The veil of secrecy

Sometimes I wonder, if it is considered “OK” to sleep with a married man, and most mistresses claim that they weren’t doing anything wrong, why is the relationship always veiled in secrecy?  Why do so many call it a “relationship” when really it is an illicit sexual attempt at a relationship?  Why do mistresses try so hard to take a man from his family and ruin a home, and then hold such disdain for the term “home wrecker”?  If you are so proud of the relationship and see nothing wrong with what you are doing, why not wear it loud and proud on a T-shirt?

“I am sleeping with a married man and wish he’d leave his family…”

“I am sooooo much better than my ‘boyfriend’s wife”

“My boyfriend has kids and a wife, but shhhhhh! they don’t know”

I wonder what kind of pride-filled, awe-inspired glances you’d get from passerby’s?

Would your grandma be proud?

Make grandma proud, be a homewrecker

be the pride of YOUR town

A fellow blogger started a site called “She’s a homewrecker”, designed to put under the spotlight the women who are so proud of their conquests.  C’mon ladies, don’t be upset, after all, you are only being rewarded for doing such honourable work, being so selfless, and truthfully if you really are the victim you claim to be, we just want to offer you the support.

She’s a Homewrecker

Feel free to add yourself, tell your story, share your picture.  After all, there is no shame in what you’ve done, or are actively doing, right?   So join the movement, expose yourself, don’t be shy.  If you’ve done nothing wrong, there should be no problem at all telling your story.  Be proud, share your victim story and we will all shed a little tear for all you’ve suffered through while sleeping with our husbands – it must have been so hard for you.

Do grandma proud.



  1. Reblogged this on Im In Love With A Serial Cheater and commented:
    I love this post, not only because it is about my new website, but because this is so true! I love the T-shirt idea as well, but don’t believe we would sell many. . .

  2. What a great post! I know many would believe I am being bias of this post, but never-the-less everything you speak of is so true! I love the T-shirt idea as well, however, I do not believe we would sell any of these shirts.

    One of the biggest problems I have had with John’s other women are their delusional take on the “relationship” as many thought it was. You cannot be in a relationship with another woman’s husband/boyfriend/fiance. It doesn’t work like that.

    I also have always been accused of placing too much blame on the other women and not enough blame on John. Yes, I do this, however, I feel as though the other woman is to blame! If more women kept their legs closed to involved men, there would be less cheating! I have NEVER and would NEVER involve myself with an involved man. Why would I want to be with someone who clearly is with someone else? Why would I ever want to destroy a family? I do not understand the thinking of the OW. And clearly, many men will never leave their wives to be with the other woman so. . .

    I wish more women would own up to what they did wrong! And as your suggest, if you are so proud of your affair why not shout it out! Wear a T-shirt! Im sure I can get my T-shirt designer to make this happen! Do something good ladies! All proceeds from T-shirts sold at will go to Pediatric Cancer Research! Regardless, I would bet that not one woman would wear a shirt like you suggested! Why? Because what they have done/are doing is WRONG! Even if they don’t want to admit it, deep down they know the truth!

    • daphne3631Anonymous3631 says:

      Yes other woman are to be blamed no matter what people say. ofcourse husbands share a bigger part . but I know what cheap tricks and tactics these OW play to just get the man. and yes, men cheat because they give them an opportunity to do so. Its a two way blame not on

  3. I have to go with Ariella here. Over the last eight months since D-day, I have definitely shifted my blame a great deal away from the OW and towards my husband. After all, he had a choice. He could have honored his marriage vows, he could have started attending the counseling with me that I was begging him to attend. He could have faced whatever problems or unmet needs that existed in our relationship at the time, and dealt with them. He could have said no and walked away. Instead he chose to “bury” it all down deep, let a business colleague tease it out of him in many seemingly innocent conversations and “work” lunches. And down the slippery slope he went.
    While I have zero love or compassion whatsoever for the OW, she is NOT the one that stood up in that church and made vows and promises before our friends and family. She owed me nothing. Yet, I DO hold some blame for her part. For coming into my home EVERY day under the guise of running a business. She played on my trust. For how deeply my children were hurt, how insecure they felt when they saw what was going on.
    I do wonder what kind of woman knowingly involves herself with a married man. Particularly when there are children involved. Anyone that thinks an affair doesn’t do damage to the kids, is fooling themselves to pacify their own selfishness. I personally would feel INSULTED if a married man came on to me. I am better than that. I would know that I would be capable of finding my OWN man. One free to pursue a relationship out in the open. That would be what I would deserve. Not one where I had to take another woman’s table scraps in the dark, and be fed endless excuses about when he is going to leave his wife! Probably never, if you read the statistics (3%).
    My husband has talked to our older kids (teenagers) many times, and we hope that despite this horror we will be able to steer them clear of making their own mistakes in this regard.

    • I cannot believe this woman actually came into your house??? Did I read that right??? Well, in my opinion, she is to blame as well! I have never known one of John’s OW personally prior to finding out about the “affair” or as I like to call it sex.

      You are right about how she is not the one who made vows and promises, however, due to this it is easier to forgive your husband! Well maybe not forgive, but move forward. You have a life with this man and children! Too much vested with him, nothing vested with her. Really, you owe her NOTHING.

      • In my case, the other woman also step foot into my home, pretending to be a support. I made the stupid mistake of offering my husband and his whore assistance in setting up my husband’s business. She came over and get the guys of picking up some materials that I had created for them the night before. She stated my foyer for over an hour, speaking with me. Looking back, I feel like such a fool. She must’ve laughed her ass off at me and she drove away that day. I wish I could rewind time. I had also met her previously, when my husband arranged a meeting with her at a local Starbucks. They were meeting for work related purposes, however I’m sure they could have achieved the same goals over the phone. Not wanting to raise my suspicions, when I became aware of the meeting, and offered to meet him there to drive him home, he had no choice but to agree. I came to pick him up, found them both sitting there, and was invited to stay while they finished their meeting. I sat there, next to the both of them, having absolutely no idea that the slut was sleeping with my husband.

        To say that it makes you feel like a fool in retrospect is to minimize the true humiliation that comes from staring a woman in the face who is actively deceiving you.

      • Oh yes. You read that right. My husband and his slut had the nerve to start and run a business out of our HOME. Which means she spent a minimum of five days a week (often more), eight to ten hour days in our home. We have a fully finished downstairs, with kitchen, bedrooms and bathrooms, as well as office space in the main area. She moved plates, bowls, glasses and silverware into the kitchen, and kept plenty of food in the cabinets and fridge. Under the guise of making her own lunch. She cooked for my husband a few times before I put my foot down.
        Initially I tried to be her friend (oh stupid trusting me) and took them down pitchers of iced tea, cookies, etc. She was very cold to me, which he wrote off as “her personality” “you just need to get to know her”. Right. What I didn’t know was that their emotional affair had started well before she ever came to our house. I had no idea she was a threat until far too late. Other than twice at her place, they conducted their affair in our HOME. Even at times, when the kids and I were right upstairs. My husband had been suffering from clinical depression (for which he blamed ME, although now obviously he knows it was from the strain of living a double life) and had moved into the downstairs guest room. How convenient for her to let herself in with the key and wake him up in the morning for a little pre-work fun. Neither seemed to care that one of the kids could have easily caught them. It is very hard to continue to live here, at the scene of the crime so to speak.

  4. Wow, I give both of you ladies credit, because I do not know what I would have done in that situation. It was bad enough for me that I met the woman after I found out that she was sleeping with John and had a face to face and she continued her relentless pursuit of him! However, I will say that I believe that it is now finally over and I have made the decision to let it go and move forward. However, someone in my house????? OH MY GOD, I would have lost my mind! I would have went to jail I am sure of that!

    Some women just have no regard or respect for anything. . . This is why I created the website. I feel like women need that “last laugh”. I know that sounds crazy, but I truly believe that it gives some form of vindication that nothing else can!

    Im assuming that she is no longer your husbands assistant. I have yet to read your blog, but I am planning on reading your posts to get a little more information. I hate commenting when I don’t have a clue!

    • Yes she was my husband’s assistant. She ended up, in the wake of the affair discovery, becoming so psychotic when he decided to stay with me, and be with him, that she added him to all of their work colleagues, and professional contact. Doing so was a breach of confidentiality, and therefore he terminated her. She launched a lawsuit claiming that she was wrongfully terminated for having been pregnant, and won an $18,000 settlement. She also launched a human rights tribunal complaint against my husband, claiming she was fired for discriminatory reasons do to pregnancy, inside of which she also claimed to have been sexually assaulted, and repeatedly raped by my husband. She’s a real prize.

      • Wow. She seems quite psychotic. I think there becomes that delusion that the husband will leave the wife, and we all know that RAREly happens. Unfortunately for your case, he worked with her so this was all very easy for her to do and it seems as though she accomplished much of what she set out to do. If you don’t mind me asking, do you fear your husband cheating again? It seems as though you guys went through a lot, and maybe he just realized it is not worth it.

        Have you ever run into her since all of this happened?

      • Well I didn’t have to see her at the court appearance that they both had to make in order to settle her claim. I was asked specifically by my husband’s lawyer not to be there, so as to not inflame her. It was going to be no way that I was going to avoid opportunity to lay eyes on that skank whore. Truth be said, when she saw me, she skulked away like a wounded puppy with her tail between her oversized thighs. Her hair was dirty, it hung in a stringy, – look, and she was as pathetic as I had always assumed she was. Socially, I have not wanted to her since, but I personally welcome the opportunity.

        I have absolutely no fear that my husband will cheat again. Given all that we have been through, and all that he has learned from this experience, he can tell you that it’s never worth it. He was a happily married man, he loved me, he valued his family, and he got stuck in a very unfortunate and manipulative circumstance. He wanted to end it almost immediately, but she pulled a web of manipulation that kept him snagged for quite some time.

        He and I both have our eyes completely wide-open now. We know the signs, you know what makes us vulnerable, and we know what to look for. More importantly, we learn how to communicate on these issues much better. That, I feel is the true key. He knows now what he almost lost, and what hung in the balance, when he made his unfortunate choices. He wasn’t in a good place emotionally, he was very traumatized by his circumstances at work, and with family. He simply wasn’t thinking straight. I feel she took advantage of this, and he also made very poor decisions, but they didn’t come from the place of a rational mind.

      • I’m actually in the middle of reading your blog. Wow, I think you have me beat on this one. did she have the baby? Don’t tell me actually still reading.
        Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

    • daphne3631Anonymous3631 says:

      to exercisegrace
      I think here the most shameful behaviour is of the man who could do this with his own children upstairs, in the home he lives in with his wife and children. Yes OW has to be blamed but not much because expecting anything from a slut is foolishness and I don’t expect any better behaviour from them
      But what husband did in his OWN home was devastating. I would not have stayed and gotten a divorce if it were me. Like the case in the woman above also, had guts to sleep with someone else and then sit by the wife’s side. they shouldn’t be forgiven. They have done enough wrong. They are not worth going thru the pain of healing from affair. They do not love you or respect you. You should just leave them or atlest take a divorce but live together for the kids so that while you stay comfortable, you can live with your own life.

      • Daphne, I am just curious: are you also a betrayed spouse?

      • Will it make a difference in the opinion formed after reading my comment?

      • Well actually it only matters in the sense that it makes your perspective personal. I personally had a lot of opinions about infidelity before it happened to me. My girlfriend cheated on her husband just months before I found out that my husband was also having an affair. I was livid with her. I would come home and tell my husband “if that ever happens to me, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out”. I was convinced I would leave. I was convinced that to stay meant that the person was weak, and accommodating. I was convinced that forgiveness was not possible, and was not deserved in a situation like that. After going to this journey, however, I realized that the opinions that I held before this happened to me, we’re naïve and uninformed. I was surprised by the fact that I did not do what I anticipated I would interface with this crisis. In the many many many people I have spoken with him are also in the situation, we all share that exact same situation. Not of us behaved in the way that we thought that we would. For some of us, that meant staying. For others, that meant leaving. There were betrayed exposes firmly believed that they would be able to stay and work it out if this ever happened to them, only to now realize while going through it, but they simply can’t. For me, it was the opposite. My only reason and asking you whether you have been through this, is because your comments earlier stating “I would never…”, and “I wouldn’t allow…” remind me of mine before I was swallowed up. So yes, I think experience does matter. Experience offers a depth and a richness to your perspective. A Civilian can never truly predict how they will react when they are dragged into war, and less they’ve actually lived through a war themselves.

  5. The behavior from these women is shameful. I am not in a situation to expose them due to an OC and closeness of the family of the 2nd OW and the nature of my job. I DO wish that their deeds will catch up with them sooner than later and that is is painful and humiliating for them in some way. I have always taken the high road. I feel it is the example to set for my children and for other suffering from the pain of infidelity. I don’t judge those of you who choose to expose. I hope it does affect the lives of the women who choose to be home wreckers. They are sowing pain, sorrow, destruction of the security of children, spreading disease, and other horrid things. At some point they are to reap what they sow.

    I know my husband’s grandmother was proud of me for how I am handling this and trying to bring the oc into our family. It was one of the last things she told me before she passed.

    I can only imagine how I would feel if my daughter or granddaughter ever behaved that way. What happened to the value of integrity?

    • Emotional Tornado,

      You always handle things with such grace. I actually wish you could expose, however, I know your situation. So since you are unable to, I will hope Karma kicks them in the ass and you have a front row seat to watch the destruction! 😉
      Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

    • I am afraid to expose as well. My ow is crazy. She’d re-invigorate legal energies which have finally been laid to rest, possibly find ways to damage my reputation, and my husband’s career. I’m just not sure it’s worth it, but I’d love to know what issues hold you back.

  6. tentativelyhopeful says:

    Love this post!! Maybe t-shirts can be the consolation prize when our spouses walk away from them? I don’t have the same volatile experience with the OW like many of you do – I think it would make it much worse. I do wonder about her – how she can sleep at night knowing that she expressed an interest in a married man to set the stage for an affair and then followed through. I blame my husband MOSTLY, but I do lay the blame on her as well. I saw a comment on a previous post of yours from an OW and was appalled at her vindictiveness towards the BS and the blinders we wear. I think her words were, “wake up!” Well, I’m awake now and I’m not going to share bi***!!!

  7. Laura oglesby says:

    I’m a homewrecker. It’s not a secret anymore. His bitchy wife found out & says she’ll tell all about me if I don’t leave her man alone. I wanted to experience an older man.
    He was good. My parents and grandma are dead and the world owes me a good time. If you wives are so great keep your man at home in bed. Otherwise he might be in mine!
    Laura A Oglesby of Rossville GA

    • Yeah, sounds like your life is a mess. I wish you all the best to heal the broken heart you’ve been left. I hope you can overcome your demons and live a life of true happiness. I think if you wanted to experience older man, he could’ve achieved that without hurting other people, who are innocent. You could have satisfied your needs, but also making an older man very happy, but not breaking up home, or breaking the heart of a wife done nothing wrong. It is the most ill understood concept, and a very strongly held myth that men sleep with other women because they aren’t satisfied in bed. I think you ought to do some reading before you make a fool of yourself.

      And for what it’s worth, the world doesn’t “owe you a good time”. The world love you a life to live, and it’s up to you to live it with honor, with decency, and with respect for your fellow human being. I wonder if you can ask yourself if you are fulfilling your part of the deal?

    • Laura you are deluded and completely off the mark. Your comments are not being published to the blog. That sort of vile commentary designed to hurt and harm isn’t going to do anyone any good. It’s better off stored within your own mind and thoughts rather than with others.

      As one final comment to you, as I won’t be making any more, surely you can’t misunderstand why a wife would be upset if her marriage and husband were intruded upon? Perhaps you can’t imagine for yourself as you’ve not had the experience of full commitment, trust and safety in your own life. But, when you are lucky enough to find it, and it gets lost when a man directs his attention outside of a marriage or stolen, when a woman like yourself actively seeks to destroy and harm, then you would understand why your actions hurt and cause betrayal and anger. If something of yours that you held dear was stolen, I think you might feel miffed and upset. If not, well then perhaps you haven’t had enough permanence in your life to truly value what it means to have something be wholly your own. Perhaps you simply lack permanence in your own life, and therefore can’t respect it in others. It’s like I said, you can want an older man, so why not go about it with integrity? Why not seek out an unmarried man? Do you seek married men because of the challenge? I suspect it would be because in sleeping with you, it would validate you more, knowing that he was choosing you over something else. Low self esteem would need that validation. Simply sleeping with an available man wouldn’t give you that same high, that same feeling of having conquered, the feeling that someone risked it all for you, instead of a man who just plain loves you. My guess it that you don’t feel loved at all. Perhaps this is the best you can do to make yourself feel special. I’m just sorry you haven’t experienced feeling that authentically. I think that is a shame. I hope that one day, you will put the wall down, and allow it to come into your life.

      Please don’t post again to this blog. Your comments are uninformed. Do yourself a big favour and find out why men cheat. It has nothing to do with his wife. It has everything to do with his self esteem needing patting, you’re right. These men are in a broken place. Find yourself a man who is whole, not broken and seeking a fantasy. It’s temporary, and frankly, I’m sure you’d rather be someone’s forever, not someone’s “right now”. To think it has anything to do with the wife is just uninformed.–man-spent-years-talking-hundreds-unfaithful-husbands.html

      Be the hero in your own life and start to value yourself so that one day you can feel what it’s like to have someone feel that way about you too. Everyone deserves that. I’m sorry you are hurting.

    • One day the Karma bus is going to crash your fantasy life and YOU will still be lost. Grow up ,you are broke ,fix your selfish selfcentered childish self before you wind up in court as the marriage wrecking demon from hell (you could go back to he’ll and tell your boss GODs plan ALWAYS works)

  8. Has anyone ever considered that the man lied about everything and that the homewrecker really isn’t a homewrecker at all? Seriousy…come on ladies, your men are clearly terrible. Ariella, who started the site, we all know that John (or Charles Wudtee) is nothing more than a serial cheater. He doesn’t love you and he never has. Value yourself and move on! Stop blaming other women for the fact that your boyfriend is only with you because he fears that you’ll take away his child. As a psychologist, I think it’s time you get help. When you’re leaving your six and ten year old boys at home alone at night to GPS track him, chase him down, and confront him at another woman’s doorstep over and over again, the blame is on you. Put your efforts to better use; why don’t you consider doing something good for the world and getting help?

    • “A psychologist”. Sure. Firstly a professional psychologist would never outright slam someone for their choice to stay or go. They wouldn’t form an opinion here because they are aware of the many factors that influence the decision, so they would refrain from commenting or expressing their opinion, especially when advertising their profession and speaking under its code of conduct.

      They wouldn’t come onto a blog and make a comment in that way. They also wouldn’t carry an avatar called NY girl…

      People sometimes tout being someone with influence so that their opinion is more readily accepted and to give credence to their position. The difference is a psychologist wouldn’t bother replying here…

      Carry on Ariella with whatever works for your life and your soul. We may not agree, but we don’t want to hurt you with our opinions. Your life, as I say.

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