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Sometimes it all feels worthwhile


Since March 2011, I have been pouring my heart out on this blog. I originally started the blog as a means to vent my feelings. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and it was my way to release the feelings that I so often kept bottled inside. Pretty soon, as the blog started to acquire devoted readers, I started blogging not only for myself, but also for them. I wanted my struggle to be something that beached out and touched others who are going through something similar. Knowing how I controlled websites for weeks in the aftermath of my husband’s discovery, I wish I had found something, someone story, something that I could relate to, that would give me hope, or illuminate a path.

Some people scoff at the idea of putting such personal details out there into the blogosphere. I do not identify myself, I do not identify the other woman, and I don’t identify my husband. Our privacy is completely protected, but our story is very real, and it is not her story alone. Whatever learned over the years is that many readers share my circumstances. We may not all have another child in the mix, we may not all have a psycho stalker other woman. But we do share the devastation of having lost our marriage, and the security in what we once thought it was.

I never know on a given day how many people this blog reaches. I know I have many devoted followers who have signed up to receive regular updates each time I make a blog post. Whether you subscribe to this blog, are whether you simply stumbled across it once and never returned, I am thankful for your visit, for your time, for your ear.

I received a comment yesterday on the blog that I wanted to share. Not every reader will troll through the comments section of each blog to delve further into the feelings of other readers, but some do. In the event that you don’t, I wanted to bring to the surface this particular comment, because it touched my heart. It reassured me that not only are people listening, but people are finding a blog helpful. The blog, I story, is providing hope for those who are just starting their journey, or who are well on their way.

Here is what she wrote:

Dear friend
I know you’re probably thinking ‘who is this woman calling me friend?’. I can reassure you that I am no crazed cyber stalker, just a woman who found out 4 months ago that her husband had an affair. I have spent hours in the interim period trawling the Internet trying to find answers to the questions that have plagued me since that day – September 25th 2012, the anniversary of my mother’s death coincidentally. I came upon your blog just a few days ago and read your recent one on deal breakers. After reading it I decided I needed to read the entire blog from the beginning to see what had happened to you. Firstly, I am so sorry that you’ve experienced such trauma. Secondly, I would like to thank you for your insight, your honesty, for sharing your pain, for your humour in times of great heartache, but mostly for giving me some perspective, some clarity and most of all some hope. I have learned more from you by reading every emotion that you have felt, I have felt every emotion for you and with you, than any of the books on healing after an affair has taught me. My husband is half way through reading your blog also and I have seen him in tears on many occasions – we both have. It’s allowing him to see things from my point of view without the tears and the anger that always come when we talk about it. There were many parallels between our experiences. I had my own disturbed stranger invading my world, sending me letters, making me look over my shoulder when hanging out the laundry. Then a so called ‘friend’ decided she would cause us more anguish and meddled in our marriage when we were already going through such heartache. She tried to split us up and created more bad feelings between us. I then found more indiscretions with regards to my husbands ‘other life’. A horrendous year culminated in the death of my father on New Year’s Eve. I was already grieving over the death of my marriage as I knew it, but now have to deal with the death of my father – as of today the funeral has not yet taken place. I have laughed with you, cried with you and sympathised with you. I know we don’t know each other but I just wanted to say thank you so much for all you have written here and that maybe calling you a friend over steps the mark but in the words of a kind, caring, compassionate woman “remember that there is always someone who cares about you and wants the best for you. I am one of them.” Stay strong x

I wanted to publicly thank you so much for commenting, for sharing your thoughts with me. It is heartwarming to know that this blog has reached you, and others, and provided some source of comfort during these horrendous times. In a weird way, knowing that my experience, my struggle, my journey, and my subsequent digital journaling here of the events has helped, almost makes the journey worthwhile.

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Facebook


I wanted to let all of my readers know that I have just started a page on Facebook devoted to this blog, and this journey. If you are on Facebook, I would like to invite you to like my page which is entitled “Rescuing My Marriage”.

You will notice when you search for that page, that two pages of the same name come up. That’s because I had started one, and then realized that I hadn’t used appropriate capital letters in my title, and attempted to start over, not realizing it would have created the first one if I hadn’t completed before step process. Nonetheless, one of them has followers, the other one has none, and you will obviously want to Like the page that has existing followers.

The page is currently blank, Avitts I have not added any content yet, but will be using the page to advertise new blog posts, to share quotes and words of comfort, to share cartoons which appropriately mock women who choose to engage in this horrid lifestyle.

Please join me on this page, and I look forward to interacting with you there also.

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