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Victim blaming or blog stalking?


I find in interesting to read the comments that are left on the blog. Some are meant for me, some are in response to other readers and their comments. Regardless, I’ve always taken an interest in how people relate to one another, how they respond, and how they perceive events.

It’s always been amazing to me how two people can witness the same event and walk away with very different interpretations of the events. How two people can witness a woman attacked, and one will see her as a helpless victim and try to help her up, while others will see her as having deserved it, and contribute to keeping her down. Interesting indeed.

I received this comment on the blog last weekend from a reader named “Kate” who says, in response to my “sermons from Facebook” post:

You are kidding yourself. No, you’re not responsible for the chivld coming into this world. But your husband is. Period. End of story. And it’s obvious you’re relishing the fact that he chose your kids over this poor little girl. Congratulations! You won. And the man you won is a miserable coward. You are responsible for depriving this innocent child of her father because you are selfish and insecure and won’t let go of his balls. Grow up! The fact that the OW is unstable does not justify your husband’s shirking histories parental duty. Rather, his involvement is all the more important. Your blog is a disgusting manifestation of ego and rage. I hope I never run across it again. Take it down. Get over yourself. Get a life. And encourage your husband to man up and be a father to this poor child You repulse me!

Wow. Amazing how her interpretation is that I somehow have ANY influence over my husband’s decision to see or know the child they created. Does she actually think that I prohibit him? Does she think that he wants a relationship and the only thing preventing it is me? Really? Where on this entire blog does it read that I wish for him to remain outside of her life and that I will steadfastly refuse him to have a relationship with his “daughter”? How did she come to THAT twisted interpretation?

Am I “relishing the fact that my husband chose my children over hers”? I’d be lying to say I am not pleased that he is honoring his commitment to the children he created in matrimony. Of course I am pleased he didn’t leave thm and chose to remain the same loyal and devoted dad to them. Of course I am pleased that I didn’t lose my family. Of course I am pleased that he chose to honor his family over a life with a whore. But I am pleased that my children have the father that their father at the expense of her loss? No. I don’t think a child should be fatherless. But, I also don’t think that women should target and sleep with married men and then stop their pill and suggest unsafe sex in order to get pregnant in the hope that it will win her the prize either. I don’t think a child should grow up without her father in her life, but I also don’t think that a grown, mature woman should stalk the wife of the man she is looking to steal, make snide comments about her, make up lies and false lawsuits to gain money and extort funds from an innocent family and call the police on a wife whose only “crime” is trusting her husband.

See, there are a lot of things that I think shouldn’t happen…but they do, and I have no more influence over HIS decision to not see this child than I do over world poverty.

My husband told his whore long ago, before I was even made aware, that he had no intentions of being present in the child’s life. He didn’t want the whore to have a delusional fantasy that they would start a new life together. He wanted it to be quite clear to her what the picture would look like if she chose to have his child out of spite. He made this decision independent of me, and voiced it to her long before I even knew.
So how exactly did I influence it if he told her himself that this was his intention?

“The man you won is a miserable coward”. This is a three parter, so lets tackle it that way:

Firstly, he isn’t something I won. I already had him. I wasn’t in a contest to win a prize. I am MARRIED to him and “won” his heart a long time ago. He wasn’t up for auction, or something I had to sway to be with me. He always was. You can’t win what is already yours to begin with.

Secondly, he isn’t miserable. He was in the beginning when the news first broke to me because he feared losing our family. Our family is the world to him, and we are his home. He has fought to reclaim us entirely and to prove himself worthy of us. He is far from miserable today. We are thriving, our children are growing and healthy, our marriage is strong and we are back to trust again. I’ve forgiven him, which was a long process, but he hasn’t forgiven himself. It is a scar he will always bear, but sweetheart, he isn’t miserable.

Thirdly, he is the furthest thing from a coward. He chose to tell me. That took strength and honesty. That took risk and integrity. He attended therapy, told my parents, apologized to my family, took it on the chin in shame for years, never once blaming me. He was my hero through the pain I felt. Coward? Hardly. The coward is the woman who continues to try and extort money from our family, who sends ridiculous and uninsightful emails to our lawyer using terms she scarcely understands, about concepts she is too stupid to wrap her feeble mind around. Cowardly is the woman who has to stalk and lurk in shadows. Cowardly is the woman who needs to try and steal another woman’s husband. Cowardly is creating false lawsuits and police claims to cause harm to someone out of jealousy. Cowardly is not having the strength to do the honorable thing and apologize to the woman whose life you turned upside down and ask for forgiveness. THAT is the coward.

“You are selfish, insecure, and won’t let go of his balls”

I’m selfish how? Because I want my family? Because I want my husband? Fighting for my family makes me selfish? How am I insecure? I’ve stood up and fought the fight of my life. I’ve defended my marriage. I’ve risked everything and claimed it back. I’ve seen the deepest and darkest places of pain and come out the other side. I am confident, self assured and deserving of every happiness that comes to me because I have fought for it and earned it. Insecure? Hardly. Insecure is the woman who steals a man because she doesn’t think she can be loved honestly or have the confidence to obtain a partner in an way free of lies, deceit and manipulation.

How is my blog a manifestation of ego and rage? If by ego, you mean that it’s “all about me”, you’re right…it is. It’s my blog and it tells my story. As for the rage…have someone come and do to you what has been done to me, and see how rage-filled you become. Thankfully my angry days are behind me. Instead I choose to forgive and wish happiness on those who wrong me. Their behavior speaks to a desperate need for more due to emptiness. Anger won’t solve their issues. All I can do is focus on me and wish her well. Rage? Once, yes. Rage no longer serves me. In fact, it never did…it just held me back.

As for “encouraging my husband to man up and be a father to his child”, I play no role in his choice. There are men who avoid child support. They refuse to pay or underpay. They disregard the children as their own and watch their kids fed with food stamps and dressed in secondhand clothes and do nothing about it. They watch their children deprived of food, clothes, a decent living, knowing that they could contribute. THEY need to man-up. My husband pays $4k PER MONTH for a child who doesn’t cost 1/4 of that. With his payment, that child can wear the best clothes, live in the best area and home, and have access to resources these deadbeat dads deprive their children of. Aside from meeting her, my husband makes sure she has more than enough. He’s meeting his obligation and beyond. He just hasn’t met her. It’s ok…the OW only wants his money, she doesn’t want him in her life and demanded sole custody.

I “repulse” this reader. Like telling a rape victim that she “deserved it”, or a mother whose child died of cancer that “she had it coming to her, this reader reads my story of victimization, betrayal, strength, perseverance, hope, work, support and strength and somehow feels repulsed by me? Interesting indeed….something tells me her name isn’t “Kate” if you know what I mean ūüėČ

Anyone who says that has to be personally angry with me. I can only wonder why….nah, don’t care.

So, what are your thoughts on this laughable comment?

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Securing your own life mask before assisting other passengers


We have all heard that in-flight message as we are preparing to take off on an airplane.  At first it sounds quite counter-intuitive and selfish to suggest that before we help another passenger, even our own child, that we take care of ourselves first.  After all, society always praises those that help others without consideration of their own safety or circumstances, and here they are asking us to do the opposite.   The fact is, however, that you are much more effective to others when you yourself are taken care of.  You are a better help to more people, and can save more lives if you take a moment to help yourself, and strengthen yourself.  That is what my blog post today is about, in part, as it connects to a big bold move my husband made this week.

I blogged last week about my feelings around my husband’s parents having no idea what happened in our marriage, and the fact that he had fathered a child with another woman. ¬†

The truth is, I have ALWAYS felt a great deal of guilt about them not knowing. ¬†I too, am a parent, and I would want to know if my son was going through a hard time, if his family was in peril, and if I had a secret grandchild. ¬†Keeping this information from them seemed so selfish, but in the early phase of my recovery (the first year at least), I couldn’t invest the emotional energy in worrying about them, their needs, their feelings, or even what was “right”. ¬† My marriage was faltering, and I needed to put on my own oxygen mask and take care of myself before I could consider helping others, or doing the right thing by them. ¬†I had to come first.

As my healing journey has progressed, and I no longer need the spotlight focused on my own needs, I have started to give a lot of thought to those around us. ¬†As my husband’s shame has also subsided over time, and as he has been forced to reveal the truth to others due to the OW’s vengeful behaviours, he has come to realize that his actions won’t necessarily be criticized, and that people do support him, and us.

I sat with my in-laws this week, as we were celebrating my husband’s birthday. ¬†I watched them play with the grandkids, marvelling at the littlest thing that they do, asking questions, trying to be involved. ¬†I saw how the small pleasures of just watching my youngest son in the bathtub brought great joy to my mother-in-law, and made her feel a part of something. ¬†Watching this woman enjoying her only three grandkids, I also felt exceptionally guilty that she has a grandchild she doesn’t know about. ¬†Now, I am not advocating that she needs a relationship with the child – far from it – but I was simply guilt-ridden that we were controlling a knowledge of her life that we have no right to control. ¬†She has every right to know that she has kin. ¬†Keeping that from her felt like I was playing G-d, and I felt guilty.

I have three sons. ¬†I have never had, nor will I ever have a daughter. ¬†My husband is an only child, and had no sisters. ¬†His father often talked about how much he had wanted to have a girl, especially when were were growing our family, and I kept birthing boys ūüôā ¬†I think that being a male, and having a male son, he longed for the feminine, the delicate, that something sweet. ¬†The OW had once emailed me antagonizing me over email about how unfortunate it was that I wasn’t able to give my husband the daughter that she was. ¬† It’s funny now, in retrospect, that her tone implied something broken in me that wasn’t broken in her because she bore him a daughter. ¬†Does she not know that the male sperm actually determine the gender of a baby, not the woman? ¬†Anyway, since this isn’t a biology lesson, I digress… Knowing how much my FIL wanted a girl, it felt even more inappropriate for me to hold back the information that he actually HAD ONE in his lineage. ¬†Once again, we were playing G-d with the information we withheld.

After my blog post about secrecy last week, my husband became upset. ¬†He thought my post was ill-timed, as it was the day before his birthday, and for whatever reason, the post upset him, as if the material was new to him and came out of left field. ¬†Rather, it was information we have discussed many times, and spending time with his mother the day prior had unearthed the feelings of guilt again. ¬†I posted because the guilt was fresh and the topic relevant to what I was feeling at the time. ¬†It wasn’t a way to lash out at my husband the day before his birthday…in fact I don’t think I lashed out at all.

When he read my blog, he angrily said that he would tell his father this week, and his mother the next. ¬†I knew it was his anger talking, but I said “good”, because whether he was angry or not, it was the right thing to do.

He had a belated-birthday dinner with his father two days later, and I reminded him before he left the house of his intention to tell his father. ¬†I wasn’t sure if he actually would, and truthfully, I assumed deep down that he would return home later that night with an excuse for why tonight wasn’t the right night, and a plan to delay this talk to a “better time”. ¬†To my surprise, when I asked him about it the next morning, it turns out he had told him. ¬†The two of them sat at dinner, and my husband revealed to his father that he had had an affair with a crazy woman, and that it has produced a child. ¬†I was completely surprised that he had told him, and simultaneously completely proud of him.

I think it is always hard to own a mistake.  I think it is even harder when the mistake is of this magnitude, and harder still when you are telling someone whose relationship you value, and whose approval you bask in.  My husband is an only child of two divorced parents.  He is the golden child to both, and they hold him in very high esteem.  Now, it must be reiterated that my FIL was a serial adulterer.  He had several mistresses over the years of his marriage, and while his marriage ultimately disintegrated, he will tell  you to this day that his affairs were caused by his wife.  It was her lack of respect for him.  It was her lack of spontaneity.  It was her lack of sexual attention.  It was her lack of trust in him.  It was her lack of ___________.  Regardless of what it was, it was HER FAULT.  She was likely fed this information as well, when the affairs became known to her, and it likely stunted her healing.  In fact, she has never healed, and it has helped shape her.

My husband didn’t want to tell his father. ¬†Perhaps he was afraid of falling from grace with his dad. ¬† Perhaps, as he told me, he was worried about his father blaming me, as he had blamed his own wife over the years. ¬†Perhaps he was worried that his father would now want a relationship with the child and the OW, and that it would open the door to a connection between our family and the OW. ¬†Whatever his worry, he took the step in telling his dad, and from what little I know of what transpired and was said, it was positive. ¬†Being a cheater himself, I don’t think he could ever find fault with his son, or see him as faulty. ¬†If anything, he may blame me, or make assumptions that I am not a good wife, or that I don’t meet his son’s needs. ¬†Truthfully, it doesn’t at all matter what he thinks. ¬†His father hasn’t liked me since we were married almost 13 years ago, and I haven’t seen him in almost three years. ¬†I could not care less what interpretation he holds, or what he thinks. ¬†It doesn’t at all change what I know to be true.

I am proud of my husband for taking that step. ¬†At first, I thought that the unburdening by telling his family was a step in the path of MY healing. I now think that it really is a step in the path of HIS. ¬†He attended the “Man of Honour” weekend in May, and they talked about integrity and character. ¬†How can you be a man of character and integrity while holding information from others that is their right to know, just to save yourself? ¬†After all, on March 19th, 2010, he confessed his affair to me with the preface that he could no longer allow me to live my life not having the accurate truth about my own life. ¬†He felt it was wrong to hold back information of this significance from me, and that he felt guilty watching me live my life blind to the information. ¬†How was this different from his parents then? ¬†Was he not holding a secret from these others who also had a right to know that they have a grandchild? ¬†Was that not considered important information that they have a right to know? ¬† It felt the same to me.

For now, he hasn’t told his mother, and I am still hopeful that he will be able to find a way to tell her that won’t compromise her health or cause her to suffer a mental decline. ¬†It is one step at a time, but I think they are steps in the right direction, and for that I am proud of him.

 

Support from one's father

Support from one’s father

You can’t thwart crazy


Those who know my story know that I will have the ow in our lives for the next 20 years while child support is payable. It’s quite a life sentence, no? I’m doing the best I can.

I read an email tonight which serves as a reminder that although I can change my perspective on the ow and her particular brand of crazy, I’ll never stop it. I can only change my reaction.

Her most recent email to our lawyer reads:

dear lawyer,

Below is a copy of an email received from __________ Daycare indicating man’s January cheque was returned NSF. Lawyer, not only only are his payments to both myself and the daycare consistently late they are now being returned insufficient funds. It appears your client wishes to have these matters handled by a collection agency or through additional court enforcement as he is blatantly disrespecting the Courts Orders. Further the February support payment to myself AND February payment to __________ Daycare has not been received.

Further I understand he continues his ongoing abusive and neglectful behavior towards his children. Kindly remind your client all documentation he provided to me prior to Jan 2012 was not confidential as was all information he has publicly provided since then. This includes but is not limited to documentation whereby he stated his wife’s negligent parenting was the cause of his eldest sons seizure at a theme park. allowing his youngest son to consume alcohol, intentionally neglecting his children’s needs to satisfy his sexual needs, documenting a very recent incident and more. He is aware of all of the information he has documented for at least four years now regarding his abusive and neglectful behavior toward his children. As you are aware the courts have already removed all of his rights to his youngest child, based on his abuse and violence.

Your cooperation in addressing these matters in a timely matter is appreciated.

Many thanks,

Ummm ok. Each year she is given monthly post dated cheques. She has them all in advance. How can they be late?

The courts removed his rights to the child he fathered with her? Ummm I think the technical term there that she is missing is that he “revoked” his rights and gave her full custody.

In the spirit of me embracing a new outlook on her, it is obvious she is suffering. She feels sad that her child doesn’t have a father and so she paints a picture that shows he was denied rights because the truth that he revoked them and hasn’t shown interest hurts too much. She still feels the need to lash out at me, referencing an once sent from 2005, four years before they met when my son suffered from heat stroke while at a theme park with my husband. Yup, I wasn’t even there. I was looking after his little 6 week old brother at the time. Interesting and creative spin, although quite inaccurate. Interesting to me how she always paints my husband as “abusive” in her emails. Claims that he abuses his children are completely false and out of character. I have to wonder if she needs to paint him this way to reduce her own pain about his being absent from her daughter’s life? It’s amazing what the mind can do. Don’t get me started on the comment that we let our baby drink. She’s living in a reality show crazier than Jersey Shore.

I can only offer her peace and healing, and the hope that she finds happiness. Maybe then, she won’t feel the need to spew these lies to protect herself from her pain. God help her.

Resurrecting the psycho…she’s BACK!


Tell me I am misdirecting my anger. Tell me that my anger and hostility towards the OW is inappropriate. I dare you.

Wednesday morning, October 31st, my husband received the following email to his inbox. It came from his lawyers office. In his lawyer’s absence (she was in court apparently), the legal assistant forwarded to him the following email, received from the OW the day prior (names have been removed):

(It needs to be mentioned here that in the weeks following up to the receipt of this email, the psycho crazy whore discovered that legally, she was entitled to no additional money this year, over and above the amount she was given last year, after a financial review was completed on her daughter’s birthday, October 20th. Upset and likely angry at this reality, she lashed out with the email below) My clarification points are in bold italics.

Dear Lawyer,
The Corporate financial statement you have provided (which is currently under review) does not include financials for (husband’s) additional Professional Corporation and business accounts for which (husband) himself has already provided documentation of its existence. When do you anticipate forwarding that information?
(Read: I want more money, which is the only reason I had this kid I never wanted in the first place)
(There are no additional corporations in his name. He has not provided documentation of their existence. They don’t exist)

Please inform your client third parties have reported acquiring documentation of your client and his wife’s ongoing sexually deviant obsession with me. It appears the Family are so delusional in the false reality in which they have created (& force their sons) to live in, that they choose to ignore the fact that the entire downtown core has cameras to capture harassing behaviour and their digital imprint is unique. Your client has put both me and his daughter in danger by publicly providing our home address, telephone number & email address on multiple occasions. Further, the attacks by (husband) on me professionally have been well documented for years. It appears He has made it his personal mission to discredit me professionally since signing the Order in January. Third parties are understandably (given Husband’s violent history) terribly concerned for (daughter’s) safety and my own. Should they choose to provide evidence of Husband’s ongoing harassing behaviors to the appropriate authorities, governing bodies, Government agencies, Husband’s workplace, the university, and the taxation offices to protect (daughter) and I from Husband that is their choice. I have no control over others actions and I do not communicate about Husband in any way. Further, the fact that Husband a 45 year old man, regularly & voyeuristically views online photographs of his female child Nicole is widely regarded as pedophilic in nature.
Let it be known that statements of cameras capturing activities downtown are ridiculous and speak to a paranoia or mental illness. As someone with significant mental illness training, this wreaks of paranoid schizophrenia. There is no harassing behaviour being captured on any close circuit television cameras anywhere. Her desire for us to be interested in her astounds me. We aren’t interested sweetheart. Get over it. Not only has my husband not discredited her professionally, he has made no contact with her whatsoever. My husband’s violent history??? What violent history? He hasn’t spoken with you since March 21st, 2010….not an email, letter, voicemail, or otherwise. Violent tendencies? Riiiiiight. It may be of interest to readers to know that the order between them contains a non-harassment clause that they may not harass one another. What does the sending of this letter consist of? Harassment, yes. In addition, the order also stipulates that they may not speak of the relationship to third parties, and that third parties are also restricted from discussing the relationship or compromising the other. Her intentional statement of “I don’t speak about him, but I can’t control what ‘my friends’ do” is threatening to breach the order and be in contempt of court.

Please be advised I continue to abide by the Order and do not discuss Husband or this matter in any way, however I am incapable of turning my ears and eyes off when third parties provide documentation regarding Husband’s ongoing obsession with me.
And what third parties are these? Last time we checked, you don’t have any friends to speak of.

Additionally may I remind you that prior to January 2012, all information pertaining to Husband’s affair with me, our daughter, his out of control mental illness, his years of harassment, violence, misogynistic and sexually deviant behavior towards his daughter and myself, his attacks on his wife, and his own acknowledgment of his questionable reporting to the CRA and copies of said information was not confidential.
Oh the attacks feel good don’t they? Claiming my husband has a mental illness. Projection much? He hasn’t had years of harassment towards anyone, isn’t violent or misogynistic in any way. There is NO deviant sexual behaviour towards his daughter – he has never met her. He does not attack me, and has never falsified his taxes. He is an honest man with a good heart who made a mistake. Sounds like someone is feeling sad that they weren’t the ultimate winner here. The very fact that a mother places her daughter in a position within her own mind of being someone’s sexual prey, is, in and of itself, morally reprehensible. You sick fuck.

I had sincerely hoped at this point your client would move on with his life and stop dangerously imposing himself on mine. However given the overwhelming amount of evidence of his harassing actions since January 2012 (what evidence is that you speak of?), it is clear Husband is incapable of doing so. In fact his obsession with us seems to have escalated. It has been noted that Husband’s public behavior clearly supports his self reported alcoholism (really? that one is kind of funny) and unstable mental illness (here comes the projected mental illness again) which reportedly appears to cycle every 25-30 days between manic hypersexual delusional acts of grandeur and depressive, retaliatory, violent acts against me and (daughter) (I’d like to know how a man who has never seen this child, nor laid eyes on you since March 19th, 2010 has engaged in violent acts against you?) . Need I remind you reportedly your client, in December 2011 tweeted online a request for his I Phone to perform oral sex on him and in June 2012 reportedly posted a photograph online of a hotel room bed with 3 champagne glasses (which I understand third parties assumed belonged to him, me and his wife). Perhaps your client‚Äôs self acknowledged mental illness (again with the mental illness???) prevents him from realizing how disturbing and perverse this behaviour is to all everyone with Internet access who views it.
I should clarify here that the iphone oral sex reference and the champagne glasses do have a basis in reality, but have been quite skewed.
Reference 1: When my husband first got his iPhone 4S, we discovered Siri, the voice-recognition assistant that learns your needs and answers your questions. Many people had asked Siri to marry them, and received hilarious replies. We took it a step futther, and I asked my husband to ask her for a blowjob. When he did, her reply was that he’d better check with me first. I found that hysterical and tweeted it, or Facebook-posted it – I can’t recall which. Either way, the fact that she saw it proves that she is still stalking me online, and in doing so, is breaching the court order that she would no longer do that.
Reference 2: In June 2012, I traveled to San francisco with my family. Upon arrival, my friend who is local, had left us a bottle of champagne and two glasses, along with some treats for my kids. It was a great welcome gift. I tweeted or Facebook-posted (can’t recall) how fortunate I felt to have such wonderful friends who would do something so kind. In the posting, I’d included an image of the glasses, and likely the hotel room fell into the background. Correction: There were two glasses, not three, and she was never invited ūüėČ

Your client‚Äôs ongoing obsession with me is disturbing. I now sincerely believe His terrifying January 2010 email to me whereby he stated ‚ÄúMy dear sweet (name withheld), you are the glue that keeps my marriage together. Without your joyful free spirit in my life I would be unhappy and forced to focus on my miserable marriage to my selfish wife. I need you in my life to be happy. You can‚Äôt ever leave me. I won‚Äôt let you‚ÄĚ.
This email was completely fabricated. He has never written that email. It doesn’t even make sense. Since when does side-pussy become the glue that holds a marriage together? This was written for one intention: so that I would read it and get worried. Just another attempt to drive a wedge.

Lawyer, I respectfully ask that you please advise your client to get over our affair and move on with his life. We had sex for a year which resulted in the single greatest joy I have ever known, our beautiful daughter. His ongoing attacks, harassment and obsession with us are criminal. He is endangering the safety of his own child and me. I sincerely hope he can one day make peace with the fact that [he has a]daughter and we can move forward in a positive manner towards the best interests of (daughter).
Maybe someone, in the “best interest of her daughter should spend more time parenting her, instead of sending completely bogus, vitriolic emails, designed to cause further harm to a family who has been through enough. Perhaps she should focus her energies there.

Separately, I may be required to work extra hours over the coming months. Please advise Husband I will forward all receipts for additional daycare costs incurred or documentation from Daycare if try are able to accommodate. I will also provide documentation supporting the hours worked.
More money, more money, more money.

Given the fact that it is your client who has intentionally dragged matters on by breaching the Court Order and refusing to provide his tax information at the required times, he will provide Novembers support cheque and payment to the daycare to me by November 1. Any adjustments will be made at a later date once his 2011 returns have been reviewed. Further, the information re his corporate returns was dated October 4, your client did not forward said information to me until October 23. Further supporting what appears to be his intentions to play games, not cooperate and deliberately not allow for sufficient time to review.
My husband has never once breached the court orders. He was supposed to provide all tax documentation by May 31at, but given that corporate taxes aren’t collected until July, this was no possible. Her side was informed of this, and agreed. Taxes were not completed in a timely fashion by our accountant, admittedly, but this is no fault of ours. He has made repeated attempts to expedite the process, but to no avail. It was finally completed a few weeks ago. Late, but done nonetheless.

Please forward his accurate financial records as well as Novembers support cheque payment to my lawyer immediately. Have your client forward November’s daycare payment directly to the daycare for November 1.
Cause it’s all about the money, money, money…..

Many thanks,
Skank whore
30 months into this ordeal…over 900 days, and we are still receiving this garbage. She is stil actively seeking to cause us harm, to cause me pain, and to destroy my husband’s reputation. When does it end? When do we get peace? When do we get a chance to heal and focus on us? According to our lawyer….never. Things like this rarely ever resolve, she says, and with someone this crazy…even less likely.
So, to all those who told me that my anger is misdirected, and that I have no reason to be upset with the woman who slept with a knowingly married man, got pregnant on purpose, and lashed out at what remained of my self-esteem, and who continues to assault my family, I ask you…upon reading this, do you really feel I have no reason to be upset? If your answer is ‘yes’, you are as mental as she is.
This email left me in a state of primal scream in fetal position. I have had it. I laid in my basement, on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, screaming with a primal anger I think would have been hard to witness (ask my dog), and curled myself up into a fetal position. I eventually got up, called my husband, and asked him if he’d seen the email. He hadn’t. I read it to him. He was pleased. He saw it as further proof that she continues to be unhinged…and that she is showing her true colours every time. He was pleased because it spoke to the fact that she must be angry she isn’t going to extort any more money from us. For that, he is pleased. I wish I could see the optimism here, because from someone who didn’t get to fuck this cow, I don’t see many unicorns and rainbows in this letter, just sludge and venom. Needless to say, I felt better after we’d talked, booked an hour long telephone-therapy appointment with my therapist to talk about it, and am now doing much better.

Financial abortion and equality for men under the law


In the United States constitution, the 14th amendment is an equal protection clause which states that “no state shall … deny to any person within its¬†jurisdiction¬†the equal protection of the¬†laws“.

If the above is true, than every person is entitled to the same treatment and protection that the law provides.  There shall be no discrimination based on age, gender, race, religion, etc.  But if that is the case, why are men and women treated differently when it comes to choosing whether a life is allowed to continue, or whether abortion is a choice?  Why are women given the sole decision making without contribution from, or participation from the men who had equal parts to play in creating them?

We have all heard of the precedent-setting case Roe vs. Wade, in which case determined the legality of abortion and on a woman’s right to choose. ¬†Since that case in the 70’s, it ¬†has been held in many places that a woman has a right to choose whether she will carry a pregnancy to term. ¬†If a woman feels that the burden is too great, she can choose to end her pregnancy. ¬†If she feels that the pregnancy and resulting baby would cause her financial hardship, she can choose to end her responsibility and have an abortion. ¬†If she wakes up some random Tuesday, and just decides she isn’t ready for the commitment that parenting entails, she can choose to abort, and she can do so without the knowledge, permission, or say of the man who fathered the child. ¬†Let’s face it, men don’t really have much say in whether a woman chooses to keep a baby or abort a pregnancy once the knowledge of the pregnancy is out in the open. ¬†A man is gagged and barred from any decision making, and his future rests entirely in the decision that is made unilaterally, often without his consent.

Let’s look at it this way: ¬†A woman has a relationship with a man who is financially less advantaged than she is. ¬†She earns, let’s say, double his income. ¬†Together, they conceive a child, and she has to decide whether the pregnancy will continue. ¬†On her mind is the financial hardship that having this child will cause. ¬†She also knows, that since she and the father are not married or co-habitating, and that the likelihood that their relationship will not end well is high. ¬†If she has the child, he will be entitled to shared custody of the child, and if he so chooses, their respective incomes will be taken into account in order to determine child support amounts. ¬†Knowing that she makes more money than he, having this child means that she will likely be paying him child support for a child that she will be pregnant with, birth and co-raise, but as a single parent. ¬†All extraneous expenses like daycare and lessons, and classes will be split according to their proportionate incomes, which means that she will be paying a higher share of those expenses than he will. ¬†She gives it a lot of thought, and in the end, decides that the burden is too high, and she opts to abort the pregnancy. ¬†She has the right to do that, and does not even need, nor seek the father’s opinion on the matter. ¬†Perhaps he has always wanted children. ¬†Perhaps he would be a fantastic father. ¬†It doesn’t matter. ¬†She doesn’t want the child, she doesn’t want the financial hardship, so she has an escape clause. ¬†Men just don’t have one, so where is this “equal protection under the law” for men?

In 2004, a man by the name of Dubay became involved in a romantic relationship with a woman who claimed she was unable to have children. ¬†He was pleased, as he did not wish to have children, and had made this clear to the woman throughout their relationship. ¬†One day, she turns up pregnant, decides unilaterally that she wishes to have the baby, and demands child support from a man who never wanted to have a child in the first place. ¬†Her rights outweighed his on an issue that they both had equal participation in. ¬†Dubay went to court to argue that Michigan laws favoured women as women are not required to pay child support for children that they do not wish to parent, but men do not have that same option. ¬†The law ruled that the needs of the child to receive contributions from both parents outweighed their individual rights. ¬†Why doesn’t that work in reverse? ¬†If the needs of the child to receive contributions from BOTH parents outweighs individual rights, why doesn’t it outweigh when the woman doesn’t want to pay? ¬†She can decide to not parent the child and be accountable for nothing. ¬†Men simply don’t have that option. ¬†Dubay was encourageed to appeal his case to the supreme court, but decided against it. ¬†He is now paying support for a child he was quite clear that he did not want to have.

Does this seem fair in the eyes of the law?  In my mind, it does not, especially as the wife of a man whose DNA was used as ammunition against him, held hostage in an attempt to have him leave his family, and then again as ammunition when she unilaterally decided to keep a child she never wanted for the purpose of punishing us, using her child as a pawn in her wicked game.

The term “financial abortion” has been used to describe what should be a man’s right to choose when he wants to become a father and bear the financial responsibility for having children. ¬†After all, women can leave their infant children on the doorstep of a church, no questions asked, and simply walk away. ¬†Why can’t men exact these same rights when they feel that a child would be a burden on them, financial or otherwise? ¬†Why aren’t men given a choice?

I understand that many laws relating to child support favour the mothers because often it is us who bear the children, whose bodies are sacrificed for their birth and upon whom much of the parenting decisions lie. ¬†I understand placing the needs of a child above those of the parents, and allowing a child’s rights to life, food and shelter superseding those of the parents who created it. ¬†After all, even when children are wanted and birthed in a family, most parents would agree that they too place the needs and wants of their children first. ¬†What I don’t agree with, however, is the biased laws which allow women to have rights that men just don’t have. ¬†The child’s rights supersede those of the father, but not those of the mother?

Brown University Professor Frances Goldscheider¬†proposed the idea of “financial abortion”. ¬†“If it were law, a financial abortion would allow a man — one who has specifically said to his partner before intercourse that he doesn’t want to be a father — to void all monetary responsibility for any pregnancy. Without question, the woman could carry the child to term, but she and the law could then never come looking for the dad for child support” (http://www.theroot.com/views/what-if-i-dont-want-be-daddy).

I personally like this idea. ¬†I know this professor has taken a lot of slack, but let’s look at it this way: ¬†Those against the idea would do so in favour of protecting the child and their right to financial means in order to be provided for and given a comfortable existence, hopefully outside of poverty. The laws aren’t what they are to allow children more access to their dads, just his money. ¬†But since we want children to be paid for, have their needs met, and prevent deadbeat dads and the needs for government to pick up the cheque, this is seen as a way to lessen the burden on governments to carry the lives of those whose dads didn’t step up. ¬†So good, decent, honest men are now paying the price for the deadbeats – ¬†a very high price. ¬†But what if this was a law? ¬†If a woman had to include a man in her choice, and if a man could forfeit his involvement in parenting and financial duty? ¬†Would this increase costs to the government? ¬† Perhaps in the form of single parent-poverty stricken moms who can’t afford to feed and raise her kids, but then again maybe she shouldn’t have HAD the child in the first place if she couldn’t afford it…that is a whole other post, however. ¬†But, what if this really was law….wouldn’t it cut down on the number of babymama whores like the one my husband bedded down with, if she knew that having the child would bring her absolutely NO reward whatsoever? ¬†Wouldn’t it cut down on the number of women who think receiving child support is a career, and who hunt high-income earning men to father their children so that they can rake in support? Wouldn’t it cut down on the number of unplanned pregnancies if women knew that there was no “fallback” option, and that she was SOLELY responsible for the financial duties for her child if she decides SOLELY to continue her pregnancy? ¬†I would think less women would be as careless with their birth control, and more women would opt to abort or adopt before incurring the kinds of financial setbacks they place on men without even batting an eye.

Laws need to be fair. They need to be fair to ALL involved, and the law shows that often, men are not even considered when it comes to a woman’s right to an abortion. ¬†Why should men pay the price for a child he never wanted, simply because a woman wants to be a mother? ¬†If a woman has the ultimate decision making right, then she should make those decisions prepared to absorb ALL consequences of her choice. ¬†After all, what do we as a society teach our children about taking responsibility and decision making? ¬†That you can make a choice that burdens SOMEONE ELSE without even asking their choice? ¬†Since when is causing harm to another by one’s own single-handed decision making considered good law? ¬†In any other arena, with different terms, we would call that abuse.

For more reading on this subject:

 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kirsten-west-savali/fathers-financial-abortion_b_1015286.html

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1173414,00.html

http://lorettakemsley.hubpages.com/hub/Is-Financial-Abortion-for-Men-Viable-or-Legal

http://prospect.org/article/why-financial-abortion-bad-idea

All of my comments above, written based on my personal experience of having my family’s resources, my children’s resources, and my hard-earned resources compromised by a whore who unilaterally decided, for the purpose of punishing my husband and I, to have a child in order to cost us support money. ¬†A woman whose sole interest in her child is to earn more because of it, and who actively thirsts through ongoing communication from lawyers for our tax returns so that she can determine how much more she is making this year, how much more she will take from my kids who had no say whatsoever in the matter and whose lives are forever changed because of her irresponsibility in keeping a child she was never prepared to financially support.

A-ha moments


You know how you can be going about your usual day, and suddenly an experience will lead you to remember and earlier one? Well sometimes, the experiences of my day lead me to remember events that happened in the timeline when the affair was going on, when I didn’t yet know it was going on. I then replay those moments with a fresh set of eyes, or with a clearer pair of lenses, if you will. I replay the events with a more complete understanding, and realize how much of the picture I was missing at the time, and didn’t even realize I had blinders on.

Yesterday, as I was preparing to call a courier for my business, I was reminded of a time that my husband had asked me to call a courier to take a parcel from our home to the workplace where he had met the mistress, when they both worked for a third party (before she came to work for him personally). He had some time-sensitive documents that needed to make their way to this office, on a day when he wasn’t scheduled to work. I told him I would call a courier for him. But, as the day went on, I realized that I was going to be driving in that general area, and while it was a little out of the way, I was happy to deliver it in person, both to save the courier fee, and because I wanted to do a nice thing for him, and drop it off in person. With my new set of lenses, I replayed moments of that day, and remember calling him to tell him that I was on my way to deliver it personally. I remember him becoming really awkward, and telling me that a courier would have been better. He even asked me to turn around, and go home, telling me that the parcel wasn’t THAT important, and he would take it himself the next day. I was confused. Why did he seem so upset at my kind offer to hand deliver his parcel to his workplace? Didn’t he appreciate the personal touch? Didn’t he recognize that I was going out of my way for him? I remember him being a little snappy, and thought that he must be having a hard time at work. When his attempts to derail me from the plan of walking into his office were obviously futile, he gave me additional directions on how I could get in and out of there quickly. He obviously didn’t want me to be seen. Perhaps SHE was working that day, and he didn’t want me to come unknowingly face to face with the woman he was developing feelings for. At this point, they would have already slept together, but it was in the very early phase. He directed me to NOT go to the main desk, but to go to a side-office and deliver it to whomever was in that room. He didn’t give me a name, and even said that it didn’t matter who received it, that I should just drop and go. I did. I didn’t say hello to anyone. I didn’t stop by the main desk, and truthfully I had no reason to. Typically, when I find myself in my husband’s work place, I make an extra effort to be well-mannered and polite, friendly and pleasant. I reason that in that moment, I am representing him, and I want his colleagues to have the very best impression of him, through me, something that he could be proud of. I wasn’t dressed particularly ‘well’ that day, as I was heading up to an amusement park to meet friends, but I would have been ‘presentable’.

It’s funny, looking back, having now a full understanding of why he was so on edge. He was hiding me. Or was he hiding her? It’s hard to know who he was trying to protect from whom. I just know that he was obviously very nervous and anxious about the whole thing.

I spoke with him this morning about this experience, and jogged his memory of the event. He didn’t recall his reactions, but he can reason that he would have felt that way, given what was happening at the time. His response: “I am so sorry….” Not much more he can say, right? It was stupid and irresponsible.

I would like to think that he was protecting me from her, preventing the mistress from getting a glimpse of what I look like, feeding her curiosity about her competition, and possibly subjecting me to what he may have already felt was a deceptive person. Maybe not, but I would like to think it was me he was protecting, and for my own sanity, I will choose to look at it that way ūüôā

The interesting thing that came of our conversation today about this was that it also triggered a memory for him. When I told him that perhaps the reason he didn’t want me to go to his office was because he didn’t want the mistress to know what his wife looks like, he told me that she already knew, but then he struggled to piece together how she would have known. Something inside of him reminded him that she did know….but how? There was no image of me on the desk, there wasn’t a family picture, there was only a picture of our three children, which I’d taken within the year. How did she know what I look like? He remembered a brief comment she’d made, seemingly off the cuff, about how ‘all these boring vanilla wives these days seem to drive Land Rovers and all have that same haircut; blonde hair, short in the back, longer in the front’. She was making fun of me, calling me plain, casting me into a pool of other un-original moms who all have the same car and haircut, and doing so in a way that wouldn’t seem obvious to my husband. He remembers thinking at the time, “oh my goodness, she just described MY wife!”, which of course would have then led to the obvious temporal connection “She said those women are unoriginal, vanilla, and boring and she just described my wife, so my wife is unoriginal, vanilla and boring”. It was a manipulative way to lead my husband to a negative conclusion about me, without her having had to make any negative statements about me. Typical woman…always working three levels under consciousness. The question was, how did she know what car I drove, or what I looked like? He thought it was merely coincidence that she had described me, but it was a well-thought-out ploy to cause us to crumble from the inside, having planted a bomb. She’d either driven past our home, followed me as I picked up my children from school (she knows where they attend school), or waited for me outside of my workplace. Regardless, I had been stalked and followed. She knew what I looked like because she’d made the effort to locate me and size me up. Creepy much? I knew she stalked me online…that she had found out where we lived after we moved, and had driven by. I just didn’t realize I had been stalked long before I thought I had been…in the early stage of the relationship, I was being sized up.

Anyway, I mention this only because I find it interesting how even now, flashbacks will draw me back to an event during the affair, and I re-view the event with new understanding, and a clearer perception of what was happening in my own life that I was only half-present for because my husband had shut me out. I am thankful for these moments, as they show me the stark contrast between where we were, and where we are, and I don’t feel so ‘in-the-dark’ anymore.

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Perplexed


The self-absorbed righteous mistress thinks it is all about her

 

 

I am perplexed. I am the kind of person who marvels in figuring things out. OK so maybe I don’t really want to know the inner workings of the remote control, or how the thermostat regulates the temperature in the house (I actually know all about the coiled bi-metallic anode), but I love making sense of chaos and finding a reason for why things are the way that they are, especially as it relates to human behaviour. It is for this reason that I first sought a psychology degree in my undergraduate training, and later a masters in psychotherapy. I like knowing what makes people tick. Over the years, learning myself better, I think the reason I was so attracted to knowing what guides human behaviour was my need to predict my environment and feel safe in it. I reason that if I knew what would cause a person to do a certain thing, I could better anticipate it, and not be caught off guard. Regardless, I just enjoy putting people together, like a puzzle, and figuring them out.

The mistress stumps me. You know, as I type those words each time, I don’t even like applying that term to her. The word almost looks regal on screen. The sound of the letters when placed together in a word come off my tongue almost sounding classy, when this woman is the farthest thing from a class act. I guess that is why I prefer to call her the skank, the whore, the cum-dumpster, trailer trash, the slut, the bitch, or as one lovely reader, and fellow blogger likes to call her, the “side pork”. Yup, I still love that one.

 

I can’t figure out what would make a person feel so entitled. I posted a while back on “entitlement”, and reflect often on how this poor excuse for a human being feels so entitled, despite neon signs flashing all around her which tell her the opposite. Can someone be so self-absorbed with such a warped sense of self-importance that they simply don’t think that the rules apply to them? Can someone be so delusional as to think that they are far better than anyone else, and that the rules that apply to most people, are not valid where they are concerned? The latter, of course, is actually a mental illness, and my husband and I (and our various solicitors) are convinced that she is not mentally all there, so maybe that explains it.

Looking back at the story in summary:

We find a woman who meets a married man, decides she likes him, learns he is married, and pursues him anyway. She would probably disagree that she pursued him, and make herself the victim, like he pursued her, but seriously….regardless of how it went down, or who initiated what, at some point, she decided that flirting with, kissing, and sleeping with a married man was something she was OK with, and she went ahead with her behaviour with full knowledge of his marital status, so it doesn’t really matter who pursued who, she wasn’t a victim in all of this as she would claim, she was a 50% responsible co-conspirator with my husband. She felt ENTITLED to him.

She makes the relationship ‘seem’ attractive and fun by stating that she only wants casual sex (these details by the way are found throughout her emails and text messages where she writes literally this), that she is sex-crazy and needs to have sex 4-5 times PER DAY and never feels satisfied. She advertises herself as sexually liberal and interested only in the casual nature of the sex, with no strings attached, and despite saying that she too is involved with someone, she puts forth an ‘escape clause’ that says that either one of them can put an end to the relationship at any time, no questions asked. She hoped my husband wouldn’t read the small print (his penis doesn’t have such good eyesight to read the small little print at the bottom of the page, and is easily distractible), which states that only she can use the escape clause for her own benefit, and that if he attempts to use it, he will be stalked, terrorized, harassed, threatened and his life made utterly miserable – sign on the dotted line. Something smells fishy….that is just too perfect a scenario for a woman to put forth…and so rare. Too bad my husband didn’t follow the golden rule: If something seems too good to be true…it probably is.

When it was obvious that he wasn’t interested, she became pregnant and flaunted that she’d prefer to have an abortion, and would do so if he left me and his kids. He wasn’t prepared to do that. Threats escalated. Then came the ultimatum: You tell your wife this week, or I will. She felt ENTITLED to this relationship and would do whatever she could to secure it. Since she’d already shown him that she means business and would certainly follow through on that threat, he knew the gig was up. She coached him on what to say, and how to say it, and waited gleefully off-stage while he gave the final performance of his marital career, expectantly waiting to rescue him after I kicked him to the curb. Finally, she would get what she wanted. She was ENTITLED to it. But she didn’t read me, as well as I read her, and was side-swiped with the news that he wasn’t leaving, and I wasn’t kicking him out. So the shit hits the fan.

From that moment on, the ENTITLEMENT festered and grew like a cancer, spreading like wildfire, and taking over any sensible, rational part of her brain. She decides to have her baby out of spite, knowing full well that she would be raising this child alone, and that my husband would never see the child. He’d made that very clear to her when she was deciding what to do, and wanted her to make her choice with FULL KNOWLEDGE of how it would look. This wasn’t a surprise, this was her CHOICE. He had no say in whether his child was brought into the world. She alone was going to decide that a child would be born to a fatherless home, with a mentally unstable mother, and would cost the father close to one million dollars in child support over the next 22 years. Yup, you heard me right. TWENTY-TWO YEARS. Sounds like a prison sentence doesn’t it? It feels like one. Funny how TWO people can make a CHOICE to sleep together, TWO people can decide to engage in something illicit, TWO people can conspire to keep it a secret, but ONE person can decide on behalf of BOTH of them whether a child should be born of their union, and that the other person will pay for 95% of it. Somehow that loses its fairness. At that point, what was consensual to BOTH is now decided by ONE, and guided by spite, revenge, and anger. Out of anger for not having “won the prize” when I decided to keep my husband, she decides to birth a child, stating that she looked forward to ruining us financially and having us pay for it (yes, she actually said that), and then goes on a revenge rampage, emailing everyone she can think of that is connected to my husband to tell them about the affair. She felt ENTITLED to let them know, claiming that it was her ‘responsibility’. Not only did she email work colleagues and co-workers, she contacted executive staff who manage over my husband, who have the ability to see him out of his career. When that wasn’t tasty enough, she decided she would also try to ruin us socially, and revealed the affair to friends via email, and then lastly to my parents and brother, so that I could feel a little of the humiliation as well. She felt ENTITLED to share it, it was almost, as she’d put it, her responsibility to let them all know, and cloaked it as a desire to want to inform them all so that they could ‘help me’ emotionally through the pain it would surely cause. When her actions threatened my husband’s reputation among his peers and colleagues, her employment with him was terminated. It was felt that she could no longer work in that environment, was a threat to the organization and to the principal of the company, and was let go. Despite being given 3X the severance pay that she was entitled to, along with a letter of reference, she decided to launch a wrongful dismissal suit because she felt ENTITLED to damages. She claimed emotional distress and psychological torment at having lost her job, and claimed that she was let go because she was pregnant. She obtained a free lawyer who would work for her for free for the next two years, trying to help her collect on damages. She had him convinced that my husband had raped and tormented her, and that he’d impregnated her and then hung her out to dry. He bought into it hook, line, and sinker. Any rational person hearing the story objectively, would have felt some compassion for me, the innocent party, during these proceedings, but her bottom-feeding lawyer looked at me with disgust, and refused to shake my hand when I offered it at our first meeting. Doesn’t surprise me that someone lacking any class would select a lawyer equally un-schooled in the art of human relations. She launched in tandem a complaint with the Human Rights Tribunal, hoping to collect some additional money. She felt ENTITLED to as much money as possible to offset her ‘suffering. When the time came to settle the custody and child support issues (separate legal team, separate court documents), she was encouraged to settle those before the custody would be considered. She wanted the custody settled so that her payments would be court ordered and enforceable, because she felt ENTITLED to obtain as much money from his as possible. She ended up receiving a considerable sum in settlement pay in order to drop her two false claims (she wasn’t wrongfully dismissed, and she wasn’t discriminated against (human rights) for having been pregnant. Both claims were dropped, and she walked away with her pockets filled, never having paid her lawyer a red cent. He would end up being paid from this sum. It had been the plan all along: launch as many claims as you can against him, it will end up being settled, and at the very least, we will walk away financially advantaged. Nice ploy.

 

Outside of the child support payments exist extraneous payments which are required to be paid in addition Things like prescriptions, ballet classes, music classes, school fees, team enrolment, mommy&baby classes, etc. That isn’t split 50/50, it is proportionate to income, and because she doesn’t work, we pay 95%, so when a prescription had to be filled for her daughter for $29, she sent the bill to our lawyer for $27. Yup, she pays $2, and we pay $27. I couldn’t believe, given the enormous amount she makes in child support payments, that she was scraping the bottom of the barrel and scrounging for $27….I was kind of embarrassed for her, but she felt ENTITLED. She unilaterally decided to place her child into daycare, with no regard to what the cost was. She chose one of the highest priced daycares in the area. Why? Cause she doesn’t pay for it, we do. Her 5% portion is laughable. She felt ENTITLED to spend our money how she saw fit. Why not? Free money, mandated by the laws which have been put into place to protect babies of deadbeat dads. When she decided that she wanted to get her daughter immunized against Hepatitis B (not covered by health insurance), we questioned why she would need/want to immunize her against something like this at such a young age, especially if she isn’t exposed…unless she was going on a trip? A few weeks later, a request comes for my husband to sign her passport application. She is reminded that she has complete custody, and his signature or permission for her to travel is not needed. A passport? A hepatitis B vaccination? Sounds like someone is going on a vacation!! Mexico maybe? Funny, she can’t scrape two cents together, and hasn’t been able to EVER afford a vacation…until now, when her child support payments which are far greater than what is actually NEEDED to support her child allow her to squirrel a little away at a time for her child. Looks like she went to Mexico (or some other disease infested area requiring advanced vaccination), on our dollar. Why not? She is ENTITLED to a vacation on us, right?

So here we are, two years later. The false lawsuits have been dropped and closed. She has legally released my husband from all claims relating to her employment. She gets a monthly cheque for her child support, post-dated cheques given yearly so they are never late, and daycare payments made directly to the daycare so that she can turf her kid and have some ‘mommy time’. She is ENTITLED to that though, cause she works so hard as a single mother (and I don’t doubt that she does, I am sure it is BRUTALLY hard, and I wouldn’t change places with her but let’s not forget that this was her CHOICE). She sits on the brink of a job offer, having submitted a job application that she obvious wants desperately (I guess she needs to get out of the house, 100% childcare is exhausting!! He warned her that it would be….we’ve been there…done that…she didn’t listen), and she is worried that he won’t give her a good reference. Although she has a reference letter, her fear is that someone will call him, and she can’t monitor or control what he says. She is worried that karma is going to exact a toll on her, and do to her what she has been doing to him for two years: slandering a reputation and compromising a career. Out of her fear, she has decided to launch several lies and threatens to make them public (read the post before this one called “I am mentally unstable….” if she doesn’t get what she wants. Can someone tell me why she should get what she wants, after all that she has done? Because she feels ENTITLED, that’s why.

In my attempt to decode this person’s behaviour, I am left perplexed. How can someone exact such vengeful behaviours, launch a tirade of hurtful actions, compromise my husband’s reputation and career, stalk me online, harass me with false police allegations against me, demand payments for things that she unilaterally selects, and then feel entitled to a glowing recommendation? Seriously? Is she missing a chromosome responsible for rationality? Is she really just this stupid? Or is she just ballsy, thinking that if she casts a wide enough net, she is likely to reel SOMETHING back, and she just doesn’t care how it makes her look? Wow. I just don’t get it. I feel embarrassed for her. This is just one person I can’t figure out…and it’s not because she is too complex…she just escapes the definition of ‘normal’.

She won’t be getting a reference letter. My husband has no desire to compromise her career. He is above all of that. He would rather see her working, and supporting her child, than leeching off of us every month. He would rather see her time and brain power put towards a job, instead of left free to concoct more damage against us. He wants her to move on. He wants her to find a man. He wants her to divert her attention off of us, and to just move on with her life. He pays a cheque monthly to assist her with that. Hopefully it is just a matter of time before she ‘gets it’ that it is time to let go, and to move forward.

When things don’t go as planned….scream rape.


Rape. ¬†It is a very loaded term, and carries with it unpleasant thoughts, torturous feelings and a general unease in those who hear it or use it. ¬†I personally hate the word. ¬†I hate the sound of it. ¬†I hate the combination of letters and sounds that are put together to form it. ¬†Personally, I don’t like the colloquial use either (i.e. they are raping us for money) and avoid whenever possible. ¬†Why? ¬†Because to use a word that describes a horrific act to describe something unpleasant that does not carry the same personally injury and circumstances is to downplay the realities that so many individuals have and will have to face when they experience this horrendous crime.

In an attempt to wield control over my husband in the early days of the relationship, my husband’s skank whore would threaten to scream rape if he didn’t comply with her desire to maintain the relationship. ¬†It was August, and they’d been involved since June. ¬†The curiosity had worn off, the novelty was no more, and now he was just sleeping with a woman that he had no other connection with. ¬†They weren’t matched socially, they weren’t matched financially, and they weren’t matched intellectually. ¬†The only thing they had in common is that they were both feeling reckless, and both had a sudden (and non-characteristic in the case of my husband) disregard for how their actions would impact others. ¬†She had create the escape clause that either could pull out of the agreement at any time, but then didn’t like it when he wanted out. ¬†That has been her M.O all along…if she is not IN CONTROL, she loses it. ¬†She wants to call the shots, she wants to be in the driver’s seat. ¬†So when he was the first to want to play the escape card, she felt let down, hurt, disappointed. ¬†She wasn’t about to let him just walk away, after all, she’d collected too much dirt on him. She was in a position to use it to her advantage.

“I will tell your wife”

“I will call the cops and tell them you have been raping me at work”

“I will tell them that you held my job over my head and forced me to have sex with you for my job”

“I will report you to your professional body – you will lose your designation”

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, he kept up the charade for a long time, trying to think of ways to ease himself out of the situation gradually, so that maybe it wouldn’t be as painful or noticeable….a gradual growing apart. ¬†No. ¬†she wouldn’t have it, and threatened all of the above to keep her “upper hand”. ¬†He was stuck. ¬†Lose your family AND your career…or stay with me. ¬†Staying seemed easier….at least until he could figure a way out. ¬†He was, in his words, captive.

Last week, in a last ditch effort to send us one last communication, since we had her sign a restraining order, she emailed us a lengthy 50+ page document, the first 7 pages of which were a monologue of hers, describing the relationship and the events that transpired. ¬†In her little essay, she claims my husband forced her to have sex repeatedly in the office, that he once threw her to the ground, then dragged her by the hair into his office where he raped her, the whole time she was screaming “no, please no!”, but he wouldn’t listen, according to her record. ¬†He told her that she would shutup and take it if she wanted her job, so she submitted and allowed him to have his way with her, the whole time terrified for her life, and later crying in the car on the way home that she had been violated so badly. ¬†When he was done with her, according to her communique, he screamed at her to “Get the fuck out”, and sent her on her way.

Dramatic hunh? ¬†Belongs in a trashy novel…or in a low budget made for TV movie called “When Susie said no”. ¬† Give me a fucking break.

There was no rape. ¬†There was no force. ¬†There was no demeaning sexual conquest or threat of job loss in exchange for sexual favours. ¬†My husband isn’t a crazed sex maniac, and wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of a woman, sexually or otherwise. ¬†He is one of the most gentle men I’ve ever known, and it is this very quality that drew me to him, and made me want to be his wife. ¬†Because, as a person who HAS BEEN sexually assaulted (at the age of 15 by a co-worker/friend), I needed a man that I could trust in this regard. ¬†For her to have lied and claimed to have suffered a similar experience as hundreds of thousands who are actually treated like garbage repeatedly, assaulted, raped, forced, demeaned….her daring to put herself in the same camp as these women who have TRULY suffered disgusts me. ¬† How dare she claim to share their experience. ¬†How dare she throw around the term, and use it to her advantage in order to hurt someone else? ¬† What kind of person does that?? ¬† A sick, demented, lowly scumbag, that’s who.

Of course, despite these repeated “attacks”, she would come into work every day, smiling and happy. ¬†She would send emails acknowledging her excitement over upcoming sexual get-togethers they had planned. ¬†No woman who has been assaulted sexually by a man would:

1. Continue to subject herself to the experience
2. Interact in a jovial and interactive way with their attacker
3. Name their offspring after their rapist
4. Request in the Damages section of her Human Rights Complaint that she be given her job back, and seek to return to the work environment she’d been fired from
5. File a wrongful dismissal claim against their employer after being fired from the very job they were desperate to “escape from” due to repeated sexual assaults.

Give me a break. ¬†Does she not see how utterly ridiculous she sounds? ¬†Does she not know how idiotic everyone who reads these diatribes finds her? ¬†She can’t even keep her story straight in ONE domain, let alone across multiple lawsuits where in one she claimed she was in a “relationship of permanence” and, therefore eligible for spousal support, and in the other claim that she never loved him, and that her affection for him was merely as a friend, that she feared for her safety and was let go wrongfully. ¬†Pick a side of the fence honey cause it must hurt to straddle.

The fact is, reading through this sad little document was reassuring. ¬†It gave us laughs, but it also reaffirmed for us how psycho she is, how correct we are in taking the higher road, and ¬†how far gone and obsessed she is. ¬†We’ve moved on in the sense that we have rebuilt our lives. ¬†She, on the other hand lives and breathes the details of this situation, desperately trying to inflict hurt and pain so that we can all feel how she feels. ¬†Well you know what, I am NEVER going to feel what you feel. ¬†I have a husband who loves me, three children who were WANTED, and a relationship that my husband isn’t looking to “escape from”. ¬†I am a wanted partner, a desired friend, and a selected spouse. ¬†I will never be an equal because I am not a mistress, I am a WIFE. ¬†I am not a liar, I am a fighter, and I am not a victim, I am a survivor. ¬†We are not the same, our stories are not the same, and I will not be made to FEEL her agony. ¬†Her agony is her cross to bear for the bad decision she made when she decided to walk into a marriage. ¬†She would have been MUCH better off walking away, staying single, and finding someone new. By now, she would have been engaged or married, possibly expecting a child, with a bright future and family with someone who truly loves her. ¬†Instead, she has to wake up every morning to a little face that doesn’t quite look like her, and whose very expressions, when the light hits her “just right” reminds her of my husband, the relationship, and her status as the one who lost here. ¬†How sad. ¬†No, we are not the same at all.

When the smoke blows in your face, it rarely tastes good


I just learned today that the crazy, manipulative, drama mama made another police complaint against me. ¬†Man, this woman has a lot of time on her hands. ¬†Should I be surprised given that she is making almost $4K per month in child support and childcare costs from us? ¬†She is making more from having had this baby, than she was ever making in her career. ¬†She has no need to work anymore….she can just stay home and collect the moolah.

In her copious free time, it appears the babymama has contacted the police not once, but twice, to report me. ¬†The first report was made in August 2011, at which time I was telephoned by a constable at the district station for the area in which I live. ¬†Because I wasn’t home, they left a message with our sitter, but the details were sketchy, and frankly I thought it was a crank caller. ¬†Come October, I received the call, detailed in the post I’ve linked to above, and spoke with a constable who provided me with a “warning” and asked that I cease all contact with the mistress. ¬†I asked him what evidence she had provided to substantiate her claim, and I was told that there was none, and that the call was merely to let me know they were closing the file. ¬†Of course there was no evidence….I’ve not harassed nor stalked this pitiful example of humanity since I’ve ‘known’ of her. ¬†Her lunatic mind has concocted a bunch of stories, none of which are grounded in truth or reality, so I’ve learned to be less concerned. ¬†I was. admittedly, quite shaken by the call, as it isn’t every day that you get a call from the police. ¬†But, I would have been much better equipped to handle it, had the constable not spoken to me in a tone as if to assert that I was considered guilty, when I, in fact, was not. ¬†I ended the phone call, and immediately wrote it off as ‘just another pathetic move by the sad and lonely woman whose life belongs in a trailer park”. On with life already.

Come November, I was part of an online event for individuals in my industry, and needed to tweet the details of the event to my following on twitter, so that they could get involved and spread the word. ¬†In order to do this, I would have to unprotect my twitter account, to allow new followers to make contact in the wake of the event. ¬†For the month of November and December, my twitter account was reopened, after almost 6 months of lockdown. ¬†I was originally apprehensive about doing this, as the mistress seems to enjoy her sideline view of my life, and I am not keen on giving her a front row seat to my life. ¬†But, I was hopeful that perhaps a 6 month “palm-in-the-face” each time she has tried to access my twitter site would dissuade her from checking in. ¬†I was wrong. ¬†She is obsessed. ¬†After 6 months, she hadn’t relented, and was obviously making repeated check-ins to see if I had unlocked the account, or perhaps she just googles me daily….either way, she is infatuated with me to a sick degree. ¬†When she found the account was open, she decided she would read each and every tweet. ¬†Sick….I know.

Soon the emails started coming from her lawyer, claiming that I was tweeting about her. ¬†Interestingly, she started taking what I wrote on twitter, and making the assumptions that I was talking about her. ¬†This poor woman has given herself far more credit than she actually deserves, and seems to believe that I am far more impacted by her than I actually am. ¬†When I wrote that a song reminded me of a ‘certain someone’, she claimed I was talking about her, and ran to her bargain basement lawyer. ¬†We got an email, warning us that my ‘behaviour would not be tolerated”. ¬†When I posted to a friend that I would be sending her an email exchange between me and a client of mine which I thought she would find interesting, the little maggot thought I was talking about her, and sharing her emails with the legal details of her case with my friends online. ¬†Loser. ¬†It seems anything that I write is assumed to be about her. ¬†Guess what sweetheart, my world does not revolve around you, and I do have legitimate conversations and daily dealings that have nothing to do with you. ¬†You don’t permeate my every day, and are far less thought about or considered than you seem to think that you are. ¬†Get a life.

In December, when I was told that she would be launching a new complaint with the Police, I decided I’d had enough. ¬†The calls from the police with false allegations were, in and of themselves, harassing. ¬†I don’t want to have to deal with her crap when I pick up my phone, and have to defend myself against this garbage. ¬†I decided I would contact the police and let them know that this was going on. ¬†I figured future complaints from her needed to be taken in context with the nutbar that she is, and that perhaps they would take them with a BOULDER of salt the next time she made another claim. ¬†I sent them all of the hurtful emails, text messages, threatening messages, and examples of her twitter-stalking, and today they asked me to come into the precinct to meet with them in person. ¬†I was thankful for the opportunity.

I sat with two detectives who had taken the time to read through the material. ¬†They were, to be blunt – shocked. ¬†They were amazed by the inhumanness of her emails to me, especially in the wake of the affair, when confronted by the woman who she’d wronged, she decided to ¬†try and hurt me further. ¬†Had she not thought she’d done enough? ¬†Apparently not. ¬†They were shocked by her communications and agreed that sounded looney. ¬†In the end, they said that they wished to call her and caution her against any further communication with me or monitoring of my online presence. ¬†I agreed to this, and felt that it may be the only way to get her to stop, so I agreed. They also suggested that I get a peace bond from the Justice of the Peace for my own protection.

Within an hour of leaving the precinct, I received a call from the officer to whom I had given my statement. ¬†Apparently, in her words, she had “called Ms. XXX, and cautioned her. ¬†It didn’t go very well”.

Me: ¬†Can you qualify what you mean by “it didn’t go very well?”
Officer: Well basically she lost it on the phone.
Me:  Lost it?
Officer: She is very angry.  She started screaming and became hysterical.  So, my partner and I will be paying her a home visit?  I would suggest that you be very careful of your person and personal surroundings over the next while.  She appears very unstable, and I just want you to make sure that you are extra vigilant these next few days.
Me: Because you think she will try and hurt me?
Officer: We don’t know, but given her reaction, it is just a precaution.
Me: You are going to her home?  Why?
Officer: I spent about 15 mins trying to arrange a time to see her.  She refused to see me, and became very angry, claiming that she is the victim here.
Me:  Of course she did. What else is new?
Officer: ¬†Well I told her that I don’t like to conduct these things over the phone, and prefer to see who I am talking with. I told her that she too should have the opportunity to ensure that I am who I say I am, and meet with me to discuss. ¬†My partner will be paying her a visit. ¬†We are headed over there now.
Me:  Prepare yourself for the waterworks, and the sob story pity-party.
Officer:  We will be in touch to let you know what transpires
Me: ¬†I’d like to thank you for all of your help, and for going the extra step to ensure this is handled appropriately. ¬†I really appreciate it.

I got off the phone with the officer, and I have to admit that a smile crept to my face. ¬†I found it comical that she reacted so ridiculously to the phone call, took it as such an affront, and yet has no problem dishing that same thing out to me. ¬†It is fine for her to call the cops on ME and to have them call MY home to issue me a warning, but when the smoke is blown back in her face, she realizes it doesn’t taste so good. ¬†Reaping what you’ve sown? ¬†You mess with fire…you get burned. ¬†I hope this will at least make her think twice about continuing her ridiculous behaviour, let it go, and just MOVE ON ALREADY. ¬†We have.

I hope she sleeps well tonight having reaped a little of what she’s sown. Now she just needs a skank whore to sleep with her husband, become pregnant by him and use her spawn as a cash-grab to get free handouts using the legal system….oh and the skank whore has to then harass her for more than 2 years, threaten her, rack up her legal bills and create false claims against her. ¬†I can guarantee that if she reacts like THAT to a phone call from the police, the other scenario would tip her off her already unbalanced rocker. ¬†The funny thing is, that I don’t think she has EVER ONCE put herself in my shoes to realize that my reactions are absolutely justified…she would not have reacted with nearly the class, decorum and integrity that I have…she doesn’t have it in her.

What is the law for, if not to protect the innocent?


I am in shock.  Utter disbelief.  My heart is heavy, and my faith in the legal system completely shaken.

Before embarking on this post, if you are a new reader, and don’t know the story, here is a recap from an earlier post to get you up to speed.¬† My husband slept with a psychopathic lunatic whose crazy has impacted our lives over the last 2 years, cost us tens of thousands of dollars to legally protect, and had his baby in order to collect child support/welfare.

I have always been, for one reason or another, a big proponent of justice. ¬†It bothers me immensely to watch injustice happen. ¬†As a child, I would reel over my brother getting away with things, a smirk on his face, my parents blissfully unaware that they had just been taken, the wool pulled tightly over their eyes. ¬†I’d stand there, mouth agape, unable to believe that what I had seen transpire had just transpired. ¬†“How could they be so blind?”. “How could he be so comfortable commiting such acts against innocent people, and have the nerve to be proud of himself, smile about it, and go on?” ¬†I never understood. ¬†I was, and always have been a very law-abiding person, so to see injustice happen yesterday made my blood boil.

Yesterday was a day we’ve waited for for quite some time. ¬†It was the day we were to have my husband’s custody and child support agreement imposed by a judge. ¬†The child support terms had been drafted months ago by our lawyer, but the mistress had disagreed to practically every practical clause, and then requested that others be added which aren’t allowable by law. ¬†For example, she expected my husband to pay an additional $2K per month for childcare, claiming to need a nanny to allow her to go to work/school, and claimed to have racked up over $24K in childcare costs over the last year. ¬†Interestingly enough, she refused to give the identifying details of the childcare provider so that we could investigate the accuracy and truthfulness of her claims. ¬†We are not about to pay $24,000.00 to her while she is receiving free babysitting from her family members. ¬†Apparently, there was no childcare provider last year….she was unable to substantiate it with records, having only handwritten receipts made to two separate individuals whose social insurance numbers she was unwilling to provide. ¬†With all of the ridiculous demands she was making, and her inability to comply with even the most basic and regular of clauses, we had no choice but to take it in front of a judge, and have him/her decide it for us, imposing the terms of the agreement through the law.

We went to court yesterday, which was not at all as I expected it to be. ¬†I’d expected a courtroom, a robed judge, and the opportunity to see the little swindler another time. ¬†Instead, the two lawyers met in the judge’s chambers privately, exiting only to communicate terms with us, asking questions, and then returning for more deliberations. ¬†The mistress sat around the corner, unseen by us, each of us asked to remain out of the sight of the other. ¬†The first thing to come about was a comment by the judge that there are simultaneous lawsuits in progress between us at the same time. There is the issue of child support and custody for which we’d come, but there is also the suit she’d filed for wrongful dismissal, claiming to have been dismissed for having been pregnant, and then a suit she’d filed with the Human Rights Tribunal, claming to have been discriminated against in her job due to pregnancy. ¬†The Human Rights Tribunal was unwilling to hear her case while the wrongful dismissal case was in progress, since both cases deal with the same issue, and it would be a duplication of services. ¬†They’d suggested that once the wrongful dismissal suit was finished, she would then be free to commence the Human Rights issue. ¬† If you haven’t been following the blog, I will tell you that she was NOT dismissed for being pregnant, she was dismissed because in the days following the discovery of the affair, once she’d realized that my husband would not leave his family for her, she started threatening my husband (her employer at the time) with disclosing the affair to his colleagues, and said that this would “cost him his career”. No longer feeling they could have a professional relationship, he terminated her employment. ¬†She launched a lawsuit claiming she was fired for being pregnant, even though she’d worked 8 weeks with him knowing she was pregnant….the pregnancy was never the issue, her behaviour was.

According to the judge, you can’t lawfully settle on one aspect, and then continue to sue someone for other things. ¬†She suggested that all suits be settled immediately. ¬†The mistress agreed to drop her $100,000.00 wrongful dismissal suit, and the upcoming Human Rights complaint for $10K each. ¬†In addition, because my husband’s income went up last year, her proportion of child support also rises, and so we owed her $7K in arrears of payment as we’d been paying her based on 2009 values. ¬†So, as of today, in order to make her go away, we have to pay over $20K. ¬†They ended up reworking the numbers, so that the $10K for each suit was reduced, and then her lawyer asked for her legal fees to be covered by us. ¬†That last part enflames me because her lawyer WORKED FOR FREE. ¬†Her lawyer is a friend of her father’s, a lawyer who had assisted her father in committing fraud many years ago. ¬†We have no doubt that the $13K he is claiming to have charged her in legal fees was never charged to her, or paid. ¬†We are hopeful that he will keep this money, as he has earned it with all of the work he has done, and all of the employees in his firm. But, we aren’t stupid either, and we are quite certain he will give a portion of it to her, asking for it only as a means of providing her a cloaked payment in addition to what she is already receiving. ¬†Our lawyer reassured us that this was actually a very good settlement, as continuing to fight her in court for the other suits was going to cost us in excess of the $20K in settlement costs we are offering. ¬†They signed the papers yesterday, and it is all done. ¬†Or is it? ¬†Part of the agreement included a mutual non-harassment order. ¬†Neither she nor my husband shall annoy or harass the other. ¬†Although my husband and I have NEVER done anything to harass this pathetic little slut, we agreed to the mutual order in order to get her restrained from us. ¬†So hopefully her little antics will now cease, and we can go about our lives in peace, with this sad, pathetic little person being only a monthly cheque and nothing more. We can now begin the healing as we go about our days without emails from lawyers flooding our inbox, detailing the crazy requests, false claims and utter lies of this ridiculous excuse of a person. ¬†We can now resume our regular lives…as they were, sort of anyway.

So why does this bother me? ¬†Well, no one likes shelling out money to someone who doesn’t deserve a red cent of it. ¬†But, given the legal proceeding we just went through with the employment lawyers, and the fact that it was evident that she would lose her case if it ever went to trial, it pains me that we have to pay her in order for her to drop the suit, but only in order to avoid further costs. ¬†Our settlement does not an admission of guilt on our part, as we did nothing wrong, she wasn’t wrongfully dismissed, nor discriminated against because she was pregnant. ¬†But, since her lawyer was costing her nothing, she was free to drag on the legal processses for as long as she wished, something which would have cost us more in the end. ¬†So, essentially, it was “shut up and go away” money. ¬†Money paid to salvage our lives back. ¬†While it hurts the wallet to lose the money, and hurts the heart to know it is going to someone as undeserving as she, I am trying to look at it as a charity payment made to a mentally ill woman who is raising a child by herself…it isn’t helping much, but seeing her as a charity case takes the sting out.

The humour of the day was when she had a freaking screaming hissy fit and embarrassed herself entirely on the courthouse floor. ¬†The sad part is that she probably doesn’t even realize how embarrassing her little act was. It was apparently quite comical, made my husband chuckle quietly in his hallway, and reaffirmed for our counsel that “this woman is a fucking nutcase!”. ¬†I certainly wish I’d been there to see/hear that. ¬†Apparently she was mad because the mutual restraining order didn’t work entirely in her favour, so she decided to scream out ridiculous comments like “he’s a monster!” (referring to my husband whose only “crime” against her has been to not lay eyes on the child she unilaterally decided to have in order to milk us of money), and “He doesn’t pay me ANYTHING!”, negating the fact that she gets over $2K in child support every month), and “he’s never paid for a single thing for his daughter!” (ummmm yeah, see the previous one). ¬†She then started screaming that her daughter was “fatherless”, and would have to be put into therapy due to the neglect, meanwhile I think we can all agree with her, this child WILL need therapy. ¬†She will need therapy because her mother suffers with Borderline Personality Disorder and invited herself into a marriage, slept with a married man, covertly had a relationship and then arranged to have herself knocked up because she saw dollar signs – LOSER. ¬† Just imagining what that must have looked like/sounded like brings the biggest smile to my face. ¬†I mean, I know she is a loser, but that is just utterly funny. ¬†I personally like to tease my husband that he fucked trailer trash. ¬†He agrees, and can’t believe he ever succumbed to such garbage.

I will be updating the blog further with more thoughts on infidelity in general, an unsent letter from me to the mistress, and a general invitation for those who have been hurt by infidelity to share their stories as well.

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