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Updating the funnies


For those who missed it, or those that enjoyed the little mocking cartoons I posted on the weekend, I updated that post

Enjoy the new ones ūüôā

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Dancing with the Devil


There has been some discussion in the comments on other posts about how mistresses feel entitled to a woman’s husband. ¬†A commenter in recent posts admitted to being a mistress, aware of the acts that she is committing, and feeling no responsibility towards the wife at all, nor any regret. ¬†In fact, she justifies these acts by claiming that she is giving the husband something the wife is not, and claims to be a polygamist. ¬†Now, in most cases, I would tell her that she is deluded if she thinks that she is giving more than the wife, or that the wife is coming up short, but in this case, the mistress is into BDSM (bondage, disciple, sadochism, masochism), calls the woman’s husband her “daddy”, and is training herself for some activities that many would find repugnant or questionable at best. ¬†But I digress….Back to entitlement. ¬†

What is it about the women who knowingly sleep with married men that leaves them feeling entitled to do so?

Is it that the husband has lied to her too, and made her believe that she has more worth than she does?  Does he say this to keep her interested?  Did he tell her that she is filling a void for him? (the void is emotional usually, but the mistress will twist this in any way she wants to think that the wife is frigid, or uncaring or unsupportive).

Is it that these women feel so little towards themselves, that they have so little self respect, that they don’t feel that they could ever secure a relationship with a man by natural means, so they go about stealing from others? ¬†Is it like other kinds of theft? ¬†Do those who steal material property also feel entitled? ¬†I guess they must.

But, all of that aside, I think it takes a special kind of vile human being to commit an act against another person (a mistress violating the marriage of an innocent married wife), and to then further harm her when the affair is discovered, taking any chance possible to inflict every last ounce of harm. ¬†It takes a particularly evil and inhumane person to kick another woman while she is down, down due to acts that she herself has helped to inflict, and yet she isn’t done until she sees the woman reduced to a pile of crap, in tears, unable to function. ¬†Only then, when she has seen her victim completely destroyed mentally, can she feel satisfied that she has had an impact. ¬†Did she feel impotent before, and this gives her power? ¬†Or, am I over thinking it, and it is just another bullying situation, where someone feels so hurt, and so much shame, that they take out their self-hatred on another person who they have made the scapegoat?

I thought I would share with you, for the first time, the contents of the email I was sent in the 24 hour period following the disclosure of my husband’s infidelity.

Once she discovered that he’d told me, she wondered why he wasn’t kicked out. ¬†It made her furious. ¬†She sent me this email:

Dear Betrayed,

Just wanted to let you know that if you want to talk to me about the love affair [your husband] and I have been having, details about the fantastic sex, how he tells me that he loves me and how repulsive he finds you, I would be more than happy to do that for you. ¬†BTW [your husband] and I’s due date is October 28th. ¬†I hope you will take photographs of our little beauty. ¬†Besides, she’s practically family to you.

Mistress

I followed up her email with a reply. ¬†I wanted nothing to do with her, and I didn’t want to talk to her. ¬†I simply wanted her OUT.

Dear Mistress,

Thanks for the email. ¬†I don’t feel there is a need to talk to you about any of this. ¬†[My husband] and I had a heart to heart on Thursday, and he’s told me everything. ¬†I know all of the details, and there’s really nothing much you can add. ¬†What I think you fail to understand is what this really was.

¬†About the pictures: ¬†I’ve made it a policy not to photograph family. ¬†It’s always so tense, and then people expect discounts. ¬†I can refer you to a number of colleagues if you are seriously interested in having your little one photographed. ¬†I really do recommend it, as that newborn period is so short, and they grow so fast.¬†

I hear you want to come over.  Please know that you are welcome in our home at anytime.  We would be happy to host you.

Betrayed

Within the hour, this came through – another shot at trying to appear condescending and in control

Dear Betrayed,

I can assure you, you do not know all of the details. ¬†Really? ¬†You have been lied to for a year, but now it is different. ¬†Ummm okay. ¬†I imagined you were smarter than that. ¬†But I guess you can’t handle what the truth really is. ¬†That’s understandable. ¬†I do know what this was. ¬†Your husband can’t keep his hands off me, he looks to me for support, comfort and caring. ¬†It is you that does not. ¬†Truly. ¬†That’s why I feel sorry for you with what’s happened. ¬†Everytime he’s with you in any capacity, he’s thinking about me. ¬†It’s you who needs to realize what has happened here.¬†

I totally get the pictures, discounts, etc. ¬†Besides, if you and [your husband] are still married, your income will be going to support our baby anyway, through child support payments. ¬†So not to worry, I won’t ask for any additional financial breaks. ¬†Your generosity of paying to support [your husband’s] child will be more than enough.¬†

I’m glad this has not fazed your self absorbed self. ¬†Most women would actually feel something when they found out their husband was cheating. ¬†But I guess you either don’t actually love him, or you are too materialistic. ¬†So sad. ¬†I imagine you’ll be running off to get plastic surgery now. ¬†Anything to further a shallow self-obsessed life.

I feel sorry for you.

Mistress.

and then a follow up without a response from me beforehand:

Dear Betrayed,

I feel so sorry for you. ¬†Your husband loves another woman and you send him a wish list from Tiffany’s. ¬†Wow that is so sad. ¬†But I guess that’s why he had to find someone who wasn’t so materialistic, self absorbed and superficial, oh ya and not frigid either. ¬†I hear you two get down and dirty every two months. Awww I’m sorry. [Your husband] and I have spent 12 hours straight going at it. ¬†He truly is magnificent. He told me no one in his entire life turns him on the way I do. ¬†I guess that’s why no matter what, he couldn’t stay away from me. He says he can’t even be around me without wanting to make love to me. ¬†Suppose that’s why he was willing to risk so much. ¬†I’m so worth it.¬†

Do you know that the entire time you were having surgery, [your husband] was talking to me for support? He told me before your vacation that I was perfect. ¬†Awww he’s too sweet. ¬†

I hope you don’t use your children to hold onto a man who no longer loves you, or finds you attractive. ¬†That’s sad. ¬†[Your husband] said he wants to be with me for me. ¬†Not because he feels guilty and doesn’t want to leave because of the children. It’s not you he loves. ¬†It’s the kids. He wants children from you, and an intimate, super hot relationship with me.

The Mistress

My final email back before she went on the IGNORE list (and my lawyer advised me to have no contact)

Dear Mistress,

Oh sweetie, seriously you don’t have a clue, and that is what is truly sad. ¬†

I won’t be responding to your destructive emails – I don’t need to communicate with you. It’s a waste of my time and energy. ¬†I have everything I need right here.
I wish you all the best with your baby.  Goodnight.

Betrayed. 

Seriously, what are these women thinking? ¬†Who would ever, in any normal scenario, email a complete stranger and beat them up emotionally and verbally like that? ¬†The same kind of bitch who walks into a relationship with your husband and feels as though she is deserving of YOUR happiness, that’s who. ¬†Who in their right mind commits an act that is widely reputed to be WRONG, and then in the wake of being discovered, lashes out at those who are hurt by their actions? ¬†Weren’t we taught to mend our mistakes as children? ¬†Weren’t we schooled in the art of eating humble pie when we caused harm to another, no matter how hard it is to admit your fault? ¬†Aren’t we all supposed to know how to do that by the time we are old enough to have adult relationships? ¬†Apparently not everyone got the memo.

If this has happened to you, whether over email or the phone, please remember (as hard as it is), that none of it is true. ¬†The mistress is a broken, hurting, pitiful, sorry little girl who got herself messed into grown up business and is scared. ¬†She watched her entire dream crumble, and you will be made the scapegoat. It will be easier to blame you for the collapse of her fantasy than for her to realize that she wasn’t the one he wanted. ¬†In my case, it was easier to hurt me, than to feel the hurt herself. ¬†Someone who is that broken simply can’t take the hurt and continue to survive. ¬†They deflect it to others.

These emails tore me apart when I first read them. ¬†They targeted the very fears I had in the wake of the discovery and made me truly question myself. ¬†I wondered if he cheated because I’d gained failed to lose the last 15 pounds after my last pregnancy, despite ongoing efforts, bootcamp and a personal trainer. ¬†I worried I was fat and unattractive, and here she confirmed it. ¬†I wondered if he was really going to stop all contact with her, and whether he still thought of her, and here her email told me that he was always thinking of her, even when seemingly concentrated on me and our family. ¬†I worried that he had been involved in an emotional affair (much harder to recover from than a purely physical one), and her words that he’d sought out her comfort while I was unconscious in surgery confirmed it for me. ¬†At least at the time, it did. ¬†But then I read her comments about me being materialistic and shallow and I knew that she was off course because those things could not be further from the truth. ¬†I read her part about me being consolable with Tiffany’s jewelry, and knew she was grasping at straws. ¬†I can count on my fingers how many jewelry pieces I own. ¬†Not many. ¬†I do find jewelry pretty, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that I haven’t been able to learn how to accessorize, and frankly, most of the time I can’t be bothered. ¬†I’ve worn the same earrings in my ears for a decade, the same rings on the same fingers. ¬†Shallow and materialistic? ¬†Hardly. ¬†When I realized her comments were not ALL accurate (at least the ones I could verify), I started to question their validity. ¬†I asked my husband (tentative of course, because I’d just been lied to, so who’s to say he would be truthful….but he had nothing to lose by telling me the truth and we both knew it).

I re-read her emails now with an entirely different point of view. ¬†What a loser. ¬†What a complete and totally ridiculous excuse for a human being. ¬†And to think that this woman works as a NURSE. She works in a caring profession that provides comfort and care to those who are suffering. ¬†That is laughable, don’t you think?

I try to remind myself that people who do this, who bully others, they are just broken people who are suffering in their own worlds. ¬†She was jealous, and that fuelled her rage for me. ¬†My husband doesn’t find me unattractive, and he never said so. ¬†Her later comments over the telephone to me that he used to call me “heifer”, were completely untrue. He never told her he loved her, and never told her he wanted to be with her. ¬†In fact, he has shown me the emails, many of which tell a different story – a story of a man, honestly telling her that he didn’t want a relationship, and later, that he didn’t want a child. ¬†Emails which clearly tell her that he cares about his family, and doesn’t intend to leave them. ¬†One email, in fact, stating that even if I were to leave him, upon finding out, that he still would not be with her. ¬†Deluded as she is, she read right over those words, and created her own “truth”. ¬†They all do.

All of her lies in those emails, designed to deepen the furrow in the fault line the affair created in my marriage. ¬†Knowing who to believe, and who to have faith in is hard, when you’ve discovered you are married to someone capable of such lies. ¬†But, for my own sanity, I needed to trust that he’d never say those things, and I do believe that. It was one of the few things I could believe in those early days.

Mistresses who willfully cheat with a married man are sad and pathetic, in my eyes. ¬†Especially those who are single and unwed. ¬†At least married women who cheat with married men have an idea of the investment in a marriage. ¬†Perhaps that makes it worse, I don’t know. ¬†All that I do know is that the woman who slept with my husband had a blatant disregard for me, for my home, and for my marriage. ¬† Naive and unaware of what it takes to create a family, and foster a marriage, she just weaselled her way in. ¬†I have to wonder if she will feel as justified in her actions when she has been in a marriage for 10 years. ¬†I’d like to think she will have a change in perspective. ¬†Then again, does the devil ever really change her tune?

Karma


Just saw this online, and it reminded me of the OW and sums it up perfectly. I had to share.

20120113-004721.jpg

Bitch


It is true – I am filled with a lot of anger. ¬†I don’t pretend to be OK with this affair, and I don’t pretend to be at peace with the mistress’ decision to try and ruin my family. ¬†While I have said before that I “understand” her behaviour (from the perspective that I know what it is like to love someone else to the point of doing stupid things), I certainly don’t forgive her.

On this day, as we all prepare for the “armageddon” that is being predicted to bring the “end of days”, it seems there is some magical thinking going on. ¬†Well, if I could impart some magic of my own, where the mistress is concerned:

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