Words from a husband

I have asked my husband if he would kindly be a guest blogger on this blog. I think it’s important to see both sides of an affair, in order to truly wrap your head around it. With all of the insight that he’s gained, and all that we have learned together, I think it tubes us to share that on this blog. Therefore, I have asked him to spend some time writing some articles for me. Things like, how the affair started, and what was going through his mind. Explanations of how he was able to compartmentalize, to love me, but to have sex with another woman at the same time. How he felt about revealing the affair to me, where he was stuck, and the fears that he had that our marriage would not survive. Contrary to public opinion, spouses who betray their loved ones, also need to heal after an affair. The guilt, shame, the intense pain for the hurt that they’ve caused. It can sometimes take the cheating spouse longer to heal, and the betrayed spouse, believe it or not. I think his opinion, and his experiences, will be valuable. Stay tuned.

**updated may 24th to say that he is conceptualizing what he will write. There is a lot to say, and we are figuring out that more than one post will be necessary**



  1. Summer says:

    I am looking forward to read every word and then let my husband read as well. I agree and I have just voiced this to my husband that the retreat would be great for him because it seems women do most of the talking. And as I’ve mentioned before he has so much guilt and remorse he would really benefit from hearing from others in the same sitch. Thank you for every word you write!!!

  2. I think its great that your husband is willing to blog about his side of the experience. I look forward to reading his articles.

  3. HoldingOutForKarma says:

    That is something I would really like to read. I forwarded the post about the retreat to my husband and expressed deep intrest in attending one. I have done several internet searches to find a blog for my husband to read. Something from the cheatering spouses perspective and all that they do to make things right in the marriage. Not a poor me type of blog, blog, but where they accepted their mistakes, stopped feeling sorry for themselves and did everything, anything, and at anytime to keep their marriage together. Have you come accross anything like that?

  4. Foolish Woman says:

    I’m another who’d be interested to read your husband’s perspective. Mine has been unable to explain any of what was going through his mind when he was in his three months of madness. I’ve been able to forgive, accept and move on but have a niggling need to really understand things from his side.

    I’m very pleased that your retreat was so successful.

    H and I recognise that our relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and there’s small irony in the fact that something so devastating has created such improvement in our marriage. I suspect it’s the same for you.

  5. How very helpful it would be to hear is version. I, like many others would love for my husband to be able to explain his two year affair. Looking forward to reading.

  6. I have just stumbled across your blog today, via Anne Bercht’s web-site. I wish I would have stumbled sooner, although you and I have almost the same time line in our worlds falling apart. My days are still so difficult. Leaving seems like a better option, but I do love my husband, and he is here helping to bring our marriage back, so I stay. I can only continue to read, and absorb myself in finding some solace. So far… the few things that I have read on your blog ring true to all that I have experienced. I am going to make time to catch up on what you have written, and to follow in the future, in hopes that my difficult days will cease. I still feel the urge to scream some days. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.

  7. Maryenka says:

    I see that I am not the only one who is waiting to hear something from men’s perspective 🙂 I got to know about this blog same as Tanya via Anne Bercht’s web-site. And I am so happy that I can actually be part of this. In a way I am sad that we all are here, but in the same time I am happy that here I can find someone who has gone trough the same pain in life, and can understand. I am writing to you all far from Europe – Slovakia, and am sorry if I make some grammar mistakes, will do my best not to, but there we go, English is my third language. I wonder why do we all want to hear from a men regarding this topic? Are we still asking “why”? At least I am. But do not want to be on that side of the bridge anymore. Just do not know how to cross it.


  1. […] week, the day before Mother’s Day, my husband wrote me a blog post for this blog.  I have been asking him to do so since May 2012.   I wanted readers to hear his side, his experience, instead of relying on stereotypes and false […]

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