You can’t thwart crazy

Those who know my story know that I will have the ow in our lives for the next 20 years while child support is payable. It’s quite a life sentence, no? I’m doing the best I can.

I read an email tonight which serves as a reminder that although I can change my perspective on the ow and her particular brand of crazy, I’ll never stop it. I can only change my reaction.

Her most recent email to our lawyer reads:

dear lawyer,

Below is a copy of an email received from __________ Daycare indicating man’s January cheque was returned NSF. Lawyer, not only only are his payments to both myself and the daycare consistently late they are now being returned insufficient funds. It appears your client wishes to have these matters handled by a collection agency or through additional court enforcement as he is blatantly disrespecting the Courts Orders. Further the February support payment to myself AND February payment to __________ Daycare has not been received.

Further I understand he continues his ongoing abusive and neglectful behavior towards his children. Kindly remind your client all documentation he provided to me prior to Jan 2012 was not confidential as was all information he has publicly provided since then. This includes but is not limited to documentation whereby he stated his wife’s negligent parenting was the cause of his eldest sons seizure at a theme park. allowing his youngest son to consume alcohol, intentionally neglecting his children’s needs to satisfy his sexual needs, documenting a very recent incident and more. He is aware of all of the information he has documented for at least four years now regarding his abusive and neglectful behavior toward his children. As you are aware the courts have already removed all of his rights to his youngest child, based on his abuse and violence.

Your cooperation in addressing these matters in a timely matter is appreciated.

Many thanks,

Ummm ok. Each year she is given monthly post dated cheques. She has them all in advance. How can they be late?

The courts removed his rights to the child he fathered with her? Ummm I think the technical term there that she is missing is that he “revoked” his rights and gave her full custody.

In the spirit of me embracing a new outlook on her, it is obvious she is suffering. She feels sad that her child doesn’t have a father and so she paints a picture that shows he was denied rights because the truth that he revoked them and hasn’t shown interest hurts too much. She still feels the need to lash out at me, referencing an once sent from 2005, four years before they met when my son suffered from heat stroke while at a theme park with my husband. Yup, I wasn’t even there. I was looking after his little 6 week old brother at the time. Interesting and creative spin, although quite inaccurate. Interesting to me how she always paints my husband as “abusive” in her emails. Claims that he abuses his children are completely false and out of character. I have to wonder if she needs to paint him this way to reduce her own pain about his being absent from her daughter’s life? It’s amazing what the mind can do. Don’t get me started on the comment that we let our baby drink. She’s living in a reality show crazier than Jersey Shore.

I can only offer her peace and healing, and the hope that she finds happiness. Maybe then, she won’t feel the need to spew these lies to protect herself from her pain. God help her.



  1. If your husband was such an awful person as she insists he is, why did she want to keep and raise his baby?? She is just trying to get back at him for dumping her ass in every way. Good luck with your miserable life, OW.

    • Exactly!! When she went to deliver the baby she told the staff he had raped her and beat her and was abusive. Funny how she had his baby and gave her our last name. I would give my baby a rapists last name. She also emailed when she went into labour and told him where she was giving birth. Funny….people who fear for their safety don’t do that. Idiot. Lol.

  2. I am also dealing with an ow that lives in an alternate reality. It distresses me to know that there is no end in sight.

  3. Dearest RMM, It is amazing what a disturbed mind can believe and do !
    Lately I have been researching this particular brand of socio-psychopathy craziness and my conclusion is that these parasitic, sexually deviant females suffer with a complex personality disorder aptly called ” the dark triad”. It is a combination of traits of Narcissism (covert vs. classical overt behaviors), Machiavellian-ism ( cunning manipulations, deception,pathological lying) and Anti-social Psychopathies. (reckless disregard for others, etc)

    There are many behavioral names associated with these malevolent sociopaths. No two are alike . Few Psychos are true violent, depraved serial killers, … mostly they are social predators, leaving a trail of destruction behind them and the only person that ever matters is themselves. “The means justifies the ends” social strategies.
    They are callous, shallow, manipulative, deceitful people with no conscience, guilt or remorse and can play the victim-poor-pity-me card with disturbing ease. They use everyone in their mind games. Covert narcissists always “humbly” paint themselves as the poor victim to garner false sympathy and then to take advantage. Extreme female narcissism is sometimes labeled as BORDERLINE personality disorder. But not all narcissists are Borderlines. This label just describes one clinical diagnosis of their dark sickness triad. Google these terms which I’ve posted on my blog about the behaviors of female psychopathy. I only touched the tip of this eyeopening iceberg.

    Once i realized what we are dealing with for the next 7 years ( remaining sentence for Child support obligations). A vindictive, envious, dark triad psychopath… I now understand HOW to deal with her. Read up about how to deal with and “neutralize a Narcissist” with their covert emotional tactics .
    I have a whole new perspective now on the whole affair drama thing. It is no wonder my husband never could explain what happened, he was a victim of a female psychopath.
    He never saw it coming and once she got her claws in him, he was doomed, especially because he believed he could control the situation. He was targeted and entrapped. When you look back, you see that from the start this clever female wolf in sheep’s clothing wanted something from him … to feed into her “perfect” narcissistic delusions. She found his weaknesses and used them against him. This is what sociopaths are GOOD at. Sizing up the prey.

    And now knowing this information i think I can forgive my husband a little bit more. By understanding the beast who attacked him. ( Well, maybe not totally for being stupid, feeding his own arrogant ego and entertaining her flattery and sexual advances in the first place). But I think he learned his lesson.
    Now that he’s trained, I think I’ll keep him close.
    And when I get these judgmental, uninformed reactions from people who have no clue about what we are dealing with….. I can only smile and move on. What do the wise ones say about people who drink the Koolaid ?…You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

    • Yes I know what you mean. I trained in mental health so I’m aware of the terms and illnesses but find it interesting how you’ve laid it out. I do agree that there is something almost templated about these women.

  4. dotcablogger says:

    Can you have your lawyer write a letter and correct her libelling wording? Like write a letter to her lawyer stating the obvious that your husband revoked his parental right to the kid. The court didn’t remove it. He and his lawyer told the judge that he had decided to give up or revoke his right of parenthood to the kid.

    This woman is irritating me because she has a court order to not write lies and gossip or talk about you, your husband and children. But she keeps writing that your husband is an abuser. She keeps writing that you neglect your children. Shut up douche bag. So can you have your lawyer get her lawyer to cork her? I’m honestly without empathy for this douche bag. Perhaps IF she held her tongue and kept silent like the court had ordered her, then perhaps she would be more worth sympathy. But she doesn’t. She just goes and trash talks in her lawyer approved letters. She is garbage and might as well go on the Jerry Springer Show.

    So can you please talk with your lawyer about corking or curbing her lies about your family that she writes whenever she gets mad? Seriously, she’s 37 and should act her age. I was expecting a 37 yr old to have learned to be mature. She obviously has learned nothing.

    I know you’re trying to be high minded about this woman. But she really has to be stopped by her own lawyer from writing lies about you and your family.

    Also she’s a weirdo. She gave the kid your family’s surname? She’s a weirdo and fucked up. A raped woman or abused woman, who after the causal sex or date is over, never gives her child the guy’s surname. The surname is a daily reminder of abuse. So normal women don’t name their babies after a man who raped them. Also women these days don’t choose to have a baby from a rapist who raped them.

    So obviously she wants your family’s surname to have her daughter be the connection to your husband. The evil woman is using her child to haunt your husband. And is also using the girl to write abuse toward you. But you already know this. But can you get your lawyer to get her lawyer to cork and limit her lies in her letters to your lawyer?


    • “shut up douchebag” !!! love it. thanks for making me laugh!

    • Well you see…as you go through this, fighting tooth and nail against crap like this, you slowly realize that it doesn’t end and where you close one door, she opens another. I could ask the lawyer to draft a letter to her lawyer but then it opens up a back and forth email discussion which costs me money. I don’t think her lawyer is retained anymore so I don’t think she is governed by him (not that it mattered before anyway).

      We do have a court order specifying that she is not to disclose the circumstances to third parties, or defame me or my husband in anyway. However, in this case, the only person she is sending this too, is our lawyer. Our lawyer is very aware of her mental instability, and simply lets it roll off her back. Knowing that the lawyer certainly doesn’t take it seriously, it really doesn’t bother us too much that she slanders us to the lawyer. It would matter, however, if she were to slander us to other third parties who perhaps don’t have the opportunity to know our side of the story.

      The thing with her is that she’s bitter. She’s bitter and mentally unstable. She wanted to place my husband’s life, and she didn’t get it. She now looks for any opportunity to invite herself into our day by penetrating us with these emails, or by having our lawyer sent them to us. She either wants to get under our skin, to bother us, or make us feel unstable. Either that, or she asked he believes all of this ridiculous stuff that she spews. Either way, the key people that matter know the truth.

      • dotcablogger says:

        I admire your new attitude towards this Douche Bag. You really have done the right thing for yourself, your husband and kids.

        You have to keep calm and not take serious this woman’s wormy letters to your lawyer.

        I am surprised at her not acting her age, though!

        She is 37 years old. This lady has got to grow up! I mean, well, she is close to 40 now. I expect a 40 year old woman to not be a bitter, baby-wielding psycho who completely is in denial that she wanted that married guy to be her committed boyfriend. No, instead she shouts in her letters that the married man was an abuser and a rapist. And she spews in her letters to your lawyer that you are negligent and your kids are abused. Seriously, Douche Bag, whatever.

        I am laughing at this woman now for even thinking of that irony as trying to have a married guy be a “committed” boyfriend. That is very contradictory …the commitment just won’t ever happen!

        I used to feel sorry for the daughter of this Weirdo. But now this isn’t warranted because the Weirdo is just using the kid as her weapon against your family. It’s your husband, you and the kids that she’s attacking. So I now see that any sympathy for the daughter isn’t warranted. The kid is just this woman’s “You must feel sorry for me because I decided to birth a baby from the time I dated a married man” slogan. It’s her mantra. So I decided to not feed sympathy to the monster’s baby-shield anymore.

        The daughter will just have to figure out her way when she’s old enough. She’ll be able to legally make her own decisions at 18 years old. If she knew and also wanted to, she could legally emancipate herself at 16 years old. Likely, though, she may as well grow up poisoned. She might also make the same choices that her mom had made …because kids do what their parents do. So she might try to barf out an attack in social media or in email against her biological dad, his wife and her half siblings when she’s a moody teenager. But you’ll be very experienced at deflecting bullshit at that time. So I’m not worried for your well being. You are prepared. Also at that point in time, you’ll shut down the attempts at communication pretty fast. Maybe you would be open to a reasonable girl, with manners and no revenge on her mind. But I’m thinking that the daughter will be a nut case too. So she will just have to learn the very hard way that she can’t blurt out and fume abuse towards people because she’s mad for her mom.


  5. my God i can’t even imagine. i thought my ordeal with nuts! God bless YOU and your family having to deal with this ordeal. after their breakup our OW came to my house to tell me she was pregnant, stupid cow, in an effort to get my CS back. when that happened i told him i would NEVER share my paycheck with her if she was indeed pregnant and that if she was pregnant we were DONE. in my heart though i knew she wasn’t pregnant but that she was doing it in an effort to hurt me further. and i thought i was dealing with a f’g psycho. YOU ARE MY HERO for working through this! i hope her poor baby doesn’t grow up to be as crazy and damaged as she is. and i agree these OW are very damaged people. when i called the sheriff on her to have her removed i was struck by him saying so, “ma’am please get a restraining order. this young woman is not well. she is sick.” INDEED.

  6. dotcablogger says:

    Words like manipulative, evil, psycho, sociopath, psychopath, trashy, narcissist, shallow, ignornant, are now hollow cliche words. They have no meaning because they’re said so often to these women. The women don’t take them serious anymore.

    So I might as well call the woman who tries to abuse RMM a Douche Bag. Also call her a Jerk. There is Jackass, Asswipe, Bum, Virus, Plague and Herpes, too. Call her Herpes because she acts up like the disease. Like Herpes she had sex and then insists on lingering like the infection and pops up like its episodes of flare-ups.

    She had sex with a man and tries to stay involved in his life by any reason, and she tries to abuse him …and abuse his family. She needs revenge. So she will write anything in her letters to make herself sympathetic. However she clearly isn’t a sympathetic character.

    I look at this woman now as a case of a guy who had causal sex with her and she then chose to linger with any reason because she is desperate. She is desperate to not be without a man as a boyfriend. Of course, she won’t ever marry. A boyfriend is only what she could ever achieve.

    She knows from her desperation that she can’t achieve a marriage with a man. She knew that the closest she could get was to have sex with an already married man.

    This Dirtbag just decided to keep her pregnancy, birth the baby, and use that kid as a reason to linger and flare up like Herpes.

    So again I might as well say SHUT UP Douche Bag :-).

    Anyway RMM has an relaxed perspective now by which she can remain calm whenever the Douche Bag comes creeping around with a lawyer sent letter. Good for Rescuingmymarriage :-).

  7. Question: Is it hard for your husband to know that a child of his is being raised by only a crazy woman? I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
    I admire your strength. It took me over a year after DDay to learn we can’t control the behavior of others, we can only control how we react to them.
    That’s the high road, the only road back to happy. Wish I had found the path sooner. Would’ve saved me a whole lotta grief!

    • To answer your question, yes. It tears him apart to know that this child is with this sick person but there is no better way. If he shared custody then our family would be exposed to her and our three children may be damaged by that. It would also give the ow a window into our lives and the shared parenting and the decisions would give her “face time”. The little one will seek him out, in time.

      He satisfies his conscience to know that she has a large, supposedly (according to her stories) involved family and extended family. Supports are there for her although given how she is, I can’t imagine her relationships would be all that healthy.

      • I worded my question very badly, insensitive really. I apologize. Of course your FWH has deep remorse over the OC. What I really wanted to know was how he deals with the guilt and you addressed that. Thank you.
        I truly can’t wrap my head around how I would deal with an OC. I don’t think I would have been able to move past that. Your strength is inspiring.

      • I didn’t find your question insensitive πŸ™‚ it’s an honest question to a real situation. He deals with the guilt in whatever way he can. It hurts. I know he agonizes over it. He’s a good man and an honorable father. He just knows that the alternative would cause more pain to more people and he knows the child has others in the family and supports to buffer her insane mother. He hopes anyway.

  8. How to cope with the OC situation ???
    Perhaps it is very reassuring and revealing to know that when an OW takes such desperate measures (out of paranoid insecurity) to plot to have a “child of adultery” …. it actually means there was no real emotional depth or “LOVE” involved in the relationship equation. And it is that very fact (to unanswered questions) that actually helps the betrayed wife have hope or some piece of mind in being open to rescuing her marriage relationship. Knowing what bizarre lengths this crazy woman went to, and how screwed up she must psychologically be to do the things she did and what she is doing now for revenge or whatever other reason exposes the underlying truths to our questions . The other woman shows us who and what she is by her bitter, abusive actions . And also just how much their Relations-shit must have meant to our husbands. Obviously NOTHING. If they had something of value together… our husbands surely would have left us for them ? Right ? It is not ROCKET SCIENCE, it is what it is.
    Which is why I believe my husband was not looking for an affair, he was blindsided and naive and in a moment of weakness he allowed a sociopath to lure him into her web…. “so she could eat him” (narcissist food supply). Now the baby has taken my husband’s place. It too will be preyed upon. And I can not do anything to affect the situation, except to tell the truth and hold fast my ground. Don’t let another person CONTROL you or dictate your life choices. That is what the Ow is trying to do, manipulate you out of her way. She tried to get me to foolishly throw myself over a cliff . Luckily she didn’t know the level of LOVE I had for my husband and she is the one falling off the cliff now. HAVE a nice day, Bitch.

  9. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    It’s PSYCHO “Other Women” like the ones described in this post & comments that make me wish MURDER was legal!!!

    • Trust me, I know πŸ™‚

      I’ve chosen to forgive her and seek peace for her. But, it doesn’t stop me from asking “why?” I’ve gotten to to the point where I can forgive her for the affair, and I can now forgive her for her atrocious money-grabbing behavior (because I choose to see her as a mother trying to secure her child…and I like to think that as a mother, in her situation, I would try and get as much as possible too if a man knocked me up and chose someone else over me). Why I don’t understand, is why she would threaten through her comments to claim my husband is a child-abuser and she has proof. Why torment and threaten harm to the person who supports you? For fun? Because you know the law will provide for you regardless of your behavior? That I don’t understand.

  10. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    It’s bitterness & rage. She couldn’t steal H from you w/ her deliberate pregnancy plan, so she is now bent on revenge

    • Yes, but one would hope that after three years, that anger would eventually dissipate. But I guess that’s what happens when every morning you wake up to a little person’s face who looks like someone else as a constant reminder.

  11. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    Also she wants 2 make YOU fed up enough to lv H 4 causing this mess in the 1st place. THEN she’ll hv another shot @ him!

  12. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    She ALREADY proved she was warped when she tried 2 get a MM to lv his wife AND his existing children 4 her new baby!

  13. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    She doesn’t STILL want H DESPITE her venom? “I hope…we can move forward in a positive manner…”-Resurrecting 11/4-RMM

    • It’s not ever clear what she wants. I used to think she was madly in love. Then I thought she used him to have a baby as she was getting older with no prospects. But why hold such animosity about losing someone you don’t love and never did? She must have…right? Who knows. To her “moving forward in a positive manner” means that she keeps getting money on time.

  14. RMM.. I just wanted to share the recent craziness of our OW with you. I wish you had a forum section where we could just all talk to each other, sharing our amusing stories of the crazy antics of these OW/babymamas vs the commenting only section.

    Recently we notified by legal court judicial forms, to ask the OW to provide her updated Income and Expenses information, child care info and past IRS declarations in case we decide to ask for a new Child support “modification hearing”. We are allowed to ask every 12 months for this info without using lawyers or incurring legal fees.
    So how does the Sociopath react, ( because the laws don’t apply to her, ya know)… she deliberately waits past the 30 day period allowed for a legal response… and yet sends a certified letter, ( which cost $20) which contemptuously did not contain any of requested info. But, where she protests and complains that the form possibly did not come from my husband !

    Because after 12 years of disassociation between them and her past “intimate knowledge” of his signature and handwriting, ( when she has never lived with him, nor had any problem committing ID theft or frauds where my husband’s interests were concerned) she indignantly “believes”….. it was not his signature and handwriting on the form . As to her … it appears “forged”.
    Now she alludes that she will eventually cooperate,… but she won’t until he calls up her lawyer up to confirm he actually sent her the request !!!
    ( Ya know In her conspiring, projective mind …if the wife filled out the form and mailed it …it is not legit !)
    Now this is not at all part of the simplified legal procedure and we will not contact her lawyer, ( or force her to incur those fees, which my husband might be later asked to pay.).
    As she is in inexcusable contempt of the court now for not comporting and complying with the language of the form, regardless of who sent it.

    The form says very clearly : “provide the info directly to the party requesting it and do not serve this request on the lawyer of the other party”.

    If the crazy sociopath reasonably felt the request was not from my husband ( which asks for her to send the documents to his legal address )… why did she wait 30 days to make an issue of it ?…. We know her game. DENY, DENY, …Stonewall, delay and obstruct.

    What she doesn’t realize is our approach was two pronged. Our lawyer sent one request for her ” I & E ” documentation through the legal channels ( which used her non- updated legal address for service) which she apparently did not receive, because she did not respond within the allowed 30 days. ( she is 45 days late now)
    So now she is not only in contempt for violation of court orders to update her legal service info but she also is proving that she is obstructing justice and causing unreasonable legal delays with her bad faith, malicious, avoidance tactics.

    The second ‘back-up” request was filled out by me with my husband’s knowledge and permission, and he signed it. ( It was a trap set for her to dare make an issue of it and not comply…thus putting her in contempt) And It was sent to the address the school had for her . We expected her to perhaps ignore this request as well… as her past behavior proves she with every request for info we have made from her thus far, she refuses to cooperate.

    But arrogantly she entrapped herself by sending a “certified letter” that she signed with her new mailing address noted on the papers. So we will use that documentation and bring it to the next Judge’s attention .

    What was even more incredulous is this woman is absurdly and hypocritically screaming forgery and fraud… But the return address and name on the service envelope was labeled as if the package was sent from her lawyer… but what gave it away was that the address was WRONG !! The lawyer did not sent the certified letter, the lying , misrepresenting sociopath did.
    Pot calling the kettle black !
    Regardless of what she feels is an illegitimate request….she knew the legal address for the response was to the appropriate party and was a legitimate address.

    You can’t thwart crazy !

  15. Why would the OW even want the involvement of “an abusive father” in the life of her child? Doesn’t she realize how ridiculous this sounds — Why won’t this abusuve, horrific jerk of a father come and visit my child, his OC? She should be brought up on criminal charges for intentionally trying to subject her child to a “known child abuser & horrifically neglectful man”. So my dear OW, you can’t have it both ways now can you!!

  16. If you are being stalked, harassed, etc by this carzy woman, why on earth would you and your husband be using Facebook and/or Twitter accounts?!?!?!

    That is very odd to me.

    Seriously, though this lady is terrifying. You can bet your butt if I were in that situation, there would not be a TRACE of me or my H on soica media for her to feed off of.

    • Prior to any of this affair business, I operate and own a successful business which has a powerful online presence. I use twitter and Facebook for my online social media connections. I also use Facebook for connecting with friends, as many do. I suppose once my husband had an affair and I was at risk of losing my marriage, I should have also lost my business acumen and shut down my twitter and Facebook, anticipating that a psycho mistress may take advantage of my online presence and stalk me to find out what my family is up to, and what I am specifically up to, whether I am happy etc. NOT!

      I am not about to have her control what I do and where I go, but I did have to render my twitter profile private, not open to public views, greatly diminishing my business’ ability to connect with new clients and create new leads. I can’t reopen that account. If I ever indicate the business is closed for a holiday, she will assume I am not home and stalk our home. It’s not worth it. I’ve lost a lot because of her, but no, I don’t think I should have to lose everything just because her legs are open if the price is right.

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