Urgent help/support after an affair

***Urgent!  This seminar is taking place April 17-19th in New Jersey and there is still space!  Register or send this to a friend.  You can change her life for the better***

Have you recently discovered your husband’s affair?

Did your husband or wife confess their affair to you?

Have you tried to recover, but see no other option but divorce?

Are you healing together as a couple, or does your wayward spouse not promote healing for you and you are doing it alone?

Did your spouse leave you for the other woman or man?

Whether you found out on your own, or whether it was confessed, whether you are working on your marriage, or have taken steps towards separation or divorce, one thing is true: You have been betrayed, and have experienced significant trauma. Whether you go it alone, or with the support of your spouse, you will need to find solid ground again, love yourself, move forward, and exist happily in a future relationship, if one is in your future.

Recovery is hard.  Recovering from my husband’s affair is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am one who has seen a lot of hardship and who has risen to meet many challenges.  I would not wish this journey on anyone (except maybe his mistress), and if I have learned anything from this, it is that support and understanding from others is crucial.  I’ve lost friends and family as a result of his affair.  Some people simply can’t relate or take the strain.  Many crack and fall away when a couple reveals difficulties like this one.  Seeking support is so important, and one of the many reasons I suggest finding support groups in your area to meet with regularly, to vent, to cry and to learn.

I can’t say enough about Anne and Brian Bercht, whose “healing from affairs weekend” catapulted me so far forward in my journey, and for which I am forever grateful.  After all of that, I am pleased that there is also an option for betrayed spouses to attend a weekend, without their spouse, for a deep look at the struggles that we, as betrayed spouses, face.  I signed up for an upcoming weekend, and I could not be more excited.  I hope to come back a new person, if it is anything close to how I felt after the weekend that my husband and I spent together with them.

I am always sad to learn of men and women who are recovering alone, either because their spouse has left them, the marriage has ended, or they are working on it, but the one who is doing the work is the betrayed spouse, without the love and comfort of the one who deceived them.  This weekend is for anyone who has been betrayed and who want to heal, either alone or as part of a couple.

From their website:

During this journey of healing from affairs …

Are you stuck in your healing journey?
Do you feel devastated beyond words?
Do you feel isolated and alone?
Are you wondering if you can ever be happy again?
Are you confused about what to do?
Do you feel like no one understands you?
Do you feel embarrassed? Ashamed? Judged? Misunderstood?
Are you afraid about your future?
Are you furiously angry?
Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts?
Are you wondering how to take your life back?

Than this may be of interest to you …

At our Take Your Life Back Retreat you will get …

  • Rest and refreshment for your wounded soul
  • A chance to talk with others who understand
  • A time to cry
  • A time to laugh again
  • Clear perspective to make sense of this unfair event
  • Motivation to go back and live your life with strength again
  • Unstuck
  • Clarity about how to proceed with your future

And you will learn …

  • How to forgive
  • How to release the pain and sadness
  • How to stop the obsessive thoughts
  • How to deal effectively with anger
  • How to rebuild your self-esteem
  • How to live as victor and not a victim
  • How to make sensible decisions for the future
  • How to get on with your life in the best possible way for you

The Take Your Life Back seminar changed my life in SO many ways. On the first day of the seminar I could hardly talk and by the end I was feeling so strong and able to come back home and live life stronger and with more love and compassion in my heart. There are still many challenges that I struggle with but now I know that I am not alone. The very reason I went to the seminar was because I felt SO alone and in such turmoil. I needed to talk to someone, anyone, who was going through the same issues that I was. The seminar was packed full of opportunities for self discovery and I wouldn’t trade a moment of that weekend! It has been a year since discovery of the affair and I am so proud of myself. My children have said to me, several times, “Mom, you are the strongest person I know and when I am feeling like I can’t go on, I look at you and you inspire me to be strong too.” Those words make me cry every time I hear them from both of my girls and I couldn’t have done it without the Take Your Life Back weekend. I am so grateful for all my experience that weekend and Anne and Brian Bercht both were invaluable in helping me find the strength to move forward each and every day. I encourage everyone to go to the weekend and learn to find courage just like I did. I came away from that weekend with so many tools that I rely on almost every day. – SP, California


I just wanted to let anyone who is suffering know about this wonderful resource.  If you can manage it financially, I am certain you will feel it was worthwhile.  I believe in it so much, and I know Anne and Brian do too.  That’s why they always guarantee their classes.  If you haven’t checked it out, you can do so here.


  1. Hi, I have been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 17. Its been nearly 11 years. I thought that we had a perfect marriage in every since of the word. We have over come a lot of obstacles. It took us 4 years to get pregnant, now we have a 3 year little girl. Our latest obstacle was when I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer a year ago. After major surgery and lots of chemo I beat it with him by my side. About 2 months after I was told by my oncologist that I was in remission my husband started an affair. It has been a week since he has confessed it to me. And I read your post about the “trickle truth”, and that is how he is doing it to me. First he just talked to someone else, then he slept with her one time. First it was only a week, now it is a month. Now he admits he slept with her multiple times. And admits the certain nights he was out with his ” buddies” he was with her. A lot of the times he was running late was BC he was going by her house. He is actually in law enforcement, he would say stuff like my last stop ended up with me taking someone to jail, ect.. I guess I don’t have to tell you how much it hurt. I was wishing that I didn’t put up a fight with the cancer, I was wishing that I died. If it wasn’t for my little girl, I would of taken my life. I can think more rationally now, I don’t want to kill myself anymore. But the pain is unreal. I keep playing a movie in my head, him kissing her, her hand on his chest, them making secret plans together, him inside her, him pulling up at her house, them lieing beside each other, him telling her that he loves her, and so on. I’m sure you know. I hope to god she isn’t pregnant, I don’t think I could deal with that. He is already losing his job because of this, internal affairs are investigating BC her fiance filed a complaint about him. I dont work BC of my recent battle with cancer, so his “mistake” might put our whole family out of a home. He insists that he was never planing on leaving me, that he never even took off his wedding band, which for some reason pisses me off more, and makes it hurt more. She even had a 2 year old little girl that called him daddy, makes me want to throw up. I know the child is innocent, but it makes me sick to think of how much his mistress probably loved her daughter calling him daddy. And to speak of her, I have never hated someone so much. She actually looked through paperwork and hunted his number down and called him, she is the temptation that all wives have nightmares about. I have talked to her, only over the phone, and she claims “he loves you, he told me all the time that he loves his wife”, what type of woman would still go through with it after hearing that. She was telling me to please forgive him for her mistake, and she hopes that we will be able to move on and be stronger BC of this, but at the same time she was texting my husband telling him that she loves him and no one will ever fill his shoes and begging him to stay with her and that she would never make him leave me if he would just stay with her. She is a sick individual! She was telling us she will pay all our bills if he loses his job BC of this, and she is always there for us. Who the hell does she think she is. She is litterally the home wrecking whore all wives fear. My husband isn’t even the first husband she has done this with, she done it with another married trooper. And that is just what she has admitted to. She likes 2 things on a man, a badge and a wedding band. I hope that one day I can lose this hatred I have for her, but right now I have more important things to worry about. And #1 for me right now is that I want to save my marriage. Can you please give me any advise, I have no one to talk to BC none of our family knows, I don’t even want to tell my best friend. But I need to talk to someone that understands my situation. It has been a week and 2 days since his confession. I can’t tell you how much sleep I have lost, you probably know all about that. I want some one to tell me it is actually possible to live on after this, because right now it seems like my world has stopped turning. I feel like I need oxygen. I don’t want our family to know. But yet I can’t stand how they look at him as the perfect husband like I use to. But then again, I think maybe if they keep seeing him like that, then maybe I will start seeing him like that again too. I first I felt disgusted with myself for even sleeping with him during his affair, he had even had sex with us on the same day. Part of me thinks he was wishing himself that I died from the cancer. How could he stand by my death bed and then when I am in remission do this to me. I have looked back over the last month, during his affair, we weren’t even arguing, we have never been much for fighting. I thought we were happy… I guess I could go on and on, but I’m gonna stop now so that maybe I can’t get it off my mind for now. Thanks

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