Advertisements

Victim blaming or blog stalking?


I find in interesting to read the comments that are left on the blog. Some are meant for me, some are in response to other readers and their comments. Regardless, I’ve always taken an interest in how people relate to one another, how they respond, and how they perceive events.

It’s always been amazing to me how two people can witness the same event and walk away with very different interpretations of the events. How two people can witness a woman attacked, and one will see her as a helpless victim and try to help her up, while others will see her as having deserved it, and contribute to keeping her down. Interesting indeed.

I received this comment on the blog last weekend from a reader named “Kate” who says, in response to my “sermons from Facebook” post:

You are kidding yourself. No, you’re not responsible for the chivld coming into this world. But your husband is. Period. End of story. And it’s obvious you’re relishing the fact that he chose your kids over this poor little girl. Congratulations! You won. And the man you won is a miserable coward. You are responsible for depriving this innocent child of her father because you are selfish and insecure and won’t let go of his balls. Grow up! The fact that the OW is unstable does not justify your husband’s shirking histories parental duty. Rather, his involvement is all the more important. Your blog is a disgusting manifestation of ego and rage. I hope I never run across it again. Take it down. Get over yourself. Get a life. And encourage your husband to man up and be a father to this poor child You repulse me!

Wow. Amazing how her interpretation is that I somehow have ANY influence over my husband’s decision to see or know the child they created. Does she actually think that I prohibit him? Does she think that he wants a relationship and the only thing preventing it is me? Really? Where on this entire blog does it read that I wish for him to remain outside of her life and that I will steadfastly refuse him to have a relationship with his “daughter”? How did she come to THAT twisted interpretation?

Am I “relishing the fact that my husband chose my children over hers”? I’d be lying to say I am not pleased that he is honoring his commitment to the children he created in matrimony. Of course I am pleased he didn’t leave thm and chose to remain the same loyal and devoted dad to them. Of course I am pleased that I didn’t lose my family. Of course I am pleased that he chose to honor his family over a life with a whore. But I am pleased that my children have the father that their father at the expense of her loss? No. I don’t think a child should be fatherless. But, I also don’t think that women should target and sleep with married men and then stop their pill and suggest unsafe sex in order to get pregnant in the hope that it will win her the prize either. I don’t think a child should grow up without her father in her life, but I also don’t think that a grown, mature woman should stalk the wife of the man she is looking to steal, make snide comments about her, make up lies and false lawsuits to gain money and extort funds from an innocent family and call the police on a wife whose only “crime” is trusting her husband.

See, there are a lot of things that I think shouldn’t happen…but they do, and I have no more influence over HIS decision to not see this child than I do over world poverty.

My husband told his whore long ago, before I was even made aware, that he had no intentions of being present in the child’s life. He didn’t want the whore to have a delusional fantasy that they would start a new life together. He wanted it to be quite clear to her what the picture would look like if she chose to have his child out of spite. He made this decision independent of me, and voiced it to her long before I even knew.
So how exactly did I influence it if he told her himself that this was his intention?

“The man you won is a miserable coward”. This is a three parter, so lets tackle it that way:

Firstly, he isn’t something I won. I already had him. I wasn’t in a contest to win a prize. I am MARRIED to him and “won” his heart a long time ago. He wasn’t up for auction, or something I had to sway to be with me. He always was. You can’t win what is already yours to begin with.

Secondly, he isn’t miserable. He was in the beginning when the news first broke to me because he feared losing our family. Our family is the world to him, and we are his home. He has fought to reclaim us entirely and to prove himself worthy of us. He is far from miserable today. We are thriving, our children are growing and healthy, our marriage is strong and we are back to trust again. I’ve forgiven him, which was a long process, but he hasn’t forgiven himself. It is a scar he will always bear, but sweetheart, he isn’t miserable.

Thirdly, he is the furthest thing from a coward. He chose to tell me. That took strength and honesty. That took risk and integrity. He attended therapy, told my parents, apologized to my family, took it on the chin in shame for years, never once blaming me. He was my hero through the pain I felt. Coward? Hardly. The coward is the woman who continues to try and extort money from our family, who sends ridiculous and uninsightful emails to our lawyer using terms she scarcely understands, about concepts she is too stupid to wrap her feeble mind around. Cowardly is the woman who has to stalk and lurk in shadows. Cowardly is the woman who needs to try and steal another woman’s husband. Cowardly is creating false lawsuits and police claims to cause harm to someone out of jealousy. Cowardly is not having the strength to do the honorable thing and apologize to the woman whose life you turned upside down and ask for forgiveness. THAT is the coward.

“You are selfish, insecure, and won’t let go of his balls”

I’m selfish how? Because I want my family? Because I want my husband? Fighting for my family makes me selfish? How am I insecure? I’ve stood up and fought the fight of my life. I’ve defended my marriage. I’ve risked everything and claimed it back. I’ve seen the deepest and darkest places of pain and come out the other side. I am confident, self assured and deserving of every happiness that comes to me because I have fought for it and earned it. Insecure? Hardly. Insecure is the woman who steals a man because she doesn’t think she can be loved honestly or have the confidence to obtain a partner in an way free of lies, deceit and manipulation.

How is my blog a manifestation of ego and rage? If by ego, you mean that it’s “all about me”, you’re right…it is. It’s my blog and it tells my story. As for the rage…have someone come and do to you what has been done to me, and see how rage-filled you become. Thankfully my angry days are behind me. Instead I choose to forgive and wish happiness on those who wrong me. Their behavior speaks to a desperate need for more due to emptiness. Anger won’t solve their issues. All I can do is focus on me and wish her well. Rage? Once, yes. Rage no longer serves me. In fact, it never did…it just held me back.

As for “encouraging my husband to man up and be a father to his child”, I play no role in his choice. There are men who avoid child support. They refuse to pay or underpay. They disregard the children as their own and watch their kids fed with food stamps and dressed in secondhand clothes and do nothing about it. They watch their children deprived of food, clothes, a decent living, knowing that they could contribute. THEY need to man-up. My husband pays $4k PER MONTH for a child who doesn’t cost 1/4 of that. With his payment, that child can wear the best clothes, live in the best area and home, and have access to resources these deadbeat dads deprive their children of. Aside from meeting her, my husband makes sure she has more than enough. He’s meeting his obligation and beyond. He just hasn’t met her. It’s ok…the OW only wants his money, she doesn’t want him in her life and demanded sole custody.

I “repulse” this reader. Like telling a rape victim that she “deserved it”, or a mother whose child died of cancer that “she had it coming to her, this reader reads my story of victimization, betrayal, strength, perseverance, hope, work, support and strength and somehow feels repulsed by me? Interesting indeed….something tells me her name isn’t “Kate” if you know what I mean ūüėČ

Anyone who says that has to be personally angry with me. I can only wonder why….nah, don’t care.

So, what are your thoughts on this laughable comment?

Advertisements

When the smoke blows in your face, it rarely tastes good


I just learned today that the crazy, manipulative, drama mama made another police complaint against me. ¬†Man, this woman has a lot of time on her hands. ¬†Should I be surprised given that she is making almost $4K per month in child support and childcare costs from us? ¬†She is making more from having had this baby, than she was ever making in her career. ¬†She has no need to work anymore….she can just stay home and collect the moolah.

In her copious free time, it appears the babymama has contacted the police not once, but twice, to report me. ¬†The first report was made in August 2011, at which time I was telephoned by a constable at the district station for the area in which I live. ¬†Because I wasn’t home, they left a message with our sitter, but the details were sketchy, and frankly I thought it was a crank caller. ¬†Come October, I received the call, detailed in the post I’ve linked to above, and spoke with a constable who provided me with a “warning” and asked that I cease all contact with the mistress. ¬†I asked him what evidence she had provided to substantiate her claim, and I was told that there was none, and that the call was merely to let me know they were closing the file. ¬†Of course there was no evidence….I’ve not harassed nor stalked this pitiful example of humanity since I’ve ‘known’ of her. ¬†Her lunatic mind has concocted a bunch of stories, none of which are grounded in truth or reality, so I’ve learned to be less concerned. ¬†I was. admittedly, quite shaken by the call, as it isn’t every day that you get a call from the police. ¬†But, I would have been much better equipped to handle it, had the constable not spoken to me in a tone as if to assert that I was considered guilty, when I, in fact, was not. ¬†I ended the phone call, and immediately wrote it off as ‘just another pathetic move by the sad and lonely woman whose life belongs in a trailer park”. On with life already.

Come November, I was part of an online event for individuals in my industry, and needed to tweet the details of the event to my following on twitter, so that they could get involved and spread the word. ¬†In order to do this, I would have to unprotect my twitter account, to allow new followers to make contact in the wake of the event. ¬†For the month of November and December, my twitter account was reopened, after almost 6 months of lockdown. ¬†I was originally apprehensive about doing this, as the mistress seems to enjoy her sideline view of my life, and I am not keen on giving her a front row seat to my life. ¬†But, I was hopeful that perhaps a 6 month “palm-in-the-face” each time she has tried to access my twitter site would dissuade her from checking in. ¬†I was wrong. ¬†She is obsessed. ¬†After 6 months, she hadn’t relented, and was obviously making repeated check-ins to see if I had unlocked the account, or perhaps she just googles me daily….either way, she is infatuated with me to a sick degree. ¬†When she found the account was open, she decided she would read each and every tweet. ¬†Sick….I know.

Soon the emails started coming from her lawyer, claiming that I was tweeting about her. ¬†Interestingly, she started taking what I wrote on twitter, and making the assumptions that I was talking about her. ¬†This poor woman has given herself far more credit than she actually deserves, and seems to believe that I am far more impacted by her than I actually am. ¬†When I wrote that a song reminded me of a ‘certain someone’, she claimed I was talking about her, and ran to her bargain basement lawyer. ¬†We got an email, warning us that my ‘behaviour would not be tolerated”. ¬†When I posted to a friend that I would be sending her an email exchange between me and a client of mine which I thought she would find interesting, the little maggot thought I was talking about her, and sharing her emails with the legal details of her case with my friends online. ¬†Loser. ¬†It seems anything that I write is assumed to be about her. ¬†Guess what sweetheart, my world does not revolve around you, and I do have legitimate conversations and daily dealings that have nothing to do with you. ¬†You don’t permeate my every day, and are far less thought about or considered than you seem to think that you are. ¬†Get a life.

In December, when I was told that she would be launching a new complaint with the Police, I decided I’d had enough. ¬†The calls from the police with false allegations were, in and of themselves, harassing. ¬†I don’t want to have to deal with her crap when I pick up my phone, and have to defend myself against this garbage. ¬†I decided I would contact the police and let them know that this was going on. ¬†I figured future complaints from her needed to be taken in context with the nutbar that she is, and that perhaps they would take them with a BOULDER of salt the next time she made another claim. ¬†I sent them all of the hurtful emails, text messages, threatening messages, and examples of her twitter-stalking, and today they asked me to come into the precinct to meet with them in person. ¬†I was thankful for the opportunity.

I sat with two detectives who had taken the time to read through the material. ¬†They were, to be blunt – shocked. ¬†They were amazed by the inhumanness of her emails to me, especially in the wake of the affair, when confronted by the woman who she’d wronged, she decided to ¬†try and hurt me further. ¬†Had she not thought she’d done enough? ¬†Apparently not. ¬†They were shocked by her communications and agreed that sounded looney. ¬†In the end, they said that they wished to call her and caution her against any further communication with me or monitoring of my online presence. ¬†I agreed to this, and felt that it may be the only way to get her to stop, so I agreed. They also suggested that I get a peace bond from the Justice of the Peace for my own protection.

Within an hour of leaving the precinct, I received a call from the officer to whom I had given my statement. ¬†Apparently, in her words, she had “called Ms. XXX, and cautioned her. ¬†It didn’t go very well”.

Me: ¬†Can you qualify what you mean by “it didn’t go very well?”
Officer: Well basically she lost it on the phone.
Me:  Lost it?
Officer: She is very angry.  She started screaming and became hysterical.  So, my partner and I will be paying her a home visit?  I would suggest that you be very careful of your person and personal surroundings over the next while.  She appears very unstable, and I just want you to make sure that you are extra vigilant these next few days.
Me: Because you think she will try and hurt me?
Officer: We don’t know, but given her reaction, it is just a precaution.
Me: You are going to her home?  Why?
Officer: I spent about 15 mins trying to arrange a time to see her.  She refused to see me, and became very angry, claiming that she is the victim here.
Me:  Of course she did. What else is new?
Officer: ¬†Well I told her that I don’t like to conduct these things over the phone, and prefer to see who I am talking with. I told her that she too should have the opportunity to ensure that I am who I say I am, and meet with me to discuss. ¬†My partner will be paying her a visit. ¬†We are headed over there now.
Me:  Prepare yourself for the waterworks, and the sob story pity-party.
Officer:  We will be in touch to let you know what transpires
Me: ¬†I’d like to thank you for all of your help, and for going the extra step to ensure this is handled appropriately. ¬†I really appreciate it.

I got off the phone with the officer, and I have to admit that a smile crept to my face. ¬†I found it comical that she reacted so ridiculously to the phone call, took it as such an affront, and yet has no problem dishing that same thing out to me. ¬†It is fine for her to call the cops on ME and to have them call MY home to issue me a warning, but when the smoke is blown back in her face, she realizes it doesn’t taste so good. ¬†Reaping what you’ve sown? ¬†You mess with fire…you get burned. ¬†I hope this will at least make her think twice about continuing her ridiculous behaviour, let it go, and just MOVE ON ALREADY. ¬†We have.

I hope she sleeps well tonight having reaped a little of what she’s sown. Now she just needs a skank whore to sleep with her husband, become pregnant by him and use her spawn as a cash-grab to get free handouts using the legal system….oh and the skank whore has to then harass her for more than 2 years, threaten her, rack up her legal bills and create false claims against her. ¬†I can guarantee that if she reacts like THAT to a phone call from the police, the other scenario would tip her off her already unbalanced rocker. ¬†The funny thing is, that I don’t think she has EVER ONCE put herself in my shoes to realize that my reactions are absolutely justified…she would not have reacted with nearly the class, decorum and integrity that I have…she doesn’t have it in her.

%d bloggers like this: