Being the bigger person, and thinking like a man

OK I will be the first to admit it…my fight isn’t with my husband.  My fight is with his whore.  What a lying, conniving, self-centered, entitled piece of shit slutbag.

I feel better.  Thanks.

Over the last few days, 3-4 ladies have popped up on my comments in various posts sharing their stories.  Some have just found out this week, others a few months back, but we all share the same story.  Some dirty ass whore skunk walked into their marriage and tried to get involved with their husbands.  In some cases, the slutbag got herself pregnant (and I use that phraseology on purpose because although it takes two to make a baby, I am quite convinced that many of these woman plan the pregnancy in order to capture the man or at the very least his money in the form of child support).   Now, this post is not about faulty marriages, how these marriages had problems before she came along, etc.   Those posts have their place, and I will be the first to admit that my marriage was not, and is not perfect.  But this post is simply to shed light on, and illuminate the ever-growing trend I am seeing of women PURPOSEFULLY becoming involved with a married man and getting pregnant ON PURPOSE.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?  I don’t even want to call them women, because I think it does all classy women a disservice by sharing title with these trailer trash whores.  These women are sub-human garbage.

I read a note today from a woman who just received a book in the mail from her husband’s mistress.  SEVEN YEARS after the fact, this whore is STILL bent out of shape, and took it upon herself to mail a book to the couple on how to be a good father.  The inscribed note said something to the tune of “the first step in being a good dad is to love your child’s mother”.  Ummm hello??  First of all, sex created that child, not love.  There was no love there.  There was vulnerability + opportunity.  And while you could take the letters in those two words, scramble them, and find the word love in there somewhere, you can also find “loopy”, and “tart”, so there you have it.  This CRAZY psycho, this many years later, has the balls to further infringe on this marriage?  Of course not.  She just wanted the husband to be reminded of her (like the monthly support cheque isn’t enough?), and for the wife to feel her nose being rubbed in the dirt one more time.  These little bitch motives, designed by the mentally deranged are intended solely to cause harm and hurt because the mistress is angry and feels defeated.  Good.   She has been.

I just can’t wrap my brain around it I guess.  I would just as soon walk away from a man I discover is married than to make a complete ass of myself, throwing myself at him, making up stories about myself to make myself appear more appealing than I know myself to be, and resorting to bitch tactics like putting down his wife in order to secure a higher pecking order.  Personally I love knowing that I am enough just as I am.  I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to keep track of my lies.  I just have to be myself and I am lovable.  How liberating. Personally, I’ve never liked being second best, so I can’t imagine putting myself in a position of being second to anyone.  The weird thing is that these skank whores actually think they are the princess and the prize, and that the wives are the sorry, pitiful, unhappy and miserable creatures that their husband’s are just tolerating.  What are they smoking?   They are so convinced that our lives are unhappy, but as I’ve said before, this framework is probably necessary in order for the female brain to understand why a married man is sleeping with them.  I will recap for those who haven’t read that entry:

Men have an uncanny ability to separate sex and emotion.  One does not require the other and they don’t hinge on each other.  He can be emotional and have it not lead to sex, and he can have sex with no emotion whatsoever.  Sex is merely mechanics and feeling good.  It isn’t about being emotionally connected, soft and fuzzy and warm, accepted, loved or cherished.  It’s about getting your sexual needs met with someone of the opposite sex who has the right plumbing.  She doesn’t have to be pretty even, but if she is – bonus.  Studies show, however, that most men don’t have affairs with women prettier than their wives.  Why, I am not sure, because if you are trading, why not trade up?  Who knows…

So here we have men with their sex island not connected to anything emotional, and then we have a woman whose sex island floats in a sea of emotion.  In fact, she likely can’t have sex unless she feels emotionally connected to the person.  Feeling emotional connection heightens her degree of sexual willingness.  So when a married man is willing to engage in sex with another woman, the other woman automatically assesses the situation with her woman brain: “He wants to have sex with me. He must feel emotionally connected to me.  He must love me”, and upon learning that he is married and trying to understand why he is interested in her if married, she reasons that he must be unhappy at home.  He must not love his wife.  If his attention is turned away from the wife to the mistress, it must mean that his love has also shifted, right?  Wrong.  He still loves his wife.  She is his world.  She is the reason he wakes up in the morning feeling secure and comfortable…but he just wanted a piece of trailer ass because it was available and he was vulnerable.

vulnerability+opportunity = affair

So, why is my fight with the mistress?  My fight was originally with them both.  I immediately came to the aid of my husband in the aftermath of the discovery because she went ape-shit-berzerk.  He needed a rational mind, and she’d had his twisted for months.  Mine at the time wasn’t much better, reeling from the news and subject to the hurricane of emotions in my mind, but I guess I was able to put some of it aside in order to remember that underneath the anger and intense disappointment, someone who mere hours ago I loved more than life itself was hurting, and it was my oath to protect that.  For months she waged a war against me, accusing me of horrible things I had not done, calling the police, emailing my friends and family to reveal the affair and embarrass me.  It wasn’t enough to have an affair with my husband.  It wasn’t enough to get pregnant by him.  She needed to see me weeping and broken on the floor.  I wasn’t going to give her that. Months of torture, me turning a blind eye and forcing my mouth shut, sitting on my hands. She, getting away with it, and even getting a court supported pay check for her whoring.  Wow.  To this day, she has never expressed ANY remorse.  She is too busy defending herself and seeking out more support and money for herself.  Pigs will fly before she ever utters anything close to a remorseful statement and the funny thing is that I would be completely open to hearing it.  It would be healing for me, and i wouldn’t even make it hard for her.  But, I know I won’t get it, and I know she still laughs at me in her mind.  For that reason, she is enemy number one.  My husband continues to try and make amends and do the right thing.  Years of counselling, support, tears, breakdowns, yelling, crying, threatening to leave…and he stands by willing to take ALL of it. He is stronger than I would be if it were reversed, and for me, looking at the two of them, he no longer gets my anger.  She does. She hasn’t stepped up.  She hasn’t made amends.  She won’t even try.  She’s too much of a low life to respect herself enough to do the right thing and admit to having made a grave mistake. Oh no….her ego is too fragile.  It won’t happen.  Instead she will fuel her own fire by creating in her own mind stories about me which are false, and which allow her to feel justified in her continued actions.

For me, I think the hardest thing is watching a woman who has exacted so much pain and suffering on another cash a cheque that we write to her every month.  It is like paying your abuser, rewarding your rapist….its ass backwards!  I watch our account drop on the first of each month, knowing that she is reaping the rewards of OUR hard earned money. For what?  A kid she never wanted?  getting her hair done?  Nails? Lord knows she doesn’t use it for her kid cause she buys second-hand shit for that kid despite getting over 8 times more than the average child support recipient.  Heck, in the two years that she was unemployed following D-day she managed to pay rent, groceries. clothes, gas, insurance, car lease, entertainment, and school tuition for a 2-year undergrad program at a local university….WITH NO JOB TO PAY FOR ANY OF IT AND NO SAVINGS.  Who paid for all that shit?  We did.  Thanks to us, she has a university degree, and was able to go to school because WE were court ordered to pay daycare while mommy got her education.  We paid for her books, for her transit pass, for her gym membership.

Whoring should be a class…it has a high reward in the end if you can snag the right guy.

I am still waiting for my apology.


An affair in the making

Man and woman starting an affair

Casual business lunch, or something more?


This past week was my birthday. Well, ok, not the ENTIRE week, but one day out of it 🙂

My husband and I went for lunch at a swanky sushi bar downtown where the tables are packed in together like sardines (I am not sure why the swankier the spot, the more crammed the patrons need to be, but that is not for discussion here). The people to our right and left were so close to us, that we might as well be seated at the same table. In fact, had I extended either arm straight out to the side, chances are I would have been inappropriate.

As we sat together, we became aware of a couple to my right (his left) who were dining together. Both were of average height with slim builds. He was dark haired with brown eyes and she was blonde with green eyes. She was facing me, so I had a better glimpse of her. She was thin, athletic, lean and tall. She wore 3-inch heels and a grey dress which hugged her curves tightly. Both had on wedding rings, and both were speaking very animatedly about their work, which I gathered must have been in the same industry or even the same office, as they seemed to familiar with each others’ scenarios and key players. Now, I didn’t mean to listen, but really….we were sitting so close, we may as well have been at the same table, and it was impossible not to catch snippets of their conversation as they lunched.

And then he said it. You know, that one little thing that someone has to say that steers your perception in a totally different direction, and suddenly makes you aware that what you thought was the picture, wasn’t the picture at all? Yes, that thing. He said, ‘My wife doesn’t know how to _______”, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what that something was, but I remember it not being something terribly complex, and the way he said it had an insulting tone to it, as if to say “can you believe it? My wife can’t even ______”. He’d set the stage, he’d put down his wife in front of another woman, and then waited for her to make her move in the game. Would she also admit to not being able to do that thing? Would she normalize that for the husband, making him realize that his wife isn’t the odd one out, and that others also share this inability? Of course not. She immediately leaned in, and started talking about her proficiency in that area, expressing subtle surprise while trying to appear non-judgemental about the fact that his wife now has a one-down.

This, dear readers, was an affair in the making, and we were there to witness it. Two people of the opposite sex, taking time out of their busy downtown jobs in the financial sector to casually have lunch together. Was this a business meeting? Didn’t sound like it. It was far too playful, and a little too personal to be a business lunch. They sat across from one another, playfully talking about their likes, their friends, the activities they like to do in their spare time…it was kind of like speed-dating….except the two of them are married – not to each other.

Several times during the lunch, the man referred to his wife. He would start sentences with “My wife will sometimes….”, and “I told my wife the other day”… Now, to the untrained eye/ear (or to the person who has not been touched by an affair), this might seem like an affair-proofing maneuver to mention the wife often in conversation, but those of us who have been there will know better. He worked his wife into the conversation several times, mentioning her here and there and peppering her name into the topic of the moment. What he was doing, ladies and gentlemen, was testing the waters with the mistress-to-be. He mentions the wife, talks about her, references their activities together like dangling a bait over the mistress head, waiting to see if despite his obvious relationship status which he’s placed out there in the open, whether she will still find the bait attractive and take a nibble. She bit. Despite hearing that he is married, and hearing about the wife, this other woman continued to use body language to signal her interest. She was playing with her hair, touching her neck, talking playfully, and leaning into the table. She would counter everything he would say with some quip of her own, and the two of them agreed with very word the other said. It was like a dance that read like:

Him: I have a wife you know

Her: That sounds great, but are you happy?

Him: I’ve been married for 6 years and we have a two year old son.

Her: I am sure he is adorable, and I can’t wait to meet your son

Him: My wife and I don’t agree about _____

Her: I totally agree with you, you are so right! My feelings on this other matter are ______

Him: I can TOTALLY see why you feel that way, I feel that way too! Look how much we have in common!”

Her: I know, I am a real catch you know, and you’d be so much happier with me

Him: I wish my wife felt that way

Her: Well, we can’t all be perfect like me, you know (squeals of laughter while touching her neck…)

So now she knows he is married, and it doesn’t seem to faze her. He’s put it out there, and she has signalled to him that it doesn’t matter. Mentioning his wife so often in conversation is just a way of saying “hey, let’s be real here. I am married. You know I am married. I am interested in you. We are both going forward here with full knowledge that I am married, and I have no plans to NOT be married or leave my wife, but I am very interested in you, so what do you say?”. When she counters with body language and compliments, she is telling him “look, I know you are married, you’ve mentioned it several times, and yet I am still flirting with you, and signalling to you that you are attractive to me, so obviously your marital status need not play a role in OUR relationship…I’m ok with it”.

We sat there, quietly sharing our thoughts on this conversation. From time to time, I would raise my eyebrows in surprise, and my husband would shake his head. At one point, my husband whispered under his breath “It’s not worth it”. I was so tempted to lean over to the two of them, excuse myself for prying, and then tell them both that it isn’t worth it. The pain that they are going to cause their spouses, their families and HIS child would be enormous. I saw myself tapping him on the shoulder and revealing that my husband had had an affair, and then letting him know to please reconsider. I saw myself doing it, but couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. I can’t save the world, but I did really want to save these two marriages a I bore witness to them on a track to unraveling. “How can I sit here, aware of something that they both are blind to right now since they haven’t seen the ending to this movie, and say/do nothing?”. Let’s face it though, it isn’t my place to approach a random stranger at a restaurant and tell them how to live their life. I just wanted to save someone some pain, but I realize that what is going to happen, is going to happen, and I can only hope that they make the right choices. I also know that while we were sitting there at that restaurant, hundreds of other ‘business lunches’ were going on across the city which weren’t business lunches at all. You can’t save the world.

Never having had an affair, I have to admit that it was interesting to bear witness to the beginning stages of an illicit relationship, to watch the flirtation, and to see the game being played. It is only with these experienced eyes that I am able to decode the true intention behind the behaviours that we witnessed at the table that day. Three years ago, I would have assumed they were on a business date, and thought of how wonderful it is that they get along so well, and seem to have a great working relationship. I am no longer naive. Now, I just know that he wants to get a little on the side, and hopes that his wife won’t ever find out, and that she will be up for it. I hope his wife is strong enough to handle the pain that is coming her way. She’ll need all the strength she can muster. I also hope the woman doesn’t end up getting attached and falling in love with him, thereby turning into a psycho when the man tells her he has no intention of leaving his family…cause that can happen you know.



Fuck you…Oh, can I get a reference?

For those who have been following and know the story, bless you for having read so much, and remaining on the crazy-train. For those who are new, or who haven’t combed through the archives of this blog to see the hell that the psycho mistress has tried to put our family through, I will give you a little synopsis so that this post makes sense.

My husband had an affair with a woman he worked with. She was his only employee, and at the time, he was grateful for the help. They started seeing one another before she came to work for him, and when he asked her to just be friends and stop the relationship, she claimed to be OK with it, and came to work for him under the understanding that they would remain only friends. That didn’t last long, and before you know it, she was asking him to stay late after work, making threats if he didn’t spend time with her or show her the affection she wanted. On the nights he would leave directly from work, she would text all night long threatening to tell me, to ruin him, to scream rape and cost him his career. As she gradually wanted more of a relationship than she was getting (she was getting screwed on office furniture and I guess she wanted a real date with a meal), she started to threaten more and more, and insinuate that perhaps he should tell me, so that he can stop living a lie. Obviously, she’d hoped to horn in on our lives, and hoped that upon learning of his transgressions, that I would kick him out, freeing him up for her. Well, I didn’t. She became infuriated, started emailing everyone we knew about the affair, including my husband’s work colleagues and my parents. She started threatening to tell others whose influence were higher on the chain, hoping that it would cost him his reputation. She was fired for this misconduct and for using work-related contacts which were privacy restricted for non-work-use, she was fired, and offered a significant amount of pay in exchange for notice, along with a reference letter to just get her out of his hair. Oh, in case you didn’t know, she was also 7 weeks pregnant and threatening to keep the baby unless he left me and our three children. He didn’t leave. She had the baby. We pay her child support every month, and my husband has no desire to see or know the child.

In the aftermath of the disclosure, in an effort to cause us greater harm, she launched a lawsuit accusing my husband of having fired her for being pregnant. Now, we all know that wasn’t why she was fired, but she figured she could claim that, and possibly win some money. She simultaneously launched a human rights tribunal action, citing discrimination for having been terminated for being pregnant. Although the two claims are similar, one is clearly a human rights/discrimination angle, and the other is an employment standards case for wrongful termination. In her Human Rights complaint, she goes into grossly fabricated detail about how she was sexually assaulted by my husband, raped, used and abused, and then threatened with job loss if she didn’t perform certain sexual acts. Her stories read like a bad made-for-TV miniseries. The way he ‘threw her to the ground’, ‘commanded her to perform oral sex at his desk’, ‘finished with her, and then threw her to the floor and told her she was a slut and then spit on her’….yeah, ok, cause THAT really happened. NOT. Anyone who knows my husband would find her script completely out of character, but it was coloured in the most maligning way possible, to cost him his career and make him suffer.

Fast forward two years. The lawsuit has been settled (we paid her even more money to just go away and drop it already), and this week, an email crossed my husband’s desk that she is looking for a job, and hopes for a reference letter. Are you fucking kidding me? She wants a letter of reference? What is he supposed to say, she sued me for fabricated scenarios, cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, threatened my family, stalked my wife, called the police on my wife with false claims that my wife was hunting her down, but other than that she is a dedicated and hard worker and you’d be pleased to have the likes of her in YOUR office??? Really?

Her email reads (names have been removed for privacy):

In court in January 2012 you agreed we would discuss my job reference from (husband) at a later date. That date is here… I have been offered a position…Should my potential employer call for a job reference from(my husband) I have explained that my reason for leaving (husband’s company) in march2010 was due to a very physically difficult pregnancy (ummm no, it was because your sorry ass was fired due to your behaviour and threatening your employer and his family), I was placed onbedrest for most of my pregnancy & understandably unable to work (but not so bedridden that you couldn’t harass, stalk, fabricate false lawsuits…). Oncemy maternity leave was completed in September 2011, I chose to focus onmy studies full time and focus on completing my degree (Read: I chose to remain unemployed because my child support cheque gives me more money per month than I was ever making in my job, so why work?). This is thereason I did not return to working at (husband’s workplace) upon completion of my mat leave. Although he would have gladly taken me back (Are you for real??!?!?) as he has stated in thousands of emails, text messages and videos (no videos….but he had told her that she was a good employee from time to time and how grateful he was to have her in his employ), I am an excellent employee. I certainly hope (my husband’s) job reference for me will reflect those thousands of sentiments, that I excel in my role, and he give me an excellent reference and recommendation to any employer. Should he need documentation to jog his memory of his positive statements regarding my excellent skills I would be happy to forward the thousands of emails, text messages and videos for his review. There is of course additional extraneous information in these videos which I’m sure he wishes to keep confidential (there are no videos, but I find it funny that she would fabricate the existence of a video in which my husband simultaneously engages in sexual behavior with her while simultaneously vocalizing that she is a stellar employee at the same time…nice video if it actually exiated) between him and myself (and anyone who viewed them prior to Jan 2012), however I would be happy to provide him with these if he wishes. The other people who provide job references for me are people whom (my husband) interacts with regularly (you can only get a job reference from an employer you freaking idiot, and no one that you had in common can write you a reference letter…and the people you knew in common due to your role are the I.T person, the telephone technician, and perhaps the guy who delivered the mail???!? were THEY giving you reference letters about how great of an employee they think you MAY have been (they wouldn’t know), or were you fucking them too and that is the reference they can provide?!?), as I’m sure he is aware (my husband) and I have many, many mutual associates (no they don’t). All of these people will provide an excellent reference for me (you weren’t employed by any of them you dumb fuck)utilizing the aforementioned reasons for leaving employment with(husband). They have all expressed a desire for (husband) to also provide the same excellent reference and reason for leaving (they have all expressed a desire for him to write you a reference letter? Really? These fictitious people care THAT much about you?). Employment for me will ultimately benefit his daughter (name withheld), whose best interests are paramount. Please let me remind you that prior to January 2012 all information about (our) relationship with me, and our daughter was not confidential, hence the knowledge of the above parties of the situation (because she sent everyone she knows details about it in an effort to slander my husband).
Please tell me she isn’t this stupid….oh wait, yes she is. Here, let me sue you, cost you thousands of dollars, nickel and dime you for child support when I am making triple what most single mothers get in support, and oh, by the way, can you give me a really nice reference letter? This, people, is the moron we are dealing with. Someone oughta take her out back and shoot her. The average intelligence of the planet would rise ever so slightly.


A glimpse of what used to be

Have you ever woken up from a nightmare, terrified and convinced that it was real?  I think we all have.  You wake up, chest heaving with heavy breath, gasping while your heart races wildly to keep up.  You’re sweating, and you can still clearly see the horror that was causing you to be terrified.  It seems so real, so believable, so threatening.  And then you realize that you are awake in your room, and not where you just were, the threat no longer there.  It was a dream, and suddenly you are lighter, the enormous weight lifted from your shoulders when you realize that you are safe.  I would like to bottle up that sensation that comes over you when you immediately make the realization that it wasn’t real – the relief, the weightlessness, the bliss.

Have you ever had it happen in reverse?  I did yesterday.

I decided to take the dog for a long walk yesterday.  It was a 1 hour walk which probably took us 2-3 miles. Despite it being a sunny day, there was no one else around, no dogs, no people – no one.  It was surprising because the place is usually crazy busy with dogs running off-leash, and owners stopping to share stories of their beloved companions.  Yesterday, it was quiet, and there was solitude.

As we walked along, I don’t know what it was, or what prompted it, but for a split second the affair didn’t happen, my family was my own, my life was beautiful, and I was fortunate.   I was weightless, I was beaming, the sun was shining, and I was light.  It was lovely.  And then true reality set in, and the contrast was horrible, like a seething black fog that came floating back in and encapsulated me.  I was heavy, sad, tormented.  And, because of the beauty I’d just seen, the contrast immense, I was suddenly sadder than I had been in a long time.  It overcame me suddenly, and without warning, and I found myself crying uncontrollably, my eyes masked behind large sunglasses, thankful that we were alone.

I prefer to wake up OUT of a nightmare than to wake up INTO one.

I suspect I am having all of these feelings because the D day of the affair is approaching its two year anniversary, and the one year anniversary of this blog.  It is the only thing that can explain the immense sadness that I am feeling which came out of nowhere, after having given me a split second glimpse of what used to be.  I’d forgotten what my previous life felt like.  It was warm and familiar, and I miss it horribly.

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