Where there’s a will, there’s a way

It seems infidelity is everywhere you look, when you are willing to look for it.  I will admit, I was much happier in my blissful place of ignorace….or was I?  Some days I think I was, but I think I know better.  I much prefer being enlightened by the knowledge of tragedy than to be in the dark and clueless.

I was clueless for a long time about affairs.  I knew they happened, but they were rare, and they happened to other people.   Now, it seems, I know as many people who have been unfaithful as those who haven’t. And, since most don’t talk about it, I am sure there are many, who I think haven’t, who HAVE or who ARE engaging in extramarital relationships.  My father was one of them.  My father in law was one of them.  My husband.  My husband’s best friend.  My husband’s work colleague.  It’s everywhere. and it is disgusting.

What’s worse than the natural tendency nowadays to throw away our marriages, and the vows we committed to, is the fact that society seems to make it so easy to cheat.  There are agencies designed specifically to arrange hookups between married individuals (Ashley Madison, for example).   There are television shows that glorify the existence of mistresses and their conquests (Mistresses), songs that talk about competing for another woman’s partner (Girlfriend, by Avril Lavigne, You make me wanna, by Usher,  I like it, by Enrique Iglesias (video).   There are countless others, and I’ve blogged about them previously.

Throw into the mix, now, apps that allow you to hide secret images on your phone, a hidden black book, etc. all disguised as the calculator that comes standard on the iPhone.   So now, if you have any reasons to be suspicious that something is going on,  and you happen to check your partner’s phone, you may wish to look for apps that look like this:

Screen Shot 2014-11-20 at 10.13.19 AM

On the outside at quick glance, these look like your standard calculator, but clicking on them reveals things underneath that open an entire secret stash of goodies you were never meant to see.

How do you know if it’s the real thing?  Try deleting the app.  Hold it down and if that little white jiggling x appears, you’ve found gold.   iPhone doesn’t allow the standard apps that come with the phone to be deleted; things like stocks, ibooks, calendar, calculator, etc).  If it doesn’t jiggle, and can’t be deleted, it’s the real thing.

Here are some to look at:

Don’t want to rely on the OW or the OM to get rid of the evidence, or worried that they may one day tell your spouse?   Get rid of the evidence:

These apps won’t always be disguised as a calculator.  They can also be disguised as a Stocks app.

Technology makes life easier in so many ways, and is our friend in so many ways.  It is also our foe and contributes to tremendous damage, when we let it.

Now, some may slam me for even pointing these out, suggesting that by posting them, I’ve given some reader the tools to commit infidelity, and by posting these, I’ve somehow contributed to their actions.  To that I say “where there is a will, there is a way”, and if they are looking online for ways to cheat and hide their tracks, this blog has far fewer resources than a simple google search for “apps for infidelity” bring up.  If anyone is looking to cheat badly enough, they will come to those resources all on their own.   I post this to help share the knowledge of whats out there, for those who blindly trust, or for those who suspect something is amiss, but have no proof.



  1. These are iPhone apps. What do you know about Android apps?

  2. So glad to see you posting again ! Missed your wit and insight.

    Latest on our Babymama drama, the OW and her golden spawn have moved 3000 miles across the continent to live 50 miles away from me. I assume she wishes to patrol the neighborhood, looking for an opportunity to display her wares. PSYCHO-STALKER. Now I have to alert the police of the disgusting situation to be 3 steps ahead of her smug, self-serving agitprop . Other than guarding the gates, all goes well, 14 years from D- day.

    • Oh my goodness, it just goes to show the deep degree of mental distortion, delusion, not to mention idiocy that goes to the minds of these mentally ill, self-absorbed, husband-stealing stalkers.

      What in the world would ever possessed her to relocate that far, if not to simply be closer to you? I have a hard time believing it was simply coincidence.

      It’s been 14 years? Are you telling me I have this degree of chaos to look forward to for the next 10 years? Lol.

      In all seriousness though, I am also glad to be back in posting. I haven’t felt that I have much to talk about recently, because I felt as though I’ve covered many bases already, and anything else would be repetition. Also, touchwood… We haven’t heard from the other woman in a very long time. There hasn’t been any drama, any pleas for money, any false accusations involving the police…it’s been pretty quiet on the homefront here, and I hope that my saying so doesn’t completely jinx me.

      • What is even more crazy is that we found out in August, the succubus (who still attests to the courts that she has no resources and little income) manged to enroll her golden child into an elite private school with tuition costs of over $26K. (Which requires uniforms, donor contributions to the school, etc.. ) We tried to warn the school about her “situation”. We were treated as scum and suspect for trying to deprive the child of their superior resources.

        Babymama informs the school in required admission paperwork that there is no father and that she has sole legal custody. ( They believe her lies, misrepresentations because she agreed to pay for the school.) She declines to supply relevant other parental information. So when we asked for copies of records (guaranteed by law) we were forced to spend $2000 on lawyers to prove who we were and to force the school to comply with our demands of “rights of parental access” to any information regarding the child, regardless of the mother’s misrepresentations or disputed custody issues.

        Narcissist Personality Disordered Baby-mama moved without court permission or court notification (3000 miles from CALIFORNIA to Florida) and failed to notify us of her move, which is legally required. (She is not accountable to anyone and laws don’t apply to her, remember.)

        Anyway, near the end of Nov., we get a letter from the school demanding that we pay over $10K worth of overdue obligations made to the school. Babymama had strung them along in payments apparently. They said they have bent over backwards to accommodate her financial situation, but now they will consider kicking the child out of the fancy school in Dec., unless payment of the total amount of $10K was received by the end of Nov.

        ….Well, it’s the 4th of Dec. now, and they have received no payment whatsoever. They have not even heard from her by phone to address the matter. Plus, she has this month’s ( DEC.) payment of $3300 now tacked on to the outstanding balance due. !!!! (Nearly $14 K owed.)
        But guess what, … the address she gave them for billing was her old CA. address and she has not thought it important enough to give them,in the last 6 months, an updated local mailing address.

        Does this self-serving behavior not scream arrogance, disdain and CONTEMPT for the rights of others ? NO integrity whatsoever. I am sure she’ll try to cover up her concealment of her whereabouts by claiming that ….if she told the truth, WE would find out somehow and she can’t risk that happening ! Like us knowing where she has kidnapped and concealed the child, because we have a legal right to know where the child is, A THREAT to her welfare and the “best interests of the child”.

        I tell you desperate, deceitful whores with delusions of grandeur will screw over anyone to get what they think they deserve in life.

        I have no doubt now the slutbag will drag us into court soon to try to demand we pay for her poor choices. Because we have the resources to PAY !

  3. This is just so sad. Our culture encourages affairs.

  4. This sentence looks awkward:

    Now, it seems, I know as many people who have been unfaithful as those who haven’t, and since most don’t talk about it, I am sure there are many **who I think haven’t who HAVE or who ARE engaging in extramarital relationships**.

    Could you edit it? I only ask because I can’t read it smoothly.


  5. Also about the concealer apps, which look like a calculator but they’re not:

    I think you have to just learn about those apps. Also learn some programming to have a skill to reveal what those apps hide. And programming isn’t very hard to understand. But this is only if you’re not afraid to read the technology web articles and aren’t intimidated by app programming.

    • Also I want to highlight this:

      Because we’re upholding a Divorce Culture, we are also a Cheater Culture. So we put less value in Marriage, and we act out our irreverence by having an opinion that we can be excused from choosing to cheat whenever our egos aren’t being put first by our spouses. So we excuse ourselves and rationalize a reason to cheat when our individualism, or our wants, or our desires aren’t being idolized and put first by that person who’s our spouse.

      We choose to be Less Committed, and this weaker loyalty causes the practical consequence of us making a Culture of Divorce and Cheating.

      • Also:

        Our individualism — which is our set of beliefs/values/and opinions — realistically causes us to not be empathetic nor interested in our spouse’s dignity, humanity and thoughts and feelings.

        We end up being Less Respectful and Less Willing To Be Empathetic to our partner. An example would be us acting out our self-involved angst and entitlement by Cheating because we’re not happy.

        We care less about our partner as a person that we can damage. We only choose to focus on our Happiness, and on our opinion to have awesome sex.

        So if awesome sex isn’t being delivered to us by that other person, we choose to Cheat. We choose to get sarcastic to our partner, and we choose to frame ourselves as a Victim and as a person who’s entitled to Sex that masturbates us. So we choose to not do empathetic Sex. Or we refuse to choose empathy and respect for another person.

        Our sexual touching is about us giving to our partner while we expect that person to service our bodies. So whenever we don’t have our amazing moments from our Sex, our empathy makes us less likely to resent our partner. We are also less likely to get selfish and stuck on the idea that we deserve something that’s daily amazing for our whole lives.

    • I dont think that anyone needs to know the programming behind how they work. That doesnt help anyone’s marriage. Simply knowing that they exist, and being aware that there are things like this, created to facilitate infidelity is all thats needed. Awareness holds more power than learning how they are made.

      • I meant being aware, too 🙂

        But here’s the problem if you skip out on reading the web articles about how these apps are made:

        Since you’re only being aware, you are relying on someone else (and often a programmer) to know about these apps AND how they’re made AND how they work. So you end up being a passive listener instead of being knowledgeable of the App’s design and which programmer is actively disrespecting Marriage, in general, by putting in his technical knowledge to make these Apps available.

        I hope you see my point. I am trying to get the problem across that being a consumer of Apps AND not versed in the technical tools that programmers use to put them together makes you reliant on a sympathetic programmer WHO IS ALWAYS the first person to reveal these apps to a layperson like you and WHO IS ALSO ALWAYS the first person to be sympathetic enough to write a web article to explain to a layperson like you on how these infidelity Apps work.

        Just consider this perspective that I’m offering. I program and know that there are MANY programmers who do not care about your marital relationship. The programmer that cares is the one you hope will come out of the crowd and put in his time to write a web article about how these infidelity apps work AND what you should spot when they’re working.

      • I hope you can see that I agree with you about being aware 🙂 . I would share an article with you about this perspective that I’m offering you to consider. But I can’t today because I’m troubleshooting a problem with my own blog.

  6. Thank you for this post. A definite eye-opener, that’s for certain. SWxo

  7. if you have to be on the lookout for such apps, there are bigger problems in your relationship. you cannot blame society or apps for cheaters – cheaters cheat because they want to. and if they want to they’re going to find a way (as you already stated). therefore, the use of these apps just further demonstrates their lack of respect for their significant other. the fact that they are that dedicated to not being found out takes deception to whole new levels. which then begs the question – why would you take them back? to have a one night stand is one thing but to engage in a full blown affair where you have to cover your tracks every single day is unforgivable in my opinion. it’s funny how cheating is now just seen as a little blip every relationship goes through and you just have to work on it and get over it. but if you choose to walk away from a rude, disrespectful and emotionally abusive (cheating constitutes emotional abuse imo) then you are seen as weak and not willing to fight hard for your vows. but the cheater is the one who created the situation, they are the one who didn’t take their vows seriously and introduced a third party into your marriage. why are they given get out of jail free cards by women because an affair isn’t ‘a moment of weakness’ it’s a conscious decision. i see women self-diagnosing their husbands with sex addictions, depression etc etc. to excuse their behaviour and to make it easier to cope with the lies and deception if they have something to blame it on and channel their anger towards. women should be standing up for themselves and saying ‘no’ – no wonder men don’t think twice before they cheat if they know that their woman is just going to be mad for a couple of days then take them back as long as they shed a little tear.

    • So you think I am weak because I chose to stay? Do you think the months of agony watching me cry myself to sleep, tormented by nightmares, unable to trust my own sense of reality, unable for a while to parent my children optimally…do you think that was a “get out of jail free” card? Do you think he is unscathed by his actions? Do you think I disrespect myself because I chose to require him to man up in order to keep me? Is he weak because he did exactly that and manned up?

      I don’t think affairs are a little blip. I’ve experienced one, and I can tell you that the fallout is far from little or inconsequential. I also don’t agree with you that women who walk away are weak and unwilling to fight. I know that there are situations and husbands who make healing impossible. I know there are men who continue to lie after they are caught, refuse to get help, refuse to see their role in the events, and blame their spouse. I know there are men who refuse to look inside of themselves and examine the ugly parts. I know that the existence of all of that makes healing impossible for some, and try as they might, they just can’t. Those women aren’t weak. Affairs take two….so does recovery, and if a man isn’t there with you, walk away with your head high.

      Please don’t disrespect my pain and experience by telling me that because I have stayed and healed my marriage that my husband has “gotten away with it”, or gotten a “free pass”. There is no such thing in a truly recovered marriage.

      • Striving to Heal says:

        Dear Rescuingmymarriage,
        Oh you hit the nail on the head! I just love your blog. The notion that our husbands “got away with it” is so far from the truth. My husband works hard EVERYDAY to “win” me back (his words). He also has to look into my eyes and see the pain that he has caused and what he has done to our family. It would have been so much easier for him to walk away and not have to deal with putting the pieces back together. And trust me, there are plenty of times when I have intentially made it extremely rough for him (just because). But he wanted to stay, own up to his mess, and try to make it right again. The emotional rollercoaster has been HELL. But we are fighting this fight together. I can not understand why there are some women that bash people that are “committed” to healing and saving their marriage. What is so terrible about trying to keep families together and working as partners through adversity? Now as you mentioned, it’s another situation if one or both persons are not fully committed, but if both want to “rebuild”, that should be celebrated and supported.

  8. Striving to Heal says:

    I also have a question for you. Have you and your husband discussed if and/or when you will disclose to your children. My kids are 14 and 10 and do not know about the OC. The OC is 11 and I know it’s only a matter of time (through social media and all) that he may reach out to them on his own (or at the request of his mother). Obviously, we want to be the ones to tell him and not let them find out in the streets or online. If you have discussed, can you share how you all have decided to approach it?

    • We have not told them yet but we will. It wont be important for them to know yet as they are 7, 9 and 13. The OC is 4 I think so she isnt coming looking any time soon. I would think you would want to tell them now. They are both old enough to understand and with that possibility out there, I agree that I would want them to hear it from us first also.

      • Striving to Heal says:

        I guess I’m really afraid of them wanting to meet him. Honestly, if it was just him I wouldn’t have a problem, but the OW is a nut. Which is why we decided on no contact. There is no way we would have come as far as we have (and still have a ways to go) with contact. But how do you explain that to children? I welcome all suggestions.

      • Lavaina Dudley says:

        I actually told my 11 year old and my step daughter she’s 13. They took it pretty well, but very disappointed in my husband and wants to know why? But they feed off of me. They even told me if Im okay they ok and that if I can deal with the OC so can they. My 8, 6, 3 yr olds don’t know. I don’t really think im ready to be around the OC, but if I was I would rather sooner than later so I can deal with whatever emotions Im going to have. But the OW so crazy that Im about to the point to just act like he don’t exist because she is to overbearing, calling, texting, threats, riding by house. I just can’t be bothered because Im still dealing with the fact my best friend betrayed me.

  9. Lavaina Dudley says:

    To read your blog is amazing and everything is just so true. My life was changed dramatically on Sept 2, 2013 my birthday smh. I found out my husband cheated and the girl was pregnant with his only son. We are trying to work on our marriage, but the OW is just dumb, and provoking me to whip her ass. She harasses me, she hate me like I did something to her. If it was for my children I wouldn’t know what mind set I would be in.

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