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I wanted to let all of my readers know that I have just started a page on Facebook devoted to this blog, and this journey. If you are on Facebook, I would like to invite you to like my page which is entitled “Rescuing My Marriage”.

You will notice when you search for that page, that two pages of the same name come up. That’s because I had started one, and then realized that I hadn’t used appropriate capital letters in my title, and attempted to start over, not realizing it would have created the first one if I hadn’t completed before step process. Nonetheless, one of them has followers, the other one has none, and you will obviously want to Like the page that has existing followers.

The page is currently blank, Avitts I have not added any content yet, but will be using the page to advertise new blog posts, to share quotes and words of comfort, to share cartoons which appropriately mock women who choose to engage in this horrid lifestyle.

Please join me on this page, and I look forward to interacting with you there also.

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The veil of secrecy


Sometimes I wonder, if it is considered “OK” to sleep with a married man, and most mistresses claim that they weren’t doing anything wrong, why is the relationship always veiled in secrecy?  Why do so many call it a “relationship” when really it is an illicit sexual attempt at a relationship?  Why do mistresses try so hard to take a man from his family and ruin a home, and then hold such disdain for the term “home wrecker”?  If you are so proud of the relationship and see nothing wrong with what you are doing, why not wear it loud and proud on a T-shirt?

“I am sleeping with a married man and wish he’d leave his family…”

“I am sooooo much better than my ‘boyfriend’s wife”

“My boyfriend has kids and a wife, but shhhhhh! they don’t know”

I wonder what kind of pride-filled, awe-inspired glances you’d get from passerby’s?

Would your grandma be proud?

Make grandma proud, be a homewrecker

be the pride of YOUR town

A fellow blogger started a site called “She’s a homewrecker”, designed to put under the spotlight the women who are so proud of their conquests.  C’mon ladies, don’t be upset, after all, you are only being rewarded for doing such honourable work, being so selfless, and truthfully if you really are the victim you claim to be, we just want to offer you the support.

She’s a Homewrecker

Feel free to add yourself, tell your story, share your picture.  After all, there is no shame in what you’ve done, or are actively doing, right?   So join the movement, expose yourself, don’t be shy.  If you’ve done nothing wrong, there should be no problem at all telling your story.  Be proud, share your victim story and we will all shed a little tear for all you’ve suffered through while sleeping with our husbands – it must have been so hard for you.

Do grandma proud.

The view from here


I have to admit it.  I haven’t been feeling well lately.  It’s funny, because I don’t expect things to be linear and to always move forward with never a setback, but I also didn’t expect to still feel so sad and helpless two years later.

 

The anniversary of D day, or “disclosure day” goes in the infidelity circles, passed last week.  This year, unlike last year, I tried not to make a big deal out of it, and didn’t even mention it.  Last year, I celebrated by starting this blog. OK, so ‘celebrated’ isn’t really the appropriate word, but it is what I did to help vent the feelings that arose when the anniversary date came up.

This year I sat by a pool in the sun in the Bahamas, surrounded by my husband and my three oblivious children, thinking about how the last time I saw palm trees, it was the last day of my vacation in Malibu – 2 days before he disclosed the affair.  I thought about how we hadn’t been on true ‘vacation’ in a warm tropical place since that time.  I thought about her, them, and us.  As much as I’d hoped last year that this year I would be able to get through the time without giving it any thought, it didn’t happen.  It’s too soon.

Lately, now that the whore has left us alone from the legal battling being over (she got her $28K settlement for a false lawsuit she created that we had to settle in order to get the custody/support crap ironed out), things have been kind of quiet.  When things get too quiet, I start to get edgy.  What is she going to pull next?  How am I going to find myself surprised this time?  Will it be another false report to the police about me?   Will it be my tires slashed again?  (that was last month, I didn’t blog about it, but we have our suspicions), Will she up the ante and do something I can’t even imagine right now?   It is a function of the PTSD I struggle with, always on alert, never able to completely relax and rest and just BE. I am like the car accident victim who won’t get in the car, the earthquake victim who fears a sudden shaking….it ISN’T a way to live, and it isn’t the way I want to live, but it is my reality, for now.

So if things have settled from the legal side…why do I feel so crappy?

I think I just feel a massive sense of unfairness and betrayal.  In all this, I am the only one of the three of us who has lost.  She gained a child who is paid for financially for life when she would otherwise not have had children.  She gained 28K in settlement money by creating false claims and then having them settled out of court.  She makes more in child support than she ever did in her profession, meaning she could simply no longer work and be fine, all on our dollar.  She didn’t even have to pay her lawyer for 2 years of representation.  My husband won in that he was able to have his cake, eat it too, and maintain his wife and family.  Sure, he has to pay for it financially, but given the other cost of losing everything in his family, I think he prefers to pay out monetarily.  Me, what did I gain?  Before anyone says “you got your husband back….he didn’t leave you”, I am not sure that is much of a win when what I have always wanted was a husband who cares for me 100%, who I can rely on 100%, who is trustworthy, honest, caring and compassionate, who I can give myself over to completely.  Yes, I have my husband, but I have a man who cheated on me. I have a man who is eternally sorry, and whose presence is a reminder daily of his infidelity.  I have a man who pays a monthly support check to someone else to support a child he had with her while not thinking about me.  What exactly is the win there?   I am the one who has lost, and I didn’t even get the little benefit of the fling, just a bunch of lying and betrayal.

If I sound sour again, it is because I am.  I oscillate between being OK and not being OK.  I think that is part and parcel of what happens when women choose to stay and work on the marriage.  Instead of just saying goodbye and putting it behind you, you force yourself to stare it in the face every day, to see the demons face to face from waking to sleeping.  Something as simple as watching him put on his shoes….I am reminded.  When does it stop?  How?

I was walking with a neighbour today, and while we were out, the topic of infidelity came up as we both discussed how we’d watched “The Descendants” on our respective March Break trips.  We talked about how in the movie, although his friends knew his wife was cheating, no one told him.  We had a heart to heart about what we would want if one of us knew that the others husband was being unfaithful.  I told her that I would want to know.  She told me that it would be none of my business to tell her and that it would cause a rift between us.  I was frankly very surprised about her reaction, assuming that all women would want to know, and wouldn’t shoot the messenger when the messenger;s intent was simply to make you aware of an injustice being done to you.  As we talked, she talked about her friends, and how infidelity has touched some of them, and then told me that if that ever happened to her, he would be kicked out immediately.  It wasn’t even a question.  Now, if I have learned ANYTHING this year, it is that what people THINK they would do, and what they ACTUALLY do when put into the situation can be very different.  Most women who stay, never thought they would.  Some who thought they would, realize that they just can’t.  It is interesting indeed.

The interesting part of this walk was the fact that she is unaware of our situation.  We moved in next door, 5 months after D day.  They’ve only ever known us as we are now, not before, and we’ve not said a thing.  She reflected on how she would feel, and basically said something to the effect of “I wouldn’t bother staying, life is too short to be living in a state of constant reminders about the affair, the lies, the betrayal, and I am worth more than that.  He would have to leave and get an apartment, immediately.  Stay for the kids, absolutely not.  The kids are better off with parents happily separated than parents who are together but miserable, and what will they learn from it?  They will learn that cheating is OK, that they will be taken back, and that affairs don’t hurt marriages.  I’d be doing them a FAVOR for leaving him, not by staying.  She made my heart heavy, and bless her, she had no idea.

It does give me great pause.  Will I feel this way forever?  Will I ever have my life back?

Sitting in buy family room is an album of professional images captured days before the affair was divulged.  We were vacationing in Malibu and I asked a photographer to capture our family.  From the images, a stunning album was created with one of our images gracing the cover.   The other day as I turned off the TV, I saw it resting there.  I looked at it, drew it closer, and started to cry.  In that image is the last time that woman (me) was truly happy.   I looked at myself and wanted so badly to jump into that picture and to feel the blissful ignorance of not knowing.  To feel my family complete and happy, and sure it was a lie, but it was comfortable, and safe, and secure.  It was all I had wanted.  I cried at the thought that the woman there doesn’t exist anymore, and in her place stands a woman who lives under a dark cloud, constantly in fear of it happening again, or of the whore bitch creating yet another scheme to hurt us.

I hurt at the fact that this woman, knowing that my husband was married, chose to get involved, knowing that if the same were happening to her, she would be crushed, and yet she continued.  I hurt at the fact that she hates me for no reason, and has created in her mind a false idea of me, and that her hatred for me drives her to constantly attempt to bring more hurt to me.  How much hurt can one person dish to another and feel justified in doing so?   I don’t understand.  I have never felt such hatred for another person.

In the last couple of months, I have literally been consumed with hatred for her, and a desire to want to punish her, to seek revenge.  It is seriously taking over every waking moment of my day.  I can’t work as effectively as I should be, I can’t concentrate.  I want her to suffer. I want to see her feel the pain that I have and am feeling.  I envision her waking up every morning to her little girl, taking her off to daycare which WE pay 92% of so that she can go off to school and get a degree she doesn’t even need.  She leaves her kid in daycare and we have to pay for it. She gets a sitter, and we have to pay for it.  She gets $4K a month and according to her bank statements provided to calculate the shared proportion of expenses, she shops at second hand stores for her child.  This child is getting $4K per month….why does she not get new clothes and toys?  Because mommy apparently is also going to the hair salon, and buying herself clothes.  She is using our money for herself, I am sure of it, taking advantage of how the law favors her in these situations.  Completely unfair.  1 year olds don’t cost $4k per month, and yet when she chose to immunize her child last month, she had the audacity to ask us to cover the $100 charge….cause there is nothing left of her little monthly gift to cover this?  Makes me sick.   She is getting such a free fucking ride.

I don’t know where this post is going…it is more of a stream of consciousness than anything well planned out.  It is just a glimpse of the view from here.  It was 2 years on March 18th…and I am still wallowing in shit.

 

Karma


Just saw this online, and it reminded me of the OW and sums it up perfectly. I had to share.

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