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Fuck you…Oh, can I get a reference?


For those who have been following and know the story, bless you for having read so much, and remaining on the crazy-train. For those who are new, or who haven’t combed through the archives of this blog to see the hell that the psycho mistress has tried to put our family through, I will give you a little synopsis so that this post makes sense.

My husband had an affair with a woman he worked with. She was his only employee, and at the time, he was grateful for the help. They started seeing one another before she came to work for him, and when he asked her to just be friends and stop the relationship, she claimed to be OK with it, and came to work for him under the understanding that they would remain only friends. That didn’t last long, and before you know it, she was asking him to stay late after work, making threats if he didn’t spend time with her or show her the affection she wanted. On the nights he would leave directly from work, she would text all night long threatening to tell me, to ruin him, to scream rape and cost him his career. As she gradually wanted more of a relationship than she was getting (she was getting screwed on office furniture and I guess she wanted a real date with a meal), she started to threaten more and more, and insinuate that perhaps he should tell me, so that he can stop living a lie. Obviously, she’d hoped to horn in on our lives, and hoped that upon learning of his transgressions, that I would kick him out, freeing him up for her. Well, I didn’t. She became infuriated, started emailing everyone we knew about the affair, including my husband’s work colleagues and my parents. She started threatening to tell others whose influence were higher on the chain, hoping that it would cost him his reputation. She was fired for this misconduct and for using work-related contacts which were privacy restricted for non-work-use, she was fired, and offered a significant amount of pay in exchange for notice, along with a reference letter to just get her out of his hair. Oh, in case you didn’t know, she was also 7 weeks pregnant and threatening to keep the baby unless he left me and our three children. He didn’t leave. She had the baby. We pay her child support every month, and my husband has no desire to see or know the child.

In the aftermath of the disclosure, in an effort to cause us greater harm, she launched a lawsuit accusing my husband of having fired her for being pregnant. Now, we all know that wasn’t why she was fired, but she figured she could claim that, and possibly win some money. She simultaneously launched a human rights tribunal action, citing discrimination for having been terminated for being pregnant. Although the two claims are similar, one is clearly a human rights/discrimination angle, and the other is an employment standards case for wrongful termination. In her Human Rights complaint, she goes into grossly fabricated detail about how she was sexually assaulted by my husband, raped, used and abused, and then threatened with job loss if she didn’t perform certain sexual acts. Her stories read like a bad made-for-TV miniseries. The way he ‘threw her to the ground’, ‘commanded her to perform oral sex at his desk’, ‘finished with her, and then threw her to the floor and told her she was a slut and then spit on her’….yeah, ok, cause THAT really happened. NOT. Anyone who knows my husband would find her script completely out of character, but it was coloured in the most maligning way possible, to cost him his career and make him suffer.

Fast forward two years. The lawsuit has been settled (we paid her even more money to just go away and drop it already), and this week, an email crossed my husband’s desk that she is looking for a job, and hopes for a reference letter. Are you fucking kidding me? She wants a letter of reference? What is he supposed to say, she sued me for fabricated scenarios, cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, threatened my family, stalked my wife, called the police on my wife with false claims that my wife was hunting her down, but other than that she is a dedicated and hard worker and you’d be pleased to have the likes of her in YOUR office??? Really?

Her email reads (names have been removed for privacy):

In court in January 2012 you agreed we would discuss my job reference from (husband) at a later date. That date is here… I have been offered a position…Should my potential employer call for a job reference from(my husband) I have explained that my reason for leaving (husband’s company) in march2010 was due to a very physically difficult pregnancy (ummm no, it was because your sorry ass was fired due to your behaviour and threatening your employer and his family), I was placed onbedrest for most of my pregnancy & understandably unable to work (but not so bedridden that you couldn’t harass, stalk, fabricate false lawsuits…). Oncemy maternity leave was completed in September 2011, I chose to focus onmy studies full time and focus on completing my degree (Read: I chose to remain unemployed because my child support cheque gives me more money per month than I was ever making in my job, so why work?). This is thereason I did not return to working at (husband’s workplace) upon completion of my mat leave. Although he would have gladly taken me back (Are you for real??!?!?) as he has stated in thousands of emails, text messages and videos (no videos….but he had told her that she was a good employee from time to time and how grateful he was to have her in his employ), I am an excellent employee. I certainly hope (my husband’s) job reference for me will reflect those thousands of sentiments, that I excel in my role, and he give me an excellent reference and recommendation to any employer. Should he need documentation to jog his memory of his positive statements regarding my excellent skills I would be happy to forward the thousands of emails, text messages and videos for his review. There is of course additional extraneous information in these videos which I’m sure he wishes to keep confidential (there are no videos, but I find it funny that she would fabricate the existence of a video in which my husband simultaneously engages in sexual behavior with her while simultaneously vocalizing that she is a stellar employee at the same time…nice video if it actually exiated) between him and myself (and anyone who viewed them prior to Jan 2012), however I would be happy to provide him with these if he wishes. The other people who provide job references for me are people whom (my husband) interacts with regularly (you can only get a job reference from an employer you freaking idiot, and no one that you had in common can write you a reference letter…and the people you knew in common due to your role are the I.T person, the telephone technician, and perhaps the guy who delivered the mail???!? were THEY giving you reference letters about how great of an employee they think you MAY have been (they wouldn’t know), or were you fucking them too and that is the reference they can provide?!?), as I’m sure he is aware (my husband) and I have many, many mutual associates (no they don’t). All of these people will provide an excellent reference for me (you weren’t employed by any of them you dumb fuck)utilizing the aforementioned reasons for leaving employment with(husband). They have all expressed a desire for (husband) to also provide the same excellent reference and reason for leaving (they have all expressed a desire for him to write you a reference letter? Really? These fictitious people care THAT much about you?). Employment for me will ultimately benefit his daughter (name withheld), whose best interests are paramount. Please let me remind you that prior to January 2012 all information about (our) relationship with me, and our daughter was not confidential, hence the knowledge of the above parties of the situation (because she sent everyone she knows details about it in an effort to slander my husband).
Please tell me she isn’t this stupid….oh wait, yes she is. Here, let me sue you, cost you thousands of dollars, nickel and dime you for child support when I am making triple what most single mothers get in support, and oh, by the way, can you give me a really nice reference letter? This, people, is the moron we are dealing with. Someone oughta take her out back and shoot her. The average intelligence of the planet would rise ever so slightly.

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When things don’t go as planned….scream rape.


Rape.  It is a very loaded term, and carries with it unpleasant thoughts, torturous feelings and a general unease in those who hear it or use it.  I personally hate the word.  I hate the sound of it.  I hate the combination of letters and sounds that are put together to form it.  Personally, I don’t like the colloquial use either (i.e. they are raping us for money) and avoid whenever possible.  Why?  Because to use a word that describes a horrific act to describe something unpleasant that does not carry the same personally injury and circumstances is to downplay the realities that so many individuals have and will have to face when they experience this horrendous crime.

In an attempt to wield control over my husband in the early days of the relationship, my husband’s skank whore would threaten to scream rape if he didn’t comply with her desire to maintain the relationship.  It was August, and they’d been involved since June.  The curiosity had worn off, the novelty was no more, and now he was just sleeping with a woman that he had no other connection with.  They weren’t matched socially, they weren’t matched financially, and they weren’t matched intellectually.  The only thing they had in common is that they were both feeling reckless, and both had a sudden (and non-characteristic in the case of my husband) disregard for how their actions would impact others.  She had create the escape clause that either could pull out of the agreement at any time, but then didn’t like it when he wanted out.  That has been her M.O all along…if she is not IN CONTROL, she loses it.  She wants to call the shots, she wants to be in the driver’s seat.  So when he was the first to want to play the escape card, she felt let down, hurt, disappointed.  She wasn’t about to let him just walk away, after all, she’d collected too much dirt on him. She was in a position to use it to her advantage.

“I will tell your wife”

“I will call the cops and tell them you have been raping me at work”

“I will tell them that you held my job over my head and forced me to have sex with you for my job”

“I will report you to your professional body – you will lose your designation”

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, he kept up the charade for a long time, trying to think of ways to ease himself out of the situation gradually, so that maybe it wouldn’t be as painful or noticeable….a gradual growing apart.  No.  she wouldn’t have it, and threatened all of the above to keep her “upper hand”.  He was stuck.  Lose your family AND your career…or stay with me.  Staying seemed easier….at least until he could figure a way out.  He was, in his words, captive.

Last week, in a last ditch effort to send us one last communication, since we had her sign a restraining order, she emailed us a lengthy 50+ page document, the first 7 pages of which were a monologue of hers, describing the relationship and the events that transpired.  In her little essay, she claims my husband forced her to have sex repeatedly in the office, that he once threw her to the ground, then dragged her by the hair into his office where he raped her, the whole time she was screaming “no, please no!”, but he wouldn’t listen, according to her record.  He told her that she would shutup and take it if she wanted her job, so she submitted and allowed him to have his way with her, the whole time terrified for her life, and later crying in the car on the way home that she had been violated so badly.  When he was done with her, according to her communique, he screamed at her to “Get the fuck out”, and sent her on her way.

Dramatic hunh?  Belongs in a trashy novel…or in a low budget made for TV movie called “When Susie said no”.   Give me a fucking break.

There was no rape.  There was no force.  There was no demeaning sexual conquest or threat of job loss in exchange for sexual favours.  My husband isn’t a crazed sex maniac, and wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of a woman, sexually or otherwise.  He is one of the most gentle men I’ve ever known, and it is this very quality that drew me to him, and made me want to be his wife.  Because, as a person who HAS BEEN sexually assaulted (at the age of 15 by a co-worker/friend), I needed a man that I could trust in this regard.  For her to have lied and claimed to have suffered a similar experience as hundreds of thousands who are actually treated like garbage repeatedly, assaulted, raped, forced, demeaned….her daring to put herself in the same camp as these women who have TRULY suffered disgusts me.   How dare she claim to share their experience.  How dare she throw around the term, and use it to her advantage in order to hurt someone else?   What kind of person does that??   A sick, demented, lowly scumbag, that’s who.

Of course, despite these repeated “attacks”, she would come into work every day, smiling and happy.  She would send emails acknowledging her excitement over upcoming sexual get-togethers they had planned.  No woman who has been assaulted sexually by a man would:

1. Continue to subject herself to the experience
2. Interact in a jovial and interactive way with their attacker
3. Name their offspring after their rapist
4. Request in the Damages section of her Human Rights Complaint that she be given her job back, and seek to return to the work environment she’d been fired from
5. File a wrongful dismissal claim against their employer after being fired from the very job they were desperate to “escape from” due to repeated sexual assaults.

Give me a break.  Does she not see how utterly ridiculous she sounds?  Does she not know how idiotic everyone who reads these diatribes finds her?  She can’t even keep her story straight in ONE domain, let alone across multiple lawsuits where in one she claimed she was in a “relationship of permanence” and, therefore eligible for spousal support, and in the other claim that she never loved him, and that her affection for him was merely as a friend, that she feared for her safety and was let go wrongfully.  Pick a side of the fence honey cause it must hurt to straddle.

The fact is, reading through this sad little document was reassuring.  It gave us laughs, but it also reaffirmed for us how psycho she is, how correct we are in taking the higher road, and  how far gone and obsessed she is.  We’ve moved on in the sense that we have rebuilt our lives.  She, on the other hand lives and breathes the details of this situation, desperately trying to inflict hurt and pain so that we can all feel how she feels.  Well you know what, I am NEVER going to feel what you feel.  I have a husband who loves me, three children who were WANTED, and a relationship that my husband isn’t looking to “escape from”.  I am a wanted partner, a desired friend, and a selected spouse.  I will never be an equal because I am not a mistress, I am a WIFE.  I am not a liar, I am a fighter, and I am not a victim, I am a survivor.  We are not the same, our stories are not the same, and I will not be made to FEEL her agony.  Her agony is her cross to bear for the bad decision she made when she decided to walk into a marriage.  She would have been MUCH better off walking away, staying single, and finding someone new. By now, she would have been engaged or married, possibly expecting a child, with a bright future and family with someone who truly loves her.  Instead, she has to wake up every morning to a little face that doesn’t quite look like her, and whose very expressions, when the light hits her “just right” reminds her of my husband, the relationship, and her status as the one who lost here.  How sad.  No, we are not the same at all.

Reclaiming my bliss


I’ve been on a torturous journey these last few years.  The ups and downs of this process have seriously at times felt as though I was on a roller coaster with no end in sight, and sometimes feeling barely strapped in.  Waking up one day in fear, another day in doubt, a third in reserved happiness, only for the cycle to repeat itself again and again, with no pattern, and no seeming reason for one reaction over another.

They say that children learn through repetition.  Having the same stimuli over and over again allows their brains to synthesize the information, process it, completely massage and engulf it, and then spit it out with a complete understanding of it.  I think the same applied to me with the details of the affair, the needing to know all of the gory details, the whys, the whens, the hows.  The whys were the most important.  I would often be asked by friends who were struggling to understand “why would you expose yourself to that?” when they’d learned that I’d read her emails over again, or revisited some of the text messages from the days around the disclosure.  I needed to.  I needed to re-read the details again, with a new set of eyes, and a new perspective to allow myself to FEEL the shift.  The ability to say “the last time I read this, I was trembling in fear.  I was hopeless.  I felt alone and beaten down.  Today, I read it again and I don’t feel that way.”  It was, I suppose, a way of establishing a barometer for how far I’d come.  Without these exercises of reliving, I had no way to objectively measure my progress.  I needed to know that I was moving forward, and not just because I wanted to THINK I was….but I wanted to KNOW that I was.  My feelings in the moment became my roadmap, and the shift in my feelings was showing me that my place on the map was moving.

The last few months have been very hard on me.  My mother passed away in October after a long struggle with an illness.  As I had mentioned in an earlier post, how my mother was ill, and how the mistress’ email to my mother disclosing the affair and the baby hit her quite hard.  The emotional torment she endured over the next while, I won’t ever truly understand.  My mother was very private about her struggles – stoic really.  Where she tried to hide that she was suffering, we all knew.  Her detachment from my husband, her reservations about visiting our home, finding excuses for it to just be me and the kids.  We knew she was angry at him…she could just never say it.  To say it would have made her “insensitive” in her mind….so she stayed quiet and stewed.  Within weeks of the disclosure, her health started to rapidly decline, like a runaway vehicle gains speed on a downward slope.  Every visit represented a marked change in her appearance, her function, her abilities.  She was now dying in front of our eyes, and there was no way to stop it.  Every day since the disclosure to her by email, I’ve regretted her knowing.  Would she still be with us if she hadn’t experienced this pain and trauma along with us?  Would we still have a few good years? months?  No one will ever know.  All I know is that she is gone, and I won’t ever get her back.

With the death of my mother, the grief it raised, the ongoing battles with the mistress’ harassment, and the strength I needed to muster in order to simply function (I had a birthday party booked for the morning after she died that I had to carry on with and put on a happy face), I really didn’t think that a human being should have to experience this much suffering all at the same time.

In August 2011, I received a phone call from the Police.  They called to inform me that the mistress had called them to file a formal complaint against me for harassment.  “Wait…”, I thought.  “How can I be charged with harassment when I am the injured party?”.  None of it made sense.  She has somehow discovered where we live, despite having moved.  She harasses me online by stalking my twitter account to see what I/we are up to.  She creates formal yet baseless (non factual and non-evidence bearing) complaints to my husband’s workplace insisting that he be fired.  Her lawyer sends ridiculous emails asking me to stop preying upon this poor single mother.  I have never once sent any communication to her, or done ANYTHING remotely harassing in nature.  I am not doing ANYTHING to invite further exchange.  It seems, however, that she wants a relationship with us and a window into our lives, and so she makes ludicrous statements in order to maintain dialogue with us, no matter how perverse.

For those who haven’t followed from the beginning, and who aren’t aware of the multiple claims she is making against us legally, she is firstly claiming that she was wrongfully dismissed from her workplace because she became pregnant, even though he informed her quite clearly that she was being fired for her malicious behavior, and not due to her being pregnant.  She sees dollars signs in this claim, and so she is fighting tooth and nail to have someone believe that she was wronged, and that *I* somehow in my anger towards her, convinced my husband to fire her.  Please.  I wish she would for once take some responsibility for her actions, and realize that she messed up.  She crossed the line.  She took it too far and allowed the personal relationship to destroy the professional one.  She was fired with cause, and if anyone finds otherwise in this claim, I will lose all faith in the legal system.

Before any case goes to trial, each side has the opportunity to present their evidence to the “other side” and to be questioned by the opposing sides’s lawyer.  It is called an examination for discovery and typically lasts several hours, with each side having their chance to share their perspective, and provide proof for their claim.  For us, that day just came yesterday.  While I would not be allowed into the discovery for her or for my husband, there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be present.  In support of my husband, and to reclaim my power, I went.  What I witnessed was shocking.  This woman who has tormented us the past 2 years.  This woman who yelled at me over the phone and ridiculed me in the wake of my discovery of the relationship.  This woman who has signed off on almost every email with a reminder of how amazing and awesome she is – she was anything BUT awesome.  I don’t know why, but with all that has gone on, I suppose I had built up a picture of her in my mind that depicted strength, malice, conviction, confidence, ruthless. What I saw yesterday was anything but those things.  What I saw was a scared little girl, intimidated by process, crying her eyes out at the line of questions that was coming her way.  I saw a woman, poorly dressed (albeit I think she tried, that was just her best), with stringy, greasy hair dangling in her face, shoulder shrugged, looking beaten down by life.  If I didn’t know better, I might think she was mentally ill and suffering with a psychotic episode.  She walked past us, our appointments overlapping, and made her way into the hallway.  I couldn’t help but notice how heavy set she is.  This same woman who has balked about her great physique, her prowess as a runner, her ‘tight’ fit body….it looks like things have changed.  Having a baby will do that to you I guess.  What I saw was a shrinking violet, and it was the most empowering, strength-inducing thing I could ever have hoped to see.  What followed only confirmed our perceptions when our counsel told us what a mess she had been. Inconsistent in her answers, unable to maintain decorum, breaking into tears like an out of control train wreck.  What was supposed to take 2 hours, took more than three due to the frequent breaks needed to allow her to calm down in between questions.  She was, at the very heart of the matter, the drama queen she has always been, looking to invoke pity for herself, and cast herself as the victim.  It was pathetic, and I felt sorry for her in so many ways.  I realized in that moment, that I have won.  What seemed like a big intimidating force turned out to be a small, needy, scared little girl.  In the way that a small person’s shadow can appear long and tall with the right backlight, once the light was removed and she was seen for who she really is, she was pitiful.

My husband then had the opportunity to be questioned by the opposing side.  Two hours of questions which were supposed to pertain to her employment became tangential when her counsel started asking ridiculous questions like “how many times did you have sex at work?”.  The funniest part of that was that my husband was unable to recall.  It has been too long, and he is a man for whom those small details are not worth holding on to.  He has long forgotten how often they were together.  I’d like to think that it was because the sex just wasn’t that memorable 😉

So now, as we embark on the next leg of this journey, the establishment of a family law contract around the custody and child support for this child, and following that, a defamation suit brought against her by us for her latest malicious and false statements made in an attempt to cost him his job. As we prepare for the next chapter of this journey, we are comforted by the knowledge that we are as close as we have ever been, and that the witnessing of this debacle yesterday shows us that what we are facing is not to be feared.  We stand stronger together, and together we will be.

Holes in the legal safety net


With the recent relaunching of the employment claim that my husband wrongfully dismissed his mistress for becoming pregnant by him, we are facing the prospect of having to, for the first time in over a year, see this woman face to face.   The two lawyers will sit face to face with their clients at their sides, and present evidence for their respective sides.  This process, is called a “discovery”, and prospectively will cost us upwards of $25K to defend ourselves.  It needs to be said that she was NOT wrongfully dismissed.  In fact, my husband had contemplated firing her on many occasions, and even hired a lawyer 3-4 months before her child was conceived to draft up an iron-clad employment contract that would protect him.  He told this lawyer that she is crazy, and she has made notes of this.  She has, thankfully, agreed to be a witness for us, and state that he had retained her months earlier to discuss terminating this employee.  That alone, you would think, would be enough to show that she wasn’t fired on a whim, that she wasn’t fired because I told him to fire her, that she wasn’t fired for emotional revenge, and she wasn’t fired because she was pregnant and discriminated against.   She was fired for breaching office confidentiality, and for threatening to use all of the emails of work colleagues to disseminate the news of the affair to my husband’s colleagues.  She was fired with cause, and there is nothing else to it.

The problem is, that it will cost us a lot of money to defend this action, so we have a choice:

  • Pay upwards of $25K to defend ourselves, and if we win, she will have to pay 50-70% of our court costs as the losing side. If we lose, we pay our court costs, 50-70% of hers and a calculated value owing to her for damages.
  • Pay her a settlement fee to have her remove the claim altogether, which would be less than the $25K in court costs
How can our legal system allow for someone to harass and bring ridiculous actions against us, and then rape and pillage us for excessive court fees in defending ourselves?   If we don’t want to defend ourselves at this rate, we simply settle and pay her a lesser fee.  Why is she entitled to anything?  Why should she be able to concoct in her mind a ridiculous scenario that never happened, and then get paid off to be quiet?  Why should she be rewarded for being such a pain in the ass?  Why does this behaviour get rewarded?
It feels like we lose either way, and why should we?  We didn’t DO anything. It is grossly unfair.
Must be nice to have a lawyer who works for free so that you can make up all sorts of ridiculous claims and have the charges covered for you.  Let the other person rack up tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and then just sit back and smile.  Well, at least I am not raising a baby by myself, and at least I have a husband who loves me and wants to work this through with me.
On a positive note, our lawyer has every confidence that if examined in discovery, that this woman would ultimately fry herself.  She is really emotional. and not terribly rational or smart.  She is explosive and doesn’t think things through.   She contradicts herself at every turn.  That alone would be worth the price of admission.  Bring the popcorn, someone is gonna get fried.

Face to face combat


The herpes outbreak is back folks.  No, I don’t have herpes, but did that get your attention?   A few posts back, I referred to the mistress as “herpes”, because like the actual disease, she seems to crop up every now and then, and never really ever goes away.  Somewhere under the surface, she is always lurking, waiting to strike out and wreak havoc.  Well, she is at it again.

Long story short for those just tuning in:

Mistress works with my husband. They both leave this job and she starts working for him.  They are embroiled in an affair and she gets pregnant.  He had tried to get out of the relationship many times, but things got weird when she started asking for sex at work, and when denied she would go nuts texting him all night and threatening to tell me, to call the police and scream rape, etc.  She was, essentially, emotionally forcing my husband to have sex with her, even when he didn’t want to, in order to draw him into a relationship.  Yes, there were times when he actually wanted to be with her, but many times that he didn’t, and in the last 7 months of a 10 month affair, he no longer wanted it, and her threats manipulated him into carrying on with a relationship he no longer wanted, but maintained out of fear for losing his family and career. She launched an employment claim, stating she was wrongfully dismissed for being pregnant, and also launches a paternity claim with a family lawyer seeking child support.  There, you are up to speed.

With the most recent launch of her new Human Rights claim that she was sexually harassed (hey wait, wasn’t HE the one who was sexually harassed??), and that he abused his power and forced her to have sex with him (anyone who knows my husband knows he can hardly force a fly outside), we have had to resurrect the employment side of this case.  This has meant providing additional monies to the employment lawyers who represent us in the wrongful dismissal claim.  Because the case will have to be decided, the lawyer has suggested that we set a date for “discovery”.  What this means is that both sides need to sit down in a room together with both lawyers, and share each others’ evidence to support their side.  If there is enough evidence on both sides, the case will go in front of a judge.  If she can prove she was fired for being pregnant, it will go to trial.  If, however, she has no proof that she was fired for this reason, they won’t feel the need to go to trial as it is very unlikely that she would win, and they would suggest a settlement perhaps, or that the entire claim be dropped.

My husband in a room with his ex-mistress.  This whole proposition makes me wildly uncomfortable.  I don’t want her beady little eyes eyeing him.  I don’t want her manipulative tactics, her passive-agressive nature, her wildly unpredictable overly-emotional chaos to affect him.  I don’t want him to be hurt, and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.  I want to be there to physically stand at his side, show him my support, and work through it together, as we have been since the affair was brought to light.  I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to be present.  I wasn’t part of the business, and had nothing to do with her employment, and besides, she would have to consent to my being there – unlikely.

**Sidenote:  When she realized that he had confessed his affair to me, and I  hadn’t kicked him out, she sent me a bunch of angry and insulting emails, telling me that he didn’t love me, that together they used to make fun of me, and that he thought I was fat, ugly, etc…  In one of her emails she told me that I ought to start working more so that I could increase my salary since I would now be supporting her baby”.  She ended that sentence with the words “Yay me”.

Throughout all of this, the one thought that brings me comfort is a fantasy that I play out in my head.  Because I wasn’t just deceived by my husband, and was also deceived by her, I have a strong core-centered desire to have her know that we are in love, we are happy. we are doing just fine, and she HAS NOT WON.  Nothing bothers her more than to think that she has had no impact.  My fantasy always involves her seeing us together, walking hand in hand, or him professing his love for me in front of her.  She sees it, she hears it, and it is irrefutable.  I know that she knows that she didn’t win – I did.  This is very important for me, because it is my redemption in all of this.

I need this.  I crave this.  I think this will allow me to move forward.  Unfortunately, it looks like I may not have that chance as I am not permitted to be present.  Regardless of whether I am actually given the opportunity to sit in the lawyer’s boardroom and observe the exchange of information, no one will stop me from sitting in the waiting room, or being right outside the door so that when they all emerge, I am the first thing she will see, and you can bet your sweet ass that I will flash my husband a winning smile, give him a supportive kiss on the mouth, take his hand and then walk off with him so she has to watch.  I may even turn around, flash her a smile, and say “Yay me”.

All aboard the crazy train


OK it’s not like I don’t have enough to do. I am falling behind at work, my mother’s health is failing and we are making plans around her funeral and will, and now the mistress, who I like to call “Herpes” (because like the disease, she flares up from time to time, but never really ever goes away) is back with a new attack strategy.

My husband came home last night and told me that she has launched a complaint with the human rights commission against him.  She is claiming that he pursued her aggressively, spent years trying to arrange for them to spend time alone together, and orchestrated the means to establish a relationship with her.  She also claims that my husband and I have been a constant and ongoing threat to her daughter, stalking and harassing them continuously (I haven’t had any contact with her on the advice of my lawyer, and take out my frustrations here, so she is nuts – are we shocked?).  In her claim she states that she worries that bringing about this action will make the harassment that my husband and I have supposedly unleashed and put her daughter in danger, and yet she feels she “must do it”.  Gee, I dunno….if I thought something I was about to do might adversely effect my children, I think I might do a 180….hmmmmm.  Bad parenting, or full of shit?  I’ll take a little bit of both for $500 Alex….

In her claim, she claims she was sexually harassed in the workplace, and asks for $50,000.00 in damages.  She further states that she wishes to be reinstated in the job that she was fired from (the one where she worked for my husband).  OK, let me get this straight: you claim that you fear for your safety as a result of his continuous harassment by my husband, and claim that you were sexually harassed at work, and you want your job back?   Am I the only one who doesn’t see the missing piece that pulls the sides of this crazy-puzzle back together?

It is reminiscent to the month prior to her delivering her daughter when she sent my husband an email telling him that she is at the hospital, and in pre-term labour.  At the time, she claimed that she had the option to put herself and her child on some kind of VIP status that would protect them from him and from me, should we choose to physically appear at the hospital.  She begged him to please do the right thing and stop all of this nonsense for the baby’s sake (it bears repeating that we hadn’t done a single thing, on the advice of our lawyer which we heed very seriously), and mentioned that she would be willing to drop the VIP status on her chart if he would stop this behaviour.  What behaviour you ask?  Good question, we are simply not sure what planet she is on.  The funny part of that little side story is that we found it laughable that someone who claims to fear for her safety and that of her baby would email the person they fear and reveal their location.  Also funny that she referred to the baby with our last name.  I don’t know about you, but if I had someone who had sexually harassed me, impregnated me, and then criminally harassed me and I feared for my safety, I don’t think I’d  be giving the baby his surname.  Weird I tell you.

So here we are 8 months later, and the crazy train has pulled back into the station.

The comforting thing is that her human rights claim will not be processed because there is already an open legal case dealing with the ‘wrongful dismissal’ claim that she still has yet to prove successful.  She claims she was fired because I found out about their affair, when in reality she was fired for her crazy behaviour, and because she compromised confidential information at the office. Apparently you can only have one case open on one issue and you can’t abuse the legal system by duplicating processes relating to the same issue.  Thankfully, this one won’t be addressed, but we have the lawyers on it.  This is getting expensive.

So here I sit, shaking my head, wondering when I will find some peace, and when she will leave us alone.  We pay her a cheque every month, and have complied with every request she has made, including her most recent initiative to hire a forensic accountant to delve into the depths of our assets to determine if she is entitled to more money.   We’ve had absolutely NO contact with her since March 2010, that is fourteen months ago.  How she feels harassed I don’t know.  Perhaps it is in her imagination – the same imagination that thought my husband pursued her and loved her.  Someone needs a reality pill.

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