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A-ha moments


You know how you can be going about your usual day, and suddenly an experience will lead you to remember and earlier one? Well sometimes, the experiences of my day lead me to remember events that happened in the timeline when the affair was going on, when I didn’t yet know it was going on. I then replay those moments with a fresh set of eyes, or with a clearer pair of lenses, if you will. I replay the events with a more complete understanding, and realize how much of the picture I was missing at the time, and didn’t even realize I had blinders on.

Yesterday, as I was preparing to call a courier for my business, I was reminded of a time that my husband had asked me to call a courier to take a parcel from our home to the workplace where he had met the mistress, when they both worked for a third party (before she came to work for him personally). He had some time-sensitive documents that needed to make their way to this office, on a day when he wasn’t scheduled to work. I told him I would call a courier for him. But, as the day went on, I realized that I was going to be driving in that general area, and while it was a little out of the way, I was happy to deliver it in person, both to save the courier fee, and because I wanted to do a nice thing for him, and drop it off in person. With my new set of lenses, I replayed moments of that day, and remember calling him to tell him that I was on my way to deliver it personally. I remember him becoming really awkward, and telling me that a courier would have been better. He even asked me to turn around, and go home, telling me that the parcel wasn’t THAT important, and he would take it himself the next day. I was confused. Why did he seem so upset at my kind offer to hand deliver his parcel to his workplace? Didn’t he appreciate the personal touch? Didn’t he recognize that I was going out of my way for him? I remember him being a little snappy, and thought that he must be having a hard time at work. When his attempts to derail me from the plan of walking into his office were obviously futile, he gave me additional directions on how I could get in and out of there quickly. He obviously didn’t want me to be seen. Perhaps SHE was working that day, and he didn’t want me to come unknowingly face to face with the woman he was developing feelings for. At this point, they would have already slept together, but it was in the very early phase. He directed me to NOT go to the main desk, but to go to a side-office and deliver it to whomever was in that room. He didn’t give me a name, and even said that it didn’t matter who received it, that I should just drop and go. I did. I didn’t say hello to anyone. I didn’t stop by the main desk, and truthfully I had no reason to. Typically, when I find myself in my husband’s work place, I make an extra effort to be well-mannered and polite, friendly and pleasant. I reason that in that moment, I am representing him, and I want his colleagues to have the very best impression of him, through me, something that he could be proud of. I wasn’t dressed particularly ‘well’ that day, as I was heading up to an amusement park to meet friends, but I would have been ‘presentable’.

It’s funny, looking back, having now a full understanding of why he was so on edge. He was hiding me. Or was he hiding her? It’s hard to know who he was trying to protect from whom. I just know that he was obviously very nervous and anxious about the whole thing.

I spoke with him this morning about this experience, and jogged his memory of the event. He didn’t recall his reactions, but he can reason that he would have felt that way, given what was happening at the time. His response: “I am so sorry….” Not much more he can say, right? It was stupid and irresponsible.

I would like to think that he was protecting me from her, preventing the mistress from getting a glimpse of what I look like, feeding her curiosity about her competition, and possibly subjecting me to what he may have already felt was a deceptive person. Maybe not, but I would like to think it was me he was protecting, and for my own sanity, I will choose to look at it that way ūüôā

The interesting thing that came of our conversation today about this was that it also triggered a memory for him. When I told him that perhaps the reason he didn’t want me to go to his office was because he didn’t want the mistress to know what his wife looks like, he told me that she already knew, but then he struggled to piece together how she would have known. Something inside of him reminded him that she did know….but how? There was no image of me on the desk, there wasn’t a family picture, there was only a picture of our three children, which I’d taken within the year. How did she know what I look like? He remembered a brief comment she’d made, seemingly off the cuff, about how ‘all these boring vanilla wives these days seem to drive Land Rovers and all have that same haircut; blonde hair, short in the back, longer in the front’. She was making fun of me, calling me plain, casting me into a pool of other un-original moms who all have the same car and haircut, and doing so in a way that wouldn’t seem obvious to my husband. He remembers thinking at the time, “oh my goodness, she just described MY wife!”, which of course would have then led to the obvious temporal connection “She said those women are unoriginal, vanilla, and boring and she just described my wife, so my wife is unoriginal, vanilla and boring”. It was a manipulative way to lead my husband to a negative conclusion about me, without her having had to make any negative statements about me. Typical woman…always working three levels under consciousness. The question was, how did she know what car I drove, or what I looked like? He thought it was merely coincidence that she had described me, but it was a well-thought-out ploy to cause us to crumble from the inside, having planted a bomb. She’d either driven past our home, followed me as I picked up my children from school (she knows where they attend school), or waited for me outside of my workplace. Regardless, I had been stalked and followed. She knew what I looked like because she’d made the effort to locate me and size me up. Creepy much? I knew she stalked me online…that she had found out where we lived after we moved, and had driven by. I just didn’t realize I had been stalked long before I thought I had been…in the early stage of the relationship, I was being sized up.

Anyway, I mention this only because I find it interesting how even now, flashbacks will draw me back to an event during the affair, and I re-view the event with new understanding, and a clearer perception of what was happening in my own life that I was only half-present for because my husband had shut me out. I am thankful for these moments, as they show me the stark contrast between where we were, and where we are, and I don’t feel so ‘in-the-dark’ anymore.

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When the smoke blows in your face, it rarely tastes good


I just learned today that the crazy, manipulative, drama mama made another police complaint against me. ¬†Man, this woman has a lot of time on her hands. ¬†Should I be surprised given that she is making almost $4K per month in child support and childcare costs from us? ¬†She is making more from having had this baby, than she was ever making in her career. ¬†She has no need to work anymore….she can just stay home and collect the moolah.

In her copious free time, it appears the babymama has contacted the police not once, but twice, to report me. ¬†The first report was made in August 2011, at which time I was telephoned by a constable at the district station for the area in which I live. ¬†Because I wasn’t home, they left a message with our sitter, but the details were sketchy, and frankly I thought it was a crank caller. ¬†Come October, I received the call, detailed in the post I’ve linked to above, and spoke with a constable who provided me with a “warning” and asked that I cease all contact with the mistress. ¬†I asked him what evidence she had provided to substantiate her claim, and I was told that there was none, and that the call was merely to let me know they were closing the file. ¬†Of course there was no evidence….I’ve not harassed nor stalked this pitiful example of humanity since I’ve ‘known’ of her. ¬†Her lunatic mind has concocted a bunch of stories, none of which are grounded in truth or reality, so I’ve learned to be less concerned. ¬†I was. admittedly, quite shaken by the call, as it isn’t every day that you get a call from the police. ¬†But, I would have been much better equipped to handle it, had the constable not spoken to me in a tone as if to assert that I was considered guilty, when I, in fact, was not. ¬†I ended the phone call, and immediately wrote it off as ‘just another pathetic move by the sad and lonely woman whose life belongs in a trailer park”. On with life already.

Come November, I was part of an online event for individuals in my industry, and needed to tweet the details of the event to my following on twitter, so that they could get involved and spread the word. ¬†In order to do this, I would have to unprotect my twitter account, to allow new followers to make contact in the wake of the event. ¬†For the month of November and December, my twitter account was reopened, after almost 6 months of lockdown. ¬†I was originally apprehensive about doing this, as the mistress seems to enjoy her sideline view of my life, and I am not keen on giving her a front row seat to my life. ¬†But, I was hopeful that perhaps a 6 month “palm-in-the-face” each time she has tried to access my twitter site would dissuade her from checking in. ¬†I was wrong. ¬†She is obsessed. ¬†After 6 months, she hadn’t relented, and was obviously making repeated check-ins to see if I had unlocked the account, or perhaps she just googles me daily….either way, she is infatuated with me to a sick degree. ¬†When she found the account was open, she decided she would read each and every tweet. ¬†Sick….I know.

Soon the emails started coming from her lawyer, claiming that I was tweeting about her. ¬†Interestingly, she started taking what I wrote on twitter, and making the assumptions that I was talking about her. ¬†This poor woman has given herself far more credit than she actually deserves, and seems to believe that I am far more impacted by her than I actually am. ¬†When I wrote that a song reminded me of a ‘certain someone’, she claimed I was talking about her, and ran to her bargain basement lawyer. ¬†We got an email, warning us that my ‘behaviour would not be tolerated”. ¬†When I posted to a friend that I would be sending her an email exchange between me and a client of mine which I thought she would find interesting, the little maggot thought I was talking about her, and sharing her emails with the legal details of her case with my friends online. ¬†Loser. ¬†It seems anything that I write is assumed to be about her. ¬†Guess what sweetheart, my world does not revolve around you, and I do have legitimate conversations and daily dealings that have nothing to do with you. ¬†You don’t permeate my every day, and are far less thought about or considered than you seem to think that you are. ¬†Get a life.

In December, when I was told that she would be launching a new complaint with the Police, I decided I’d had enough. ¬†The calls from the police with false allegations were, in and of themselves, harassing. ¬†I don’t want to have to deal with her crap when I pick up my phone, and have to defend myself against this garbage. ¬†I decided I would contact the police and let them know that this was going on. ¬†I figured future complaints from her needed to be taken in context with the nutbar that she is, and that perhaps they would take them with a BOULDER of salt the next time she made another claim. ¬†I sent them all of the hurtful emails, text messages, threatening messages, and examples of her twitter-stalking, and today they asked me to come into the precinct to meet with them in person. ¬†I was thankful for the opportunity.

I sat with two detectives who had taken the time to read through the material. ¬†They were, to be blunt – shocked. ¬†They were amazed by the inhumanness of her emails to me, especially in the wake of the affair, when confronted by the woman who she’d wronged, she decided to ¬†try and hurt me further. ¬†Had she not thought she’d done enough? ¬†Apparently not. ¬†They were shocked by her communications and agreed that sounded looney. ¬†In the end, they said that they wished to call her and caution her against any further communication with me or monitoring of my online presence. ¬†I agreed to this, and felt that it may be the only way to get her to stop, so I agreed. They also suggested that I get a peace bond from the Justice of the Peace for my own protection.

Within an hour of leaving the precinct, I received a call from the officer to whom I had given my statement. ¬†Apparently, in her words, she had “called Ms. XXX, and cautioned her. ¬†It didn’t go very well”.

Me: ¬†Can you qualify what you mean by “it didn’t go very well?”
Officer: Well basically she lost it on the phone.
Me:  Lost it?
Officer: She is very angry.  She started screaming and became hysterical.  So, my partner and I will be paying her a home visit?  I would suggest that you be very careful of your person and personal surroundings over the next while.  She appears very unstable, and I just want you to make sure that you are extra vigilant these next few days.
Me: Because you think she will try and hurt me?
Officer: We don’t know, but given her reaction, it is just a precaution.
Me: You are going to her home?  Why?
Officer: I spent about 15 mins trying to arrange a time to see her.  She refused to see me, and became very angry, claiming that she is the victim here.
Me:  Of course she did. What else is new?
Officer: ¬†Well I told her that I don’t like to conduct these things over the phone, and prefer to see who I am talking with. I told her that she too should have the opportunity to ensure that I am who I say I am, and meet with me to discuss. ¬†My partner will be paying her a visit. ¬†We are headed over there now.
Me:  Prepare yourself for the waterworks, and the sob story pity-party.
Officer:  We will be in touch to let you know what transpires
Me: ¬†I’d like to thank you for all of your help, and for going the extra step to ensure this is handled appropriately. ¬†I really appreciate it.

I got off the phone with the officer, and I have to admit that a smile crept to my face. ¬†I found it comical that she reacted so ridiculously to the phone call, took it as such an affront, and yet has no problem dishing that same thing out to me. ¬†It is fine for her to call the cops on ME and to have them call MY home to issue me a warning, but when the smoke is blown back in her face, she realizes it doesn’t taste so good. ¬†Reaping what you’ve sown? ¬†You mess with fire…you get burned. ¬†I hope this will at least make her think twice about continuing her ridiculous behaviour, let it go, and just MOVE ON ALREADY. ¬†We have.

I hope she sleeps well tonight having reaped a little of what she’s sown. Now she just needs a skank whore to sleep with her husband, become pregnant by him and use her spawn as a cash-grab to get free handouts using the legal system….oh and the skank whore has to then harass her for more than 2 years, threaten her, rack up her legal bills and create false claims against her. ¬†I can guarantee that if she reacts like THAT to a phone call from the police, the other scenario would tip her off her already unbalanced rocker. ¬†The funny thing is, that I don’t think she has EVER ONCE put herself in my shoes to realize that my reactions are absolutely justified…she would not have reacted with nearly the class, decorum and integrity that I have…she doesn’t have it in her.

What is the law for, if not to protect the innocent?


I am in shock.  Utter disbelief.  My heart is heavy, and my faith in the legal system completely shaken.

Before embarking on this post, if you are a new reader, and don’t know the story, here is a recap from an earlier post to get you up to speed.¬† My husband slept with a psychopathic lunatic whose crazy has impacted our lives over the last 2 years, cost us tens of thousands of dollars to legally protect, and had his baby in order to collect child support/welfare.

I have always been, for one reason or another, a big proponent of justice. ¬†It bothers me immensely to watch injustice happen. ¬†As a child, I would reel over my brother getting away with things, a smirk on his face, my parents blissfully unaware that they had just been taken, the wool pulled tightly over their eyes. ¬†I’d stand there, mouth agape, unable to believe that what I had seen transpire had just transpired. ¬†“How could they be so blind?”. “How could he be so comfortable commiting such acts against innocent people, and have the nerve to be proud of himself, smile about it, and go on?” ¬†I never understood. ¬†I was, and always have been a very law-abiding person, so to see injustice happen yesterday made my blood boil.

Yesterday was a day we’ve waited for for quite some time. ¬†It was the day we were to have my husband’s custody and child support agreement imposed by a judge. ¬†The child support terms had been drafted months ago by our lawyer, but the mistress had disagreed to practically every practical clause, and then requested that others be added which aren’t allowable by law. ¬†For example, she expected my husband to pay an additional $2K per month for childcare, claiming to need a nanny to allow her to go to work/school, and claimed to have racked up over $24K in childcare costs over the last year. ¬†Interestingly enough, she refused to give the identifying details of the childcare provider so that we could investigate the accuracy and truthfulness of her claims. ¬†We are not about to pay $24,000.00 to her while she is receiving free babysitting from her family members. ¬†Apparently, there was no childcare provider last year….she was unable to substantiate it with records, having only handwritten receipts made to two separate individuals whose social insurance numbers she was unwilling to provide. ¬†With all of the ridiculous demands she was making, and her inability to comply with even the most basic and regular of clauses, we had no choice but to take it in front of a judge, and have him/her decide it for us, imposing the terms of the agreement through the law.

We went to court yesterday, which was not at all as I expected it to be. ¬†I’d expected a courtroom, a robed judge, and the opportunity to see the little swindler another time. ¬†Instead, the two lawyers met in the judge’s chambers privately, exiting only to communicate terms with us, asking questions, and then returning for more deliberations. ¬†The mistress sat around the corner, unseen by us, each of us asked to remain out of the sight of the other. ¬†The first thing to come about was a comment by the judge that there are simultaneous lawsuits in progress between us at the same time. There is the issue of child support and custody for which we’d come, but there is also the suit she’d filed for wrongful dismissal, claiming to have been dismissed for having been pregnant, and then a suit she’d filed with the Human Rights Tribunal, claming to have been discriminated against in her job due to pregnancy. ¬†The Human Rights Tribunal was unwilling to hear her case while the wrongful dismissal case was in progress, since both cases deal with the same issue, and it would be a duplication of services. ¬†They’d suggested that once the wrongful dismissal suit was finished, she would then be free to commence the Human Rights issue. ¬† If you haven’t been following the blog, I will tell you that she was NOT dismissed for being pregnant, she was dismissed because in the days following the discovery of the affair, once she’d realized that my husband would not leave his family for her, she started threatening my husband (her employer at the time) with disclosing the affair to his colleagues, and said that this would “cost him his career”. No longer feeling they could have a professional relationship, he terminated her employment. ¬†She launched a lawsuit claiming she was fired for being pregnant, even though she’d worked 8 weeks with him knowing she was pregnant….the pregnancy was never the issue, her behaviour was.

According to the judge, you can’t lawfully settle on one aspect, and then continue to sue someone for other things. ¬†She suggested that all suits be settled immediately. ¬†The mistress agreed to drop her $100,000.00 wrongful dismissal suit, and the upcoming Human Rights complaint for $10K each. ¬†In addition, because my husband’s income went up last year, her proportion of child support also rises, and so we owed her $7K in arrears of payment as we’d been paying her based on 2009 values. ¬†So, as of today, in order to make her go away, we have to pay over $20K. ¬†They ended up reworking the numbers, so that the $10K for each suit was reduced, and then her lawyer asked for her legal fees to be covered by us. ¬†That last part enflames me because her lawyer WORKED FOR FREE. ¬†Her lawyer is a friend of her father’s, a lawyer who had assisted her father in committing fraud many years ago. ¬†We have no doubt that the $13K he is claiming to have charged her in legal fees was never charged to her, or paid. ¬†We are hopeful that he will keep this money, as he has earned it with all of the work he has done, and all of the employees in his firm. But, we aren’t stupid either, and we are quite certain he will give a portion of it to her, asking for it only as a means of providing her a cloaked payment in addition to what she is already receiving. ¬†Our lawyer reassured us that this was actually a very good settlement, as continuing to fight her in court for the other suits was going to cost us in excess of the $20K in settlement costs we are offering. ¬†They signed the papers yesterday, and it is all done. ¬†Or is it? ¬†Part of the agreement included a mutual non-harassment order. ¬†Neither she nor my husband shall annoy or harass the other. ¬†Although my husband and I have NEVER done anything to harass this pathetic little slut, we agreed to the mutual order in order to get her restrained from us. ¬†So hopefully her little antics will now cease, and we can go about our lives in peace, with this sad, pathetic little person being only a monthly cheque and nothing more. We can now begin the healing as we go about our days without emails from lawyers flooding our inbox, detailing the crazy requests, false claims and utter lies of this ridiculous excuse of a person. ¬†We can now resume our regular lives…as they were, sort of anyway.

So why does this bother me? ¬†Well, no one likes shelling out money to someone who doesn’t deserve a red cent of it. ¬†But, given the legal proceeding we just went through with the employment lawyers, and the fact that it was evident that she would lose her case if it ever went to trial, it pains me that we have to pay her in order for her to drop the suit, but only in order to avoid further costs. ¬†Our settlement does not an admission of guilt on our part, as we did nothing wrong, she wasn’t wrongfully dismissed, nor discriminated against because she was pregnant. ¬†But, since her lawyer was costing her nothing, she was free to drag on the legal processses for as long as she wished, something which would have cost us more in the end. ¬†So, essentially, it was “shut up and go away” money. ¬†Money paid to salvage our lives back. ¬†While it hurts the wallet to lose the money, and hurts the heart to know it is going to someone as undeserving as she, I am trying to look at it as a charity payment made to a mentally ill woman who is raising a child by herself…it isn’t helping much, but seeing her as a charity case takes the sting out.

The humour of the day was when she had a freaking screaming hissy fit and embarrassed herself entirely on the courthouse floor. ¬†The sad part is that she probably doesn’t even realize how embarrassing her little act was. It was apparently quite comical, made my husband chuckle quietly in his hallway, and reaffirmed for our counsel that “this woman is a fucking nutcase!”. ¬†I certainly wish I’d been there to see/hear that. ¬†Apparently she was mad because the mutual restraining order didn’t work entirely in her favour, so she decided to scream out ridiculous comments like “he’s a monster!” (referring to my husband whose only “crime” against her has been to not lay eyes on the child she unilaterally decided to have in order to milk us of money), and “He doesn’t pay me ANYTHING!”, negating the fact that she gets over $2K in child support every month), and “he’s never paid for a single thing for his daughter!” (ummmm yeah, see the previous one). ¬†She then started screaming that her daughter was “fatherless”, and would have to be put into therapy due to the neglect, meanwhile I think we can all agree with her, this child WILL need therapy. ¬†She will need therapy because her mother suffers with Borderline Personality Disorder and invited herself into a marriage, slept with a married man, covertly had a relationship and then arranged to have herself knocked up because she saw dollar signs – LOSER. ¬† Just imagining what that must have looked like/sounded like brings the biggest smile to my face. ¬†I mean, I know she is a loser, but that is just utterly funny. ¬†I personally like to tease my husband that he fucked trailer trash. ¬†He agrees, and can’t believe he ever succumbed to such garbage.

I will be updating the blog further with more thoughts on infidelity in general, an unsent letter from me to the mistress, and a general invitation for those who have been hurt by infidelity to share their stories as well.

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