professional arena) as well as my own children…..when I went through the facts with my husband he just laid his head back in humiliation…..how does someone ‘look clean’ . I find this insanely funny now, I have to or I’d lose it. So, the ‘looked clean’ thing must have been in some book they all read …something like “What to Say to Your wife After Affair for Dummies!”
    That being said…..I have an ever-lasting ‘present’ in the form of an STD he got from her…you know , the ‘clean’ one

  16. melissa jackson says:

    I am on the other side of the fence here looking in and thinking, wow, really??? I am happy those of you who are recovering in your marriages are doing so well. But sweethearts, please, WAKE UP. Smart men? Dirty women??? As a younger woman who found herself in the arms of a much older married man I can tell you that if it wasn’t me “the whore” it would have been some other “whore.” I was a very damaged person who took his advances because they made me feel good. I knew for a fact I wasn’t his first affair, but for sure I was his longest. This perfect husband told me all the perfect little lies. But the fact is he decided to cheat. These men make more then just a mistake, they prey on the nurturing aspect that we as woman possess. They read us like hawks and they come down and want to make us feel good and rescued. Don’t you see something here? Without your husband wanting to cheat, wanting to be with another woman, there would be no whore. It started with him, and ended with her. He came on to me this man. He kissed me, and he kept coming back to the point he was staying at my house days and weekends lying his ass off to her because he wanted to be with me. If I didn’t suffer from self esteem problems I would of told him to get out a long time before. But then again, he was able to cheat on a wife with low self esteem with a woman with low self esteem and have his cake and eat it too. Men don’t go back because they want to. They go back because they have to. And look how wonderfully portrayed they are by all of you wives. These assholes who took days months years away from you and your family in the arms of another woman because HE PUT HIMSELF THERE. Wake up ladies. You are feeding his ego making him look way better then he deserves. As the other woman I can tell you as bad as he made her look, he made you look. You were everything wrong, she was everything right. You have the monopoly because he doesn’t want to look bad. You have the power because without you he doesn’t have everything perfectly placed in his picture he wants to paint of the perfect man. Continue to blame the wrong person and you will never ever be free from his cheating. He will realize he can manipulate you and he WILL cheat again. My married man would tell me when his wife was fully trusting and happy, it helped him to enjoy what we had more. Is this a wonderful man? No this is a very sick man full of conceit and deception. SO while you are building up your marriage, building up your perfect spouse-these other bitch whores are getting on with their lives smart enough not to marry the kind of man you did. Who is really left out in the cold then? I wasn’t. I sleep warm in my bed knowing that I know the real him. Knowing that she does now too. I learned when my ex MM told me he told her everything that was an outright lie. There is NO way she would forgive the complete truth and he knew it. But she knows now. Stop talking badly about these woman when they wouldn’t of existed if it wasn’t for your husbands speaking badly of you. Decide that your husband is giving you things you are afraid you aren’t going to get on your own or with another and that’s why you stay. It’s not because he is so wonderful because honey, he ain’t! I read your posts of these whores having HIS children. I am sorry, but who’s fault is that-NOT an innocent child’s. They did not ask to be put in this world out of such hatred. You are unbelievable woman and is it any wonder why men find it so easy to cheat? We as females have bitterness and hatred towards one another and cat fight and say such horrid things wanting to be first on the list of these men. We turn on each other in a dime.
    When I stopped wanting to see mr perfect married man, I saw him for who he is. And then I saw his wife for who she is. She is not the horrible woman he made her out to be. I wanted to believe she was so that I could think I was being chosen by mr wonderful. Once you see how there are two sides to every equation you will know that the only reason your whore’s as you call them were able to have your husband, is because your husband wanted them there. Even if a woman comes on to a married man-he has a choice. On his left finger is a ring and he said I do. She didn’t. He was supposed to be true to his vows. When I told my ex I wasn’t comfortable having sex when he had a ring on his finger he took it right off and put it on the nightstand and then for years stopped wearing it. I got the best of it I didn’t need to deal with his money issues or family troubles but instead I was whisked away for vacations and nights away, dinners out and breakfast in bed. But who was giving me these things? THE HUSBAND. So, who’s fault is it? His first-then mine-but recognize your part too. Stop putting him on a pedestal, because it’s why he can’t come to you and be honest when he cheats-your world will come crashing down because you make him to be far more superior then he really is. If anything, use the other woman and see her side of the story. Get all the facts and then sit back and while ignoring the pain of it for a moment try and see the light of it. The other woman isn’t the only one to blame. Oh and btw, I am clean. How disgusting that your men didn’t use condoms or protection when sleeping around. But he is so smart that he then comes home and passes it on to you, his wife, who he loves oh so much. I end this with please WAKE UP.

    • RecordStraight says:

      You are deluded Melissa Jackson and all the OTHER WOMEN who think that your ridiculous excuses cut it.My husband is living on borrowed time.If he slips up,I am gone.I don’t want to know the why’s or how’s.Listen,just coz we give them a second chance,it doesn’t mean we’re stupid.The reasons you are being called a whore is because…well you are one.And my husband is a cheating d*ckhead.I’ve been dragged in and I refuse to walk away leaving this woman feeling on a high from her affair!As you’ve said the men make you feel good about yourselves.Well why should we feel like crap?I don’t feel ashamed AT ALL in saying that if I go down I WILL TAKE EVERYONE WITH ME.By the time I’m finished all those warm fuzzy feelings will be gone.No one puts mine and my kids lives,well being and future at risk,not my husband and not some whore!he didn’t sleep by himself.What you think that you can steal time and money from my kids and get away with it…no way!I don’t care what people think of me but by the time I’m finished,his mistress will NEVER put herself in that position again.Noone can tell me what I should or shouldn’t feel or how I should or shouldn’t act.At the end of the day,only brainless people think that they are special or loved whilst being hidden!My husband has fallen off his pedestal!I won’t spend the rest of my life making him suffer but he won’t just forget it like its nothing.my husband didn’t have a kid with this THING and you say these kids are innocent,yes they are but so are the wives kids.Like the wives are left to pick up the pieces,the mistress needs to deal with the consequence of her actions.The wives kids should not have to be dragged into this burst reality bubble.The husband and mistress had a secret relationship…hiding and sneaking,therefore,the child,however unfortunate will have to be out of the picture.I wouldn’t feel bad AT ALL.My priority is MY kids.Oh and another thing,my husband is a grown man.He’s not my child.I have told him he is free to leave if things are that bad.I have him a one time offer…if you love her go an be with her,but there is no coming back to me,I am not a second choice.If he chose her at that point,and that point only,I would be civil to him.Obviously he didn’t want her.Afterall,you can’t change a whore into a housewife and YOU CAN NEVER BUILD HAPPINESS OFF ANOTHER WOMAN’S TEARS!

    • melissa every OW and every husband is different. you are right in what you wrote cuz thre are such husband s who are not lall guilty and hurt everyone.
      and remember the wife does not think ill of such a child . actually she has no responsibility towards this child. she has to protect her children as well. do you know how unfair the CS laws are?the courts don’t even think of the ore family. TODAY WORLD HAS FORGOTTEN THAT EVEN THE WIFE AND HER KIDS ARE INNOCENT AND NEED PROTECTION. THEY ARE NOT WRONG IN NOT WANTING CONTACT WITH THE CHILD. THIS IS SOMETHING A WOMAN MUST THINK BEFORE BRINGING HER CHILD INTO A MISERABLE LIFE BUT INSTEAD SHE THINKS OF HURTING THE WIFE WHILE SHE DOES THIS.
      THE WIFE AND HER KIDS ARE ALSO INNOCENT PEOPLE AND COURTS LEASE SEE THAT the thing is these illeg child have attracted unnecessary attention towards them. and these women are all the more encouraged by the court where the core family is toiling to make both ends meet while OW has left her job living off child support enjoying life.

  17. Better Off says:

    Well said. I wish you all the best and I hope you can repair your marriage. These skanks need to learn their plac, which is NOT in your life!

  18. Even I agree that the these women are at fault for getting pregnant.
    These OW all round the world have learnt another tactic to worry the wife. They hide behind the child’s shoulder pleading innocent and telling the world to call WIFE selfish for denying a child a father while making herself appear as an angel
    Yes there are people who blame the wife for not accepting THEIR husband’s illeg child?
    But I don’t care. Though I feel sorry for the kid but I dont mind if the husband’s family keeps no contact.
    Its just another game by OW telling you to man up etc. not for the kids, but to ensure she still has chance to destroy you and THEY in the process destroy their child’s life. They ask them to search for their half bros not because she wants the child to have a family but because she wants to hurt the wife by telling wife’s kids about affair incase they don’t know.

    Dear resuingmymarriage
    I know the q is bit off but I d be happy if youll answer.
    Even I have created a blog on wordpress to post some of my thoughs (not on infidelity) just general. How did you compose your website ths way and organize your website? Did people just come across your blog or you invited them to read it? Please tell me how you started it.

    • This was the case for me, but perhaps not all OW are this vicious. I’d like to think that not all mistresses are conniving. It is just my experience.

      She uses the child as a pawn. If you read the blog at the beginning you will see her letters to me and her intent to have a child simply so that *I* would pay for it. The child was birthed to terrorize me. She never wanted a child.

      I started my blog by opening a WordPress account. They are free to open with a few basic designs. I paid
      For my layout separately as I didn’t like any of the free ones. I started writing for me, I don’t advertise, and my following of readers just developed as
      People found the site and other bloggers linked to mine from theirs.

  19. Better Off says:

    Don’t you wonder what you did to make this woman hate and despise as much as she does. She was the one who poached your husband. She was the interloper between a husband and wife. I don’t understand and I don’t think any of us ever will. I do believe in Karma and one of these days these skanks will find someone, get married and they will know the pain they caused someone elsewhen their husband screws someone else. I love your blog and you said something to me that has finally helped me to let go. You said that I couldn’t get passed it because I never got to choose. It was something that was foisted upon me and I didn’t get to choose about ending my marriage. I never got the satisfaction of telling her off or smacking the shit out of her. You were right. It still hurts some days but it is getting better and I will be forever grateful. I look at his current girlfriend who is so insecure it is pathetic and I think that could be me. What a bullet I dodged. So thank you.

    • Awwww thank you. That was nice to read. I am glad the blog or something I’ve written has helped. That warms my heart so thank you.

      As for your question, I used to wonder that. I don’t anymore. She doesn’t hate me. She hates what I represent, and that is a loss for her. She created in her mind a reality about me based on what she needed to think in order to justify and continue her actions. I know this because my husband never fed her a single negative thing about me. In fact, he talked me up. When he was trying to end it with her, he even got excessively complimentary about me on purpose and she would remain deluded. Told him she refused to believe it. I then thought about it some more, from her perspective. “If he is sleeping with me and not his wife, and sex is love, then he loves me and not her. If he is with me, she must be horrid that he would prefer to leave and be with me….” She told herself what her conscience required, and personally I don’t care anymore. I haven’t given her any thought actually for a while and feel absolutely liberated.

      • Dear RMM
        First of all, thank you for replying to all my comments. I am grateful you took out time.
        You know, whenever I read any such case of unfair child support, I used to feel enraged as to why this woman is receiving support for a sin? but then I gave myself some answers and now I do not care either. I will tell you what I thought.
        First I told myself that I have to constantly remind myself that money is for the kid but the mother uses it for her education fees, is another thing. I am sure she must have used your money on her training by herself not on some court order because court can order for daycare not for the parents edu. she must have done it on her own. OR DID THE COURTS DO IT? PLEASE TELL ME DID COURTS ORDER YOU TO PAY FOR HER UNDERGRAD ?

        Then I though why these women do this hurting the wife when she has not done anything and in the end spoiling her own child’s life. I just hope someone just adopts the poor girl atleast she will get a good upbringing. and then I got the answer.
        “if someone tries to pull your leg, it means you are above them” OW know that wife s the most dearest thing to the H heart and hurting her would mean max pain to H. These women are shattered, broken, from inside. their souls are actually torn apart. They are envious of your happiness, your loving family and anything they do is for false satisfaction which their ego tries to give them. Like sending a book on How to be a good father on purpose or getting CS amount raised or anything first used to anger me but now it has turned to pity. Because all these gestures or their bringing their child to purposely hurt the wife actually shows that they themselves are in pain and are suffering lot more deep inside though their conscious may try to look happy. It is said that someone who constantly tries to prove themselves in front of others by making fun of others does not represent a person who is over confident but actually represent a person who has no confidence or low self esteem.
        For this, we can take a simple example. of rich and poor. rich are most of the time making fun of poor children that they do not have cars or big house and always laugh at the person but the actual reason behnd doing his is something else. They see that though they own big house, i is empty cuz their parents are busy earning money while the other may live in the small house but has their parents around. this frustration eats them inside out and they try to false satisfy themselves by teasing. It is the same with school bullies. they are always trying to assert themselves this way.

        The same is the case with OW and Mistress. their tries of showing their life as beautiful and fun on shows and TV are all the more proof that their life is actually hell. They know that they are on the short end so they refuse to accept and behave as if wife is stupid to please their ego. to get false satisfaction of winnng while they know they are loosing. IT IS CALLED SELF DELUSION. It hurts her all the more when she sees ll her attempts re failing and wife and family s still intact. so to take out their frustration they resort to such means.
        In my relegion it is said that the biggest punishment for a bad person is that he is bad. in ancient times, whenver people were punished they were cursed to become demons. this served as the biggest punishment.

        since now she has got her edu. you can file a motion in court that she is not working on purpose and you can also file for lowering of child support If you are able to gather proof she is not spending money on child, you can show it to court too. I know of a woman who pays 1000$ in CS she says ‘my worrying about how the money is spent will not change her ways so I just leave it. How she spends those dollars are not my concern I do not strain my brain for something which cannot be changed’. and she stays happy.

      • Daphne,

        You asked:

        “I am sure she must have used your money on her training by herself not on some court order because court can order for daycare not for the parents edu. she must have done it on her own. OR DID THE COURTS DO IT? PLEASE TELL ME DID COURTS ORDER YOU TO PAY FOR HER UNDERGRAD ?”

        Daycare is not part of child support. It is an expense outside of basic support that is shared by the parents, not equally, but proportionate to income. My husband earns more than her, so
        his share is 95% and hers is 5%. She is working now and that proportion hasn’t changed due to the large disparity in their incomes.

        I am sure she paid for her schooling with it. Unfortunately, there is no mechanism for checking in on how the Guardian parent spends their child support payments. When we had asked about this possibility months ago, we were told that if my husband interested her enough to give her sole custody, and trusts her with guardianship and provision of safety and security over her life, it is also assumed that he trusts her with how their finances will be spent and geared toward child. There exists no mechanism for checking in on these women, and filing a court motion simply gives her face time with my husband, which none of us want. It’s also very costly.

        She has been working since August 2012.

        “I know of a woman who pays 1000$ in CS she says ‘my worrying about how the money is spent will not change her ways so I just leave it. How she spends those dollars are not my concern I do not strain my brain for something which cannot be changed’. and she stays happy”.

        Yes. And we agree. Although our payment is larger than this even, you have to consider what your inner peace is worth. Dragging her into court and having to piece by piece assess each purchase and provision for the child provides my husband with a window into her world that he simply doesn’t want. Opening that window to her also, provides more face time in court and simply works her up which leads to more angry letters and more legal fees. What is our peace of mind worth? We pay it by paying the court ordered CS which is not unfair, as far as amount. It is only unfair in that it is being offered a a reward for someone’s sins. It is money that she does justifiably need to raise the child. She simply doesn’t need THAT much of it.

  20. Dear RMM
    FOLLOW MY ADVICE. GET A LEGAL SEPARATION. MANY WIVES IN YOUR SITUATION HAVE DONE JUST THAT. OTHERWISE THE COURT NEVER LOOK T THE CORE FAMILY. THIS WILL ENSURE SUPPORT FOR YOUR KIDS AND EVERYTIME YOUR HUSBAND GETS A PAYRAISE, YOU CAN CLAIM IT BY FILING FOR INCREMENT. HER CS AMOUNT WILL ALSO BE REDUCED AND SHE CANNOT GE IT INCREASED IF THERE IS ANOTHER CHILD IN THE SYSTEM. ITS QUITE POSSIBLE YOU WILL GET MOST MONEY BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ARE OLDER. GET A LEGAL SEPARATION. IT WILL PROTECT YOU AND YOUR MONEY FOR YOUR CHILDREN IN FUTURE.

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